This is just something I found in one of my old flashdrives. You know, the one without the viruses...So, yeah parodies are fun.

ALL RIGHT, I MAD!!! I just found out about this thing called Fan Fiction and slash….and yaoi…ITS NOT TRUE!!! I do not own a Hat store, I did not steal the tarts… and most importantly: I DID NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THAT GIRL (she's a little brat), OR HARE (eww…), OR CAT…the queen on the other hand…*ahem* THIS WILL SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT!!! I GIVE YOU: THE TRUE STORY!

The Mad Hatter Tea Party: THE TRUE STORY!!!

It all started when I was having an innocent tea party with my two good friends The March Hare and The Dormouse. Now the Dormouse was recovering from a horrid hangover (celebrating the lizards unbirthday.) Anyway, While I was performing my best song to March, an annoying little voice came from nowhere.

"OH GAWD! MAKE IT STOP!"

I looked around and saw this scary looking girl, I mean she looked like a child of the corn, standing by the fence. I looked at the girl, she looked at me.

"I want tea" she said.

"Well, this is a private party, and we haven't any room." I said nicely.

"I want TEA!" she said again, a bit louder.

"But there is no-" but before I could finish, she sat right on the chair next to Dormouse, waking him up and crushing anty (the ant sitting there, not that I cared for him much…).

She once again looked at me expectantly. "Well?"

"Well What?"

"Where is the honey?"

"Honey?" What on earth would she need honey for? "What on earth do you need Honey for?"

She looked at me, shocked. "You can't have tea without Honey!"

I looked at her, shocked. "YOU PUT HONEY IN YOUR TEA!?!" Who puts HONEY in there tea? Honey is for Cars, not people!

"Well, Of course! Who doesn't put honey in their tea?" Me, March and the Dormouse raised are hands. "wow…" was all she said.

I looked down at my empty cup. "CLEAN CUP!!! SWITCH!!!!" I yelled. The girl covered her ears. "OWWW!!!" she yelled, in a voice louder than mine.

When we all had gotten situated, I asked the obvious question "What's the capital of Bangladesh?"

She looked at me as if I was mad (I get that a lot though…) "Are you mad?"

I sighed…then got over it "What's yer name, babe?"

"Alice."

"Nice to meet you Wanda"

"Alice."

"oh, sorry, Brendan."

"Alice!"

"I said Rita"

"MY NAME IS ALICE!!!"

"and I am Bob."

"Oh, forget it…"

I decided to change the topic. "What is the difference between a raven and a typewriter?"

"A what?"

I finished my cup. "CLEAN CUP!! SWITCH!!!"

"Must you do that?" the Dormouse said. After we were all situated, she asked again. "what is the answer to that riddle?"

"I haven't the slightest idea." Awkward silence. "how on earth did you get so ugly?

"Excuse me?"

"I mean really, were you dropped on your head as a child? Were you put into a special summer camp as a child? What was it like growing up, being ugly, in such a cosmetic and superficial world? It must have been hard."

"THAT'S IT!!! IM OUTTA HERE!!!" She stomped off.

"NO!!! LUCRECIA!!!!" then I got over it.

AND THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED!!! No love, no hate, just an annoying little girl. THAT'S IT!!! I'M REGINALD THEOPHALIS THE THIRD, AND I ASSIMILATED POOH BEAR!!! (Cheshire: That's not cool, man)