Harvey watched Mike's long overdo reunion with the love of his life. He saw so much happiness between the two, causing his guilt to creep back in as it was his fault that Mike was in there in the first place. At least after all the struggles they went through, Mike was finally able to be free and was lucky to have such a loyal and amazing woman at his side.
As Mike and Rachel made their way back to the car, Harvey began to think about what was missing from his life. Sure he had his handsome looks, fancy cars, his name on the wall, but there was one thing missing. He didn't have someone to come home to or care for him the way Mike had Rachel. It was no secret that Harvey Specter was not an expert when it came to love. He thought back to all the flings and one-night stands, even his more serious relationships with Zoe and Scottie. None of them had ever lasted. Zoe moved away without him asking her to stay or following her, and Scottie, there was so much history there. But as much as he cared for her, he wasn't the one for her because he would never be able to give her what she wanted.
Hell, the longest relationship he had with a woman was Donna but that relationship was the most complicated of all. She had been by his side for 12 years, helping him through cases and getting him to where he was today. Sure there was always an attraction between them, Donna was gorgeous, smart and witty, but the other time was the only time those feelings had been acted on. She also made it very clear it wasn't happening again with her rule.
Then there was everything that had happened in the past year. He had said he loved her but couldn't explain how. He told himself it was like loving family but when she left to work for Louis, his whole world came crashing down. Then came the panic attacks and dreams he couldn't seem to get out of his head. He wasn't fair to her but after his sessions with Dr. Agard, he was slowly trying to make things right with her and figure out his feelings. Things were finally starting to feel normal again with her back at his desk.
As the three of them, drove back to their apartment, talking about planning an actual wedding and thinking about next steps, Harvey smiled and laughed along with them, envious of the young man in front of him. Even with having just been in prison, Mike looked like he won the lottery because he got to be with Rachel again. Sure their relationship had rough patches but Mike was never afraid to tell anyone how he felt including Rachel. It was hard enough for Harvey to tell Mike he cared about him let alone explain how he felt to Donna.
As they pulled up in front of the building and got out of the car, Rachel hugged Harvey and thanked him for everything he had done to get Mike out. She then kissed Mike on the cheek, and headed through the doors, up to their apartment.
"Wow, it feels weird being back home. The last time I was, you broke me out of prison to convince me to take the deal".
"Hey, it was a good thing I did or else your ass wouldn't have been back here for another two years".
Mike laughed and then looked up at Harvey, "Seriously though, thank you Harvey. I know I didn't make it easy, but you got me out".
"No you sure as hell didn't" Harvey laughed. "You're welcome Mike".
The younger man stuck his hand out for Harvey to shake but Harvey took it, pulling the man in for a hug. They stepped back after a brief moment as Harvey said, "Alright now get going. Don't keep the woman who loves you waiting".
Mike turned to walk into the building "Ok, ok I'm going. I'm going". Harvey turned to get back in the car, but Mike's voice stopped him. "Harvey… the same goes for you. There's a woman who loves you and who I'm pretty sure, you love too".
"Mike, what are you…".
"Donna" Mike said. "I've worked with the both of you long enough to know you would do anything to protect each other and not just the way you and I would. Plus Rachel's told me a bit about the past you two share".
Harvey was going to get Rachel for that and shot a angry look toward Mike.
"All I'm saying is don't wait around until it's too late. You say you don't have emotions but you do. Tell her how you feel. She'll always be your friend and continue to work for you, but one day you're going to lose her to some other guy forever. Are you willing to risk that? Just think about it, that's all I'm saying" and with that he walked into the building leaving Harvey alone on the street with his thoughts.
He decided to walk around the city to clear his head. Why the hell did everyone have a god damn opinion on him and Donna. Louis was convinced Donna loved him when he went after her on that stupid mock trial and then made matters worse when he knew Donna working for him pissed Harvey off. Then there was Jessica bringing up that Scottie leaving didn't affect him that much. Hell even his own father thought something was going on between the two of them and now it was Mike and Rachel too.
Harvey picked up his pace as he aimlessly walked the bright streets of Manhattan. Sure he had always cared for Donna and her leaving had completely thrown him through a loop but it was because she was different than everybody else.
Then it hit him. She was different from the rest. Like, he told her that night when things began to fall apart, when anyone else lost faith in him it didn't matter but with her, it was different. She was his compass. Guiding him to make better decisions and responsible for him being the lawyer and man he was today.
Things were finally making sense. This amazing woman had been beside him this entire time, caring and protecting him and all he had done was be an idiot for years. How could he be so stupid and blind to his own feelings, that he didn't realize he loved her all along. Not in a family way but a way that when something good happened he wanted to tell her first, a way that he knew what made her happy or sad. A way where his day was better just by seeing her smile. No wonder he nearly lost his mind when she left! He had tried so hard to bury his feelings so she would stay that he forgot they were there and they all came rising to surface when she walked out. Not to mention his stupidity had caused her to find a better man then him. She had been dating that Mitchell guy for a while now and she seemed happy because he could give her everything Harvey couldn't.
