Alright, a few notes before we get started. Um, well I planned for this story to actually be a short little one-fic yet somehow it became so big that I thought I might have to split it into two books. Instead I decided to just mark the two parts. Some of you are here because I mentioned this book when I updated my Harry Potter Elite series so welcome! If you are then you've been reading my stuff for a while so you kind of have a better grasp on my writing style so I hope you can enjoy it despite my inevitable mistakes.
And let me make a point of noting that no matter how many times I seem to edit my story or beta it or what ever, there will be mistakes that I missed, I try my best so please don't be obsessive and rude about grammatical mistakes because I will ignore you at this point. Just enjoy the story okay? Don't bum me out with 'I hate this' or 'This story is stupid' if you have some actual criticisms that pertain to character development or plot line development then I will listen. If you hate this story, keep it simple, 'I didn't like it' and then move on to another story without being rude to me.
As always I enjoy those reviewers who keep me on my toes and ask questions so feel free to send me a PM or write a question in a review, I will get back to you when and if I can. Try not to ask me what is going to happen next? I won't tell you because I don't want to give it away:)
Ah Yes, this story is complete and sitting in my archive so no need to worry about waiting for me to finish it, I will update when I update my other story which is usually once or twice a week if I can.
Love you all!
Mistress Slytherin
WARNINGS:
HOMOSEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS
NOT FOR THE EYES OF THE YOUNG
VIOLENT SITUATIONS
BLOODSHED
AU
MAJOR CHARACTER DEATHS
DOMESTIC ABUSE
Let me know if I missed anything?
PART 1
Chapter 1
Setting the Stage
"What are you saying Watari?" Light's voice was dangerous cutting through the exclamations of the team. Watari looked at the young man before him with a solemn gaze and no small amount of fear. Seeing that look, the darkness lurking in Yagami's eyes- suddenly he could see how it was L suspected Light.
"Light-" The boy's father even looked hesitant, unsure of the intensity roiling off of Light. More than once they'd thought of how he could never be Kira, he was too kind, to bright and shining- but they could see now that the light was black and glowing in an entirely menacing way.
"L has been abducted." Watari said dutifully. "And he has left you to take his place as L Yagami-kun." He said with a tilt of his head.
The others started up with their exclamations again, trading theories and generally acting human- all except Light and his father. The two men had dark looks on their faces, foreboding cold looks that found each other and settled in a cold charge of silent willpower. Watari watched them briefly his own worry pushed away by the look they shared. Light nodded briefly at his father and turned suddenly and abruptly on his heel causing a sudden and swift silence.
"Mogi I need you to look at CCTV feeds from the last hour we need an exact time ratio-"
And he was off. Watari felt his breath catch at how quickly Light managed to have the team in hand. Whoever had taken L had better beware- Yagami was coming for them.
But the question was, was it Yagami or Kira that wanted L back so badly?
Watari resolved to watch Light-kun much closer.
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L woke slowly his head pounding and his eyes flinching from the bright fluorescent light.
"Sensei-" A woman's voice caught his attention and he looked down in horror at his chest which was cut open and hooked our baring his innards. Everything was garbled and horrified and he couldn't think. He was restrained and in absolute agony and-
A horribly familiar laugh filled his war chilling him to his core.
"B" He breathed. "You're dead." He rasped his mind shifting and sluggish.
"Wrong!" Red eyes came to view though L was sure he couldn't move his head. His heart was pounding in terror.
"Kira killed you!" L protested. Oh god was this hell? Was he in hell?!
"Yessss, but I came back, I'm not normally normal you know." He sing-songed. L gasped as the woman doctor cut into him continuing her work without a care. The pain was becoming unbearable. The tugging slice before the abrupt agony of skin falling apart at the scalpels prodding. B let out a hiss his eyes narrowing as he gripped L's hair and focused his dizzy attention on him.
"I want him. I want Kira, he is the only one who will understand and I know that you know where he is L. So tell me, tell me where my god is or I'll let my friend here twist you until you lose what makes you human." L's eyes widened. Shit…shit, shit, shit, shit! He knew Yagami Light would be trouble-
"ARGAAAAHH!"
