The first chapter of my first fanfiction. Love it, hate it, despise it—review if you feel like it.

Avid Naruto fans: I'll add in more Naruto characters as the story progresses.
Note: I am constantly changing words/paragraphs/sentences, so if you look again,
and something's different—yeah, that'd be my obsessive editing at work.
Another note: I update when I want to update, so don't count on weekly chapters.

Disclaimer: Now, why would I be writing a fanfiction if I already owned Naruto?!
I own Riyu, however. You steal, you die a horrible death.

Chapter One – Feesh

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"So, I take it you know where Kantyo is?" the Hokage inquired. The proud Konoha leader sat up straight in her seat. She glared disdainfully at the purple-clad ninja across the table. The girl was doodling on some very important papers—no doubt a peace treaty of some kind.

"Well, yeah, it's that northern continent," Riyu answered distractedly, while she added finishing touches, mainly fangs, to her sketch of the Hokage. "Everyone knows about Kantyo." Riyu rested her chin on her hand. With the eyes of an artist, she evaluated her masterpiece.

"So? Mission? Kantyo? Is there a connection?" she began again. Maybe this time she'd actually get paid to do something interesting. On her last mission she was forced to escort the arrogant, conceited daughter of a wealthy feudal lord. It wasn't fun. The enemies had most likely decided that the kid wasn't worth assassinating; it was a miracle Riyu hadn't died from boredom.

And, a double plus, in Kantyo she'd be able to visit some friends.

The Hokage nodded in a serious sort of way, leafing through the ever-growing stack of paperwork on her desk. "There's an opportunity for you to be relocated. To New Konohagakure. Permanently." A few lengthy seconds passed before it all sank into the quicksand of Riyu's mind. She gaped. She gawked. She did not do much else. The Hokage smiled at her flabbergasted expression. "Well, you don't have to if you don't want to, but, I heard you had friends over there…"

"Move to Kantyo? HELL YEAH!" Riyu was having a Sakura moment. The Hokage imagined her hair turning a shade of pink.

"… And I'll take that as a yes?" The Hokage scribbled three lines onto a note card. "Okay," she said, "you'll be taking missions from the Hokage from now on. Remember that." Looking up, she frowned at Riyu's degrading drawing. Riyu had added claws and a bloody background. "I wasn't aware that I had fangs," the Hokage commented.

"It adds a nice touch, doesn't it? So realistic."

"Looks more like you," the Hokage snapped.

"Was that a compliment?"

The Hokage ignored the question. "Forget it. Anyway, back to the important stuff. Remember, once you get to Kantyo, you'll be taking missions from the Hokage."

"Wait, I'm taking missions from you, the Hokage, when I'm over there?" This could possibly work, except for the unfortunate fact that telephones hadn't been invented yet. (The Konoha scientists claim to be at the testing stage, but it is evident that they are lying.)

"No, you'll be taking missions from the alternate Hokage in New Konoha," the Hokage explained in a slow, petulant manner, rolling her eyes as she spoke. "See, I can't be in two places at one, so I appointed another Hokage."

"I see," Riyu mused wisely. She gazed out of the large, frequently punched and replaced window behind the Hokage. The weather forecasters had screwed up again, she noted silently. "Is that it? When do I leave?" she asked.

"Tomorrow morning at the Shosakana Harbor." The Hokage handed over a small slip of paper. "Sorry about the short notice. This paper has the exact departure time and a few other little details on it. It also proves to the sailors that you aren't a murderous S-Rank criminal who wants to take over the world. Of course, if you were a murderous S-Rank criminal, you wouldn't even need a paper slip—you'd just kill everyone, but then again, the slip's for precautionary measures, so…"

"… That's nice." Riyu stuffed the apparently useful paper into a pocket and turned to leave.

"Wait! One more thing!"

Riyu glanced back. "What?"

"Will you miss me?"

Panicking, Riyu hesitated for a moment. The Hokage was giving her a progressively evil look… Not wanting to get injured a day before leaving, Riyu hastily answered with an, "Uh, yes?" and was greatly relieved when the woman gave her a satisfied smile.

