Disclaimer: The Luggage, Commander Vimes, and Discworld belongs to Terry Pratchett.
A/N: To know why I have to Luggage, read a Rincewind Interview…
Interview with Commander Vimes
By Mrs Grim
Me ~walking around Ankh-Morpork at night~
Luggage ~plodding along, unnoiticed, behind me~
I stop suddenly and something bumps into the back of my leg. I slowly turn.
Me: AHH!
Luggage ~jumps back, embarrassed~
Me: Oh my gosh!
Luggage ~looks hopeful~
Me: Oh, very well. You can come. For now.
Luggage ~leaps beside me~
Me ~walking along~: Hmmm…Let's see…Ah! A street sign. It says…"You are nowe inn the heart of The Shades. Survivale chances: 0.0001% (On a Goode Daye)." Oh. This cannot be good.
There is a snap of wood behind me. I turn around to see a man half inside the Luggage.
Me: Whoa! I saw a picture of you back there! You're Sully "the skull" Sullivan! ~looks approvingly at the Luggage~ You can stay.
Luggage ~smiles and, as it does so, Sully disappears into it's depths~
Me ~a bit sickened~: Well, then. Uh- where did he go?
Luggage ~shrugs~
Me: Okay. I don't want to know anyways…
There is a noise and the Luggage is off after it, like a dog after a bone.
Me: Luggage! Heel! Er- Stop! Uhm- Don't eat it!
A Voice: Get this bloody box off of me!
I hurry around the corner. The Luggage has settled itself on Commander Vime's chest and is looking at him menacingly.
Me: Luggage! Off!
Luggage ~grudgingly obeys~
Me ~helps Vimes up~: Sorry about that!
Vimes: I'm alright…What WAS that thing?
Me: Oh! That was the Luggage.
Vimes ~uncertainly~: Ah!
Me: But, well, since we're here…how about an interview?
Vimes: In the middle of the Shades?!? Are you crazy? It isn't safe here!
Me ~coughs and looked pointedly at the Luggage~
Vimes ~follow my gaze~ Ah, well…Perhaps it is safe…
Me: Alright, then…Firstly, tell me about yourself. Anything new in the life of Commander Vimes?
Vimes ~turns green~ Er- well. I'll be a ~looks a bit dazed and/or sick~ father in a couple weeks…or is it days?
Me ~sighs~ Well, congrats! Are you excited? Thrilled?
Vines ~looks vague~ Uh-
Me: Let's make that totally and utterly horrified. Okay, well, tell me about how you feel having all the adventures you seem to be hurled into. And about your recent dukedom…Er- my Lord.
Vimes ~plaintively~ Please don't call me that.
Me: Okay, my Lor- Just kidding, just kidding!
Vimes ~glares at me and then realizes that I am not intimidated~ My er- adventures and promotions. I just do my job. Sort our stuff… ~leans forward~ But then I get this feeling that Veternari knew all along and was laughing at me the whole time.
Me: Really? I have heard very much about this Veternari chap.
Vimes ~shocked~ Did you just call the patrician a "chap"?
Me: Er- yes…
Vimes: I wouldn't make a habit of that if I were you.
Me: Okay, thanks for the advice! Well, he sounds like a very interesting fellow…perhaps I should interview him.
Vimes ~taken aback~ Um, if you really want to, but I would recommend not getting on his bad side…
Me ~laughs~ Oh! So you mean he has torture chambers and scorpion pits and the like…
Vimes: Actually, no.
Me ~stops~ What?! No- no evil instruments of torture? No horrible dungeons-
Vimes: Those are able to be broken out of ~look proud~ I did once ~frustrated~ But hten I got that FEELING that the patrician could have gotten me out at anytime!
Me: He sounds very crafty…the kind of man to bear grudges…
Vimes ~helpfully~ He won't tolerate mimes. And I believe that he does have a snake pit…
Me: Poisonous?
Vimes: No, I believe it's a grass snake. It's terrible old anyway…
Me ~raises eyebrows~ Oh. ~Thinks about all the information~ That man is positively terrifying.
Vimes ~nods~
The Luggage suddenly stirs and runs up to a building, trying to jump up and climb the wall.
Vimes ~looks on the roof~ Stop thief!
Me ~watches him dash off to the roof~ Er- thanks for the interview!
Screams can be heard. The Luggage creaks over to me.
Me: C'mon luggage. There's things to do and people to be tortured- I mean, interviewed. ~snaps fingers~ And it looks like you're with me. Let's go!
