Sometimes, a memory will drift into your head.
It will come uninvited and completely unwelcome.
It will remind you of a time you tried so desperately to forget.
Of people you wanted to never remember.
Even of those you left behind, forgotten.
I refuse to be that memory.
I want to be a thought on your mind every day.
I want to be the memory you smile upon.
That you sit back and relive, just to remember better times.
Better yet,
I want to be sitting beside you,
Remembering together.
-Candice Stephens
"Don't do this!"
"Don't do what, Potter? Don't do what exactly?"
"Don't kick me out. We had a good time last night. Didn't we?" Severus chose to ignore the question.
"Potter, you are sixteen. You are a student, my student! We both are in training to defeat the Dark Lord. Last night shouldn't have happened. Last night didn't happen." That was the last thing Harry heard, that last things he had said, last thing he even remembered. Since that morning, everything changed. He ran his life on autopilot. It seemed to him that his lessons were being learned, stored somewhere for him to access later, but he just didn't care. The only thoughts he could conjure was the memory of that night, that fateful morning, and the thought of 'I'm not good enough. Never good enough.' It had been two weeks, people noticed, but didn't think much of it. His so-called 'friends' hadn't been talking to him before, so no one really noticed his silence. His teachers saw their students, but as he turned in excellent work and answered their usual questions, however robotically, they didn't think much of it. Severus could have noticed, had he looked, but he refused. He ignored him completely. He only noticed the spectacular potions and terrific essays the brunet turned in, but thought he was merely trying to get his attention. He adamantly refused. Had he looked, though, he would have seen the dull green his eyes had become. He had spent a year previous to that night watching, as the beautiful boy turned into a marvelous man. However, one person noticed. Only one. Draco Malfoy. At first, the blonde noticed that he never replied when the blonde tried to bait that famous Gryffindor temper of his. A week of watching the boy showed he wasn't eating, socializing, or even sleeping, judging by the rings around his eyes.
-"I expect three feet of parchment on Monday on the difference between a muscle relaxant made with sliced salamander tails as opposed to crushed snake skin. Dismissed. " The class made a hasty exit, happy to enjoy their weekend.
"Professor, might I have a word?" Draco asked, approaching his desk. Severus looked as the last student left, leaving him alone with his godson.
"What is it I can do for you, Draco?" he asked.
"Uncle, I am worried." Severus merely raised an elegant eyebrow. "If you can believe it, about Harry Potter, sir."
"Why?" Severus snapped, but then tried to play it as agitation rather than worry. "What had the brat done, this time?"
"Nothing, absolutely nothing."
"Then why are you worried?"
"Because, Sev, when I say nothing, I truly mean nothing. He doesn't talk, he doesn't eat, and it seems he doesn't even sleep often either." Draco sighed. "I think he's been that way for almost two weeks now." Severus tried to be unnerved by this, but if the blonde were right, it would be exactly two weeks, come tomorrow morning.
"Come now, Draco, how could anyone go two weeks without eating?"
"You heard what the Weasel said, that day they had that huge fight-"
"Everyone heard what he said, very public, just Weasley's style."
"His guardians starved him, two weeks wouldn't be anything compared to three months with little food, shoved in a cupboard. Sev, we must do something for him. Spies or no spies, he's the key to the end of this war."
"What do you suggest we do?"
"Find out what's wrong with him, at least that."
"If he's still the way you claim he is come Monday's class, I'll speak with him."
"The way I claim he is? How haven't you noticed?"
"I don't find it a habit to stare at the 'Chosen One', Mr. Malfoy!"
"Could've fooled me. When did you stop that habit? How?" Draco asked, ignoring his godfather's snap. He wanted to laugh, but couldn't. Severus mumbled 'Cold turkey', before sending Draco to dinner.
-The weekend was hell for the potions master, his thoughts solely on the boy that haunted his dreams. His first class was third years, Ravenclaws and Slytherins was the slowest class he had ever taught. Finally, he walked into class, spotting the familiar head of black hair, staring at the front of the classroom. He mentally sighed. "We're working in pairs today." He listed the pairs on the board above the ingredients and instructions for today's potion. He had purposely paired Harry and Draco together. "I will collect your essays and potions at the end of class. Begin." The class was normal, except for the teacher, standing frozen in his pace. Thankfully, no one noticed. The boy he saw wasn't his Harry. There was no bright smile. No smile at all. No excitement in him. No fire. His eyes looked dull compared to the brilliant green the potions master had memorized. What was missing most was life, no life, none at all. He didn't know what to do, but he didn't want to be to blame for the destruction of such a beautiful creature, he had to figure out what was wrong, but he was frightened it was him. He would never forgive himself. He wordlessly and wandlessly cast a light legimens on the brunet; not wanting the boy to notice, but what he saw made him realize that he wouldn't have. It was all blank, only the memory of himself yelling at the boy to leave his rooms before students started heading to breakfast. The memory warred with his own, he remembered the boy giving up the fight, mumbling 'not enough', and leaving dejectedly. At the time, Severus couldn't understand what Harry had meant by the mumbling, but now the thoughts of the boy reached his hearing. 'I'm not enough. Not good enough. Never was. I'm not wanted. I wasn't good enough. I'll never be good enough.' His thoughts repeated itself repeatedly before Severus couldn't take anymore, removing himself from the boy's mind. The professor figured the mantra had been there for two weeks. Seeing Draco approach him brought him out of his own thoughts.
