Title: Whatever It Takes
Author: Kristen
Pairing: NH
Disclaimer: Don't own a thing, all mistakes are mine.
Spoilers: Based off season five, follow up to Never Enough. Takes place at the end of 5.12
Summary: "When everything seems to have fallen apart, will Nathan and Haley do whatever it takes to pick up the pieces and fix their family?" One shot, follow up to "Never Enough."
Author's Note: I don't know where this came from or why the idea decided to plague me today, but here it is. A big, big thank you to Emma for all of her help! xx
This is dedicated to Molly. Hope you get to feeling better sweets!xx
He sat quietly on the chair in the corner, face in hand as his fingers laid heavy across his mouth; relief and exhaustion flooding his body as he watched Haley pull the covers back, laying Jamie in her -their - bed before repositioning the comforter tightly over him. She walked around to the other side of the bed, his side of the bed, her eyes seeming to never leave the child and climbed on top of the covers, bringing Jamie's small frame close to hers. He watched with tired eyes as her body shook with small, silent sobs, the anxiety of the day surely taking its toll, and he was taken back to a mere few hours ago when they'd been in Jamie's room, her petite frame shaking with sobs not as silent as they both feared for the safety of their child.
He stood from his seat, quietly making his way around the side of the bed, toeing off his shoes before laying down beside his son, scooting in so that Jamie was all but sandwiched between his parents. Once he was settled in, he risked a glance at Haley, startling a bit when he was met with her intense gaze.
He didn't say a word, just continued to stare into the pair of brown eyes that he'd loved for as long as he could remember. After a few minutes of silence, he rested his arm around Jamie, catching her hand with his and intertwining their fingers which she allowed for a brief moment before pulling away, sitting up; careful as to not wake the slumbering child between them.
"It's late Nathan, you should probably head back to Luke's now." She said quietly, running a soft hand through Jamie's hair, looking everywhere but at her husband. She knew he'd protest, knew he'd want to be there with them tonight, and if she was being honest she wanted him there too, but she couldn't allow him that; not right now, not when things between them were still so off kilter and undecided.
"Haley you cannot be serious." He stated just as quietly, sitting up so they were once again at eye level. "I know you don't want me around, I get it, I told you a few days ago I would give you space but right now would be an exception don't you think?"
"Nathan," she sighed, risking a glance at the blue eyes she'd always had such a difficult time saying no to. "I just think it'd be best. I mean I know you probably think I'm a horrible mother but I can take care of my son on my own and–" she started in a defensive tone. She knew he'd never in a million years ever suggest her incapable of protecting her child, and she knew he didn't blame her. But she knew her husband and she knew the best way to get him to leave was to start an argument, unreasonable and unfound as it may be.
"God Haley I know that, I know you're more than capable of taking care of our son. That's not what this is about and you know it! Don't start that shit with me, not tonight!" he bit out, his voice rising above a whisper.
"Don't you dare shout at me Nathan Royal Scott! If you'd let me finish instead of interrupting me-"
"Well stop assuming dumb shit like that and I won't have to interrupt!" he cut off again, watching her eyes narrow and her brow arch as if to say 'excuse me?'. He sighed, running a tired hand down his face before waving it in front of him. "Fine, finish."
"Thank you. Anyways, I was going to say Lucas probably needs you there, he went through a lot today Nathan, he could use some support." She finished, knowing it was a lame reason, one that he would most assuredly argue with her on, but she couldn't deal with him -deal with them- tonight.
"Haley look, I love my brother and I hate what happened to him today and I'm going to be there for him through all of this because he'd do the same for me. But right now, you and Jamie are my priority. Actually, you're always my priority." He reasoned, but at her look of doubt he sighed, glancing down at his son. "Can we maybe move this conversation elsewhere? He's had a long day and I don't want to wake him."
"No!" she all but shouted, one hand immediately flying to cover her mouth as the other tightened its grip on Jamie's hand. "I don't want to leave him."
He watched as tears once again flooded her eyes, the pain and fear in them weighing down on his already heavy heart. "Hales..."
"Nathan please, don't make me leave him, I can't leave him." She whispered, a rebellious tear rolling down her cheek before he caught it with his finger.
"Baby, I know. But we need to talk and I'm not leaving until we do, so either we don't talk and I stay…or we talk and I stay." He tried at levity, a weak smirk gracing his face, and it widened as the corners of her mouth lifted slightly.
"Well gee, since you've left me with so many options." She replied sarcastically, once again looking down at their boy. "But seriously Nathan, I don't want to leave him. Can we take it to the chair in the corner?"
"If you think we can talk about this without you yelling at me." He pressed, a smile forming as he watched her fix her mouth to protest before giving in and huffing out an agreement.
