3 years.
36 Months.
1095 days.
26280 Hours.
1576800 minutes.
So many different ways to count it, but whichever way I choose it still hurts.
"Reid we need to talk."
His words are still echoling in my head. That deep voice I had come to love hearing first thing in the morning. Whispering I love you in my ear before bed. Calling out my name as we'd make love. Now it just fills me with dread.
I'm not completely clueless. I know what it means when your boyfriend tell you "We need to talk" I just can't believe he would break up with me today of all days. Our anniversary. Three years since we'd first started dating. Three years since I confessed my feelings and found out they were returned. Three years since he first kissed me and held me and made me feel like I was safe and wanted for the first time in my life. I should have known it wouldn't last. I should have known he didn't really love me. Who could love me right?
Well if he didn't want me then fine. I'd just move on. I'd find someone else who would make me feel complete and ...oh who was I kiddding? I'd been head over heels for him since the day we met. No one else would make me feel the way he had.
What had I done? What made him suddenly want to dump me? Had he finally gotten tired of all the constant babbling or the sci fi marathns or the books all over his apartment? Was there someone else? Oh that thought made my stomach twist into knots. No I wouldn't go there. It was too painful.
I looked up at the clock. Only five minutes left before Aaron would arrive. Five minutes until all that I loved was taken away from me. I take a deep breath and try to keep myself from crying. I won't cry. I won't. The seconds tick by and every one feels like a knife to my heart then I hear the key in the door and he's here and my whole body has gone numb and I can't do this I'm not ready to lose him and i don't know what makes me do it but the next thing I know I'm hiding under the bed like a frightened child.
"Spencer?"
I hold my breah and try not to make a sound. If he can't find me he can't break up with me right?
"Spencer where are you?"
I curl up furthur under the bed as I hear his foot steps approach the bedroom. I can see his feet from where I am beneath the bed and I see he's wearing the shoes I got him last Christmas. I whimper slightly then mentally facepalm when I see him kneel down and look under the bed.
"Spencer? Why are you under the bed?"
There's a small, curious smile on his face. Damn why does he have to be so gorgeous? It would be so much easier to let him go if he looked like a troll or something. Great now I sound shallow.
"Spencer are you okay?"
Now he's frowning and I can see concern in his deep brown eyes. I look away. How dare he act like he cares when he's leaving me.
"G..go away."
My voice sounds so small. I feel like a child again. Well why shouldn't I? I'm hiding under the bed for fucks sake!
"Go away? Spencer what's the matter?"
I just curl up more, refusing to look at him or answer.
"Just what I said. Go. Away."
"Spencer I'm not leaving. Come out from under there."
"No"
"Spencer. Come out."
"No"
"Spencer what the Hell is wrong with you?"
"Nothing"
"Nothing? You're hiding under the bed like a three year old."
"So."
"And pouting like one."
"I'm not a child"
"Well you sure are acting like one"
"Is that why you're leaving me?"
"What?"
He actually sounds genuinely shocked. I decide to take a peek at him. He's staring at me, shock and a little bit of hurt in his eyes.
"Y...You said we needed to talk."
"Yes I...Oh Spencer. ..."
He started to laugh then and it made me so angry. I crawled out from under the bed and stormed out of the room.
"Spencer wait!"
He was still laughing, even though he was trying to stifle it. It just made me angrier. I stopped and turned around and he nearly ran into me.
"How dare you laugh at me! How dare you! You think hurting me is funny?"
And now the tears are flowing and I can't stop them and it's just so horrible and I want to leave but I live here and now his arms are around me and he's holing me and I know I should pull away but he's so warm and I feel so safe so I just cling to him.
"What did I do wrong? Why are you leaving me? Just tell me and I'll fix it I promise. I don't want to lose you!"
I feel his arms tighten around me and he's kissing my temple and then we're moving over to the sofa and he sits, pulling me into his lap and just holding me and stroking my hair and I'm sobbing quietly into his shoulder.
"Spencer baby, you didn't do anything wrong. "
"Then why are you breaking up with me?"
"I'm not breaking up with you."
I pull away and look up at him, swallowing thickly.
"But you said..."
He places a finger on my lips and looks into my eyes, smiling gently.
"Spencer, when I said we needed to talk I didn't mean that I wanted to break up with you."
Now I just feel like an idiot. I bury my face against Aaron's neck to hide the blush that's now covering my face. He just holds me tighter.
"Spencer, there's nothing in the world that would make me want to break up with you. You make me so very happy. Far happier than I really deserve."
I pull away and look at him.
"That's not true. You deserve all the happiness in the world."
"And so do you, and I'm hoping what I'm about to ask you will make you even happier."
"What is it?"
"I want you to move in with me."
I just stare at him for a moment, not quite sure I had heard correctly. He wanted me to live with him? In the same house? Together? He's staring back at me and i realize he's waiting for my answer and I have to focus so I can remember how to speak.
"I...I..."
"It's okay if you don't want to, I know it's a big step and..."
He's silent now because I'm kissing him with all the love and passion I feel inside for him and when I pull back I look deep into his eyes and smile.
"I would love to move in with you."
And then he's smiling that smile he has just for me and he's kissing me and everyting is right in my world again.