A/N: So as you may know, I recently wrote a TMI one-shot (Check it out- it's called Cold), and then my mind got working and I started having ideas for a much longer fic based off of that one. So here it is!

Magnus POV

"Alec! Stay with me! Come back, please!" I pressed my fingers to the inside of his wrist, desperate to feel that steady throb of life beneath them. Nothing. Still, his wide blue eyes stared straight upwards, only now they were unfocused, glassy. I felt sick. I was not going to let this happen. He would live, one way or another.

I pulled back the white sheets, exposing his torso. Coarse bandages encircled his stomach, a dark red stain tarnishing them. His skin around them was pale. Too pale. The black marks contrasted so much, making him look even whiter. When I pressed both my hands over his heart, the difference between my caramel skin and his made me wince. Feeling no beat beneath my palms, I began doing compressions. One, two, three, four. I pressed my lips to his, breathing air into him and feeling his chest rise in response. But once I had straightened up, it fell, and did not rise again. I repeated the process, focusing on nothing but bringing him back, making him live again. If I could have given him my own life I would have. As it was, all I could do was keep going. One, two, three, four, breathe one two three, four, breathe, over and over. I willed him to gasp in a breath, to sit up, to blink, anything. I felt weak. My mind was whirling, and all I could think was that this thing beneath my hands was not Alec, that it was a wax doll with Alec's face, and glass marbles for eyes. Alec was alive. Alec was warm. This thing was not. This thing was dead.

I don't know how long I'd been repeating the same pattern, but eventually I felt a hand on my shoulder. I tried to shrug it off, to continue, but it pulled me away from the Alec-doll, spinning me so I met burning golden eyes. Jace. I glowered at him, baring my teeth, but he didn't let go.

"Magnus. Stop." I blinked. "It's over. He's gone." No. No he wasn't. He couldn't be. Not yet. Not now. I pulled away, turning back to the figure that tied my whole world down. He was still in there. Somewhere. But before I could resume my actions, Jace had pulled me away again.

"Let me GO!" I roared at him, and tried to shove him away, but the angel boy was fast, and had dodged me before I could react. I felt his arms restrain mine, and I growled.

"There's no point Magnus! If he was going to come back he would have by now! He's gone! I know, because I can't feel him anymore," I narrowed my eyes at the wall, "There's nothing there. I'm his Parabatai. I should know." At his words, I felt the fight drain out of me, and all of a sudden I felt weaker than an autumn leaf, quivering at the end of a branch. He let go of my arms, and I fell to my knees, my will to stay up evaporating. I felt empty. Like a puppet whose strings had been cut. A high pitched scream pierced my ears, and I saw Isabelle run to Alec's side and scoop his body into her arms, hugging him tight. His head fell back limply as she lifted him off the pillow. Jace pulled me to my feet, and helped me over to his bedside. I saw Isabelle's tear-streaked face as she lay him down tenderly, brushing dark hair back from his face with quivering fingers. As I reached a hand out to touch his cheek, she drew back respectfully, giving me space. My fingertips ghosted over his eyelids, hiding the once-beautiful blue eyes which now just looked wrong. Tracing the contours of his face, I ran my thumb over his full lower lip. It felt soft and familiar, despite the lack of temperature. And then I leaned over and kissed him one last time, gently but desperately, as if my love could bring him back. He died thinking I hated him. Maybe if I proved otherwise he'd find the will to live again. My warm mouth moved over his cold one softly, trying to coax a response from him. Still nothing. I gasped suddenly and uncontrollably, and pulled back, confused until I saw a droplet of water fall to his waxen cheek and roll down his skin. I was crying, for the first time in decades. I stared for a moment as more tears splashed onto his white cheeks, and then I broke. Sobs racked my thin frame as I let my forehead fall to touch his. I clutched his body to mine like a scared toddler hugs their favourite toy, and I cried.

Somewhere in the midst of my grief, I heard Jace's voice as if from another room entirely.

"Someone should say the last rites." Choking on my sobs, and hearing neither Jace or Isabelle approach, I attempted to steady my breath, letting him go and wiping my tears off his face. When I finally managed to speak, I spoke with as much love and meaning as I could muster, trying to put all my emotion into three simple words, words I rarely, if ever, uttered.

"Ave atque vale, Alexander. Hail and farewell." Jace and Isabelle repeated my words respectfully. Placing one last kiss on his forehead, and committing his peaceful face to memory, I pulled up the sheet, and covered his body, steadying my shaking hands.

"Thank you, Magnus. Thank you for coming back. Thank you for trying." Isabelle's usually confident voice was quiet and measured. I couldn't meet her eyes.

"Trying isn't good enough." Before she could respond, I had stood up, and was walking out of the room and away from them. I had to leave. I didn't belong here, and they knew it. I had failed, and now I had to leave.

"Magnus?" I heard a knock on my door, and a female voice say my name. Clary.

"Go away." I hadn't spoken to anyone for a week, and I wasn't about to start now. The Chairman meowed pitifully at me, clawing the hem of my lilac, fluffy dressing gown. "Don't do that. You'll ruin it." The small ball of fluff huffed and stalked off to go find something more entertaining to play with, like a cardboard takeout container.

"Magnus, answer the door!" A male voice this time, strident, annoying and too familiar. Great. He wasn't going to leave me alone until I answered. I dragged myself out of the squashy armchair I had sunk myself in, added my empty coffee mug to the collection of dirty mugs already on the table, and yanked the door open, trying to look menacing and failing.

"And to what do I owe this pleasure?" I sneered. Jace rolled his eyes, but Clary was instantly sympathetic.

"Oh, Magnus, you look awful!"

"Thank you for reminding me, cupcake. Next time I need someone to tell me the obvious I'll be sure to ring you up." I did look terrible. I hadn't bothered with cosmetics or hair products in days, despite the shadows under my eyes and pinched cheeks that simply cried for attention. My hair was loose, a limp black sheet that I had let reach my shoulders, and I probably had zits due to the amount of junk food I'd eaten lately. Normally I would have preferred to be skinned alive than let myself look this dreadful, but I just didn't care anymore. "Now would someone please answer my question?"

"Well..." Clary was blushing slightly and picking at her coat sleeve. "If you want... I mean, if you feel like..."

"Oh for Raziel's sake. It's Alec's funeral tomorrow and we want to know if you'll be there." Hearing his name hit me like a punch in the gut, and for a moment I was silent. "You look like you could do with a bit of fresh air. Don't tell me you've been sat in there watching reruns of Project Runway all week."

"How I choose to pass my time is no concern of yours. Now go away."

"But what about tomorrow?" Clary looked up at me, worry evident in her eyes.

"...I'll be outside the Institute gates at nine AM." And I slammed the door in their faces.

Now to prepare myself for possibly the worst event I'd ever go to.

Yeahhh... I promise it gets happier. For parts. Stick with it :P