Disclaimer: I don't own 'The Bill', a girl can dream though…

You Stole My Attention…


A/N: Random idea that came to me last night when I couldn't sleep. Enjoy. I blame the boyish charm and good looks of this damn man…

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"Mel, Mel, hey… get this right." PC Mel Ryder turned as PC Ben Gayle called her name from across the cafeteria. "We just observed the weirdest daylight robbery in the history of, well, ever." He grinned at the PC standing beside him. Nate Roberts looked deep in thought, his eyes trained on the tray of food Mel was holding. She guessed he was choosing between her sandwich and her crisps and thus covered the tray defensively with her free arm. "Okay, get this right," Ben continued, not noticing the food-stare-off, "we attended High Street on reports of a robbery. This woman is standing there, right in the middle of the street, looking flummoxed. So we stroll up, me my usual charming self," he popped his collar and Mel grinned in response, leading them to an empty table, "and this woman tells us she's just had all her belongings stolen. So we ask if she can give us a description. Her words? 'Gorgeous'."

"I believe they were actually 'drop dead gorgeous'," Nate added.

"Right," Ben pointed at Nate with a lazy finger, indicating Nate had the line correct. "So, anyway, we ask if she wants to press charges and she goes 'no… but if you find him could you give him my number?'"

Mel snorted disbelievingly. "Yeah right, you saw that on some TV comedy."

"God's honest truth," Ben said as Nate held up three fingers like a Scout. "It gets better though, one witness heard what she said to the thief. Get this, he's making off with her stuff and she cracks the best line ever…" Mel found her sandwich suspended in mid-air as she awaited the line. "She goes 'you must be a good thief because you've certainly stolen my attention'."

Mel dropped the sandwich to the table with a 'no way?' forced out just before laughter followed. Ben nodded. "Oh man, that's a classic."

"That's a Nate Roberts-style pick-up line." Nate looked proud as he spoke in the third person. Mel just raised an eyebrow at him. "Of course, Nate Roberts' pick-up lines always work."

"Did your girlfriend tell you that?" Mel teased.

"'Did your girlfriend tell you that?' hardy ha ha," Nate mimicked back. "How do your pick-up lines go then?"

"I don't need pick-up lines, I have eloquence." Nate snorted. "But," Mel held up a finger, "if I did use them, they'd be 100 times better than yours."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!" Mel waved her sandwich at him as she made her response.

"You sure?"

"Cer…"

Ben cut her off. "Okay, really, before this argument devolves any further…" he pushed Mel's hand down and shoved Nate back into his chair. "There's only one way to settle this… A 'Cheesy Pick-Up Line'-off." Mel raised a sceptical eyebrow before biting into her sandwich. "Only three rules – all lines must revolve around thievery, breaking the law and stolen items. All lines must go through me before said to the other person. And Loser must buy the winner, and myself, all the drinks they want for 30 minutes after work." Both of them gave him a look as he nominated himself a recipient of prizes. "Hey, it takes a lot of work to put up with that many pick-up lines!" They shrugged and agreed, shaking both of Ben's outstretched hands. "Now, first blows to go to Mel…"

Mel grinned and pulled out her keys. "You can take my car – because you just drove away with my heart."

Ben snorted and held up a single finger. "Mel – 1, Nate – 0. Any response to that PC Roberts?"

Nate just stood. "I'll get back to you on that," he started from the room. "But trust me – when it comes, it will be good."

2 Hours Later…

Mel was leaving the writing room when he caught up with her. "I might be hiding something – you'd be frisk me!"

Mel rolled her eyes. "You've already fallen into gutter responses?"

"Whatever, it's 1 – 1."

Mel shook her head. "I just spoke to Ben and he said to tell you it's 2 – 1 because…" she grinned before hitting him with her one-liner. "Take my house keys and I'll meet you at home." Then, with a wink, Mel turned and walked away.

"I'm nowhere near done with you yet PC Ryder!" Mel didn't give him a response as Nate growled under his breath. "I need another line."

90 Minutes After That…

"You can take my chequebook because I only bank on one thing," Nate popped up from around the corner as Mel came back in from the cells, having booked in a pair of brawling drunks who were now cooling off under the glaring eye of Sgt. Stone. She raised her eyebrows at him as Nate made a love heart on his chest with both hands. "Love."

Mel snorted. "Cheesy and pathetic. Well done." Nate grinned, looking very proud of himself. "However…" she held up three fingers to symbolise she was about to go one-up on him again. "You must be quite a criminal because with you I'd happily do some hard time."

Nate groaned. "Oh yeah, who's the gutter trash now?"

Mel just grinned. "You started it and now I'm finishing it. Ben says the competition finishes end of shift. You have half an hour. Work fast." Then, sauntering off again, Nate was left to figure out one last (winning) line.

10 Minutes Till End of Shift…

"They should lock you up because you look so good it's criminal." Nate burst through the doors into the men's lockers where Ben was finishing changing, his shift having ended just a little before Nate and Mel's. Ben just laughed.

"Mate, that's a classic. Three all my friend."

"How long have we got?" Ben checked his watch and held up ten fingers. "Yes, there's no way she can win this now. She's buying me more pints than she knows what do to with."

"Well, I'm meeting her now. She says she has one last one." Nate's expression fell. "Don't worry, we'll walk slow to the canteen, that way she won't have a lot of time." Nate grinned then the pair made their way (very slowly) to the cafeteria.

1 Minute to Go…

Mel stood before them, staying silent as Ben checked his watch, counting down the seconds. Still Mel stayed silent. "Whatever you're going to say, say it now."

"I'm holding off till the last second to ensure Nate can't get in one last line." Mel gave a mischievous smile, but Nate didn't believe it.

"Just admit you don't have one and then we can all go get changed and go to the pub where you will buy me 10+ pints."

"You've been convicted…" Mel started.

Nate gaped. "What?"

"Ten seconds."

"You've been convicted," Mel repeated. "Thirty years to life…"

"Four seconds."

"No." Nate's grin fell as he realised she had, indeed, one last line.

"Two seconds."

"… at my place." Mel finished her sentence with a grin.

"Time." Ben waved his hand like pit control at a car race finish line.

"She was late!" Nate protested.

"She was on time," Ben confirmed.

"It wasn't funny, it was a repeat of her earlier line about the house keys, it was lame."

"Mate," Ben put a hand on Nate's shoulder. "She won."

Nate just glared at Mel. She simply returned a proud grin.

1 Hour Later (at the pub)…

"Girls?" Mel glanced back at Millie and Sally who were seated nearby. "White wine spritzers?" They nodded and Mel looked back at Nate. "Three white wine spritzers please Nathanial."

Nate looked affronted. "I thought the rule was that I was buying YOU drinks?"

Mel smiled. "And had it been any other night I would buy these two a drink, so as you're paying on my behalf…" Nate decided not to try and work on the logic and instead just frowned at Ben.

"And a pint?" Ben nodded.

Nate returned a few minutes later with the four drinks and Mel frowned. "What about yours?" Nate shook his head. "You're not joining us?"

Nate motioned back to the bar. "There's a blonde back there in need of a laugh, and I have quite a few awesomely-horrible pick-up lines that just might work." Then, with wiggled eyebrows, Nate bounded off. The four figures at the table just laughed.