"Is it going to hurt?" Takehiro asked me as we sat on these spray painted metal chairs in the waiting area of the local tattoo shop. "Well." Laughter causes a pause in my words. Those deer eyes stared up at me, nervous as ever. "If you cry over my dick in your ass then I think this is going to hurt." I say a little too loudly so the woman at the counter peers over to us over her magazine. I see Hiro blush and veer his eyes away from her gaze. Perfect.
A man, donned in tattered jeans and a fake vintage band shirt steps out from the back room and begins to head in our direction. He wasn't too bad, he was a little heavy for my taste but that can always be forgotten. The piercings around his face draws my attention inward, to his sharp nose and full lips. I think I could forget about his extra weight if I had those lips on me.
He stops, standing closer to myself than to my brother. I slack my shoulders, curving my hips inward to make him notice my thin frame. It always draws them in. "So which one of you is getting your navel pierced?" His voice was deep, much deeper than what I had expected, I like it. "He is." I point to Takehiro. "Ok, come on back." He began to walk back towards the doorway and I followed before realizing that Takehiro was still sitting down. Turning around I grab onto his frail arm and yank him into a standing position. "Come on Hiro." Instead of using an angry voice I kept control and tried my best to sound comforting.
We get to the back and I sit him down in the tattered reclined chair. His hand instantly grabs for mine, gripping onto my fingers tightly. Instead of pulling away I let him hold on. I know how scared he is of needles and just getting his ears pierced was over dramatic. I won't let my kindness show though; it is something I can never find the courage to show him. So I stand there, blank expression, as he grips tighter onto my hand.
The man, never telling us his name, puts on black latex gloves and sits down on the stool next to the chair Takehiro was sitting on. He never said much but it made him more mysterious. "Lift up your shirt." He instructs Hiro. I glare uncontrollably, it's a reflex really. No one is allowed to say those kinds of words to my brother. He is mine and mine alone. Jealousy is always there even when the intentions are purely innocent.
Those eyes look up to me again, ever so frightened. I nod letting go of his hand. I could see his hands shake as he lifted up the hem of his shirt to expose his abdomen. Love bites adorned his hips showing off just what I have done to him. Him blushing as the piercer looks down at his concave belly. The man looking up at me as a smirk hooked on his lips. Words weren't exchanged but we all knew that I was the one to decorate his flesh. There was no doubting that.
"So what can I call you?" I ask letting the words bubble off of my lips. Trying extra hard to allure him to notice me. "Hideo." Gauze in hand he cleans the skin around my brothers navel. Not once looking up at me. Fucking prick.
I lean myself against the wall, being sure not to touch any of the paintings. Gliding my tongue across the front of my teeth. Just recently I had gone through the stages of binding my tongue to encourage it to split. After a month I finally got it to separate and often caught myself sliding the two sides over my teeth. Just to remind myself of what I have done. Takehiro hated my split tongue; he hated how it felt against his flesh. Deep down I knew he liked it, but he isn't willing to let himself feel pleasure from anything. To be honest, I find it sad. When he could just accept it and let himself feel satisfied. I know he hates it because it's me, but I wish he could just enjoy it for once.
I adore him and its rejection every time he hides his face or pushes me away. He's my everything but yet I am rejected.
"You have just enough skin to pierce it, you got lucky." Hideo comments as he dots Takehiro's flesh with a felt tip marker. Hiro gulps down fear while biting his tongue. I can tell by how his jaw is hooked to the side. I find it cute in an odd way. His fear is delectable. Turning his body Hideo picked up a clamp, holding it in his hand, as he ripped open the plastic covering the sterile hollow needle. The sound made Hiro's skin crawl along his bones.
Hideo brought the clamp to his navel and lined up the center to be where the dot was, clamping down on the skin to make the middle flush. "Hold my hand." I hear my brother request with fright. He reached out for my finger and I place them in his palm. The sweat he was building up made it difficult for him to keep a good hold. His hand sliding in mine, even as he grips as tight as he can.
"Ready?" He asks holding the needle in one hand as the other held the clamp up to show the underneath of my brothers' belly button. Nodding was all he could do as his eyes shut. Shutting tight to block out what he did not want to see, let alone feel. Taking my other hand I place it on the top of his that desperately held on. Rubbing gentle circles with the pad of my thumb. He bears a small smile as he breathes deeply through his nose.
With a real quick "One, two-" Hideo pushes the needle through filling the room with two pops and Hiro letting out a small whimper. His hand grasping onto mine in almost a painful way. I bit my lip; just hearing him whine like that fills my brain with even more impure thoughts of him. He sounds just like that when I take him unexpectedly. I drown in his noises every time.
His chest heaves as he dares not open his eyes. I don't blame him though. Takehiro nearly fainted when he got his ears pierced. So this must be as nerve raking as getting a limb chopped off. Hideo placed the jewelry at the end of the needle and pulled it through till it fit in place on its own. I must say it did look nice on him. I knew I was right when I told Hiro that he would look so sexy with jewels hanging from his belly button.