"I- My partner and I finished our potion."
"Put it in a vial and pass it and the to essays here."
At the end of the class, he dismissed everyone, but not before calling, "Malfoy. Potter. Stay behind." Harry had been slinging the bag over his shoulder when he heard him speak to him, asking him to stay. Harry cracked for a mere second, the thought 'two weeks too late' joined his mantra before it returned to normal.
"Yes, Professor." A voice said from beside him but it went unheard as the brunet stood still beside the chair he had been sitting in. Severus wandlessly spelled the door closed, locked, and cast a strong silencing charm before turning back the pair. He motioned for them to sit, but only Draco did.
"Mr. Potter, please sit." This time he did. "It has come to my attention that you haven't been yourself. Care to tell me why?" Severus sighed when all his Harry would say is 'not enough'.
"What does that mean, Sev?" Draco asked. Severus ignored him; instead he put his head in his hands, threading his fingers through his hair.
"This is my fault." Entirely his fault. He had thought, due to the war, it would be better for them both if Severus kept his feelings to himself. Even though he had fallen in love with him, he had thought Harry had just wanted, well he wasn't exactly sure what he had thought, but he had been positive the boy turned man hadn't returned his feelings. The actions of their might of passion should have told him differently, but the man was stubborn, always had been.
"How is this your fault? Severus, answer me!" Again, he chose to ignore the blonde. He walked around the desk the students had been seated at, kneeling, and grabbing both sides of the brunet's beautiful face, placing a loving kiss on those lips. Draco gasped, but Severus didn't care because as soon as their lips had touch, Harry had begun to respond. His eyes growing bright again, the dull green seeping away, showing life return. Air became necessary, so they parted, a questioning look made its way onto his face, eyebrows knitting together in confusion.
"Severus?" His voice was more like a sigh, rough with disuse and pain, pain Severus was sorry to have caused.
"Harry." It was the only time Severus had allowed the man's first name to slip outside of his own bed. "Welcome back."
"You kissed me." He brought his fingers to his lips, still warm.
"Yes, I remember." Severus smirked despite himself. "Now would you like to tell me what happened?"
"You kicked me out." The dull started to return.
"I'm sorry, if I had know it would be like this, I would never-"
"No," Harry put his fingers to the other man's lips. "You had every right. I don't blame you. I didn't do it right, and I know I don't deserve a second chance. I won't ask for one, but I want to apologize." Severus couldn't understand, he was totally speechless.
"Apologize for what?" Draco asked. Harry turned to him, surprised to find him there, but more surprised he had to explain it. It was so obvious, he thought.
"For wasting his time, for sullying him, he shouldn't have ever had to dirty himself by touching me." He tried to fight the sob that tried to escape, only a single tear reached freedom.
"Harry-" Severus had finally found his voice. "Oh, Harry! No, I only turned you away because—oh, I am so sorry. I love you, Harry, honestly. I do. That night was wonderful. You are more than enough. Far more. I was scared. I thought—" he would have finished but Harry interrupted him first.
"Love?" It was a broken whisper.
"Yes, I love you. So much." He hugged him close as he could, hoping the boy wouldn't push him away. He stayed in his arms for some time, but pulled away slightly a little while later.
"Tell me something." The pair nodded. "I know I zoned out for a little while. How long has it been?"
"You don't know?" The blonde asked.
"Judging by my stomach, I'd say it's been about three weeks since I've eaten. Today is Monday, Wednesday, or Friday?"
"Monday, but how'd you know all of that?"
"I had no clock in my room for years, before Dudley broke his. Judging time by your stomach is a hard habit to forget. Plus, I figured it was after potions class."
"We don't have potions on Wednesday." The blonde pointed out.
"He does, 'Remedial Potions', a disguise for some of his training, but-" a hissing noise cut off the rest of Severus' explanation. A silver back snake found its way into the classroom from Severus' own private chambers.
'Masster is back?' It hissed.
'Yess, Emerald, thank you for watching out for Sseveruss.'
'A pleasure to sserve. Harry, your lover iss very- sstrange.'
'How sso?'
'He dreamss of you, yet beratess himsself for it in the morning.' Harry snapped his head toward Severus.
"You dream of me?" The already pale man turned paler in the soft light of the dungeon.
"What that snake said, whatever he said, it's a complete lie!"
'Assk him who elsse is hisss Harry?'"She seems to think you dream of me. Otherwise, she wants to know who else is your Harry?" The shade Severus turned could only be described as a blush.
"Don't know what you're on about." He mumbled in reply.
A/N: I was going to add some smut, but for some reason, this seemed like a good a place to end as any. I would like to point out that all repeat 'S's in parseltongue are all completely intentional. Well, story is over. You may go review now, you have my permission. ;) **CaNDi**