Running their hands softly through the boys hair once more, they both got off the bed, Haley settling in the chair, legs pulled up to her chest, chin on her knees while Nathan sat on the ottoman, elbows on his knees, hands linked tightly together in front of him.
They sat there in silence for a few seconds, his gaze seeming to penetrate a hole through the floor while her's wandered between his pensive face and the child sleeping on the bed. "You wanted to talk Nathan, so talk." She snapped, regret filling her instantly when he lifted his head, tears shining in his eyes.
"I don't, I mean, I'm not sure…I really don't know where to start." He answered, the weight of the day, hell the weight of the past several months, taking its toll.
"Well I can't help you Nathan." She replied softly, remembering the days when it was so easy to offer him a kind word or two and make everything better for him, them. Now she was at a loss, she didn't know if there was anything she could say to fix this, if there was anything he could say to fix it.
"I know, and as easy as it would be for me to let you help me, I can't." He sighed, pausing to collect his thoughts before continuing. "I've screwed up a lot Haley…seems like I start every speech to you that way doesn't it? Which I guess goes to show that I don't have the best track record as a husband…or a father for that matter. You were right today, I should've been there to protect him and I wasn't and I completely understand you being mad at me and blaming me for what happened –"
"Nathan!" she gasped quietly, a fresh wave of tears pooling in her eyes as she realized what he was getting at. "You think I blame you for Jamie being kidnapped?"
"Well, yeah. I mean, why wouldn't you Hales? Even if it's not directly my fault, I'm the reason that bi-" he cut himself off, eyes traveling to the boy sleeping behind him. "that psycho was in our house to begin with."
"Nathan, there are a lot of things that went wrong and a lot of things I'm angry at you about, but that's just not true. We needed a nanny." Haley reasoned, the urge to reach out to him almost overwhelming as she realized he'd put this whole mess squarely on his own shoulders. "I hired her."
"Yeah because I couldn't get my shit together and stop sulking. And even if we did need her, I let her stay, knowing she was…growing attached or whatever. I was so set on getting things back to good with you and basketball that I completely brushed off the flirting and look at where that's gotten us."
"I really don't want to talk about her Nathan. Or about the things that happened with her. I just…I can't." she whispered brokenly, her insecurities rushing back ten-fold at the mention of the woman that helped to further tear their family apart.
"Hales we have to. I have to fix this, fix us because we cannot keep living this way. I can't live without you and Jamie, I refuse to baby. I love you both so damn much and I've really sucked at proving that, but I do, you know that don't you?"
"Yes Nathan, I know you love Jamie, I just –"
"And you." He interrupted. "I love Jamie and you. We've been through a lot but my love for you has never wavered Haley James, you don't doubt that do you?"
"Haley, do you?" he pressed again, her hesitance to answer the question putting him on edge. He'd made more mistakes than he ever thought possible, and he wouldn't blame her for a second if her love for him had faltered or changed, but he didn't think she'd ever doubt his love for her.
"I don't know…no. I just, Nathan, things are different." She provided, her confused glance meeting his.
"God…" he breathed out, his eyes closing tightly in pain as he realized she did question his love for her. And if he was truly honest he could understand why, he hadn't been the best version of himself for quite some time. "How long?"
"What?" she asked confused.
"How long have you felt like this?" he asked again, needing to know how much time, how much hurt, he had to make up for.
"Nathan, drop it. I know okay, I know you love me, I do. I just-" she sighed, shaking her head in defeat when she saw the determination in his eyes. "I don't know. Since you started getting closer to Carrie I guess."
"What the hell do you mean 'closer to Carrie'? It's not like we were drinking buddies or something Haley! Hell I didn't talk to her unless it was about you or Jamie." He answered, his temper attempting to get the best of him.
"Well she was always around you Nathan! It seemed the less I was around the more she was! That night at Tric at the bar, swimming with you and Jamie in the pool –" she began. Anger at the memories of watching her family interact so closely with a woman that wasn't her bubbling to the surface.
"You were helping Mia, or at the studio Haley! I told you! I told you I wished you were home more!" he implored, his volume increasing before noticing her glare to keep it down.
"So, what? Its my fault now Nathan? Its my fault you kissed Carrie because I wasn't around. Its my fault she was in the shower with you because I wasn't around, huh? Is that it Nathan? Its my fault you don't love me anymore because I decided to have some semblance of a life outside of school and Jamie and you?" she let out, almost to the point of hysterics as he sat there, face frozen in shock.
"Haley, baby-" he started.
"Don't 'baby' me Nathan Scott, don't you dare. You wanted to have this conversation so lets have it. Our lives have been nothing but hell since the moment you went through that window, Nathan. And I know that it's been hard for you, and I thought we were finally rounding a corner ya know? Finally getting back to us and to where we used to be. But then all this shit with Carrie happened and we're back to square one! And, God Nathan, I thought my heart was going to shatter when I walked into that bathroom and found you both in there-"
"Haley, I didn't-" he tried again, though he knew it was futile as she cut him off with a raised hand.
