Progress For The Sake Of You

The Beginning

Lately, I've been thinking a lot. What am I supposed to do now? The worlds are saved, and Kairi, Riku, and I are back on the island, safe and sound. So are all our other friends and I'm sure they are happy on their own worlds returning to the lives they led before Darkness overtook so many hearts and worlds. However, that's not the same for me. Before we left the island, Riku, Kairi and I were trying to figure out how to do exactly that; leave! Sure I didn't expect any of the 'saving the world' part, but we were successful in our mission. I traveled all over the place and met so many new people in different worlds, making new friends.

Now, coming back to the island to have our happy ever after, isn't working out as I hoped. I am bored. We've all gone back to school, where I am three years behind and therefore failing miserably. I miss all my new friends. They are closer to me than any of the people here, except Riku and Kairi. No one knows what happened to the whole galaxy here except those two. It's so lonely; there's a big hole in my heart where everyone I cared about it missing.

I feel like it's a big weight on my shoulders. Where is the happy, carefree Sora? Where is the short, positive, and talkative kid everyone knows? People have even been asking me about it; well, everyone except Riku. He hasn't even bothered to ask, which for some reason makes me hurt more. I miss my best friend. It's like we had a bond again after getting rid of the Nobodies, and we were on a good understanding. But then, he decided to leave my life again! This time, I can't tell myself he's just lost. This time I'm not even a mile away from him, yet I can't get through to him at all! I think I would be happy if I just had Riku back. Then I would know I belong. Then I would be able to live here on this boring island.

- - - - -

Two Weeks Later

"Sora…. Soooora… SORA!" My head snapped up like I was slapped. That's a good description of how I felt at the moment too. I looked over, and Riku's face was abnormally close to mine. He used to do this to me when we were younger to freak me, so I'd back off and be alert. He should know by now that doesn't work; I just yawned, and asked him sleepily, "Why did you wake me up?"

"Obviously because it's 2 P.M. on Saturday, and you STILL haven't gotten up! How late did you stay up last night writing in that book?" he said, pointing to my journal.

"Till about 2 A.M. That's not too late though, so you can't give me a lecture on it." I said a little irritably, looking away. What did he care how late I stayed up?

"Sora, that's 12 hours of sleep! That's not even healthy!" he said.

"What do you care? I just like sleeping, ok?" I said, getting angry now. Why won't he leave me alone?

"Sora, I've known you for 17 years now," he said softly. The tone made me look at him again. I suddenly felt a pang of guilt; he looked worried about me, and a little hurt. He continued, "I know you better than anyone. You've never really cared about sleep. You would rather go outside and do something. Why have you been acting so weird lately?"

My anger flared again. "Maybe I've changed or something!" He looked at me in disbelief. I felt like a fire had erupted in my stomach and inside my head. Glaring at him, I exploded, "It's so boring here! I can't understand what's going on with the people or school work here. No one here except you and Kairi are even my friends. Yet, even as I say that, both you and Kairi are slowly abandoning me!" I paused from my angry rant; my eyes were tearing up. The last thing I wanted to do was cry in front of Riku. I continued, "Why do you even care? Ever since we've gotten back here, it's like you've forgotten that we're best friends! It's like suddenly you don't even care I exist anymore anyway!" Perhaps I have been bottling this for too long.

"You aren't the only one who's suffering, Sora! I understand how you feel, ok? I…" He looked like he wanted to say something important, but then thought better of it. Before he could say another word, I asked, "What are you hiding from me? Why are you abandoning me?"

He again looked like he was struggling for words. He finally said, "I'm not… ready to tell you. Sora, please can we just… go do something fun today?" He looked pleadingly at me. Something held me back from yelling, or arguing. There was something in his eyes that held me back, and it killed my anger. I sighed, and gave in; I couldn't harm Riku even if I tried, and it's not like this is the first time he's held something back from me.