Screwing the top on Hideo wiped it clean with a gauze. Slowly his grip loosened before I let go and ran my hands through his thick hair. "See, not so bad." Using soothing words his head nuzzles into my palm as his eyes open with a few flutters. "It was a nightmare." He hisses pulling away from my touch. He looks down at his stomach and frowns. "I picked the jewelry." I did in fact pick it out. I picked the most girly looking one I could find. Fake pink diamonds on both ends. It was perfect.
Muttering under his breath I knew it was most likely profanities directed at me, but I didn't care. I thought it made him look flustered and I enjoy him in this state. He takes another look at it before sighing as he pulled his shirt hem down to cover it.
We say goodbye to Hideo and I have given up on him noticing me. My attention was strictly on Hiro now. Now that he has something new attached to him. I paid the woman at the counter the fee and quickly rushed us out of the business. I wanted to get him home so I could admire the jewelry behind closed doors. I want to get up close and personal with the new decoration piece.
"It hurts." Hiro complains as we reach only a few blocks away from our home.
"I know."
"But it's throbbing. I knew I shouldn't have gotten it done."
"It'll be fine in a bit."
"No it won't. My ears hurt for days. Who knows how long this will hurt."
"Hiro, it's not that bad ok."
"Yes it is."
"Can you just like, shut the fuck up for once?"
Folding his arms across his chest Takehiro mumbled, "I hate you." Under his breath as they continued to pace down the street, trying to make each crossing signal. I wanted to get home. I wanted to feel Takehiro again, it's been days. Just 24 hours is too long, it's been even longer than that. I usually make my brother spend the night in my room but the past few nights Patrick has been in town. He is the one that pays for my home; I needed to thank him properly with whatever he pleased. For being middle aged and balding he's not too bad. It could be worse.
I smile at the thought of Patrick. Not because of him really but because of how he makes Hiro feel. My brother hates him to the very pit of his soul. I remember first telling Takehiro about him. Oh that was a wonderful conversation. I was labeled a gold-digging whore and ignored for a few weeks before he eventually gave in, calling me to apologize. Barely able to talk through his sobs. I told him to come to my place so I could show give him a tour of the master bedroom.
Reaching the apartment I unlock the door allowing Takehiro to enter before me. As he starts removing his shoes I grab at his hand. Pulling him closer and shoving his body against the closed door. He winces, eyes shut tight, trying to ignore everything around him. Ignoring the fact that he loves how I treat him. "Let me get a good look at you." I purr dipping my head down to kiss and lick at his neck, the vein pulsing against my tongue.
Slowly I kneel down, clutching onto his hands to keep them still against his sides. I catch him looking at me but then glancing away. Hiding the truth that he likes to watch what I do. Releasing my grip I place my hands on his stomach, rubbing at the skin through the fabric of his shirt. Hiro bites his lip, clenching his hands into fists. Grinning I pull his shirt up, face to face with this new decoration. The ring so new and shiny. The surrounding skin reddened and starting to swell a bit. "It's going to look so nice when it heals." I comment placing my lips a few inches away from it. I feel his skin crawl under my touch.
"Glad you like it because I hate it." He scuffed, rolling his eyes. I didn't need to see him to know. I could tell by the tone in his voice. Giggling I wrap my fingertips around his thin hips, holding his body steady. Grazing my mouth over his lower stomach, passing just under the dangling jewelry. He whines under his breath. I love hearing it; it has grown so intoxicating over the years that I am addicted. I need to hear him to feel peace.
Slowly I place my hands over his belt buckle. Tracing my fingers over the metal grooves. His hips rolling forward so gently against me. I unlatch it and begin to pull at the leather but he pulls away. Pulls away while pushing me back by my shoulders. Angry I look up at him as he clasps his belt back and steps around me avoiding eye contact. "I'm going to go take a shower." He says, I know it's an excuse. An excuse to get away.
Still kneeling on the floor I watch him walk away. As Takehiro turns the corner, disappearing behind the wall I call out, "Don't bother locking the door! I have a key to all rooms!" Letting a few chuckles slide out towards the end. The door slams, picture frames rattling on the walls. Shaking my head I stand, kicking off my shoes before walking into the hallway.
Behind the closed door I hear the water running, I don't even bother to go in. Instead I head into my bedroom, keeping the lights off, flopping down on the king sized bed. What can I say, Patrick treats me well. A nice apartment in the city, food, clothes. All of this is worth the few nights I have to spend with him every few months.
Takehiro doesn't understand this. He will never understand this. He acts as if I am in love with the guy. I can't love Patrick, I'm not able to love someone like that. I can only love my brother but that is still a one way street. Everyone else has betrayed and hurt me making it impossible to show my true side. Only Takehiro knows how I feel and he still denies me. I will wait though, over the years it has gotten better. I wish he would just let go though, let me love him in the way he knows is right. What is right in our eyes, not the worlds. The world is full of judgment and Takehiro has been sucked in, building a wall around him that not even I can break down.
Eventually I will break down that wall. Maybe someday we can live in peace instead of this warzone he has created.