A/N: This is just a bit of a tribute to Kagura. Oneshot. Starts out really angsty, but gets lighter as it goes. Songfic to Irene Cara's 'What a Feeling'.
I do not own InuYasha or the song.
What a Feeling
The familiar taste of copper fills my mouth as I struggle to rise from where I lie shattered on the hard wooden floor of my 'master's' palace. I manage to push the upper portion of my body off the floor and, thus, avoid smearing my face in the thick red liquid as I cough it up. Gasping, I attempt to breathe in. It's hard, and it hurts like hell, but if I don't force myself to breathe now I'll pass out and choke to death on my own blood. Happy thought, ain't it? The purple gas I'm forced to inhale along with the oxygen is not helping with my little 'stay alive' plan either. Damn miasma. Damn palace…Damn Naraku.
First when there's nothing
but a slow glowing dream
that your fear seems to hide
deep inside your mind.
I vowed to escape them all; these mists, this place and especially that bastard of a man. I made that promise to myself knowing full well what obstacles would lie in my way…but I also made it in a moment of euphoria, the only I've ever had. Flying on my winds after meeting someone who was living proof that Naraku wasn't the most powerful being in existence; I was high on the thought of freedom.
Now…now I'm lying with my face inches away from the now bloody floor struggling to even breath. I am…so stupid. Stupid stupid STUPID! Aside from the occasional warning smack Naraku only beats me when I ask for it; when I try to escape (or when I fail him, but that isn't often. I may not enjoy being some expendable tool of evil, but damn am I good at it!). If I were to just stop trying to get away then maybe he'd let me have a little more freedom around here…
But, that can't be the answer…can it? Kanna has never fought Naraku's control, and he's never touched her….I guess it is. Gods, I don't want it to be, but it is! If I don't want to end up like this over and over again until the cycle starts to bore that s.o.b then…I can feel the warm tears streaming down from my crimson eyes. I'm crying. I managed not to the whole beating, but now I'm crying. Shit.
All alone I have cried
silent tears full of pride
in a world made of steel,
made of stone.
I continue to push myself into a kneeling position so that I can wipe the tears away. Odd…normally I wouldn't be able to move at all for quite some time after my 'punishment', but Naraku's barley left the room and here I am, sitting up. There is pain everywhere, especially where my heart should be. Every breath I take feels like knives scraping along my throat and yet I am not lying in a crumpled heap on the floor. Not anymore anyways. I'm starting to recover faster. Yay? I'm a strong person, I know this. Too bad I'm not strong enough.
Uhhgg. I almost made myself throw up! Nothing to do with my current physical condition either. I was disgusted with myself for being such an idiot, and not for the reasons I stated earlier. I mean, come on! I was thinking of giving in and living as Naraku's obedient little slave. The fumes must have been messing with my head. That's right. What the hell is miasma made of anyways?
Well, now that that's over with and my mind is functioning again, I should try to stand. I need to bandage my wounds. True as a demon I am already healing, faster than most since my body's becoming used to it, but I don't want to get some kind of infection. There's got to be something funny in this fog. Maybe Naraku's secretly a stoner. Yeah, that's got to be it. Him, Kanna, Kohaku and I are all mortals in a hut somewhere and he's gotten us all high….and now I'm laughing. Crying to laughing in under a minute; there is defiantly something off about this miasma.
Well, I hear the music,
close my eyes, feel the rhythm,
wrap around, take a hold
of my heart.
Closing my eyes, I bask in it for a bit. The feeling of laughing. Lighthearted. Usually when I'm laughing it's a half-forced cackle to support my image as a villain. This right now is true, so I want to savor it.
Oh, hey, it's Kanna…with a facial expression! Oh dear gods, it's a sign of the apocalypse! We're all going to die! I'm laughing even harder now and my 'big' sister's face becomes even more expressive…HEY! Why is she looking at me like that? Must think I'm crazy. Oh well. So is she! We're all lying on the floor of a hut somewhere toasted, remember! Kanna seems almost scared as she leaves...whatever.
It feels good to really laugh, I should do it more often. Might make Naraku's palace livable until I can leave. I wonder what it's like to dance without attacking someone. Struggling to my feet, I try a couple steps. Ouch! Forgot I'm still injured. Oh well, there'll be time to dance once I'm healed. Heh, maybe I'll be able to get Sesshoumaru to dance with me one day. I doubt it, but you never know...
What a feeling.
Bein's believin'.
I can have it all, now I'm dancing for my life.
Take your passion
and make it happen.
Pictures come alive, you can dance right through your life.
Heh heh, I am the free dancing, strong blowing spirit of the wind! For me, anything is possible.
