I still can't believe this sometimes. Part of me still expects him to show up on the show, in the show at some point. You know where this is going. Please don't read if it will upset you.
Thanks to EverlastingMuse for being my Beta. *bows*
Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red?
And what the hell is on Joey's head?
Puck walked into the church with his mom and sister and looked around- it was filling up quickly. He nodded silently at Burt before hugging Carole, then Kurt and finally Rachel, looking up into the faces of her daddies and back over Kurt's shoulder at Blaine who reached out and touched his shoulder gently. Puck grabbed a program off the table and rolled it in his hands as he walked up the aisle to where he saw the once holy trinity of Quinn, Santana and Brittany sitting huddled together. They were sitting in the third row back on the left, with Mike, Tina, Sam, Mercedes and Artie. Puck tried to remember every possible combination of relationships and hook ups in their little group, but it was too much work- they were as twisted as the hardest knot he had learned in the boy scouts.
He was halfway up the aisle when he was stopped by a pair of strong hands on his shoulders. Puck whipped around startled, to the faces of Azimio Adams and Dave Karofsky.
"Sorry about Hudson, man." Azimio offered as he let his hand drop from Puck's shoulder. "I know you guys were like, really tight."
Puck snorted at the understatement. Finn Hudson had been his best friend for as long as he could remember. They may have had their ups and downs, but their friendship only seemed to come back stronger after each 'down'. They were brothers, and practically family.
Karofsky hadn't let go of Puck and squeezed his shoulder. "Despite all the crap we gave him, we knew; Hudson was one of the good guys."
Puck swallowed a sob as he stared down two of the worst bullies from McKinley. "Finn was the best." he managed to choke out as he blinked rapidly, hoping to keep his tears at bay. The terrible twosome nodded at that and slipped into the rows of other past and present McKinley football players with Coach Bieste, while the
Cheerios were with Coach Sylvester. Only the Glee jocks and Cheerios were missing, either sitting with the "family" or with the current Glee club and Mr. Shue.
Coach Bieste stood up, stopping Puck from joining his friends just yet. She pulled Puck into a fierce hug as he passed. "He'll always be your boy Puckerman- this doesn't change that." she offered. Puck nodded, as he pulled out a packet of kleenex and offered one to the football coach who was crying. "Thanks kid." she mumbled as she sat back down.
Mr and Mrs Shue were right behind her and quickly surrounded Puck. The offered no words of comfort, just letting Puck sag against them. "You were like a father to him." Puck said softly and he heard Shue's breath hitch before the new Mrs. Shue pressed a slight, chaste kiss to his temple and pulled him down into the row with most of the current Glee kids. Puck nodded towards his half-brother Jake, who was hugging his girlfriend Marley, their friend Ryder, on her other side. Puck knew Finn had been partially responsible for Ryder joining Glee club and had seen many similarities between himself and the younger boy, much the same way Mr Shue had with Finn in their sophomore year.
And this is where I went to school
Most of the time had better things to do
Criminal record says I broke in twice
I must have done it half a dozen times
Puck slid into the second row, alone, and turned to face Santana. "Don't even try to rip him apart today." he warned darkly.
Santana held her hands up in surrender. "I wouldn't dream it of it, Puckerman. Besides, we're not the people we were in those halls." she replied. "Who'd have thought I'd be the third wheel in the HummelBerry NYC loft?" She held Brittany tight to her while Quinn distracted Brittany, as they both shared funny stories about Finn.
"I always thought he might have been a dolphin like Kurt or a shark like Puck." Brittany offered. "But I think he was just a happy little goldfish."
Puck smiled for what felt like the first time since he'd heard the news. Not everyone understood Brittany most of the time, but this time, Puck thought her description of Finn was spot on. Quinn looked up and offered him a sad smile when their eyes met.
"I'm glad you can still find something to smile about Puck." she confessed.
"If Finny or Britt can't make me laugh or smile, the world is in an awful place Q."
