Who Do You Run To?

by BettyHall223

Janet urges Sam to acknowledge her feelings for Jack.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are not my property. No copyright infringement is intended.

Flashbacks are in italics.

Janet returned from the commissary to see Sam still sitting beside Jack's bed. She sat with her legs crossed, elbow propped on her knee and her head resting on her hand, staring at Jack. She looked tired enough that she could easily slide down to the floor and fall asleep on the hard concrete.

Janet sighed as she stared at her best friend. She had urged Sam to go get some sleep in her quarters, but it had not surprised her to find her still sitting in the same position she had been in a half hour ago.

Janet walked up beside Sam and placed her hand on her shoulder.

"Go get some rest. The Colonel will probably sleep for awhile."

Sam stared at Jack as tears filled her eyes. "He got shot because of me. If he'd gone ahead through gate, he wouldn't be lying here in this bed."

"Sam, his main priority is to be sure that you, Teal'c and Daniel get home safely. He was making sure you weren't left behind. He certainly isn't going to blame you for this. Please don't feel guilty, he's going to be okay. Go lie down."

Janet watched as Sam reluctantly walked out of the infirmary.

There were no other patients that needed her attention so she sat down in the chair where Sam had been sitting. Staring at the Colonel, she wondered what would happen to Jack or Sam if the other should die.

Ten minutes later, Jack suddenly moaned so she stood up to see if he was okay. Turning his head, he opened his eyes but only for a brief second as he mumbled "won't leave you, Carter."

Janet gently touched his hand to calm him as her mind drifted back to a few hours ago.

"Medical team to the gate room! Medical team to the gate room!"

She quickly yelled for two of the nurses to come with her and they ran to see who might be injured. They arrived to find General Hammond, Daniel and Teal'c standing on the ramp with Sam sitting down and a despondent Colonel lying in her arms.

Kneeling down to assess Jack's condition, she glanced at Sam and could see the look of panic in her eyes. "What happened?"

"I was running up the steps and the Colonel was waiting for me to catch up with him. Just before we came through the gate, he got shot in the back and fell against me, so I put my arms around him and dragged him through."

Teal'c picked up Jack and put him on a gurney.

While assisting Dr. Warner in the operating room, they had finally removed the bullet from Jack's back. The bullet had lodged perilously close to his spine. If it had been just a fraction of an inch more to the left, Jack might have been paralyzed. She shook her head, thinking that she would keep that information between herself and Dr. Warner. There was no need to let Jack, or his team, know how lucky he had been.

Stifling a yawn, she sat back down in the chair, put her fingers to her forehead and closed her eyes. A few moments later, she heard someone enter the room and opened her eyes to see Emily, one of her nurses, standing beside her.

"Dr. Frasier, go lie down. I'll keep an eye on Colonel O'Neill and let you know if there are any changes or if he wakes up."

She slowly stood from the chair and as she headed to her office, she glanced back at Jack as Emily sat down beside him.

Removing her lab coat and lying down on the cot in her office, she realized how tired she felt.

A half hour later, Janet awoke to Emily shaking her shoulder. Sitting up, she was immediately alert.

"What is it?"

"Colonel O'Neill is awake and in pain."

Janet quickly put her lab coat back on as she hurried to check on Jack and walking up beside him, she could see perspiration on his face.

"Colonel, please lie as still as you can."

"Hurts."

"I know, sir. I'm sorry" she answered as she put medicine in his IV.

"What happened?"

"You were shot in the back, sir. You've had surgery but you're going to be okay."

"Great" Jack whispered as he groggily looked up at the ceiling.

Janet wiped the perspiration from Jack's face and took his temperature.

"You have a slight fever, sir."

Emily placed a blood pressure cuff around Jack's arm as he cleared his throat and looked at Janet. "Is Carter okay?"

"She's fine, sir, but worried about you. She sat beside you for quite awhile after you got out of surgery."

A few moments later, Emily removed the cuff. "Blood pressure's normal."

Janet walked to the end of the bed. "Could you move your toes for me please?"

Janet smiled as Jack did as she asked. "That's good, sir."

Jack closed his eyes and went back to sleep.

As Janet was updating Jack's chart, General Hammond, Sam, Teal'c and Daniel came into the infirmary.

Daniel crossed his arms over his chest. "How's he doing?"

"He woke up in pain a few minutes ago so I gave him more medicine. Rest is the best thing for him. There's nothing further we can do for now, we just have to wait and give him time to heal."

Janet noticed Sam staring at Jack with a forlorn expression on her face.