"Alright, but promise me something…. Tell me eventually what's wrong all right?" He nodded, and said, "Come on, let's go."

Yawning, I nodded back and got dressed. When I was delaying leaving by brushing my uselessly spiky hair, eventually Riku dragged me out of my house. Then I realized that Riku has never gone to my house before like this. He's been over when we were young of course, but he hasn't lately. He's never woken me up before either. Maybe that's my fault though. I usually am up at the crack of dawn.

We went to the beach, though I'm not sure why. Memories of fighting heartless and flashes of this world in ruins came back; I winced a little. Riku didn't see it though; he was scanning the shore line with a look of haunting. I'm not the only one with painful memories here… in fact we share one.

I decided to get us both out of the past and put on a smile, since Riku seemed to need it. I plopped myself down on the sand, and pulled him down too by his hand. "Hey!" he yelped in indignation. I laughed at his surprised face. "Lighten up!" I said.

"You've no where to talk, Sora! Out of all the people, you would be the last person I would assume to be serious and depressed." I would've been protestant at that, if his tone hadn't been light. In his own way, he was trying to console me. He recognized what I was going through; that's all I needed. With Riku, you had to read in between the lines. In my mind, you couldn't ask for a better best friend.

"So," I start, "Met any girls lately you want to go out with?" I couldn't understand why, but I was genuinely worried about his answer. I didn't want him to get too wrapped up in another person… but if the girl made him happy, I would accept it for him.

He sighed, "No. All of the girls here are naive and shallow. And…" He didn't finish his sentence, but I was too relieved to ask what the rest of the sentence was."What about you?" he asked me after a moment of silence.

"Oh…" I said. I hadn't even thought about liking someone. "No… I like you're answer. None of them could make me happy." The only one who can make me happy is you, anyway. I thought. Suddenly, I felt alarmed. Wait… what? I thought it over more, and the statement was right… but was that really... natural? Why is my best friend, who is a guy, making me feel so strange? These thoughts make it seem like I like him. I almost laughed out loud at the thought.

"What in the world are you thinking about, Sora?" Surprised, I looked at him. Oh, if he knew what I had been thinking about… He looked at me in an amused expression. He continued, "You are horrible at hiding things." My heart skipped a beat. "Come on, spit it out."

I shrugged and said jokingly, "Oh, I was thinking about the wonderful weather… it's just so nice…" Riku growled and tackled me. Somehow I knew this was going to happen, and I wasn't complaining. Wrestling and fighting with Riku was something normal and comforting at the same time. It made everything seem like it was going to be ok.

He won this fight; he had me pinned. But we didn't move, and why wasn't I fighting back anymore? I just sat there staring at him; my smile slipping off my face, but a frown didn't replace it. I was just stunned. I suddenly felt like I wanted to kiss him. But that's ridiculous! I'm not gay; I don't like guys!

But I couldn't deny that his eyes were deep, beautiful, and entrancing. I couldn't deny that his lips were tempting, and his skin looked soft and touchable. I couldn't deny that my heart was skipping beats, and my stomach was full of butterflies. What is wrong with me? I had no reply to the voice.

Suddenly, the moment ended, and he was off me. I just sat there, now staring at the grey puffy clouds and the darkening sky. "It's going to rain." I said plainly.

"I noticed." So we were going to pretend that moment didn't happen. Ah, what if all the emotions were just felt by me? I'm such an idiot; of course someone like Riku would never think of me like that. Hell, I don't think of him like that!

"Hey, Riku?" I turned my face to him. He was looking at me with a weird expression but I continued on. "What are we supposed to be doing now that we're 'normal'?" I felt nervous asking this question. I always felt like I shouldn't reveal these intimate thoughts to Riku; I didn't want him to think I was stupid. Though, even when I try to hold something back from him, I end up telling him anyway.

He sighed, and looked at the sky. "I don't know, Sora. I don't know." And with that, he got up, and walked away.