-but to be fair he hadn't accounted for B being alive still. How had he survived Kira's kill? Was there a way to stop it? A way to save people from Kira?
Another scream ripped through his throat and the pain was unimaginable. He'd been tortured before, but this was different. His own body was becoming the enemy-
He twisted his head as another shout was ripped from him.
Whatever happened, he couldn't let B and Kira anywhere near eachother.
Light was his, Kira would be his and he would rather die than let B get his sticky fingers on Light-
"ARGAAAAHH!"
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"Light-kun it's been a week." Chief Yagami said to his son in exasperation. "You haven't slept at all have you?" He demanded. "Nor have you eaten- Light this can wait-" Light's gaze flickered up at his father his hands hesitating over the keys on the keyboard for a brief moment and the team watched as their Chief flinched back from his son's gaze. There was something there, something between them that had changed and they could tell. The chief spun on his heel and stormed out of the room muttering furiously to himself.
He was right to be worried though, the rest of them had all gone home, stopped to eat at least, but not Light, his stamina was nearly inhuman. An entire week with absolutely no sleep and hardly anything outside of coffee and a single take out container that his father had all but forced him to consume- even then Light had continued to work shoving food into his mouth with none of the grace he usually displayed.
Matsuda glanced at Mogi whose jaw had become stiff.
The investigation on Kira had ground to a halt, the killings were still happening and they were doing nothing about it because Light was more focused on retrieving L. Light was blind to the world out side of finding L and Light and L were perhaps the only people that could find Kira.
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"Light-kun you need to look at this." Mogi said softly breaking the silence. Light was out of his chair and across the room in a flash. He stared at the screen for a long moment his gaze critical and discerning.
"You think this company has kidnapped L?" He said tilting his head to the side. The team tensed. It had been a month and three weeks since L had gone missing, Light was relentless as ever but the team had made a unanimous decision that finding and stopping Kira was their priority.
"No, we think this company might have a way to find Kira, look at this list of deaths-" Light blinked rapidly and frowned deeply before straightening and taking a step back.
"Son-" The chief looked old, older than time and tired from watching his son's slow descent. Light was pale, gaunt and there were dark circles under his eyes.
"He doesn't mean anything to you does he? He would have given his life up for any one of us but you don't care." He said shaking his head.
"Light, finding Kira is the reason this team was formed we can't just stop-"
"No!" Light's voice was loud and sharp. "I don't care if some maniac is out there killing criminals! L is my friend! If we give up on L, if we stop looking for him when he's still out there than that makes us no better than Kira!" He roared, then just as quickly as the silence fell the fight seemed to go out of him. "If we can't look for our friend then what are we?" He said firmly.
"A police investigation team." Light's father said his arm crossed. "A team that was started to find and capture a mass murderer." He said sternly. "To do what's right." He said with a nod. Light's expression turned hard.
"I should have known. That is so like you father, focused on the target not caring who fell by the wayside, not caring that you haven't seen your wife or children for weeks at a time, not caring that your partner-"
SLAP!
The other's gasped at the fire in the chief's eyes burned violently and Light, week from exhaustion stumbled at the force of the blow.
Click.
Watari held the gun steady pressed against the chief's skull.
"Watari?" Yagami said his eyes flickering though he didn't chance to move.
"Are you well Light-kun?" Watari said calmly a hard look in his eyes. Light nodded slowly.
"Yes." He said wiping a trickle of blood from his chin. They watched as he straightened and faced his father.
"For once you are going to listen father." He said softly. "You abandoned us for your work and we supported you, I admired you and did everything I could to gain your attention, to make you proud, we all do." He said lifting his chin. "But what you don't see is the way mother cries when you're gone for weeks, or the way Sayu used to forget that she had a father when she was little. Now look at me father, I'm just like you." He said holding out his arms. "I haven't gone home, I haven't paid attention to my family, and my eye is on the target. I won't let anything distract me. If you have a problem with that, if you can't work with me to find Ryuuzaki then fine- leave. I don't even care any more." He said shaking his head as he turned and moved back to the screen.
