His smile, that dorky laugh. The way he walks, even his hair, she loved it all.
And yet she couldn't have him.
She sighed. What could she do? She couldn't go up to him and say "Justin, I love you. I love you with all my being and every fiber of my soul. I can't go on without letting you know." That wouldn't be right. He would laugh at her, or even worse. Because she couldn't have him, not in this world.
He was, after all, her brother. And she that knew her feelings were wrong, the very essence of depravity. But as hard as she might try, she couldn't squash them. It was driving her mad. She would cry herself to sleep at nights thinking about how she can't have him - him, she always referred to him as 'him', his name was too emotion-stirring and calling him her brother made her feel sick. She knew it was sick, and denied it to herself as often as she could. It was also why she fought with him all the time, trying to cover up her secret, forbidden love. But whenever he asked a lame, academic question about a spell during wizard class, whenever he went on about the nerdy things he was into, whenever he glanced at her and smiled, she swooned a bit inside. On the outside, of course, she replied with a snarky comment.
But he was the reason she acted up all the time, why she wasn't as academic. Was it to distance herself from him? She didn't know. Was it to attract his attention? Possibly. But she knew she couldn't attract his attention, her love was wrong, forbidden!
Besides which, it was probably unrequited. Why would he ever love her? He's smarter than that, he would never have such a incorrect feelings. This, the knowledge that he wasn't thinking about her right now, drove her on, convinced her that she shouldn't try anything. This knowledge, that he didn't love her, let her bit her lip and march on with life. Oh, if he loved her! That would be worse - what would they do? They would either fall into a self-defeating and destructive cycle of sneaking around, or they would both have to try and get over it. And the knowledge that they would be so close, and yet so unable to be together would be worse than the unreciprocated relationship she had with him now. So she trekked on, forlorn but realizing this was the best.
Her smile, her laugh. The way she flips her hair, he loved it all.
And yet he couldn't have her.
Unknown to Alex, Justin felt the same way. Nor did Justin have any clue that Alex felt the way she did. But what could he do? He couldn't admit it to her, she wouldn't feel the same way. And even if she did, that would almost be worse, because what would they do then? He knew his feelings were wrong, he knew that he was too smart for this. But what could he do? He couldn't just ignore these feelings. They were too strong, too persistant.
But what could he do? He did well in school, obeyed his parents. He was a model student and citizen. But why? In hopes that she would notice him? In hopes that leading a good life would cure him of this, this sickness, this vice.
Besides, she didn't love him. That knowledge alone helped get him through the day.