30 Ways to Annoy Dr Whovians Part II

by not.french

This is a continuation of the first Ways to Annoy by Sola the Sunreaver. And no, I'm sorry, but it's not a story. The title is pretty self-explanatory. I suppose I should do the whole disclaimer thing. Doctor Who belongs to those bastards at BBC who can't resist a cliffhanger. And if anyone's looking for even more ways, the lovely readers have still more in the reviews. Allons-y!

Ways to Annoy Dr. Whovians – Part II

You thought you'd seen all the ways to annoy whovians you'll ever need? Think again! There's no such thing as too many. Ever seen an extremely pissed whovian? If you haven't, maybe it's time to fix that. Oh, and before you accuse me of plagiarism, just know that I helped write the first one and I have permission to do this from Sola. And when you're doing these, know that most are based off of trial and error. It takes time to see what makes a whovian tick.

(Oh, and * means it was a suggestion from AZ1087653)

1. *When watching the show with a fan, constantly ask 'What's that?' or 'What's he doing?'...etc. Do it at least at the start of each scene.

2. *Tell them what a horrible Doctor David Tennant was and that the show should have died with Christopher, or better yet with Sylvester because America screwed it up in the movie.

3. *Bring up how much the Rose character is a Mary Sue (though there are a lot who agree with this) and that she is too 'blond' to be the Doctor's girlfriend. If the particular whovian you are annoying doesn't like Rose, get a list of all the Doctor Who companions and try it with all the girls. You'll get it eventually.

4. *Constantly comment on the crappy sfx when watching with a fan. You'll find this remarkably easy to do.

5. *Whenever they start a Doctor Who-related conversation excuse yourself because you can't have this conversation without jelly babies.

6. *Ask what happened to the cat pins.

7. *For birthdays and holidays, give them celery. (And please be prepared for ANY reaction. Trust me.) When they ask why say, 'But I thought you liked Dr. Who.'

8. Whenever there's a kiss (which is surprisingly often), bury your face in a pillow or any other handy object and say 'EWW!' or 'Get off!' or something like that. Trust me, it works every time.

9. Say that British sci-fi sucks and that American sci-fi is way better.

10. Constantly refer to Jack Harkness as the Doctor's boy toy. When they get mad, suggest an alternative, such as life partner. Keep going with things like Special Friend, or just forget subtlety and go with
something like boyfriend. Continue until either you run out of names or they hit you.

11. Alternatively to #10, make a nice poster! Find a picture of Christopher Eccleston, David Tennant, or Matt Smith and one of Jack Harkness. Glue them inside a heart or something. Either that or just make it digitally in the first place. Print out or copy a bunch of them and stick one in their locker. When they tear it down, replace it over and over. Bonus points if your poster somehow involves the word bromance.

12. Alternatively to #11, if you know a particular companion or character that they hate, substitute them for Harkness in your poster. And don't worry about the gender; it'll be hilarious either way.

13. Come up with theories as to how the Time Lords got almost wiped out, and never let the whovian explain the real reason. For example, maybe it was a mass suicide because they all realized how stupid they looked. (Seriously. If you've never seen how a Time Lord dresses, you have to Google image it right now, because it's hilarious.)

14. Send them links to the most ridiculous Dr. Who crossovers that you can find (This site has plenty. I found a 'Who'/Sailor Moon one. I kid you not.) and say they're awesome fanfics that they really need to
read. If the URL will give away what it really is, I recommend disguising it (try the 'tinyurl' website). Or you could just send them a crappy fanfic, the crossover bit isn't strictly necessary. I recommend The End of Time and Space for that purpose. Just sayin'.

15. Whenever they mention Matt Smith, David Tennant, or any other fangirl favorite, fake barf, mouth UGLY, do anything you can to convey that you think he's hideous. Come up with an unflattering nickname for every Doctor.

16. Ask them to show you an episode where the Doctor regenerates (not one of the earlier ones, though, 'cause they just kinda glow green. It's not that explosive at all). When he does regenerate, scream 'YES!' when they look at you funny or ask why, say 'His head exploded!' and give them a creepy grin. When you see the new Doctor, ask who he is, and when they explain, act all disappointed and say, 'Dammit, I thought he was dead.'

17. An alternative to #7: instead of celery, get them Justin Bieber merchandise. (Or Twilight, High School Musical, etc. Whatever they'll hate. Be inventive in your annoyance!)

18. Get the latest issue of Doctor Who Insider or something similar, remove the cover and staple it to the cover of another magazine (obviously you can be really cruel with this, depending on what
magazine you replace the Dr. Who one with). Give it to the whovian with some sort of excuse why ('Happy early birthday!'). Then you'll wanna run.

19. The classic: send them a 'special behind-the-scenes clip' or an exclusive interview or something. The twist? It's a rick roll.

20. Whenever they say the words 'Doctor Who' immediately cut them off with 'Only on BBC America' in a British accent.

21. You thought I'd forgotten the fez, hadn't you? Well, you'll have to inform the whovians that unfortunately, fezzes are not cool. If it's a particularly lighthearted whovian, and they happen to agree, try saying that David Tennant looks really stupid in glasses.

22. Say Amy Pond dresses like a hooker and how dirty Dr. Who is getting because of her. (Be warned, there might be a few whovians who agree with this.)

23. Dis Tom Baker's scarf. (Hey, it's worth a shot…)

24. Follow them around saying 'Are you my mummy?' over and over in a high-pitched voice. (Bonus points if you wear a gas mask.)

25. Whenever you're talking about Doctor Who, always get him confused with other famous 'Doctors', such as Dr. Seuss, Dr. Phil, Dr. Funkenstein, Dr. Ogtagonapus, Dr. Evil, etc. My personal favorite: Dr. Dre.

26. Buy a Doctor Who plushie or action figure and make a video of yourself torturing it (burning it, crushing it, rubbing it with bacon and giving it to the dog, etc.) and email it to the whovian. You can get really creative with this. If you need cool death ideas, try watching an episode or two of 1,000 Ways to Die. Or, if you'd prefer to remain anonymous, just take pictures and tape them to their locker or something. Bonus points if you put the mutilated action figure somewhere where the whovian will find it.

27. Ask them what a Time Lord is. When they explain, pretend you don't know what they're talking about and get completely confused. Ask them stuff like, 'So, he can't die? Then he's a Highlander, right?' and stuff like that.

28. Point out that the Doctor's Sonic Screwdriver is pretty phallic. Therefore he's either a perv or just gay.

29. Whenever you see a picture of the Doctor, (either #10 or #11) imitate his voice and say 'L'oreal. Because I'm worth it.' Seriously, though, he takes way too much time on his hair.

30. Get various characters confused with vague look-alikes, like the tenth Doctor with Richard Hammond, the fourth Doctor with Bob Dylan, or the eleventh Doctor with Mr. Potatoe Head.

Special thanks to AZ1087653, Sola the Sunreaver and a certain whovian, you know who you are, for the inspiration, suggestions and permission. I couldn't have done it without you (and the Rower).