"Watari are you going to just let him split up this team? Everything L's worked for so that my son can be selfish? You know that L is probably dead-"
"I think Chief Yagami that you should leave this building." Watari said stiffly the gun dropping to his side easily before he turned slightly to Light. "Tea Light-kun?" He said lightly.
"Please." Light said his voice gruff.
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"What do you think?" Matsuda said his voice low his eyes nervous. They'd left the office to escape the tension for a while but they were all thinking the same thing.
"Light-kun is right." Mogi said stiffly. "But so is the chief." He said with a sigh. "The reason we joined L was to catch Kira," He said toying with a sugar packet restlessly.
"But L…" Matsuda said quietly looking away.
"I've worked for the chief for ten years now, I'm not about to abandon him now." Mogi said with a nod. Matsuda frowned but nodded.
"I haven't, the Chief is good I know, he's the best, but Light-kun is right to look for Ryyuzaki-san." He said staring into his coffee. "I mean, if we don't look, who will?" He said quietly. Mogi smiled slightly.
"You're right, there is no shame in wanting to stay with Light, I'm not saying I don't agree with him, but I want to catch Kira. I think Ryyuzaki-kun would have wanted the same, Light-kun doesn't see it that way though, Light-kun has lost his best friend- you saw how close they were despite L accusing him of being Kira." He said. Matsuda stared into his tea and sighed.
He only hoped that Ryyuzaki-san would see how far Light-kun was going for him when this was all over…
#$%^#$%^#$%^#$%^#$%^
"No, no, noooo!" B shouted as he stared in at L. L was thin, too thin and his eyes were empty, he was beyond responding outside of pained whimpers and the occasional flinch. B threw the monitor at the doctor who just barely managed to dodge it letting out a scream as she did. "You weren't supposed to break him! You were supposed to make him better!" He snarled at her.
"Kira will be displeased." Came the low frowning voice. B spun around to face the large winged shinigami. "I took a chance coming to you instead of following his plans, he won't like that you've destroyed L." Rem said glaring darkly.
"Kukuku- he's gonna be pissed Rem." Another Shinigami said with a wide sharp-toothed grin. "And after all the trouble I went through to bring this one back to life." Ryyuk said laughing softly. "Looks like you lose the bet. Now his plan is ruined and Misa-Misa can never remember you or the Death Note. Kukuku." He laughed staring in with wide yellow eyes at the pale too thin form. "Whatever happens to Misa-chan is no longer any concern of ours- well, it's time to find Light and give him the Note-kukuku-things just got more interesting hyuk-hyuk-hyuk." Ryuuk said grinning.
"Light?" B said with wide eyes.
"Yeah, you'll meet em' soon enough." Ryuuk said flapping his wings.
"What about the other Death Note?" Rem said looking very sad and weary.
"Let Light decide once he has his memories back." Ryuuk said with a shrug before flapping away.
#$% #$% #$% #$%
Light felt a chill travel down his spine making him shiver visibly. He glanced behind him the glow of the monitor casting an eerie glow on his face. Matsuda was fast asleep at his monitor; none of the others had come back so the rest of the room was empty. He turned back to the computer and rubbed his eyes. The lack of sleep was playing with him, making him feel paranoid. He sighed and stood stumbling to the couch and collapsing down on it. Just a few hours…that's all he needed…
Ryuuk waited until Light's breathing had evened out and cocked his head to the side at the sight of the swollen purpling bruise on Light's cheek. Someone had really decked Light…With a grin he slipped a claw into Light's hand pressing a piece of paper into his palm.
Light's eyes shot open and he screamed.
"Huh! What huh!-" Matsuda startled awake and fell out of his seat ungracefully as Light arched and twisted letting out a shout. Matsuda blinked at him in slow shock before scrambling towards the couch and shaking Light. "LIGHT-KUN!" He said looking like me might feint. "Wake up Light-kun it's just a nightmare-kamisama what do I do?" He said when Light didn't wake up right away. "Watari!" Matsuda said with a gasp before scrambling out of the room in a rush.
"Kukuku…"
Light opened his eyes a crack his gaze annoyed.