Puck slid down the bench and over to where the others were sitting. He offered his fist to bump to Mike, Sam and Artie, before taking Tina and Mercedes hands and squeezing them lightly. "Glad to see everyone, wish it was under different circumstances." From his spot, Puck was able to see the Berry's make their way up the aisle, his mom and sister behind them. Rachel and her father's slipped into the first row, while his mom and sister joined him. Puck had to close his eyes and will away tears as he noticed Kurt and Blaine walk up the aisle together, hand in hand and slip into the first row, sliding down to the far end, leaving room for Burt and Carole to sit between them and the Berry's.
Puck heard shuffling in the seats and looked up as Tina and Sam slid in beside him, reaching forward to put a hand on Kurt and Blaine's shoulders. Puck finally unrolled the program in his hand. They had used Finn's graduation photo. He looked older than he usually did, wiser too- it was a strange feeling that settled over Puck. As he looked at the photo, he realized Finn was also too damn young to be here like this.
Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
Burt gave a touching eulogy to the boy he considered his own son and the man he was becoming. He talked briefly about how he and Carole had blended their two families and not only had they gained a son each, but also a dozen or more 'other' children who frequented their house- be it as friends or romantic partners to their sons. Burt noted that his house had never been so full before Carole and Finn came into their lives. "He wasn't perfect, nor did he think he was, but Finn Hudson
had heart and soul and he gave all he had to everything and everyone." Burt surmised.
Mr Shue and Coach Beiste spoke together, about the student, the teenager, the leader, the teammate Finn was and all of the good things that made people instantly drawn to the goofy, gentle giant. They took turns sharing little anecdotes about Finn; his legendary dance moves that broke someone's nose, his plan to try and win a championship football game with only a handful of players and their girlfriends when the rest of the team walked.
"When you talk about what makes someone a good leader, there are always these intangibles; things you can't quite put into words." Mr Shue offered.
"Everything about Finn Hudson was intangible." Coach Bieste sniffled.
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
Then of course, Rachel sang- which surprised absolutely no one- until she opened her mouth and sang Pretending, the song Finn had written for her, that they sang as a duet at their first Nationals, alone. Puck swiped at his eyes and reached out to Carole as he remembered that night in New York City, sitting with Finn, desperate to finish the lyrics and melody after what Finn had called the most disastrous of awesome dates. Finn had done everything right to woo Rachel back during that date but she had still turned him away, stating she couldn't let anyone, even him, keep her from her dreams; from New York, from the stage. But mere hours later, on the stage at Nationals, after singing the song Finn had written for her and sang with her, Rachel had let him kiss her and Finn was again back in her life. They'd even almost gotten married- twice!
Puck was surprised that Kurt had opted not to sing as well- or even to have offered to duet with Rachel. It was surprising how well their voices slotted together. Once two rivals, they were now the closest of friends, roommates, and almost in-laws. But instead Kurt offered that he would tell an interesting tale of what it means to be
family- "this is the wonderful tale of how Finn and I became brothers." Kurt explained. "This is the light, the laughter and the love that will carry me through these darkest of days." Puck dropped his head and closed his eyes, tears still squeezing past his lashes and down his cheeks.
We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we know
We said someday we'd find out how it feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel
As Kurt wove his tale, starting with a young, innocent, closeted- gay boy and his crush on the most popular boy in school, Puck closed his eyes and listened. Many of the former McKinley students chuckled, recognizing this as the story of the colorful history of the Hudmel brothers. Kurt spoke of the popular boy who was really no better than any of the other jocks, except that he had moments of kindness. The popular jock who urged his team to control their impulses and not body slam the other small boy into the lockers; who seemed to purposely miss his target with urine filled balloons; who was mysteriously absent the night lawn furniture was nailed to a roof and who finally one day, walked into the auditorium where 5 of the lowest of the low of McKinley were singing, and said he wanted to join.