Whew, close one.

"Shuriken, check. Large, evil-looking weapons, check. Kunai, check. Bombs and explosives, check. Money, check. Video games, check. Possessions, check. Wait! Where the hell did I get this!?" Gingerly, Riyu held up a plushy doll with two fingers. Deathly horrified by it, she threw it out the window, where the monstrosity then proceeded to hit an innocent passerby on the head; it began its reign of terror on the world shortly after. All of this Riyu missed as she continued to pack her belongings.

"Toothbrush, check. A crapload of hairspray, check. Did I miss something?" Riyu stared at the hulking mountain on her bed. Since she was relocating, she was bringing everything she owned, besides a few unwanted pieces of furniture.

A clanging cough directed her attention towards an aged, decrepit table in the corner. More coughs indicated that her vertically-challenged and quite irritating mechanical cat had decided to wake up. The cat, previously curled up in a tight ball, stretched luxuriously.

"Ebo? What do you want?" asked Riyu, scowling.

"Just pointing out some things that you forgot," stated the cat in a meow, innocently. His voice did not sound like that of a robot's, due to extremely advanced technology. Why people could make robotic cats like this and not be able to make a telephone was a question that Riyu pondered frequently. Ebo stretched a second time and yawned.

"Yeah?" Riyu tapped her foot impatiently, waiting for the cat, who was clearly taking his time. If she managed to finish the whole packing thing soon, she could stop by at Ichiraku's for a late meal.

"You need to bring me along and, most importantly, you need to get a life." Ebo attempted to lift his metallic mouth up in a smirk, but failed epically, causing the smirk to resemble a grimace. "You play too many video games, Riyu," he said simply to his glowering master.

Riyu frowned at Ebo and wondered why she'd let him stay here in the first place. She pitied the cat's former owners. Ebo was smiling smugly now. Enraged, Riyu's brain searched for something sensible to say. "Okay," she responded, "so maybe I do play too many video games, but who can resist cartoon violence?" Stowing away a weapon, she continued, "Anyway, with that attitude, you're not going anywhere. I've already made plans for you. Since I've already sold the house, you'll be living with a friend. The one who lives near the ramen place, remember her?"

"What!? Oh dear muffins, not that friend that lives near the ramen place!?"

"What's so bad?"

Ebo shuddered, obviously having less than pleasant memories. "I don't want to talk about it." He leapt onto a chair. "And I can't just stay here!" he screeched, freaking out. "It's going to be so boring! What'll I do!? What's the point of life if you've taken the video games!?" The cat posed dramatically, with a one silvery paw on his heart. Then, he resumed freaking out.

Riyu disregarded this display. Plugging her ears and averting her eyes did the trick for a while. Ebo detected her ignorance with exasperation. He promptly threw himself at the packed pile of possessions and began clawing. "Fine, okay you win!" Riyu sighed loudly, desperately wishing she knew where the cat's power button was. (The location of his power button was a closely guarded secret.) "It seems you don't have a life either. But you better not mess anything up. Pick a bag and stay with the supplies."

By the time Riyu had finished all preparations, it was almost sunset. Several bulky bags and scrolls containing furniture now lay resting by her bed. Her home was eerily bare. Riyu plopped down into a chair and alternated between staring blankly at the room and watching the multicolored sky. It was hard to believe that this was her last night in Konoha—not just Konoha, the Fire Country, the whole continent, too. For a split second, she felt depressed. Then, getting slapped by her inner self because she was depressed, Riyu chose not to be depressed anymore for fear of further slapping. She yawned lazily. She didn't feel like exerting the energy needed to walk to Ichiraku's. Tomorrow she would have to wake up early, which was something she did not particularly enjoy. "Ebo, set your internal alarm clock to six-thirty a.m.," Riyu ordered feebly.

"Huh?" said the cat, now snoozing comfortably on the windowsill. "Yeah, sure, whatever," he muttered sleepily. Ebo turned slightly, fell off the windowsill, and landed on the floor, with no reaction at all besides a string of snores.

