A/N: I know everyone is wondering what was running through Sam's mind at the end of the last episode, so here's my take on the little scenario.
Would love to know what you think!
Happily Ever After.
It's that's kid fault. His words playing over and over again in his head, reminding him of one of Sarah's old broken musical jewellery boxes. The same tune, the same meaning, carved over and over again into his memory.
They'd ended up back at hers after their shift, both ready to settle in front of the tv with a beer. It hadn't taken too long before she had shifted into a more comfortable position across his lap, even less time before she had fallen asleep. That's when it started.
'I just wanted to be with her.'
'I tried to fit myself into her life.'
'I thought I could make her happy.'
'I should've known it wasn't going to work.'
It's stuck, engraved in his memory. The confession played over and over again. The words play harmonically, every note hitting a nerve within him. His hands work in tandem with the repeated lyrics, his calloused fingers painting the song onto her arm whilst the others wind their way into her loose brunette locks.
'I just wanted to be with her.'
God knows he wants to be with her. It's been written all over his face for the past two years, alerting everyone within the division. He'd never seen it coming. A crappy lock and an overeager rookie hurled him head first into the madness that is Andy McNally. He'd try to remain professional, with the occasional snide remark and smirk, but it hadn't lasted long. He hadn't even the last first shift in fact and he can't help but wonder what would have happened had they kissed that night at the penny.
He'd shrugged it off at first. He'd been surrounded by the men of gungs and gangs too long and the attraction to his pretty young rookie was just his conscious telling him he needed to get laid.
But the months went on, he lost her to the detective and she was destined to live out her happily ever after, no matter how badly he wanted her. Then came the blackout, and if he wasn't hooked before he sure as hell was after that taster. But he let it go, shrugged it off as 'it was what it was' and she ran off to the cabin with her knight in shining armour.
He yearned for her, all the time. Watching her with him, wishing it was his own arms she was wrapped in.
But it doesn't matter now, the ache and want and pain – it doesn't matter. Because now she's lying in his arms, completely at ease and ready to make a life with him.
'I tried to fit myself into her life.'
'I thought I could make her happy.'
And now he's trying, trying real hard. He wants to be what she wants, what she needs, but he knows she has a plan. This happily-ever-after plan all mapped out and now he's trying to fit himself to the mould of her prince charming. He wants to give her everything.
'I should've known it wasn't going to work.'
He wants to be that person for her, but he can't commit yet. It's too good to be true and now he's just waiting for her to realise that he isn't her prince charming; that she chose wrong.
He learnt early on in life that there's no such thing as happily ever after. There's always something waiting around the corner, something ready to pounce, ready to rip the happily ever after out of your grasp.
Sarah had yet to find her happily ever after. God knows if anyone deserves one, it's her. So he refuses to believe it. Refuses to believe that he'll get his happily ever after before Sarah does.
So he holds back, slows the process down. He doesn't want to set his hopes too high, he doesn't want to put his whole heart in it until he knows for sure this is what she wants. But he knows it's too late. His heart, his mind, his soul - it's all in it. It's all fighting to fit, to mould into what she wants.
'I just wanted to be with her.'
'I tried to fit myself into her life.'
'I thought I could make her happy.'
'I should've known it wasn't going to work.'
Seeing that girl recoil from that kid today, the kid who put his whole life on the line for her, it's terrified him. He could jump in head first; lose himself in the deep waters – allow himself to become completely and utterly lost to her.
But what… what if two months down the line she backs down. A better offer comes along, a new job opportunity – does that mean he's left in the dust, like that kid? What if a better man comes along? A man that fits that picture perfect prince charming mould, a man that slides perfectly into her happily-ever-after plan – what happens then?
She left last time. Some pristine white-shirt told her to stay away and she listened. No, she ran. She ran away to throw herself out of a plane and buy an oar. Is she going to do that all the time? Every fight, every issue – is it going to be too much for her?
It's terrifying, to think that someone else is going to run out on him again. So he withdraws, doesn't let her in quite yet. He's scared that when he finally lets her in, lays all his baggage out in a mess on the coffee table, that it's going to be too much. That she'll give up, go find her prince charming.
He sighs to himself, his body relaxing into the couch whilst his hands continue their ministrations upon her soft skin. His eyes flicker down to her, her plump lips slightly parted, her eyelashes fluttering slightly against her skin as she dreams. She moves slightly, pressing back into him – searching for his comfort – and so he shushes quietly, the pad of his thumb sliding the flecks of her fringe out of her face.
He doesn't know what to believe now.
Are the fairy-tale happily ever afters even attainable in the real world? 'Cause when he looks down at the girl sleeping in his lap, he can't help but have that glimmer of hope. Hope that maybe they are attainable, maybe Sarah will get her happily ever after and maybe he'll get his too.