"Rem didn't want to go along with your plan; she thought you were going to kill Misa-chan so she made a bet with me." Ryuuk said with a smirk. "If she won you would have lost your memories permanently, if she lost Misa-chan would lose her memories permanently." He said grinning. Light looked furious his gaze murderous because they'd ruined his carefully laid out plan. Ryuuk just shrugged. "Hey, I told you, I don't follow anyone's orders, I'm not on your side or L's side or even Rem's side." He said easily.
"Light-kun!" Watari gasped storming into the room completely oblivious to the shinigami he was about to walk through.
"Oh, and I know where L is. I'll take you to him if you get me some apples." Ryuuk said with a grin.
"Are you alright Light-kun!" Watari said his eyes wide. Light was looking at Ryuuk though.
"Yes, fine." He said before blinking and turning his gaze to Watari. "I had a nightmare- I-I think I might be able to find L." He said with a nod.
"Kukuku…"
#$% #$% #$% #
"Right here- pull into this driveway." Light said frowning. Everything was mixed up in his head. Why was he bothering to get L? He could leave him there, and if Ryuuk was right L would die soon without Light ever having a hand in it. Watari glanced at him from the rearview mirror his gaze slightly worried.
"A dream Yagami-kun?" He said as they pulled into the garage.
"I know, it sounds stupid, but he's here, I know it I-I can feel it." He said rubbing his face. Really he was a mess, he'd dropped a disgusting amount of weight and his color had suffered as well, his clothes looked baggy on him and his eyes were rimmed with dark smudges and red irritated lines. But he had to get L, if only because L was hisenemy to torture-liar, he's your friend you've allowed him to come close when he shouldn't have.
"Eto- Light-kun I know you must be exhausted…" Matsuda said quietly. Light shook his head.
"I'm not crazy, it doesn't make any sense but I know he's here." He said rubbing the space between his eyes where the beginnings of a migraine was beginning to make its self known. Watari simply nodded his head in acceptance and parked the car. Watari climbed out of the car and opened the door for them allowing Light to climb out first his eyes wary at the sight of the empty car park.
"I don't like this…" Matsuda said quietly as he climbed out. Light frowned but followed Ryuuk towards the elevator. Why was he doing this? All he knew was that he didn't want L dead any more- which was ridiculous, L was the enemy. But what if he wasn't? Light frowned. He'd always been alone in his genius, people tried to befriend him but he'd been used so many times that any relationship had become fake. They wanted something from him, all of them wanted something from him, but L didn't need anything from him, not really. He grit his teeth. No, he couldn't be wavering now, not after everything!
"Light-kun you look troubled." Watari noted as the elevator rose.
"I don't understand this." He said gritting his teeth. "It isn't logical." He said scowling. Watari smiled slightly.
"If you will pardon me saying Light-kun much of what we are dealing with makes no sense. Kira makes no sense, how can a person die miles away without any physical evidence? Is it something unseen like the electrical current that occurs when you turn on a light switch? Who knows, but if it helps us find Ryuzaki I think we can keep the questions for another time and just accept it as a good thing." Watari said with a nod. Light frowned. He'd never thought to ask what Watari thought, the man was mostly just a shadow and Light found it easy to underestimate him.
"Kira doesn't make sense?" Light said frowning.
"When you strip all the mystery away anyone intelligent could be Kira, what makes Kira hard to catch is the lack of evidence." Watari said with a slow wise nod.
"He has people who worship him as a god though." Light said hiding his anger. Kira was god! He was justice! He was- He was tired and haggered and looked as though he was in need of a decent meal and some real sleep. He stared at his reflection for a moment longer before shaking his head.
"So did Julius Caesar, so did the Egyptian pharaohs, people are keen to worshiping people yet using these two examples it is clear that all empires, even Kira's will end. I only feel sorry for whoever is masquerading as Kira this time." Watari said. Light grit his teeth.
"Why?" He said tightly.