"Feesh…"

"Ebo, you idiot! We're late!" Riyu raced through the streets in a rampage, probably angry enough to scare away multiple monster trucks. "I told you to set your alarm to six-thirty!" Furiously, she stomped across a park, causing several cute, completely innocent children to hurriedly run away. "And what's up with those children, anyway?"

Ebo poked his head out of a brown messenger bag and observed a very scary-looking Riyu. Immediately, he stuck his head back in to avoid being strangled. "I told you, I'm sorry!" cried a muffled voice from inside of the bag. "I was really sleepy, so I sort of forgot, and then I started dreaming about feesh, and you know I can't do anything when I'm dreaming about feesh… and… and…"

"Damn feesh."

Riyu turned onto a side road and quickened her pace. It was a quarter to 7:00 and the ship was leaving at 7:23 precisely. Exactly who had picked such an idiotic time, Riyu would never know. If she hurried, she could make it, with some luck.

It was springtime; the sun was already up and shining, illuminating the path through the trees. Concealed birds chirped from within veils of leaves, squirrels dashed up trees, and everything was happy and cheerful and good. Well, that was before Riyu trampled everything.

Riyu took a shortcut. Straying from the path, she charged into the foliage. Hopping agilely from branch to branch, she traveled east towards the ocean. Occasionally, she'd see a squirrel cramming itself with nuts. Thus continued another fifteen minutes of hopping from branch to branch and watching squirrels cram themselves with nuts.

After spotting a rather voracious squirrel, the forest thinned considerably. Soon, Riyu left the shadows of the trees and found the main road that led to the waterside. She came across several signs pointing towards the seaside town of Shosakana, nearly half of them sprayed with graffiti and therefore unrecognizable. Riyu was inspired, and pulling out a green spray can (which she just conveniently happened to have), she drew a llama on an unoccupied sign.

Another minute of frantic running rewarded Riyu with a view of some buildings in the distance.

More increasingly frantic running.

And then, Riyu was inside of the town's borders, making her way through lovely little paved roads and passing quaint antique shops. The store windows often reflected Riyu's form, but only for a short while before she sped past. "Only four… minutes… left," she panted. She hoped she didn't run into a pole. Or a person. Fortunately, it was still early, and only a few people were out, running errands or taking walks. Those that were on the streets made sure to either stay out of Riyu's vicinity or to find the nearest store to take shelter in.

Riyu's appearance would be considered abnormal for a regular civilian, but normal for a ninja. Her wild purple hair was kept in a ponytail, spiky and leaning towards the right. Most unusual were her eyes; they had an untamed look to them, with one being lime-green and the other black. (This often scared little children, much to Riyu's delight.)

The avenue Riyu currently traveled on led directly to the harbor. She couldn't see the real sea yet, just a sea of boats, most of them medium-sized and white. Shosakana was a large, prosperous center of fishing and trade. (If your squid isn't imported, it's either from Shosakana or it's cheap squid.) A good number of luxury ships started and ended their journeys from the waterside city; several yachts were docked nearby. If—no, when—Riyu got rich, she wouldn't buy a yacht—she'd put that money to even better use and buy an excessively expensive video game console, and maybe a flat screen TV or two.

Riyu comprehensively inspected the seemingly endless rows of docked ships. She had to find her transportation within the next three minutes.

The ship was white, but that didn't help out much. Everything was absurdly vague. The Hokage's info paper described it as long and sleek, with a green flag. Quite ironically, it was called the Big Feesh.

Ebo emerged from his bag to assist with the search, hoping that the present situation would aid Riyu in forgetting her death threats. "Uh, Riyu?" he said, hesitantly.

"Yeah?" Riyu responded. With hope, she eyed a ship that was suspiciously similar to the description of the ship they were looking for, only to find out it was the Small Feesh.

"Well, I just wanted to point something out…"

"Yeah? Keep talking."

