Set between Chapters 24 and 25 in Catching Fire. This is Peeta's reaction to Katniss's fevered kisses.
The kiss surprised him.
Not that she'd use it as a tactic to shut him up—he certainly knew she wasn't above that. It was the intensity of the kiss that surprised him.
The way her mouth opened up so eagerly, the way her hands clutched at his shoulders and the way she fluidly shifted from sitting next to him to straddling him—Peeta couldn't even remember how that part had happened. And he wishes he did. He knows the kiss is likely to be his last really great memory and he'd like to hold onto every second of it.
He can still smell her on his clothes, feel her hair against his hands, taste her against his lips. He glances over at her, sees her slipping into sleep and cupping her tummy protectively. Is she playing up the fake pregnancy or thinking about being pregnant with Gale's baby? The thought makes his stomach churn and he pushes it aside.
He can still hear her voice as it whispers against his lips, saying, "I do." She whispered it between kisses, as she refused to let him talk about dying. "I do, Peeta. I do." And for a few glorious and heartbreaking moments he'd believed her. It felt like more than a kiss; it was a commitment. Of course, the dramatic irony of "I do" generally following "till death do us part" was not lost on him.
He won't let himself wish for things to be different but his heart aches for it all the same. But it's impossible, even more impossible than it was last year. Nobody gets that lucky twice. And only one person in the Quarter Quell is likely to go home. And Peeta wasn't even sure he could stop the gamemakers from killing Katniss just in spite or by Snow's orders.
When he finally looks away from her, Peeta finds Finnick eyeing him with sympathy.
"Why did you bring me back to life?" Peeta asks.
Finnick smiles playfully; honesty is not for the cameras.
"Your girlfriend is rather deadly. It seemed best to stay on her good side for now."
Peeta nods.
"Well, thank you for delaying the inevitable all the same."
Peeta looks up at the false sky and considers the very real possibility that Haymitch has made a series of side deals with any number of tributes and there's no way to know how it will all play out for any of them. Maybe it's because of his mother's hair trigger temper but he's learned to live with competing feelings and thoughts. Love. Longing. Despair. The sense that there is no control over anything except what's in your hands.
Katniss was in his hands just moments ago. He'd cupper her face, tugged on her hair, pulled her hips down to his and held her tightly. What would have happened if the thunder hadn't broken the connection between them? One of them would have remembered they were on camera or that there were sleeping people nearby. One of them would have come to their senses and put a stop to it. She would have pulled back and pulled away.
He fights the urge to run back to her, to scoop her up, to pick up where they'd left off when the thunder struck. To tell her that she's the best and worst thing that's ever happened to him. That he'd sooner kill himself than let her die. That there is no world without her. If he made it out of the arena without her he'd happily watch Panem burn to avenge her.
She knows all this. He's said most of it to her before. But the kiss has left him unhinged and incapable of focusing on anything but the keen longing he gets when she's out of reach.
It wasn't for the cameras. That's what's making him crazy. She knew he was trying to communicate honestly, despite the arena. He was trying to tell her that it's okay to move forward; there's no need for lingering guilt in a place that gives you so few choices, most of them bad. He was letting her off the hook.
And she knew it wasn't for the cameras. And still she wouldn't let him go, seemed desperate to get closer.
She operates on instinct. He knows her, even if she doesn't entirely know herself. And she grabbed him and kissed him and she wanted him in a way no girl had before. Like she was hungry for more of him. He blushes at the thought, feeling foolish since all of Panem thinks they are married and having a baby and doomed. They're only right about one of those things.
Every attempt at small talk or talk of strategy stalls in his throat. He sighs, feeling as though he's given the gamemakers enough for one night. Surely the steamy kiss is being replayed for all of Panem's amusement. The poor star-crossed lovers.
For the first time Peeta actually thinks the viewers might be a step ahead of Katniss. Tonight he feels like a star-crossed lover.