"Because he is alone." Watari said softly. "And he will continue to be alone until he reaches his own untimely end most certainly brutal death. The people will turn on him like the tides Light-kun and when he is found he will be torn down and trampled on." Watari said regretfully. "Such a waste of a great mind." He added shaking his head as the elevator doors opened. Light felt himself pale at Watari's words. He could picture it now, the great men and woman of history- all dead, all fallen. He wasn't immortal, he had the power to kill from a distance, power from a Shinigami…but it wasn't his, not really, he was human and he could die. A shiver of fear rippled through him as they stepped into a room that he supposed was probably meant for security purposes but there were no guards.
"Watari-san…" Matsuda said frowning but Light pressed forward slipping through the glass. He needed to make sure L was alright, he needed to see for himself that L was alive. Why? Why did he need L to be alive? They stepped through another door and Light glanced up noting that the camera was off, the red light absent. Matsuda pulled out his gun and the click seemed to resound in the air as he took a defensive position behind Light his eyes sharp.
"This place was full when I left." Ryuuk noted his wings flapping loudly as he gazed around. Light glanced up at him and frowned. "Just through here…" Ryuuk said over his shoulder as he slipped through the wall above a solid looking door. Light swallowed. L…the only person that could keep up with him- was that why? Because L was a challenge? Light had always admired the rumored Detective, the super sleuth and at the same time he could admit to being jealous of the man his own father admired so much more than Light. The door slipped open and they were greeted with what looked like a medical lab, flat steel tables with straps on the sides, machines that he could only guess at the use of all around the room. A woman sat on top of one of the tables a steel tray beside her with surgical tools all lined up neatly in a row. In her hand was a syringe the needle embedded into the crook of her arm where the sleeve of the white lab coat had been rolled up.
"Where is he?" Light demanded. The woman looked at them one at a time before settling on Light.
"I have a message from B. B apologizes to Kira for stealing L and insists that B didn't intend to hurt L but to fix him, to make him better. Unfortunately L would not tell B where Kira is so B will have to find him." She said her skin turning slowly gray. Light grit his teeth and strode forward anger boiling in his gut.
"Where is he? Where is L?" He demanded not caring that her breath was growing short. She turned her head to the side where a large object sat covered with a white sheet.
"I'm sorry." She whispered. "But B would kill me in far worse ways." She said with a shudder. Light ignored her and strode to the sheet gripping the cloth and tearing it away.
It was a cage.
A large framed cage with thick Plexiglas walls and small holes for breathing.
Large dark eyes were staring at him silently and Light felt himself flinch inwardly under the blank gaze.
He had done this.
In Kira's name.
L…
"You need the key card to get in." The doctor said from where she was slumped forward with Matsuda and Watari checking her over. Watari snatched the card from her pocket and tossed it to Light who caught it deftly and slid it through the slot opening the door.
L didn't even move.
He just kept watching Light.
Light walked slowly to the flat cot where L was sprawled out naked and covered in healing wounds. He looked like a doll that had fallen apart and was then stitched up again. One long cut from his sternum to his groin and then from his right ribcage to his left and again from just above his right hipbone to just above his left stitched back together in neat but crude stitches. Light knew they were more medically advanced than this, no these stitches were meant to leave a mark. The insides of L's arms were positively pulverized by needle marks and thick finger shaped bruises and his wrists and ankles were still cuffed to the cot horribly bruised and bearing teeth marks where L had tried to chew his way out. Light swallowed thickly and knelt beside L.
The great detective L.
The man who was the only real match for him.
This was his fault.
Suddenly this was all very, very real.
His fingers trembled as he lifted them only to halt when dark eyes closed in preparation for pain.
He had wanted to kill this man.
But for all their games L was the only one that had ever been completely real with him. And he was the one that had been fake. He choked silently and gasped as tears welled in his eyes and pour down his cheeks.
"Light-kun?" Matsuda said completely stunned and unsure of what to do. Light let out a choked sob and wiped the tears away roughly before pulling his heavy coat off.
"No one touches him except Watari-san and I." He said gruffly as he reached out and gently- more gently than he thought himself capable of, pulled the cuffs from L's wrists and then his ankles. L trembled but said nothing and didn't struggle when Light slipped the coat around him tugging it until it was snug.
