Intense Longings, a legend of dragoon fanfic

Disclaimer: The Legend of Dragoon is not mine, and neither are the characters in it.

Author's Notes: Yatta! This is the first fic I've ever done for a video game ^_^ It's from Shana's point of view, and it takes place while they are on the Queen's Fury, chasing after Lemus. This is a reflective fic, and this is my interpretation of Shana's character thus far, so please, if you don't agree with me, don't flame. It's not nice. It's rather short, and probably not the best, but I hope you enjoy it anyways! Please, be nice to me ^^;; ~Crimson Goddess~

Intense Longings

by: Crimson Goddess

It's so calm and peaceful. The gentle rocking of the boat from the waves is very soothing. Right now I'm standing starboard, watching the gulls as they fly overhead.

They're so lucky... free to do as they please, without a care in the world. They don't have problems like I do. They don't have to decide what to do about Dart. I do...

But that's the problem. I can't decide. I don't know what to do about him at all. I've tried and tried, but everything has failed. How can I get him to see me for who I really am, and not just as a younger sister he has to look out for and protect? Haven't I proved myself on this journey? I've fought right along side him, became a Dragoon next to him, held my own, and he still tries to protect me from it. I understand he wants to make sure I don't get hurt, but... I'm not a little kid anymore Dart. I've grown up, just like you. Why won't you see that?

...I wonder where Dart's gotten to, anyway? I should probably go look for him. Leaving the birds, I headed inside and started searching for him. I found Albert in one of the rooms and asked him what he was doing.

"The waves make it seem as if the world is breathing. It's very comfortable, so I closed my eyes."

"You're a poet," I teased him.

He merely put his head back down and closed his eyes again, so I decided to go look for Dart elsewhere.

Meru was in another room, on the top bunk.

"What are you doing in here?" I asked.

She sat up with a start. "I'm just bored! You know what? Let's have a pillow fight!"

A pillow fight? No thank you, Meru. A bit too playful for me. Besides, I still have to find Dart.

"Sorry. I'm a little bit busy now," I said apologetically.

"You are boring!" she exclaimed, then flopped back down.

Well, excuu~uuse me! I decided to leave before she came up with any more weird ideas. I went upstairs, almost bumping into a sailor. Passing him, I headed up and crossed over, then entered another room. This ship was big! Much like my problems..

"Kayla! Go report this to the Commodore!"

"Aye aye sir!! Oops! Sorry Miss Shana!" he cried as he ran into me.

Hmm... that was strange. I wonder what's up. I made my slowly across the walk towards the stairs and was halfway down when Kayla ran breathlessly back in. "I reported it to the Commodore!"

"Allright. Thank you," said one of the sailors.

I continued down the stairs and went over to one of them.

"Hey pretty! You wanna sweat a lot and get slim? Oops, don't do that! You don't need to do that! You'll sweat like a pig in such a hot place!! Your pretty face will be ruined!"

Um, okay. What a strange sailor. I think I'll see if the other guy has anything of interest to say. Hmm, on second thought, maybe I'll continue to look for Dart. I backtracked into the room where I'd found Meru.

"Meru?"

"Darn! It's boring!!" she yelled, banging her feet and hands on the bed. Full blown temper tantrum, just like a child. She's way too spoiled for her own good. I've never thought much of her.

Leaving Meru to her fit, I headed out on deck.

"He-hello, Miss Shana!" greeted one of the soldiers.

"Hello," I returned pleasantly. I sat there on deck for a few moments, thinking some more about Dart. I still didn't know what to do about him, and it upset me. If only there were some way. Heh, maybe if I kissed him.. no, he probably still wouldn't get it. I wish I had someone to talk to about this. It was so confusing.

I spotted Haschel on one of the upper decks, and decided to see if he knew Dart's whereabouts.

"Haschel?" I asked the martial artist.

"..."

Whoops. He is contemplating. I shouldn't disturb him. Instead, I headed up into the mast, and immediately spotted him. Here you are, Dart, I thought.

I went over to him, feeling kind of shy. "Hi Dart."

He didn't respond.