General Hammond looked at the group. "SG-1 has been hard at work so I'm giving you five days off. When you return, I'll assign you to work with other teams while Jack is recuperating. Keep me updated on his condition, Doctor."

"I will, sir."

General Hammond walked out as Jack's team gathered around his bed.

"If the Colonel continues to improve, I'll let him go home in a few days but he'll need someone to stay with him. I know he isn't going to like sitting around doing nothing, but he needs time for his back to heal completely before I'll clear him to return to work. He'll sleep for awhile so if you have other things to do, go ahead."

Daniel looked at Teal'c and Sam. "How about some lunch?"

Sam glanced at the Colonel. "You two go ahead, I'll get something later."

After Daniel and Teal'c left the room, Janet turned to Sam.

"Did you get any sleep?"

Sam shook her head. "Not much."

"In that case, I'm ordering you to go home."

"Janet . . ." Sam started to protest.

Janet held up her hands. "Sam, you're exhausted. You've been awake a very long time. You can't do anything for the Colonel and you need some rest. General Hammond gave you time off so I'm ordering you to take it. I know you want to be here, but you can hardly stay awake."

"Will you call me if there's any change?"

"I promise. I'll be with him the rest of the day and Dr. Warner will be here tonight."

Janet patted her arm. "I'll take good care of him."

Sam took one last look at Jack before leaving the infirmary.

She arrived at home and wandered around her house, checking her phone messages, glancing through the mail and checking her e-mail.

When her stomach began to growl, she realized she needed to eat.

After filling a kettle with water and putting it on the stove to heat, she gathered everything she needed to make a sandwich. Starting to slice a tomato, she suddenly froze as Jack's face popped into her mind. Tears filled her eyes as she remembered how pale he had been after the surgery to remove the bullet from his back. Quickly wiping the tears away, she finished making the sandwich, as she told herself she wasn't allowed to have these kind of feelings for Jack; he was her CO and friend and that was all he could be.

Putting a tea bag in a cup, she filled it with hot water and stirred in a packet of sugar.

Carrying the food outside to her deck, she sat down to eat. After she finished the sandwich and leisurely sipped the tea, she took deep breaths as she closed her eyes and enjoyed the peace and quiet and the warmth of the sun.

Realizing she could hardly keep her eyes open, she picked up the empty cup and went inside.

After putting the cup in the dishwasher, she went into her bedroom. As she lay down on the bed, she pulled a blanket over herself and tried not think about what had happened on the planet. She closed her eyes and finally fell asleep.

~oOo~

The next morning, Sam had just made a pot of coffee when her doorbell rang. She opened the door to find Janet holding takeout containers.

"It's early. What are you doing here?"

Janet smiled. "I brought us breakfast. Even though you're off duty, I thought you'd probably be heading back to the Mountain to check on the Colonel, so I wanted to catch you before you left."

Sam stood back to let her inside. "Come in."

"Have you heard how he's doing?" Sam asked as she re-heated the food in the microwave.

"I talked with Dr. Warner before I left the house, the Colonel had a restful night."

"That's good."

Sam poured two cups of coffee and they sat down at the table to eat.

"Did you get any sleep?" Janet asked as she took a bite of eggs and watched as Sam poured syrup on her pancakes.

"Yes. I slept better here than I would have at the base."

"I knew you would, that's why I made you leave."

After they had eaten, Janet wanted to talk with Sam about the real reason she had come by.

"Sam, I didn't show up just to bring you breakfast, I want to talk as friends and not as two Air Force officers. I know something's eating at you and I think I know what it is. You need to talk with someone about this instead of keeping it to yourself."

Sam frowned. "What do you mean?"

Janet gathered her thoughts for a moment before speaking.

"Since the stargate program began, I've watched you and Jack worry and fret over each other when something bad happens to you."

Sam shook her head. "Janet, we can't discuss this."

"Yes, we can. This is a private conversation between two best friends. It isn't good to keep things to yourself and I've watched you keep your feelings for Jack bottled up inside of you for far too long."

Janet paused a moment. "It all started with the Broca virus. Out of all the men on the base, Jack is the one that you focused your attention on. Not long after that, you and Jack were stranded in Antarctica."

"I tried so hard to get the stargate to work, Janet, but I couldn't. I could see that Jack was slowly fading away and he told me to try to reach the surface to find help but I was reluctant to leave him. I finally managed to climb outside but there was nothing around for miles but snow and ice so I went back down. I thought we were on an ice planet. Jack was barely alive and I thought we were going to die together."