"Shall I call for a doctor to examine him?" Watari asked coming into the door of the cell. L stiffened at the mere word 'doctor' and Light pulled him closer, protectively the slight frame even smaller now.
"No, no more doctors." Light said softly.
"But he could be sick Light-kun." Matsuda reasoned.
"And Miss Takeo is dead, we cannot question her." Watari said gruffly as Light lifted L's slight form and cradled him to his chest.
"Check the computers they wouldn't have deleted the data they've gathered if he was this unimportant to them." He said stepping out of the cage. "No doctors, no needles and no restraints." He said calmly and coldly.
"As you wish Light-kun." Watari said with a nod. "Shall I call a team to sweep the building?" He asked softly his tired worried eyes on L's shivering form.
"Yes. Do you have a set of clothes for Ryuuzaki?" He questioned as they made their way through the security areas and to the elevator.
"I have a set of your clothes prepared; I apologize for not having the foresight to bring clothing for Ryuuzaki." Watari said with a slight bow.
"It's okay, I know you didn't believe me, but we have him now, that's all that matters." Light said. He just wanted to be out of this building. He didn't understand why L had such an impact on him, it was still a mystery even for his startlingly quick mind, but L was important and Light had hurt him. Before Light wouldn't have cared, before he'd given up the death note he'd been willing to sacrifice even his own family if it meant creating his utopia. So what was different now? It hadn't even been all that long that he'd been away from the death note and yet here he was, staring at L and knowing that he would remember how thin and frail L was the next time he even thought of using the death note. Light watched L and realized that he felt protective over him, more than he'd felt over anything even his prized watch or the set of expensive law books his father had gifted him with. Light had never felt so possessed by anything before, even the death note.
Even the death note.
It was possessing him, fulfilling his whims and providing an easy answer to a complex problem. The note was like a drug he realized, it was addictive and he was too far in this game to pull out now. But he wasn't any average person, he was better than that, he didn't need the note. He didn't need Ryuuk, but at the same time he wasn't willing to let go of his memories again…was he? He looked down at L again who was sleeping heavily against him his breathing shallow and frightened even in his sleep.
Getting rid of the note was unthinkable; he'd be powerless without it!
He'd be nothing without it.
Watari's words from earlier rang true suddenly. In the face of a beaten broken and battered L Light couldn't deny it. He was nothing more than an intelligent young man without that book; L would have never paid attention to him if it weren't for the death note. Hell his father wouldn't have paid attention to him no matter how good his grades were in school.
He had to look at it logically.
And when he did, when he really did, using L's frailness as an anchor against the blindness and all the excuses he had come up with- he realized what this was really about. He wanted to be acknowledged. Not by empty people or distant school directors, not by the clamoring hands that all wanted a piece of what he could give them- but by L and his father, the two people who inevitably meant more to him than anything else. It was like a slap in the face. It was worse than a slap in the face and for a moment he couldn't help the tears that fell again. He hadn't cried in so long…he'd learned not to cry; people would latch onto it, see it as a weakness and exploit it. He'd faced the cruel realities of the world and held a stoic face to it. But he'd never faced himself had he? So proud and naïve, so full of ideas about justice and gods and so tired of being at the top while never quite reaching everyone's expectations- he stood an a gulf of expectations and saw himself, Kira, dark, uncaring- alone. There were hands in the darkness, in the gully between them there were the lives of thousands that were broken and ruined by Light's carelessness. For the first time he looked down and saw them, the way they clamored over each other rotten and full of malice their hands reaching out to drag Kira into the pit- and he was scared, so scared for the first time to see what he had become, what he had tried to ignore because the truth was too much to bear.
"Light-kun..." Matsuda said sadly beside him. Light blinked away the tears. It was all too late now wasn't it? He'd ruined it all, been stupid, thought he knew what he was doing when really he didn't- L did though and he supposed that's why he respected L so greatly.
It was going to change, he would change it. He would fix L, get rid of the note and actually work to be acknowledged. He lifted his chin and gazed Kira in the eyes before slowly turning and walking away. As he walked a shadow formed beside him, curved hunched over and pale, shadowed eyes looked at him calmly…L…Light breathed deeply as the doors to the elevator slipped open-
"Freeze!"