Kurt went on to explain how that popular boy would see his popularity wax and wane over the next three years as he struggled to be the popular quarterback and also the unpopular glee club lead male, but he would become the undisputed leader of the underdogs. He would help the young boy obtain a spot on the football team to make his father proud. The quarterback would stand up to the football coach when he decided that football players could not also be part of glee club. He'd help a boy in a wheelchair join the football team, he'd take a handful of guys and their girlfriends and try to win a championship football game when the rest of the team refused to play because they didn't want to be part of a song and dance half time routine with the glee club. The popular boy would even convince three of the head Cheerios to leave the night before the National cheerleading competition and to come back to the Glee club where they were not popular but where they had true friends. The quarterback watched as his position on the team was threatened and replaced and then when he was passed over by the college recruiters. He even watched as other talented male singers joined the Glee club and threatened his role as leader there. But still, Kurt exuded, the popular jock encouraged his fellow glee club members to write original songs they could speak to, that no one could take away from them and while they may not have won the top prize, they won in other ways. He also inspired and encouraged his friends and teammates in all they did.
Puck listened to the quiet whispers of the people in the church who were not aware of all of the history between Kurt and Finn as they tried to decide just how much of what Kurt had spoken was the truth and what was fiction.
And somewhere along the way, Kurt offered, the young -no longer closeted- boy decided the best way to romantically pursue the popular quarterback was to introduce their both single parents and sets out to make them a real family. "Because nothing says 'please be my boyfriend' like sharing a room with your crush." Kurt snarked. But instead of a boyfriend, the young boy got something he didn't know he wanted from the popular jock. They became brothers and developed a true friendship and when all was said and done, they loved each other- not to be confused with being in love with each other. Puck noticed that Kurt fixed a rather icy stare where the football players were, including Karofsky and Azimio. Kurt did not bring up the red rubber dress incident or the song Finn sang to him and then danced with him at their parents wedding- but Puck could understand how they might be just a little too personal, a little too touching in Kurt's memories. At the end almost everyone was on their feet applauding the tale Kurt had woven.
If I could I relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change
Mr and Mr Berry stood up holding buckets full of roses in various colors. In the background 80's rock songs played softly while Carole and Burt led the flower parade, each choosing a white rose that they laid on Finn's coffin before walking to exit of the church. Puck found himself in line somewhere near the middle of the pack with his mother and sister. His sister gripped his hand tightly and Puck bent his head to kiss the dark curls piled atop of her head. He missed Rachel, but he watched as Blaine took out a yellow rose and handed a yellow with red edges to Kurt. Puck watched as Kurt sniffed at the flower and gently pressed it against his lips before laying it down and resting both of his hands on the darkened wood.
Puck could see his body wracked with sobs and when Blaine finally managed to pull his hands away and turn him around, Puck noticed his face was tear streaked, his eyes rimmed red but shining, wet, salty, warm Caribbean oceans. Puck turned and leaned against his mother's shoulder, closing his own eyes to the free falling tears. When Puck opened his eyes again, Quinn was standing with a pale pink rose in her hand. He watched as she plucked one pale petal from the flower and tucked it into the pocket of her sweater before laying the rest of the flower down. She ran one graceful hand in a circle on the dark wood before she turned to leave.
When it was Puck's turn, he watched as his mother and sister choose a white and pink rose respectively and lay it with the others. He brushed off the Berry's as he pulled out two worn drumsticks from the inside pocket of his suit. He brought them to his lips briefly before slightly turning to show a couple of the other gleeks in line behind him, what he had. Puck contemplated drumming a couple of beats on the wood but he could have sworn he heard a familiar voice hiss "Dude" into his ear, so instead he crossed the sticks into an x and laid them amongst the roses. Puck turned around and stepped over to where his mother and sister were waiting for him and nodded to Jake who was still in line. With an arm around his mother's shoulders, and his other hand tucked tightly in his little sister's, Puck exited the church and into the bright sun- almost as bright as the best smile of his dearly missed, clearly beloved, gone too soon, friend.
Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
Every time I do it makes me...
Song lyrics: Photograph by Nickelback