As if his body knew where he needed to go, he looked up to see Donna's building in front of him. He had only been there a handful of times but this time he was determined to tell her everything she deserved; the truth about how he felt. Mitchell be damned he had to tell her the truth even if that meant risking what they had together.
He paced out front before finally gaining the courage to push the buzzer. Damn this woman took every bit of his usual facade and had it crashing around him.
After a few seconds her voice came from the speaker, "Hello?"
"Donna, its me. Can I come up?"
"Harvey?" came her concerned voice, "It's the middle of the night, is everything ok?"
"Yes, I just really need to talk to you".
After a moment, her voice came through the speaker again, "Alright, come on up".
He open the door when the lock clicked and quickly made his way up to her apartment. When he finally got to her door, he hesitated taking a deep breath before he knocked.
The door opened to reveal Donna, dressed in leggings, a loose, oversized sweater and her auburn red hair in a messy bun atop her head. As he looked at her, there was no way he thought she could get anymore beautiful then she looked just now.
He must have been silent for a while because she asked, "Harvey, are you sure everything's alright?"
He shook off his thoughts and remembered why he came here in the first place. "Sorry. Yeah I'm ok, I just have a lot on my mind that's all".
She moved, gesturing for him to come inside. As he took off his jacket and loosed the buttons at his neck, he looked around her apartment. It looked just as it did the last time he came to see her but he hoped this time would end better than all the other times.
After she closed the door and joined him in the living room, she went to grab two glasses of scotch from the kitchen. Never in all the years she had known him, had he ever looked the way he did now. His usual collected exterior had been replaced by a vulnerableness she had never seen.
He turned to her as she handed him a glass but remained standing after she sat down on the couch. Donna was beginning to worry because this was a whole new side of Harvey Specter.
After a few more minutes of uncomfortable silence, he finally spoke," All my life I shut my emotions off. I never wanted to be weak".
Donna sat intently on the couch and watched as Harvey slowly walked and looked out the window.
"My mother… screwed me up, leaving so many damn trust issues and I couldn't let people get the better of me, not again. Watching Mike fight like hell for all of us and seeing him with Rachel today," he rubbed a hand over his face, "that kid has so many god damn emotions but manages to come out on top, stronger than before every single time".
Donna couldn't believe he was openly talking about his emotions. Not to mention his mother. She sat there stunned, before she finally asked, "Harvey, why are you telling me all this?"
He suddenly turned, "Because I can't god damn take it anymore!" He looked at her sitting there, waiting for him to say something. His voice was softer now, barely above a whisper, "I don't want to be alone anymore Donna. I thought it was better not letting people in or getting attached, but all its ever done is make me feel like crap and hurt those around me… especially you." He saw her eyes widen slightly and her lips part ever so little. "When you left, I was devastated. I was pissed because yet another person left me. But I realized that it was all my fault again, because I was to big of a coward".
She stopped him then, "Harvey I told you this last time what happened with Mike wasn't just your fault, we were all responsible. As for you and me, it was my decision and were ok now, back to normal" she said as she offered him a small smile.
"Back to Normal? Back to ignoring how we feel?"
"Harvey what…"
He cut her off, "I love you Donna" Finally saying the words he knew he meant all along.
Donna couldn't believe what she was hearing. They just got back to be friends again and now he brought up the same words that had started their problem in the first place. Donna stood up walking away from the couch leaving her back to him. She couldn't deal with this right now. She had just broke up with Mitchell for which she would never admit to anyone, had something to do with him not being Harvey. She had been so pissed at herself and then at Harvey because she knew she would always love him but he had never felt the same. Now he stood in her living room telling her he loves her yet again. "Harvey, we've been here before. I get that you care about me but its how you feel for Mike or Jessica or…"
"Donna" he could tell she was trying to hold back tears and keeping her voice calm. He walked over to her and placed his hand hesitantly on he arm silently asking her to turn around.
She didn't lean away from his touch and turned around to face him. "What?"
They were inches apart now and he could see the water forming in her eyes, the freckles that covered her face down to her shoulders, and the smell of her perfume, the one they bought after beating Hardman the first time. He took a small breath because he couldn't believe how amazing this woman was in front of him, sticking beside him and his stupidity for years.
He took her hands in his and stared at their conjoined hands before he spoke again, "Donna I love you and yes I love Mike and Jessica, hell even Louis occasionally but I'm only in love with you. I think I always have been".
Finally he was saying all the words she wanted to hear for so long. But she could help but wonder why now. Was he just feeling like this because of what they went through with Mike. What if tomorrow he regretted what he said? She didn't know what she would do. If that happened, could they ever move past it? She remained silent as he continued to speak, "I was so scared of losing you, losing what we had, I basically walked you out the door. You asked me that night how I loved you and I couldn't answer but Donna, I can't put it into words. You mean everything to me. You don't take my bullshit, you speak your mind, you make me a better lawyer and better man".