Light turned with a gasp at the guns pointed at them his only thought to shield L-
There was an explosion of sound that left his ears ringing, and then a searing pain. Light felt everything fade in and out of focus.
He could hear shouting, more gun fire, more pain. But L was safe wide eyed and frightened, but Light's body was covering him.
"-safe L, won't let them hurt you." Light managed as agony rose in him the shock of it wearing off though he was still dizzy with the intensity of being shot. There was blood on L's chest and Light panicked at the sight of it before realizing that it was his own blood.
Was he dying?
Did it matter?
Had he really made a difference in the world? Had he made his mark so that he would go down in history like all great men?
L's eyes stared into his as Light grew lightheaded.
Yes, he'd made his mark…as a criminal, a murderer, and the destroyer of L, the one person who had managed to get past his walls and become…a friend without him ever noticing it. A friend that he'd betrayed.
"Sorry, Ryu." He managed when his arms gave out from under him and black seemed to swoop down in one dizzying cloud. "Sorry L, my fault, my fault…" He murmured before the pain, the knowledge, everything faded away.
#$% #$% #$%
Light faded in and out clinging to a place that was neither here nor there. Sometimes he would feel himself being moved, hear odd sounds or want to scream as pain raced through him unstoppable and spreading. He knew wakefulness only a few times but almost as soon as he knew it, the sensation was gone again. He knew there was shouting at one point, and movement, people shuffling around- hurting him. At one point he wants nothing to do than to retreat from the pain. It hurts so badly, why can't he just die? Instead he feels it more sharply, again and again as though someone is telling him that he's not allowed to die and it hurts frequently enough and intensely enough jolting through him agonizingly until he gives in and lives gasping for breath and blind as an eerie whining sound rings into his ear before turning into a rabid beeping and then at last steadying as some floaty feeling washes over him.
For a while he stays this way.
He remembers that Ryuuk had once said that he wouldn't go to heaven or hell but somewhere between, trapped in nothingness. Was this it? It wasn't so bad he supposed….he felt…nice…at ease for the first time in a long time. He didn't have to worry about Kira, or L or criminals and doing what's right. He could just be. He sighed restfully the sound echoing around him. His mind was calm, buzzing with inconsequential information and…it was nice…He laughed softly, the deep sound sending an ache through him that brought on a flash of real and absolute pain. It took him a few minutes to be calm again but when he was he was struck again by the thought that at one point he'd been so bored by this same silence that he'd sought to rid the world of evil. Muddled thoughts of L and the team flittered here and there; they'd had some good times hadn't they? On this little adventure, fighting Kira, working with L a mind that was finally on his level- But L had been better than him hadn't he?
He smiled wryly.
L had seen more of the world than Light, had been more exposed to the cruel realities and had come to some other level of maturity. Light sighed. He'd once been described as a plant from a greenhouse, sheltered and grown under specific conditions- oh he'd seen crime scenes, he'd seen what humans were capable of, but perhaps there was something he was missing…Perhaps…there was more.
He didn't want to spend the rest of his life running away from L.
If there was even an L to chase after him.
He felt a sharp pain at that thought. Such a brilliant mind, the only one that could keep up with Light, the only one that was better than Light and it had been stunted because of Light. It was a crushing weight on his chest, a bruising force that he could feel physically- he didn't feel guilt for killing all those criminals and he suspected that he never would, but the thought of L being destroyed…he couldn't take that, wouldn't stand for it. L…the most frustrating, backwards, creepy, and oddball person Light had ever known, he was Light's polar opposite…and maybe that's just was Light needed all along. Someone like L to guide him. The thought was like a bitter pill. But while he was proud and often times self centered, he wasn't a fool and the cold empty facts were facing him, slapping him in the face. He had to kill Kira. Kira had to die, had to be destroyed.
L would help him. He would never have to know that Light was the reason he'd been hurt. Light would make sure that he never had the proof of it and he would bear the pain of it for the rest of his life in retribution.
It was time to do things L's way.