She knew she shouldn't have come. She knew Emily would see right through her, and that she'd be forced into feeling guilty. No one else in the world could make her feel as lousy as she did when she was hiding something from Emily. But she didn't want to be alone. When she was by herself, bad things would always start to happen.
"Would you just tell me what it is that's been bothering you?" her friend shouted to her now as she paced around the empty kitchen. "You know you don't have to do everything alone all the time!"
She felt herself sinking lower in her chair as the brunette glared at her from across the room, her uncharacteristically furious behavior striking a soft spot in Alison's heart. It wasn't like she wanted to lie to Emily. But if she ever told her the truth, there was no way her friend would believe her. No one in Rosewood would believe that she was secretly being tortured and stalked by an unnamed individual. It was Rosewood; nothing bad ever happened there. "Just drop it, Em," she muttered, turning her gaze toward the clean, granite countertop.
"No!" She walked over to where Ali was sitting, and rested her arms on the back of an empty chair. "It's not fair. It's not fair that every single one of us has opened up to you, but you just walk around every day like you don't have anything to hide."
"It's not that easy," Alison said. She looked up at her, her blue eyes so filled with dejection that it made Emily's own eyes start to tear. "I just need you to be my friend for a moment. I didn't come over here to be yelled at. Don't turn all Spencer on me."
The brunette gave her an apologetic look. "I'm sorry…. I just don't get it. I'm trying to understand, Alison, but you make it so hard."
She just swallowed, not sure how much more of this she could take. She felt awful enough as it was, but Emily only made her feel like she was the worst friend on the planet. "You don't have to fix everything."
"I don't," Emily agreed. "But maybe it just makes things a little easier if I know that I can."
Alison gave her a half-smile. "That's sweet, Em. Really. But I don't need anyone else taking on my problems. I can handle it."
Her friend wrapped her fingers around the rungs of the chair, averting her eyes from Ali's. "Is it my fault? Did one of us do something to upset you?"
"No, Emily," she insisted. "Don't think like that. I mean, I know I can be a bitch sometimes, but I don't intend to desert you."
Emily slowly lifted her head. "We're not like you. But you chose us to be your friends…. Why?"
She sighed. "I really wish everyone would quit asking me that. I'm not using you, if that's what you think. You guys are my friends, and that's that. So leave it alone."
"Okay," Emily groaned defensively. She straightened her back, and took a couple of steps into the middle of the kitchen. She looked defeated, and Alison knew she wasn't exactly making things easy for her. Emily had always loved her friends a little too much, and sometimes, Ali found herself taking advantage of that. It was so much easier manipulating Emily's feelings than it was to express her own.
She pushed out her chair, and slowly stood up. She tried to smile as she walked toward her friend, but that invisible weight that had been pushing down on her all day just wouldn't budge. She hated how weak she felt as she stopped in front of the girl, her arms hanging stiffly at her sides. "I'm not safe," she whispered to Emily, her words falling like rocks as they left her lips.
Emily furrowed her eyebrows. "What do you mean? Is someone hurting you?"
"I'm just not safe," she repeated. "Okay?"
Her friend nodded, understanding. She gave her a small smile. "Well, you're safe here. You're safe with us."
Alison glanced down at the name bracelet on Emily's wrist. She hadn't taken it off since the day Ali had given one to each of her friends. She was wearing hers, too, and she remembered distinctly how Emily's skin had very lightly brushed against hers when she tied it to her wrist. Emily cared about her, possibly more than anyone else in the world. And it was nice, but it was also cruel; Alison was cruel. She let out a wavering breath, and stepped back from Emily. "I have to go," she said.
"But you just got here," the brunette protested.
"I know, Em." She turned away from her, and started for the door. "I'll text you later," she called over her shoulder, not bothering to look back as she disappeared onto the porch. She continued down the front walk until her heart was pumping so hard, that she had to stop to take a breath. Her throat was dry, her mind numbing with too many awful thoughts. She felt terrible for leaving without an explanation, but she just knew she had to get out of there. Emily was anything but safe as long as Alison was around her. She couldn't risk her friend's life for her own comfort. She would never be able to live with herself if something had happened to her on her account. Emily didn't deserve to be hurt that way.
Once she was back on her own street, she picked up her pace, determined to make it home before anyone she knew noticed the tears that were now rolling down her cheeks. She locked the door behind her as she flew through the front of her house, angrily wiping her eyes with the backs of her hands. She slouched back against the cool wall, and pulled her phone from her pocket. The screen blurred in her vision, but the words that were written there still flashed across her mind, clear as day.
You think you can keep your friends safe? Guess again—where you go, I'll follow. I'm not finished with you. -A