A/N: Ah, yes…well, next one coming…sometime that is…
Mrs Grim
A/N: To know why I have to Luggage, read a Rincewind Interview…
Interview with Commander Vimes
By Mrs Grim
Me ~walking around Ankh-Morpork at night~
Luggage ~plodding along, unnoiticed, behind me~
I stop suddenly and something bumps into the back of my leg. I slowly turn.
Me: AHH!
Luggage ~jumps back, embarrassed~
Me: Oh my gosh!
Luggage ~looks hopeful~
Me: Oh, very well. You can come. For now.
Luggage ~leaps beside me~
Me ~walking along~: Hmmm…Let's see…Ah! A street sign. It says…"You are nowe inn the heart of The Shades. Survivale chances: 0.0001% (On a Goode Daye)." Oh. This cannot be good.
There is a snap of wood behind me. I turn around to see a man half inside the Luggage.
Me: Whoa! I saw a picture of you back there! You're Sully "the skull" Sullivan! ~looks approvingly at the Luggage~ You can stay.
Luggage ~smiles and, as it does so, Sully disappears into it's depths~
Me ~a bit sickened~: Well, then. Uh- where did he go?
Luggage ~shrugs~
Me: Okay. I don't want to know anyways…
There is a noise and the Luggage is off after it, like a dog after a bone.
Me: Luggage! Heel! Er- Stop! Uhm- Don't eat it!
A Voice: Get this bloody box off of me!
I hurry around the corner. The Luggage has settled itself on Commander Vime's chest and is looking at him menacingly.
Me: Luggage! Off!
Luggage ~grudgingly obeys~
Me ~helps Vimes up~: Sorry about that!
Vimes: I'm alright…What WAS that thing?
Me: Oh! That was the Luggage.
Vimes ~uncertainly~: Ah!
Me: But, well, since we're here…how about an interview?
Vimes: In the middle of the Shades?!? Are you crazy? It isn't safe here!
Me ~coughs and looked pointedly at the Luggage~
Vimes ~follow my gaze~ Ah, well…Perhaps it is safe…
Me: Alright, then…Firstly, tell me about yourself. Anything new in the life of Commander Vimes?
Vimes ~turns green~ Er- well. I'll be a ~looks a bit dazed and/or sick~ father in a couple weeks…or is it days?
Me ~sighs~ Well, congrats! Are you excited? Thrilled?
Vines ~looks vague~ Uh-
Me: Let's make that totally and utterly horrified. Okay, well, tell me about how you feel having all the adventures you seem to be hurled into. And about your recent dukedom…Er- my Lord.
Vimes ~plaintively~ Please don't call me that.
Me: Okay, my Lor- Just kidding, just kidding!
Vimes ~glares at me and then realizes that I am not intimidated~ My er- adventures and promotions. I just do my job. Sort our stuff… ~leans forward~ But then I get this feeling that Veternari knew all along and was laughing at me the whole time.
Me: Really? I have heard very much about this Veternari chap.
Vimes ~shocked~ Did you just call the patrician a "chap"?
Me: Er- yes…
Vimes: I wouldn't make a habit of that if I were you.
Me: Okay, thanks for the advice! Well, he sounds like a very interesting fellow…perhaps I should interview him.
Vimes ~taken aback~ Um, if you really want to, but I would recommend not getting on his bad side…
Me ~laughs~ Oh! So you mean he has torture chambers and scorpion pits and the like…
Vimes: Actually, no.
Me ~stops~ What?! No- no evil instruments of torture? No horrible dungeons-
Vimes: Those are able to be broken out of ~look proud~ I did once ~frustrated~ But hten I got that FEELING that the patrician could have gotten me out at anytime!
Me: He sounds very crafty…the kind of man to bear grudges…
Vimes ~helpfully~ He won't tolerate mimes. And I believe that he does have a snake pit…
Me: Poisonous?
Vimes: No, I believe it's a grass snake. It's terrible old anyway…
Me ~raises eyebrows~ Oh. ~Thinks about all the information~ That man is positively terrifying.
Vimes ~nods~
The Luggage suddenly stirs and runs up to a building, trying to jump up and climb the wall.
Vimes ~looks on the roof~ Stop thief!
Me ~watches him dash off to the roof~ Er- thanks for the interview!
Screams can be heard. The Luggage creaks over to me.
Me: C'mon luggage. There's things to do and people to be tortured- I mean, interviewed. ~snaps fingers~ And it looks like you're with me. Let's go!
A/N: Ah, yes…well, next one coming…sometime that is…
Mrs Grim