"Uh, I'm pretty sure the boats are in alphabetical order."

"Oh, is that right?" Riyu glanced at a notably bland boat to her right. Smart Feesh, it was called. Her left eye twitched. "Somehow, I doubt feesh will ever be smart," she mumbled.

Riyu and Ebo said their goodbyes to the Small Feesh and the Smart Feesh and headed towards the beginning of the alphabet. It was now past 7:23, but one could be optimistic and say that the ship hadn't left yet. Riyu ran the length of the dock. "Big Whale, the Busy Feesh, the Blue Platypus," she read. The names had no relation whatsoever with the boats themselves, however, as the Big Whale looked more like a Small Feesh, the Blue Platypus was in fact maroon colored, and the Busy Feesh was forlorn and deserted.

"The Big Feesh!" Riyu and Ebo shrieked simultaneously.

"Hmm?" A sailor on deck turned towards them. "What? Could it be the missing passenger? … And, her, uh… mechanical cat?" His accent was ridiculous. His mustache was ridiculous. Riyu restrained herself from laughing—instead, she had to manage with an unpleasant snorting sound. The sailor looked from Riyu to Ebo and frowned. "You have identification?"

Riyu stepped closer and waved the paper slip in the air.

"Hmm, you're a lucky one. We were just about to leave without you." He checked his watch. "We're on a tight schedule, you know. Hurry up before we really do leave." The sailor walked away briskly.

Both Riyu and Ebo thought the man was rather rude.

Before boarding the ship, Riyu looked back at Shosakana and the distant forest behind it for the last time. She wasn't the type of person who attached herself to things, but it did feel kind of weird to be leaving her home. She'd always be able to come back, right? Anyway, Kantyo was going to be fun. "Bye, Fire Country!" she cried out. Three seagulls, shocked by the noise, abandoned their perches. Waving sadly at the landscape, Riyu turned to embark the ship.

She jumped on board and wandered around aimlessly. The boat appeared sturdy; marks on the side suggested previous struggles with storms. The Big Feesh's purpose was to carry several passengers and heavy cargo for long distances. This time it'd be making the strenuous voyage to Kantyo.

The landmass of Kantyo had been discovered eleven years ago by two explorers, the names of which Riyu could not remember, due to her lack of decent long term memory (A/N: Also due to my lack of decent imagination... heh...). The new land was an isolated continent up north, past the Lightning Country. (Think about all the new opportunities for exploration! Think about all the new opportunities for economic growth! Think about all the new opportunities for trashing ecosystems!) Ships had arrived from all around to populate Kantyo. Within five years, the place had turned into a massive bartering hub, with factories and mountains and whatnot.

Riyu headed towards the front of the Big Feesh. A cluster of sailors dressed in white and blue stripes were talking excitedly. Riyu had absolutely no knowledge whatsoever of ships and sailing, so the sailors might as well have been talking in Swedish. With resolve, she approached a man she thought was the captain (his uniform was somewhat more complicated looking).

"Uh, are you the captain?" Riyu asked.

"No, I'm the janitor."

"Oh," said Riyu, conspicuously disappointed that her deductions had been proven wrong. "But, that uniform… it's…" Riyu gestured at the slightly more complicated looking parts.

"This? I drew this all by myself!" the sailor boasted enthusiastically.

"You… drew…?"

"Yep. Like it? I've been practicing. See, my dream is to be an artist, but I'm stuck on the boat for another two years by contract… My dream used to be being a janitor, but it didn't turn out as well as I'd expected…"

"Yeah, sure," replied Riyu, not at all sure why she was continuing the conversation, even though she was a fine art connoisseur.

"Say, you wanna see this tattoo I have? I made the design myself!" the sailor burbled, zealously pointing a chubby finger at his arm.

"Um, actually, no. Sorry," Riyu said. She gave the artsy janitor a forced smile and quickly flounced away. Now, where the hell was the elusive captain?

"What!? I can't stay on this piece of floating crap for a month!" Riyu was outraged, angry, depressed, and slightly hungry.

