AN: Now, before you get completely confused, let me explain.
I originally wrote this part in March. But I was nervous about posting it because of the subject matter. I looked for a way around it, I really did. I spent weeks thinking about the storyline and trying to find another solution. But once a story takes roots it's hard to sway it in another direction and what I felt in my heart was that this was meant to happen. It was meant to be. But like I said, I got nervous. I talked to a friend about it and their reaction, shall we say, was quite a shock to me. They were very displeased and put me off posting them here. And so I wrote what you know as part 5: You Can't Lie To Me in its place to try and convey a similar general idea without using that plot line. I wasn't happy about doing it and it has bothered me ever since. I've been talking to other friends and family about those 'lost chapters' and they've told me to follow my heart. It's something I wish I had the strength and conviction to do in the beginning.
What happened was, I wrote Please Don't Lie To Me (part 5B) and then when I lost confidence, I wrote You Can't Lie To Me (part 5). Because I thought part 5B would never see the light of day, I took some chapters and scenes and re-wrote them (just like the original scenes from part 5 I have re-written to include in 5B). You probably won't appreciate reading them again but I have included them for context and so we are all clear about what happens from now on; so that there is one cannon. The flashbacks I have not. (There are some new scenes in there though, so maybe keep an eye out for them). What happened in part 5 did happen, but in a different way, this way. So you can choose not to read this part if you so wish and still pick up part 6 and it will make sense, just not quite as much.
The timeline might be a little harder to follow now and I hate that I've done that to you, my loyal readers. This is what I really wanted to happen. I hope you choose to follow me along this journey too.
I hope you don't get confused. I hope you don't get bored. I hope you actually read this. I hope you will forgive me for the brief moment of insecurity. I shall answer questions for clarification.
I acknowledge Cloe and CharlieBravo. Cloe, for believing in me even when I didn't have the courage to post these chapters and for quietly and patiently waiting for me to come to the same conclusion she got to: they needed to be shared. Charliebravo, for giving me the courage to post through the bravery of posting her own.
PJ
"Please, lie to me, tell me this isn't happenin'.
PJ
"I kind of felt like it was too good to be true. You know? It happened so easily. They rang us out of the blue. Kiera was smart, emotionally mature, trustin', thought very thoroughly. It was the perfect scenario."
"No such thing as perfect."
"Exactly. So does that mean the otha shoe was always gonna drop on us?"
"At least it wasn't a house."
Cal did a mental huh. His silence indicated what he didn't say aloud.
"Lewis and I watched the 'Wizard of Oz'."
"Good movie."
"Yeah. He enjoyed it. Especially the scarecrow."
"Yeah the scarecrow is definitely Lewis's style."
"If that's the case, would you not have gone through with it knowing how it was going to turn out?"
Cal thought for a moment. "No. If I knew then what I knew now, I would have embraced the experience more. I would have let myself feel more than I did. I would have let myself love her more."
PJ
Cal reached for his phone on the top of his desk. Gillian's number flashed up on the screen as he watched it ring for a moment. He gave a little smile. He'd been at work for all of two minutes. He had only just put his phone down and shrugged out of his coat. Did she miss him already? Probably not, she was probably ringing him to ask him to get something on his way home. "All right darlin'?" He answered taking a sip of the coffee he had picked up on his way to work after dropping Lewis off at day care.
"I need you to come home."
Cal went very still all of a sudden as he listened to the voice of his wife. She was scared, frightened, her voice was shaking. "What's wrong?" He asked sharply, putting the coffee down heavily; dread settling into his stomach again. He grabbed his coat and headed for the door straight away.
"It's Lily."
His throat was too dry to ask any more questions. Her tone of voice was enough to tell him that something was wrong. Very wrong. Very, very, wrong. Her next words echoed around his head all the way out of the building again and down to his car, even after they had hung up again.
"She's gone."
PJ
Cal was torn between demanding answers out of her on the phone and racing home again as fast as he could. The problem was solved for him in some ways. An authoritative male voice in the background spoke to her, telling her he needed to ask her questions now and Gillian told Cal she had to go. So there were cops at their house. Which meant Gillian was dealing with the situation. Which probably meant Lily wasn't sick. She wasn't calling from a hospital after all. But then, if she wasn't sick, and Gillian said she was gone... And there were cops involved... Cal felt his stomach constrict. He was panicking. He knew that. But this was not the first time this had happened. Mitchell came to mind. And it was feasible for people to be able to break into homes even with someone asleep in the next room and snatch kid's right out from under their noses. He had seen it before. He had investigated cases like those. And it was almost always someone they knew. Usually a messy custody battle. It was usually the other parent.
