Chapter 1 – Next to me
I paced back and forth in the living room with my cell in my hand. I left at least a dozen messages but Dave's phone was out of service.
"Shit!" I swore under my breath in my helplessness. He and the kids were heading back from his mom, but some idiots attempted to explode the train they were riding. The news was all about it, yet they could say nothing specific except that Principal Protection Officer, Sergeant David Budd was also there trying to solve the situation.
I turned off the telly frustrated as I collapsed on the couch sighing. This nightmare will never pass...
Another hour dragged by with still no news from him. I was about to turn back the tv when the front door opened.
"David!" I yelped jumping up from my seat as I saw him enter. I rushed to him folding my arms around his neck as tears of relief were rolling down on my cheeks.
"Lena" He whispered my name barely audible as he buried his face in the crook of my neck. He embraced my waist pulling me even closer while he inhaled deeply.
"Ella and Charlie?" I asked frowning, pulling a bit away to see his face.
"They are unharmed" He said with a small smile gently wiping the tears away. His fingers were rough but I didn't mind at all, for a moment I leaned my cheek to his palm, closing my eyes.
"I was worried sick" I confessed with a faint voice hugging him again.
"It's okay, love, it's over" He said caressing my back tenderly. "I'm here, my beautiful, I'm not going anywhere" He reassured me as my breathing finally settled back to its normal rhythm.
"I'm gonna make a tea" I released him after a few moment when I felt strong enough and my mind progressed that he's really back. "And you'll tell me everything" I added heading to the kitchen as he could now finally take off his coat.
"Where is Leonard anyway?" He asked casually as I took a side glance at him. I knew where Dave's coming from. They never really liked each other.
"He went home" I answered eventually. "He has to wake up early in the morning" I added explaining, but honestly, I sent him home. I just couldn't stand him around. I was worried to death and he annoyed the hell out of me. But Dave didn't have to know about it.
"A great excuse" He scoffed. "As always" He murmured frowning and I could tell he disapproves our relationship, yet it wasn't his call to make.
I gave him a look and he raised his hands in surrender.
"Sorry, Pipsqueak, but I don't think he deserves you" He said honestly as I just rolled my eyes. If it was him, I'd never date anyone...
"Come on, talk about the incident instead" I took a seat on the couch tapping the pillow next to me. He accepted the offer taking a cup of tea from the table.
"I noticed, something was off as I saw that man earlier at the station." He started turning to me putting one knee in front of him on the couch so he could see me better. "Something suspicious about he acted"
He was good in these kind of things. Afghanistan changed him, not necessarily to the best.
"And as the conductor ran up and down anxiously, I knew it's serious. Turned out there is a potential suicide bomber on the train and since that man locked himself up in the toilet, he was an obvious choice." He said as he took a sip from the hot beverage. I did the same not wanting to interrupt him. "But he left the cabin and he was clear. I went in checking it, and I found the real bomber. His wife. All terrified, but she was ready to push the button of the detonator."
"Oh my god" I cried out horrified. This could've gone a lot worse.
"In the end I managed to convince her not to" He calmed me as I sent him a small smile. There he is, saying it like it was not a big deal.
"You saved everyone on that train, probably more"
"Maybe" He shrugged ""Honestly all I cared about was the kids" He confessed like it was a bad thing.
"That's natural" I ensured him as I frowned. "But you're still angry"
"I'm not angry" He denied it raising his eyebrow.
"Your jaw twitches here every time you are" I gently touched his face in demonstration as his expression softened.
"Know me that well, huh?" He asked enveloping my hand fondly placing a tender kiss on it.
"Like the back of my hand" I told him trying to hide my quickening heartbeat as we locked eyes. His gaze was intense and longing and for a moment I got lost in it.
"They didn't even call in the EXPO" He broke the silence as my mind was working fast trying to understand. "They just wanted to shoot her down, to kill her without a blink of an eye" He explained getting upset again not releasing my hand as now our fingers entwined instinctively. "They didn't care she'd cooperate"
"Assholes!" I barked in disgust. "I'm sorry, Dave" I told him genuinely, caressing his thumb with mine. "I'm so sorry" I repeated it but my voice failed me. I just realized again how close I was losing him.
I cast my eyes down not wanting him to see it.
"What's that, beautiful?" He questioned sensing the tension.
"I was petrified I won't see you again" I admitted it quietly, still gazing the blanket like it was the most interesting thing in the world.
He remained silent for a moment then I felt his warm hand under my chin as he softly lifted it up making me looking at him. His eyes darkened, penetrating me as I felt naked under his sharp, searching gaze.
Then without any warning or hesitation he leaned in sealing my lips with an eager kiss. It was rough, urgent and demanding, like he wanted to posses every inch of me.
I was dumbfounded facing such desire. Did he really just kiss me? But his mouth pressed against mine without a doubt.
My heart hammered in my chest as I froze in place. I couldn't even count how many times I've thought about this. That how his lips would feel on mine, how his gentle caress would awaken all my senses and yet my mind was screaming. Why now? Why like this? He's in the middle of a divorce and I have a boyfriend.
And still, my body reacted instinctively ready to return that kiss.
"Fuck, I'm sorry, Lena" He leaned back before I was able to give in and let go. "I'm an idiot! Sorry." He added jumping up then storming out of the flat.
I was too shocked to act so I just sat there staring the place Dave was sitting a moment ago. His lips still burnt my skin crazy and my heart was beating out of my chest.
I have no idea how much time passed staying there, waiting for Dave to come back.
That's just great! In which universe do you kiss and run? I thought frustrated, trying to call him. Of course, no answer.