Donna looked up from their hands and into Harvey's face. She expected to see something in his expression that would prove her worst fears right, but all she saw was love and appreciation in his eyes. In all the years she had known him, she had never seen him look at someone like this let alone another woman. It was then that everything fell into place for Donna. She knew he loved her and in the way she had always hoped he would.
Harvey looked back at Donna but couldn't read her expression. But then he remembered and his face fell. Mitchell. She was still with him and he was too late. Harvey couldn't blame her for finding some one better than him. Why would someone as amazing as Donna pick an emotionally challenged man over a guy who could give her everything she deserved. As much as it was going to hurt to let her go, he couldn't go on with her not knowing how he felt. "Listen Donna, I know I'm telling you this all too late and you're with Mitchell now, but I just couldn't go on with you thinking that I didn't love you. I had to see if there could still be something more then friends with us".
Mitchell. Oh lord she completely forgot she had broke it off with him. She had only told Louis and didn't think it was something she had to tell Harvey as they were working night and day to get Mike out. As much as she was so unbelievably happy to know Harvey felt the same, she decided to have a little fun messing with him for waiting so long to tell her. "Right, Mitchell yeah. He's a really great guy".
Once again Harvey felt alone. He was never going to find another person like Donna but he cared too much about her to ruin her happiness. He tired to not let his hurt show as he said, "I understand, all I want is for you to be happy".
Harvey moved to drop her hands and walk away but before he could, Donna grabbed his hands tighter keeping him in place as he looked at her. "Harvey, Mitchell is great but he's not you." Donna was happy to see his sad expression turn to confusion and then finally realization.
"Are you saying…"
"Mitchell and I broke up a week ago" the corners of her mouth turned up in a small smile. "He wanted to move in together but he wasn't the man I saw my future with. I have waited so long to hear the words from you but I started to accept that we would always be great friends but I've never been happier to be proven wrong because," a tear slipped down her cheek and he raised his hand to brush it away with his thumb. She relaxed into his touch and covered his hand with her own, "because I love you too Harvey Specter".
Hearing those words made Harvey's face light up with the most sincerest smile Donna had ever seen. Harvey leaned in pulling her face towards his until there foreheads were touching. It had been years since he and Donna had been close like this. Suddenly he remembered something. He pulled back to look at her, still holding her face, "Wait a minute? You were playing me?"
Donna laughed, "Someone finally pulled one over on the great Harvey Specter. You deserved it seeing as you waited so damn long to…"
Donna sentence was cut short with Harvey's lips covering hers. Her eyes drifted shut as she kissed him back bringing her arms around his neck, her fingers running through his hair. Harvey's hand brushed a strand of hair out of her face before moving his arms to encircle her waist, pulling her closer to him. The kiss was familiar and different all at the same time. He remembered the warmth of her lips and how they fit perfectly with his own while Donna remembered the feeling of having his strong arms around her. Even though they remembered what it felt like, there was so much behind this kiss. Unlike the other time, where they finally acted on their attraction, there was promise behind it. A promise to love the other and develop a life together. When it became necessary for them both to breathe again, they broke the kiss but remained locked in their embrace.
"Wow. I…uh…"
"Is Donna Paulsen at a loss for words?" His signature smirk appearing on his face. "I knew I was good but…"
"Just shut up and kiss me".
Harvey didn't wait another second before he kissed Donna passionately again. Their lips crashing together both desperate for more, Donna's lips parting against his. Before she knew it Harvey had lifted her off the ground, her legs instinctively wrapping around his waist, as he carried her to the bedroom. Without breaking the kiss, Harvey laid Donna on the bed covering her body with his own. They continued to kiss, Donna's hands roaming over his shoulders and back while Harvey moved his kisses to her neck. She let out a soft sigh as he kissed the spot right where he neck met her shoulder. He continued to explore her neck as he ran his hands up and down her body, while Donna's hands went to the buttons on his white dress shirt until she was finally able to push it off his strong shoulders and toss it to the floor. They were both a little older now but it felt like no time had passed between them at all. He wasn't the same man he had been the other time and neither was she but they still fit together perfectly. With every moment they got closer and closer until finally nothing was left between them and the last piece of clothing hit the floor.
Harvey woke to a small stream of sunlight pouring in from the window. He looked around realizing he wasn't in his own room and remembered all that had happened the night before. He had finally gained the courage to tell Donna how he felt and she said she loved him too. He slowly turned on his side to see the beautiful red head asleep next to him. He smiled to himself before moving closer to her placing a kiss on her neck as he wrapped his arm around her middle. She stirred slightly but didn't wake, only moving to pull his arm closer to her. He couldn't remember a time where he felt so happy and loved and it was all because of the woman sleeping soundly in his arms. He didn't know what the future held but Harvey knew that as long as they were together, everything would be ok. With that he hugged her closer to him, settling in as he drifted back to sleep./span/p