"But you didn't, you were rescued and I began to notice the deepening friendship between you and the Colonel. Then Daniel was transported through the mirror and got injured by a staff weapon. We learned that in that dimension, Dr. Carter and General O'Neill were engaged."

Sam took a deep breath. "Hearing that really shook me up and I think it did Jack as well. I just tried not to think about it."

"Then there was Jolinar. I could see how scared Jack was as we wheeled you into the infirmary after you were injured by the Ashrak. We thought we were going to lose you. There was such relief on Jack's face when we knew you would be okay."

Sam put her hand over her mouth as Janet continued.

"Then the entity took over your brain and Jack zatted you twice. He sat beside your bed for hours and hardly moved. When I thought there was no hope left, I suggested we turn off life support but he wanted to wait a little longer. He was blaming himself for getting you into that condition and he was refusing to let you go. I prayed that you would live because knowing Jack had lost his son not long before that happened, I feared this might push him over the edge and destroy him if you died."

Tears filled Sam's eyes as she listened.

"When Jack was pinned to the wall by the alien orb, I could see how scared you were that you weren't going to find a way to release him."

"I thought he was going to die, Janet. He was in so much pain and everything I tried wasn't the right thing to do for him. When he squeezed my hand to give me permission to try one last thing, I felt like he was telling me goodbye."

"I thought we were going to lose him too, Sam."

The women paused as they sipped their coffee.

Janet set up straighter in her chair. "Not much later, Dr. Carter and Kawalsky came from the alternate reality."

Sam stared into her cup. "I watched her kiss Jack goodbye. When he came back through the mirror, he wouldn't look at me and we never discussed what had happened."

Janet paused for a moment. "Then there were those three horrible months when Jack was stuck on Edora. I watched you put your health at risk, working all hours to build the particle beam generator, so you could rescue Jack. After we knew Teal'c had gotten through, I saw you breathe a sigh of relief. You were so excited to know you'd be bringing Jack home, but you returned through the gate, looking like you were about to cry. I soon found out from Daniel that Jack apparently had a relationship with Laira while he was there. For the next several weeks, I watched you put on your brave military persona and you tried to act like nothing was wrong, but I knew better. And just when things were beginning to improve between you and Jack, he supposedly went off-world to live with Laira. We stood at the bottom of the ramp and saluted Jack, thinking this was the last time we would ever see him. And once again, I saw how hard you were trying to hold yourself together. Little did we know that he was working undercover. When Jack returned and you found out that he had not gone to Edora and what he was really doing, you were happier than you had been in a long time."

"It would have been very difficult, Janet, but if he had really loved Laira and wanted to stay with her, I would have understood because his happiness is more important than my own."

"I know. That's how it is when you really love someone, you want what's best for them."

There was silence for a few moments until Sam whispered "I didn't know my feelings were so transparent."

"They probably aren't to anyone except Daniel, Teal'c and myself. I've always been an observant person, so from the beginning I noticed the bond between you and Jack."

Janet took a deep breath. "Then came Anise with the zatarc machine. Teal'c and I sat and watched you both reveal your feelings for each other. I had told Daniel that you and the Colonel were going to be re-tested and he wanted to know what the outcome was so I told him. It didn't surprise him what the test revealed. Daniel and I were so hopeful that things were going to change between you and Jack, but they didn't."

The two friends sat in silence for a moment.

"Once again, Sam, I watched you work so hard to bring Jack and Teal'c home when they were stranded in the glider."

Sam stared across the room. "I couldn't just leave them out there. If Dad hadn't helped us, I don't know what we would have done. Oxygen was running low and if they'd been stranded out there just a few more hours, they probably would have died. I was so relieved when we found them."

The two friends sat lost in thought for a moment.

"When you were kidnapped by Adrian Conrad, I don't think the Colonel slept the entire time you were missing. Jack was so determined to find you."

"I thought those crazy men were going to kill me but Jack showed up just in time."

"When the Colonel and Maybourne were stranded on the moon, you once again spent all your time trying to figure out where they were."

"There have been so many close calls, Janet, and I keep telling myself that I don't care about him in that way."

"Let me ask you something."

Sam looked into her eyes.

"Who do you go to first when you're excited about something new that you've discovered in your lab?"

Sam glanced away. "Colonel O'Neill."

"And who do you run to when you're excited about a new planet you're about to explore?"

"Colonel O'Neill."

"Who do you run to when you're feeling a little down?"

Sam smiled. "Jack. He always cheers me up by telling me one of his dumb jokes."