"That's very mature, mate" I murmured having enough as I headed to the bathroom. I'm not going to wait for him any longer, I will have a long day tomorrow.
I took a shower then went to bed. I'm not saying I fell asleep easy, but eventually my mind stopped running in circles, replaying our moment with him.
I woke up to a terrible scream that froze my blood instantly. I sat up abruptly not being sure where I am at the moment, then I slowly realized, I'm home and Dave is the one howling. He must've got home late and now he's having a night terror.
I quickly got out of the bedroom hurrying to him.
Ever since he came back from the Middle East, he developed a PTSD. I've seen him like this before more than I would've admitted, though he hasn't had any for a while now. I guess the bombing triggered it...
I entered his room carefully. He was tossing and turning as his face distorted in pain.
"No!" He screamed desperately. He was reliving his worst days so vividly that he couldn't distinguish it from reality. I knew I should've let him handle it, that he most probably won't remember in the morning, but I couldn't. It hurt too much to see him like this.
"Dave" I stepped next to him slowly. "Honey" I placed my hand on his shoulder. "It's not real" I spoke quietly yet confident. "Come back to me, please" I asked him gently squeezing his forearm. "I'm right here with you." I said in an attempt to wake him, but he was too deep.
He realized my presence, but not who I am, which was only enough for him to grab my wrists and pushing me down on his bed tight. He towered over me threatening as his fingers now locked around my neck.
I felt the panic arising in me as he started to clench his fist making it harder and harder to breath. This can't be the way I go...
"Dave" I pressed desperately trying to pull off his hand, but he was way stronger than me. "It's me, Helena" I said with a hoarse voice. "Your Lena. Please. Dave." I begged holding onto my last remaining consciousness as everything went dark.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck" Dave rolled down off me to the ground swearing as I coughed violently. The fresh air hurt my lungs real bad. "Bloody hell, Helena!" He raised his voice angrily. "How many times do I have to tell you, my room is off limits, no matter what you hear?" He asked practically shouting at me. For a moment I stared at him in disbelief then I let rage took over the place of shock.
"Are you for real, David?" I questioned not believing my ears. "Sorry for trying to help you!" I huffed standing up. My legs were still shaky, but the fury fuelled me well.
"Have you even realized, I could've killed you?" He asked not backing off for a moment.
"Yes, thank you, I was quite aware of that." I noted bitterly. I still felt his strong hand around my neck as I was sure it will leave a mark.
We glared at each other, then I decided it wasn't worth it. I marched to the door with a scoff ready to leave then I changed my mind.
"Have you ever realized" I started using his phrase on purpose as I turned back fixing my eyes on his. "How much it kills me every damn time to see you like this?" I finished as I couldn't contain my tears anymore. This whole night was too much for me. First the fright then the kiss and now this? Thank you, but no, thank you...
For a few seconds I just stood there, burying my face in my hands like a little girl, loosing all my control then I felt strong arms embracing me. I didn't have the power to resist his comfort as my sobs made me shudder even more.
"I'm such an asshole" He murmured placing a soft kiss on the top of my head. "I'm so sorry, love" He added pulling me closer. "I was terrified that..." He started but then he bit his sentence in half painfully.
I folded my arms around his neck understanding him perfectly as he rested his head on my shoulder.
"Can you forgive me, my beautiful?" He pleaded but it wasn't necessary. I was never able to stay mad at him for long.
"Already did" I admitted it more lightly.
"Thank you" He mumbled planting a small kiss on my injured neck. He probably meant it as a kind gesture, but I felt the heat rising in my chest not exactly in a friendly way.
Then I felt his lips moving an inch to the right just to repeat it. My breath skipped as he continued like he wanted to heal all the bruises with his delicate touches.
Yet he really should've stopped before I lost control and did something incredibly stupid.
"Maybe you should call sick tomorrow" He pulled away like he read my mind implying my now not so presentable appearance.
"Nah, a nice scarf will do it" I shrugged. Working within Home Security didn't allow me unannounced leaving. If I wasn't dead or kidnapped by aliens there was no excuse. "Julia would kill me, anyway" I added as I've heard her cold, demanding voice in my mind. Your work is essential here, Miss Osborne. I except you act accordingly next time. Just because once I was late... "I don't know what would she do without me" I added obviously exaggerating, but Dave remained serious.
"Yeah, can't really blame her" He said smoothing a lock back behind my ear as he caught my gaze.
I was confused. I had no idea how to feel or what to expect anymore.
"Dave, I..." I started but he interrupted me apparently avoiding the topic.
"I can move out if you want, I totally understand"
"What, no" I shook my head fervently. "I'm not going to leave you alone. Period." I declared it. He has been through enough of trauma. He needed some consistency.
"Come here" He sent me an affectionate smile as he pulled me in for another hug.
"Though, you know, you could take a little time off" I started carefully. I was sure he won't like what I have to say. "I know the money is not much, but we can make it with my salary for a while and you could get the help you need." I proposed as I felt his muscles tense up.
"Lena..."
"I know a good therapist who specialised on PTSD." I continued hopefully, but he just pulled away a bit too coldly.
"Which would cost at least half of the money you earn"
"Not necessary"
"What about Vicky?" He kept searching for excuses. "I have to support them, especially that Charlie need a special school"
"We will think of something." I tried no matter what, but he cut it short.
"Sorry, Pipsqueak, I know you mean well, but it's not going to work" He decided as I sighed defeated.
"Alright" I gave in. "There are also a few support groups not so far. Would you, please, at least consider it?" I asked him to make a compromise as he slowly nodded. "Thank you, Chief" I smirked teasing as I felt the pressure leaving.
I knew it's not much, but for a start it's perfectly enough.