Big Daddy Lincoln Loud was cooking meth in his room when the door burst open behind him. "Lincy?" Lola moaned, a kneading edge of desperation in her voice.

Oh, hell no. Lincoln turned in his chair: She was standing in the doorway, her pupils wide and her messy hair sticking out at funny angles. Dark bags hung under her eyes and she twitched. "Bitch, did you really just come up in here without knocking?"

She blinked, balled one gloved hand, and knocked on the door. "Lincy?"

Lincoln's Mighty Pimp Hand started to glow, and waves of respect filled the room. Lola instantly understood where she had trespassed. "Big Daddy?"

"That's mo' like it," Lincoln said. "The fuck you want?"

Lola came over...then dropped onto her knees and balled her fists like she was praying to God – which she was. "Please, I need a fix. Please, please, please..."

See, Lincoln didn't pimp out his younger sisters – the fuck you think he is, some kinda pedophile? Instead, he made them sell drugs. Lola got hooked because she sampled the stock – a crime for which Lincoln already whooped her little ass.

"Hmmm," he said, stroking his chin. "How bad you want it?"

"I'll do anything."

Lincoln grinned. "'Ight. Go punch Lana in the face."

She jumped up, and while Lincoln watched, she stole Lana in the jaw: Lana was standing at the head of the stairs, and she fell with a cry. Sounded like someone rolled a bowling ball down the steps.

He gave Lola a fix – then his dick started getting hard. "Mah pimp senses is tingling," he said. Something was going down and it needed his attention. He went into Lisa's room. She was sitting at her computer. "The fuck's wrong, Dr. Frankenho?" Lincoln asked, leaning on his walking cane. He was wearing his purple suit, his hat (with feather) and a mink stole. He was looking fly. "I know something's up. My dick is tingling." He studied the rings on his fingers. One was from the Super Bowl. He found the biggest, baddest football player and took it right off his hand. That nigga thanked him.

"It seems," Lisa said, "that an alternate version of yourself has stolen an alternate version of Lynn from an alternate reality and is keeping her in another alternate reality."

Lincoln blinked. "Bitch, I speak two languages: Money and Pimp."

Lisa sighed. "Some wack ass nigga done stole yo' shit."

Lincoln couldn't believe what the fuck he was hearing. His right hand started to glow, and every pussy in twenty miles got wet – even Lisa's. She looked down at her lap. "I seem to be –"

"Bitch, this ain't about you, it's about me. Some fake ass, frontin' ass nigga done took my shit and Ima get it back."

Fifteen minutes later, Lincoln, his back bowed and his knees bent, walked through a portal and into an alternate reality. He was standing in the hallway. Leni came out of her room: She was wearing a simple green dress and holding a knife. Her eyes were wide with madness and her hair stuck out. She saw him and grinned.

Lincoln cringed. "Bitch, what the fuck is you doin'?"

"I'm hunting mice," she grinned, "wanna help?"

"Is you crazy, bitch?"

"Crazy about you." She started coming forward.

Shaking his head, Lincoln transferred his cane to his left hand and flexed his Pimp Hand. Leni stalked forward, raising the knife. When she was close enough, he slapped the taste out her mouth. Absolute Respect and Understanding flowed through her, and her crazy ass mind cleared. Lola, Lana, and Lilly, all of whom were dead, instantly came back to life and started selling themselves for Big Daddy.

"Forgive me, Big Daddy," Leni begged, "I don't know what I was thinking."

"Ima fo'give you...dis time, no come on, we gots to find my shit."

Big Daddy Lincoln and Ho Bitch Leni went back through the portal. On the other side, Lisa was standing behind a computer wearing some kind of punk ass Nazi uniform. Lucy stood on one side wearing a red armband, and – the fuck? – on the other side was another Lincoln. He wore black boots with red laces and a tank top. Check it: This nigga had a swastika tattoo.

"Dear God," Lisa muttered, "he's..."

"...a pimp," Neo-Nazi Lincoln said distastefully.

"Dat's right, and ya'll work for me now."

Lisa raised a gun and fired, but Lincoln spun his cane: The round ricocheted and blew Lisa's teeth out the back of her head. Nazi Lincoln and Nazi Lucy gaped. Fifteen minutes later, they were on the corner in fishnet stockings. "Trans-dimensional pimpin'," Big Daddy said with a nod.

His shit was still missing, though.

They went through the portal again, and found themselves in the woods. An alternate version of himself was picking berries when another alternate version of himself came up and started fucking the first. Another version came up and started fucking the second.

Lincoln's jaw dropped. "Oh, hell naw!" He walked up and brought his cane down on Lincoln 3's head so hard that the fabric of time itself ripped, and he and Leni were sucked into a world where Lynn was standing on a corner in fishnet stockings. Lincoln's dick started tingling again.

"Bitch!" Lincoln cried happily. "I done found yo' ass!" He hugged her tight. "Now come on, let's get the fuck up outta here. You got work to do."

In his own timeline, Lincoln put extra Lynn and extra Leni out on the street, doubling his profits. "Hmmm...I got me an idea."

He went back through the portal and came to a world where another version of himself was blindfolded and feelin' titty in Lori's room. All of the older sisters were there, and gaped when he showed up. "The fuck is this shit?" he asked.

"Hi, Lincy!" Leni cried happily.

"Shut yo' mouth, bitch. You speak only when spoken to now."

He took all the sisters back to his world, and took a fat piss on blindfolded Lincoln. In another world, he saw another Lincoln slap another Leni with his dick. Leni cried out and ran away; Lincoln Crip-walked after her, snatched the back of her dress, and brought her to his world.

Now his living room was full of new. "Ya'll hos now," he explained.

"But, Linc," Luan from titty-feelin-world said, "I wanna save my –"

Lincoln's Pimp Hand glowed.

"Nevermind."

"That's what I thought. Now get yo' asses out my house and start makin' me money."

I stole AberrantScript's Yandere Leni from My Only Sunshineand his sisters from To Know His Sistersand The Bodacious E's Leni from Got You With My Weenie. Plus, I got my Lynn back.