Only Time
Chapter 1 - The diary
07-15-95
Some people pass through life claiming that nothing happens. God, certainly I'm not one of those.
You already had the sensation of that you already knew that from day to day your life has changed drastically. Every day was new, scary, and different. This flux is what I now feel. How did you keep your thoughts straight? How did you manage?
Looking outside looks a bit strange. After all, no one goes through all those years of hatred and animosity to wake up one beautiful day, finding that it was all really love! History having been summarized, in the end that's really how everything began . . .
I remember it as if it were just hours ago. I was just ending my first year at Hogwarts, summer had passed and I was ready to begin my second year. I had a long summer of 'doing nothing,' it was finally coming to an end and I was bored senseless. I had read all of the summer assignments twice, kicked around a couple of wrinkly house elves, and practiced for the upcomming Quiddich season. It was only after having exhausted all other possibilities that I decided to venture though my ancestral home. I had never paid it much attention, it was just the place I lived. Granted, it was better than any other home I'd ever been in, but it was just a house. You have to understand that our mansion is huge and full of traps. My dad lovingly calls them our articles of security. . . I call them great places to get rid of nasty, smelly house elves. We had had large decreases in their number due to these articles. The fact that they were deadly and painful only added to their intrigue, and I was not about to let them stop me from exploring. Usually I am restricted to my rooms, the living spaces, and the library . . . how utterly confining! It was upon that realization that I decided to try to pass, unnoticed, through some of those articles . . . this was difficult to do since my parents had eyes and ears EVERYWHERE!
It seemed too easy. I had already made it to the main hall without bumping into any house elves or ghosts of the family.
The draperies were closed so as to avoid curious looks and prying eyes. I carefully entered the dark dining room. As far as I could tell there was nothing and no one there. Then I noticed something odd. The table had no place settings and it would soon be time for afternoon tea. And upon it enter in the family room, I heard some coming murmurs of the main office. And taken by curiosity, I approached it. After all, I was prohibited of enter, but not of listen in the door.
The voices were indistinct, but one thing jumped out of the conversation after a few minutes, a name. . . Harry Potter. Harry Potter, the simpering git that refused my friendship only to take up with that disgusting excuse for a pureblood, Weasel and that bucktoothed Mudblood. Revolting!
It's not that I offered several times, after a Malfoy is only turned down once... Ever. That exasperating one gained fame by something that happened to him when he was barely a year old, and only survived out of pure luck! That Harry Potter! Argh! But what I heard disturbed me. From what it sounded like, there was danger waiting for Harry Potter when he returned to Hogwarts. Of course I didn't like him, but that doesn't mean that I wanted him dead. Injured a little, perhaps. But not dead.
As much as it disgusted me, I had to do something. But what could I do? Run to Harry's muggle dwelling and tell him? Yeah, right... and face Lucius? No thank you very much! Maybe I could go to Weasel. I could do that, but as I have very nice robes that I would like to keep that way, I
would not be step inside his hovel. It was then that I decided Dobby would go in my place stead.
Who can say
where the road goes
where the day flows
only time
And until this day they think Dobby had the big idea to save Harry Potter! By Merlin! He is a house elf! House elves do not think for themselves, they simply follow orders. And thats what Dobby did, he followed MY orders. He notified that damned Potter and didn't deliver MY name! And in the end everything worked out fine, well, almost everything. The Big One Potter, Dumbledore's golden boy, saved the day and freed my house elf. I could not believe it! Someone tries to help and look what happens! My father nearly had a heart attack when he freed Dobby without knowing it.
And who can say
if your love grows
as your heart chose
only time
My third year passed, and nothing that exceptional happened. I was rapidly becoming a truly great seeker, and I had the best broom that existed, the Nimbus 2001. It was clear to everyone that it was a damned sight better than that outdated chunk of wood Potter was flying. I found
that Potter tended to occupy my thought a disproportionate amount of time that year. It is truly impressive how someone so small can be so damned
exasperating. Anyway, back to the brooms. The House Cup was already in the bag at this point . . . that is until that damned broom arrived. I couldn't see a way out of it, and I decided to deal with things in true Slytherin style. I had been going easy on the little wanker until now, but I would be damned if he snaked that cup out from under my nose. I called Crabbe and Goyle, my body guards as Potter likes to call them. Now, mind you, they are truly good friends, exceptionally stupid, but good friends nonetheless. It was with their divine, lumbering presence that the 'marvelous' idea of us going on to the field as dementors struck me. It was public knowledge that Potter couldn't handle their presence, and I would do anything to win.