"Dart?"

"When humans go to sea, there is a lot to think about. Friendship, love, life, and romance!" Commodore Puler spoke up, startling me. However, what he said was true. I certainly found myself thinking about it. But why was he bringing it up?

Puler saw my confused look and explained. "Probably Dart's heart is wandering in the mother ocean."

I nodded and turned back to Dart. Such a scary face. He is probably thinking about the Black Monster. I wish he'd think about me...

Suddenly Dart seemed to snap out of it. "Oh, Shana..." he said quietly. "Is something wrong?"

I stayed silent a moment, not sure what to say. "I have been thinking too," I told him at last. "About the past and future. And about you and me...."

"You and me?" he asked in confusion. Oh Dart.. if only!

"Eventually, our journey will end," I remind him.

"Yes, eventually. But.... I wonder where we will be?"

"I want to be next to you, Dart," I said softly, taking a chance and hoping I wouldn't scare him off. "But.... nobody knows about the future," I added, turning away from him.

Then I couldn't bear to hear his answer. I turned and ran off, away from him, my heart feeling like it would shatter into a million tiny pieces. A few drops of water made their way out of my eye and down my cheek.

Oh Dart! If only you would see... open your eyes and ears and listen for a change. I kept running until I reached my spot on the starboard deck. There I sat and watched the gulls some more, thinking about Dart while the flow of tears gradually lessened.

Why couldn't he see it? Even after I tell him, he's still so blind... Dart, you idiot. If I didn't love you much, I'd hate you.

Presently Dart came down and over to me. I kind of hoped he wanted to talk about earlier, but instead he asked, "Have you seen Rose?"

Rose... He wanted to talk to Rose, not me... I almost cried.

"I don't know," I told him, struggling to keep my voice calm. "You need her for something?" Please, Dart, don't hurt me anymore..

"Well, it's not that important."

I turned my back on him. I hurt so much...

He tried to approach me, but I shoved him away. I didn't want him to hurt me anymore. "Rose is not here," I said coldly. So he turned and went down below deck. He came back up a few moments later. I guess he didn't find Rose. Good. I hope he never finds her.

I can feel myself beginning to cry again. I'm such a baby sometimes. But it hurts so much. This ache, this intense longing to be with Dart and get him to understand is killing me inside. Why can't he see me how I really am? Why? He's so obsessed with finding the Black Monster and avenging the death of his parents that he doesn't think of anything else. Or anyone else. Not even me. He's so stupid.

But so am I. I'm stupid to think he'd ever understand me, ever return my feelings for him. It's hopeless. He'll always look at me in the same light he would as a little sister, someone to protect and take care. That's nice he's willing to do that, just so as long as it's done in the name of love. At least I'm lucky to have his friendship.

"Oh, you are not with Dart," Albert says, coming up behind me. I jump a litte; he startled me.

"I cannot follow him all the time," I said sadly. "But.... being alone like this .... makes me feels the five years of Dart's absence never happened. We are having a hard journey, but I feel much happier than back then."

Lie. I'm lying. But I don't want to burden anyone else with my problems. It's easiest to pretend happiness.

"I wonder if even a hard journey can be easily endured when you have a loved one at your side."

I let out a sigh. "'Loved one' .... I still don't know what Dart thinks about me."

Albert nodded sympathetically. I shrugged, and turned back to face the water. I heard him sigh, then he ran off.

Not too long after I saw Dart and Meru run by, and I felt hot flashes of jealousy and anger consume me. It seems as if Dart wants to hang out with every girl but me. He really must not like me. God, how that hurts. Dart, you just don't understand. I wonder if you ever will. But until that time, I guess I must be forced to wait and deal with it all on my own. Just.... please Dart. Please understand.

So, uh, how was it guys? I usually don't write fics based on video games, mainly because there's not as much emotion conveyed so you can't always get a sense of how the character feels or thinks. But Shana was a little bit easier. It's pretty obvious she loves Dart, so I just threw in how I thought she might have felt on the boat when she was talking to Dart. I hope it was good ^_^ Ciao, baby!