There were three vehicles parked outside their house as Cal pulled into the drive way quickly. He dove out of the driver's side, racing across the wet path to get inside. The front door was wide open. He was in too much of a hurry to register that one of those vehicles was an ambulance. There were uniformed officers standing in the hallway and even from the front door Cal could see they were in the living room too. One of the male officers started to approach him. "Where is she?" He demanded not sure at this point if he was asking for his wife or his daughter.
"Sir," the officer started, he had his arms opened to herd Cal and Cal could tell straight away that he was going to be asked to identify himself.
"Oh piss off," Cal started to object. Wasn't it obvious he lived here? Why else would he suddenly arrive? And waltz on in like he owned the place? Why else would he feel stricken and sound panicked and be desperate to find his daughter or wife? Still not sure what he wanted. Still not sure what was going on.
"Cal?" Gillian's voice came thinly from the living room but it managed to cut through everything else in Cal's head and he spun towards the doorway. She was on the couch. She had been crying but was now sitting silently, her shoulders hunched over while she fidgeted with a tissue. A detective was standing nearby. His notebook was open, his pen poised; he gave Cal an expectant expression as he walked around the couch and sat next to his wife.
Cal realised the house was too quiet. "What's goin' on sweetheart?" Cal asked her gently. He forced his hand between hers and took her left. He moved it over to his thigh and wrapped it up in both of his. Her hands were cold. She didn't look at him.
"You're Mr Lightman?"
"Docta Lightman," Cal corrected although why he insisted on the title this time and none of the others he didn't know. Perhaps it was just something to say. He couldn't read Gillian's face beyond the sheer grief she was showing and he wondered what to say to her. How did he know how to comfort her properly if he didn't know what had happened?
"We can finish talking later. I'll give you a moment alone," the officer told them and walked away slowly.
Cal turned to Gillian. He put his arm around her shoulder. She didn't lean in to him and tears started to fall out of her eyes silently to drip onto her thighs. "What happened sweetheart?" Cal asked again. He rubbed his hand along the back of her shoulder, trying to comfort. She would feel guilty. He could tell. He couldn't see it on her face because there was only shock. But he knew her and if something had happened to Lily then she would feel responsible for it. He would too, if whatever had happened had happened on his watch. Cal rubbed along the back of her neck again. She felt cold. "Tell me," he urged softly. "It's all right. Just tell me darlin'."
"After you left I dozed again," Gillian started. She studied the carpet. A little frown appeared between her eyebrows. Cal nodded. She often did. Especially if Lily wasn't awake yet, demanding to be fed. Gillian blinked, tears fell abruptly. The feeling of foreboding got deeper and deeper into Cal's system. He wasn't aware of the other voices in the house anymore. In fact, his vision seemed to have narrowed down to his wife next to him and the edge of the couch and that was about it.
"Just half an hour more," Gillian added. Cal soothed his hand along her shoulder again. He wanted to interrupt. He wanted to shake the answers out of her. "I got up to check on her because she hadn't woken me up yet."
Time slowed down. Cal could hear his own heartbeat in his ears. He realised Gillian was still in her pyjamas.
"So I went into her room and I knew there was something wrong. It was too quiet."
Cal's grip tightened on her; hand and shoulder. It was like every cell in his body was straining now to hear her. She seemed to be speaking softer and softer. Or maybe it was just hard to hear her over the high pitched whining in his ears. His throat went dry. He couldn't help her say the words even if he wanted to. 'And she was gone,' he finished in his head. He thought about what he was going to do next. Who he would call. Who he was going to interview.
"So I went to the crib." Gillian choked on a sob.
'And she was gone.'
"She was... she was..."
'Gone.'
"Cold. She was so cold."
'What?!'
"She was already gone Cal!" Gillian cried and turned into his chest, finally taking the comfort that was right there. Cal went rigid. She was cold? She was gone. His world dropped out from beneath him sending him into free fall. He got it now.
She was dead.