It is unnecessary to say that it was the execution of this brilliant idea that screwed us. Crabbe and Goyle no more looked like they were gliding than I was a mudblood. It was atrocious, really. It fooled Potter, though. He nearly scarred us to death, launching that Patronus at us. Correction, he nearly scared Crabbe and Goyle to death. . . Malfoys, after all, are not frightened by such things. We are made of tougher stuff. We don't let our emotions show at such paltry fare as a Patronus.
Who can say
why your heart sighs
as your love flies
only time
Emotion? That day I found out that I didn't have many, if any. I had to remind myself of that almost constantly throughout the next few days. I caught myself thinking of those large green eyes. They followed me wherever I went over the next few days. Those eyes showed so much emotion, they were so different from my own cold blue eyes. I could admit, to myself of course, that it was impressive that his eyes had caught my attention.
It was a beautiful, terrible day when they stopped following me. Despite that, it was extremely difficult to ignore Potter. I felt a deep need for him to notice me. I thought it was a simple obsession, but in time, I found myself roundly misled by that thought.
That year ended, as usual, and I returned to the manor. I found myself lost in thought. . .thoughts centered on a certain boy with horrible glasses, constantly mussed hair, and beautiful green eyes.
And who can say
why your heart cries
when your love lies
only time
I passed the summer thinking of him and praying to see him, even for one short minute, before we would arrive back at Hogwarts. Yes, I prayed! Did you think that I was a heathen? By Merlin! In my family traditions are very important, and should be passed down exactly. And where were we? Yes, at the Quidditch World Cup. I was accompanied by my family, and he by the Partridge family. I mean the Weasley's. It went as it normally did, we meet each other, we insult each other, then we go our opposite ways. What? You thought that I would be civil, because this is what I had prayed for? He is my enemy after all! Someone that I love hate and that I hate to love... wait a minute, where did this come from? Argh! The rest of the year went along. We had the Triwizard tournament, Harry, of course, was one of the champions and, in the end, left as the champion of the tournament. I can't say that I respect the way he was able to pull it off, after all he got help from everyone in all the tests and still arrived at the end. Disgusting, really, that his good will should pay off. When he returned with Diggory's body, claiming that the Dark Lord had returned, I was stunned to say the least.
Potter returned from certain doom, the only bad part was that he was being accused of the Hufflepuff's murder. That all cleared, as it always does with Potter. Being a logical person, I knew that my parents, the parent's of my house mates, and Professor Snape had been there to see it all. . . that they were all, or nearly all, Death Eater's. The Dark Lord had returned, and they were all prostulatizing themselves to him, again. How revolting. My parent's, purebloods, were kissing the feet of a filthy mudblood.
Voldemort was no better than Granger, after all. It should have been a pureblood leading them. Truly disgusting that they should grovel at his robe hems.
It wasn't until I saw Harry on the Hogwarts Express that I saw how truly disgusting it was that Voldemort had returned. Those eyes, before so alive, now opaque. How disgusting.
Then I approached him, and despite wanting to comfort him, I did the only thing that I could: I took advantage of the fragile moment of my enemy. Crabbe, Goyle, and I attacked him. It was a low thing to do, I admit. Nothing less would have sufficed for a Malfoy.
Who can say
when the roads meet
that love might be
in your heart
And who can say
when the day sleeps
if the night keeps
all your heart
When I got closer to him, the pain I saw in those eyes was tremendous. It was the first time in my life I have ever regretted something I have said. I wanted to tell him that every time I'd cursed him, dropped stray ingredients into his potions, or insulted him, I was in fact saying 'I love you'. The realization of this made me sick to my stomach, and I wanted nothing more than to share that discomfort with Potter. However, I didn't. I'm not a 'noble', right, Griffyndor, but a Slytherin. We don't make ridiculous declarations of love in the middle of train walkways. It was while I was lost in my thoughts that Harry reached me.
Night keeps all your heart
Who can say
if your love grows
as your heart chose
only time
And who can say
where the road goes
where the day flows
only time
This is how it went for me, uncovering that I actually loved Harry Potter. Even though I knew I'd never have that love repaid.
Who knows - only time
Draco I. Malfoy
End of chapter 1
AN - This is the english version of the fic that I originally wrote in portuguese. English is not my first language, and all I know of grammar is the basic. I don't have a beta or anyone to translate it for me, so if you find any error please let me know so I can correct them.
Thank you all for reading ^^