"I'm truly sorry, girl," apologized a bearded man—who did not look very sorry—in a navy blue coat, "but I'm the captain an' that's how long it's gonna take. Kantyo ain't next door, ya know! We'll 'ave to stop at the Nabarumi Islands to refuel."

Riyu sighed. "What about airplanes? You know, those flying pieces of metal that go extremely fast? Woo! A-I-R-P-L-A-N-E." She pantomimed a flying airplane with her hands.

The captain made a childish clicking sound with his tongue. "Airplanes are reserved for royalty an' people of high rank. So you jus' gonna have to make do with this here boat."

"So we have high-tech computers and magical summoning paper slips, but no public airplanes. Or telephones. What's wrong with the world?"

Captain Kinpo sat down, content. He opened a drawer in his desk and fetched a bent white box of what Riyu knew to be cigarettes. After removing one from the package, he struck a match and held it to the cig's tip. It lit instantly. A foul scent took to the air. The captain inhaled deeply, then blew out, right into Riyu's face. It was worse than the kind Asuma smoked.

"Okay," coughed Riyu. "I…" Cough. "Don't…" Cough. "It's…" Cough. More coughing. Even more coughing. Using her hands as a shield, Riyu backed away from the captain and the hated cigarette. "Please stop." Riyu stifled another cough. "For my sake, please. I want to live long enough to beat the video game that's coming out next month."

Just then, Ebo popped out of a backpack. "Hey Riyu, guess what? I…" He sucked in a mouthful of the putrid air. "God, this stuff is terrible!" he gasped, returning to the bag, now contaminated.

"Truly sorry, girl," said Captain Kinpo, who, again, did not look like he was very sorry, "but I'm the captain an' I feel like smokin'."

"Fine," choked Riyu, swiftly heading for the door. "Just make sure you have a replacement if you happen to die from lung cancer or something like that…" The door slammed shut.

The door reopened. Riyu staggered back in. "Hey," she wheezed, "so what room am I staying in?"

Captain Kinpo tossed a rugged brass key at Riyu. "Room Eleven," he said gruffly. "It's all yours."

Again, the door slammed shut and reopened. "Uh, Captain Kinpo?"

"Huh?"

"I was just wondering, what kind of accent do you have, anyways? I mean, it's not really—"

"Does it matter!?"

"Um… yes…?"

"Oh, get out!"

For the third time, Riyu left the room. She headed farther below deck, down another flight of stairs. Room Eleven was, strangely, near the bottom of the steps. The ceiling was low, the lights were dim, and everything smelled musty. Two paintings, both cracked and dusty, were up on either side of the hallway. Riyu reached the wooden door engraved with an '11', jammed the key in, and turned.

The room was scanty and compressed. Two beds lay near a dirty window with a smeared view of the ocean. A television set rested on an old-looking table. A black trash can survived in a corner. There was also a miniscule closet, but Riyu doubted that she could fit much in it. The room sadly lacked a bathroom.

Riyu tossed her bags on the floor and jumped onto the bed. She looked out the window. Although hazy, she could see past the smudges. Blue, blue, blue, and—hey! Was that a floating… telephone!?

The television was thoroughly inspected, but it was the kind you couldn't play games on. No plugholes, no connectors. Riyu's game systems would have to, desolately, stay in bags for another month. Riyu scoured the room, found the TV remote in an odd place, pressed the power button (which was also in an odd place), and was disappointed to find out that there were only three channels.

The most annoying of the three available was the Konohagakure Technology Channel, where the scientists were talking about their "new and promising plans for the functional telephone".

Further button pressing yielded the QVC, where they were trying to sell purple llama figurines.

Riyu smacked her face against a pillow. "Get ready for some seasickness, Ebo," she said to her luggage.

"At least there'll be plenty of feesh!" remarked Ebo happily, earning a glare.

Riyu flipped to the final channel—the only one slightly useful. And so, the rest of her day was spent on the bed, listening to the Weather Channel's smooth jazz.

And there you have it. Long chapter, huh?