"No. And I know Nathan, I knew deep down that no matter what we were going through you wouldn't do that to me. I'd convinced myself of that. But then I find out you're still hiding things. Kissing her, watching her swim naked and what am I supposed to think Nathan?"
"You're supposed to believe me!" he interrupted again, not giving her the chance to continue down a road that would lead to a dead end. "You're supposed to know that no matter what, I love you more than anything in this world and I wouldn't do a damn thing to risk losing you or James! God Hales! I've loved you since I was sixteen, sixteen! Doesn't that count for something?"
"Love fades, Nathan." She said softly.
"What does that mean?" he asked just as soft. "I mean if you…if you don't love me anymore then that's a completely different conversation Haley." He suggested, the mere idea twisting his stomach into knots. " Or, not, I don't know. Maybe that doesn't even warrant a conversation because you deserve better. You always have. Jamie too."
"Nathan, that's not what I meant. Jamie loves and adores you and that's never going to change."
"And you?"
"I love you Nathan. That hasn't changed since I was sixteen, but things are different now. We're different now and we're so far from being who we were and who we could be that maybe it's best if we cut our losses. We just keep hurting each other Nathan and I can't stand it anymore."
"Who would it be best for Haley? It wouldn't be best for Jamie, and it sure as hell wouldn't be the best thing for me. I love you so damn much I can't stand it sometimes and the idea of not having you in my life is just unfathomable. I messed up, I know that; God, I know that more than anyone else. And I know I'm always asking for a second chance and always apologizing…I should buy them in bulk right?" he tried weakly, earning a small, bitter sweet smile from the brunette across from him.
"Hales, I'm trying. But in order to show that to you I need to be here, I need to be home, with you and with Jamie. I know it's not going to happen over night or fix itself, but I can't fix it if you don't give me a chance to."
With a sigh, she turned her gaze from his, back to their boy on the bed. Over the past few weeks she'd come to terms with the fact that her declaration of divorce was a rash decision, one made in the heat of a horrifying moment. So she herself didn't quite understand why she was still holding Nathan at arm's length. She loved him, God, she loved him; always had. But the pain of the past few weeks, the past few months, had culminated and now she was overflowing with mixed emotions.
"Hales." She heard him whisper, breaking her out of her daze. Her eyes traveled back to his; the pleading, the longing, the hurt all shining through, begging her to meet him half way.
"Hales. I need to come home. I'll sleep in the guest room; hell I'll sleep on the couch, I just need to be here. " He said, his voice more firm, more insistent. "I need to come home…let me come home."
She continued to look into his eyes, eyes that she'd loved for the past six years, and sighed. Looking back on it, she'd made her decision before they'd really even started the conversation. She wanted him home, Jamie wanted him home, but she needed him to want to come home. She needed him to fight for her, for them; for all that they'd lost. So as the corners of her mouth lifted into a small smile, she nodded.
"Y-yes?" he questioned, the surprise and relief evident on his face. "Yes I can come home?"
"Yes Nathan, you can come home." She confirmed with a small nod. "We need you here. But I think it would be better if you stayed in the guest room...at least for now."
His smile faltered a little bit but to his credit he nodded acceptingly. "Whatever you need baby. Thank you so much Hales."
"We still have a lot to work through Nathan. I looked into a marriage counselor." She mentioned quietly, unsure of how he would feel about talking to a stranger. His last encounter with a counselor wasn't exactly smooth sailing. "I think it would be good for us. I know you don't like that kind of thing Nathan, but it won't hurt us to try once and-"
"I'll do it Hales." He answered.
"You will? You'll go see a counselor with me?" she asked, shocked at his readiness.
"Yeah. I told you baby, whatever you need, whatever it takes to make this work again, to get us back to good, I'll do it." He answered again with a smile, leaning forward, resting his forehead tentatively against hers. A sigh of relief pushing past his lips when she didn't pull away. "I love you Haley James. You and that boy back there mean the world to me and I will do anything to prove that. Thank you for giving me a chance baby, I love you so much."
Pulling back, he placed a kiss on her forehead before walking back to the bed, leaning down to leave a light kiss on the top of his son's head.
"Nathan?" he heard her call, turning around to find her once again snuggled up with their son on the bed, the picture they made warming his heart.
"Yeah hales?"
"Would you, I mean, just for tonight of course but uh, would you mind staying with us?" she asked timidly, a light blush covering her cheeks.
Smiling sweetly at her, he once again settled himself next to his son, wrapping his arm around them both, finding Haley's eyes as his head hit the pillow.
"There's no where I'd rather be, baby."