Janet grinned. "Who always knows exactly what you like on a pizza?"

"Jack teases me about liking pineapple, but he never forgets to order it for me."

"Who always grabs you a cup of blue Jell-o and brings it to your lab when you forget to eat?"

Tears came to Sam's eyes. "Jack sits and talks with me while I eat it."

"Who is the one person you trust completely?"

"Jack. I know he'd never do anything to hurt me."

"Whose opinion, on anything, matters most to you?"

"Jack's."

"Who is the one person you don't want to disappoint?"

"From the beginning, I wanted Jack's approval and respect."

"Who do you miss most when you're apart?"

"Jack. No matter what we're doing, I love spending time with him."

"Who fills your dreams at night and who is the first person you think about when you wake up in the morning?"

Sam didn't answer as she stared at her hands.

"Sam, I know you'd do anything for me, Daniel and Teal'c, but who is the one person you would give your life for without a moment's hesitation?"

"Jack, and I know he'd do the same for me."

"Can you imagine your life without him?"

Sam shook her head. "No. Never. That's why when he's injured, like now, I try not to think about how empty my life would be if he wasn't around any more."

"He's the most important person in the whole world to you, isn't he?"

Sam nodded her head. "When we were trapped on the planet when we had our memories stamped, Jonah and Thera would meet after everyone had gone to sleep. We'd sit and talk and I'd put my head on his shoulder. Jonah admitted he had feelings for Thera. If we had been there a little longer, we would probably have shown each other how we felt. Even though we were stuck in that horrible place, I could have been happy there for the rest of my life as long as I was with him. But then things happened quickly and our memories returned and Jack and I had to come back to Earth, back to being Colonel and Major, two people who are not allowed to be in a relationship. For quite awhile after that happened, Jack and I could hardly look at each other. Trying to pretend that Jonah and Thera had never existed, and trying to deny my feelings for him, is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do."

"I knew something was wrong, Sam, you just weren't yourselves when you got home. So many times I've watched you try to hold yourself together whenever Jack is injured or missing."

Tears slid down Sam's cheeks but she wiped them away. "When I'm all alone at night is the only time I admit to myself how much he means to me. I have to remind myself that Jack is my CO, and he can't be anything more because the Air Force regulations won't allow us to love each other."

Tears moistened Janet's eyes as she listened and she could see the turmoil going on inside her friend.

"How can I love him, Janet? He can be so stubborn, argumentative and opinionated and . . ."

Sam suddenly stopped as tears filled her eyes once more so Janet stayed silent until Sam could finish her thought.

"But he's also smart and loyal and funny and thoughtful and kind and caring and sweet."

Janet grinned. "Not to mention those brown eyes, long eyelashes, deep dimples and that killer smile."

Sam nodded her head. "He's a very handsome man."

"And you know what else, Sam?"

"What?"

"He's got a great butt."

Sam nodded her head and chuckled.

The two women sat lost in thought for a moment.

Janet put her hand on Sam's arm. "If there were ever two people in this whole world who are meant for each other, it's you and Jack. I just want you to know that I didn't bring up all this to upset you, but I just thought you needed to talk about it and get it out in the open. As long as you've carried around these feelings, keeping them inside is not healthy and I promise not to tell anyone we had this conversation."

Sam sighed. "You're right, I did need to talk about it. Are we really doing what's best for us? I can't resign and neither can Jack, at least not yet, and neither one of us would want to break up the team. How long will we have to pretend we don't care for each other?"

"I don't know. I wish I had an answer for you."

Sam took a deep breath. "So I guess I keep pretending that Jack is only my CO and friend and nothing more."

"For now, yes. But there's always hope that something will change and you can be together the way you want to be; no more denying or hiding your feelings."

"I'm glad you came by, Janet. It was good to finally admit my feelings, although I still can't do anything about them and it's good to know that I have you to confide in."

"It's our secret, Sam. Just between us."

~oOo~

Later that morning, Janet came out of her office and stopped as she looked up to see Sam slowly walk through the doors of the infirmary and watched her stare at Jack from the foot of his bed. Tears moistened her eyes as she thought back to the conversation she'd had with Sam at her house. In all her life, she had never known two people who were more perfect for each other. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she watched her best friend stare at the man she loved, knowing she couldn't hold his hand, couldn't kiss his forehead, couldn't touch him in any way to let him know she was there and how much she cared.

Sam turned her head to see Janet watching and they gently smiled at each other.

Sam sat down beside Jack as Janet walked over to her, got another chair and sat down beside Sam, once again keeping vigil over Jack.

The End