I am reviving a series that should have stayed dead. Yes, I am reviving the Dark Comedy Series, adding in my own twists such as bringing in authors, cohosts, you get the drill. Hopefully you all won't kill me for this, but you know, review and whatnot.
Dark Comedy – Fish
Shortly after defeating Black Knight Pendragon, Toan and his allies departed for Toan's home, all of them eager to stuff their faces with food. However, as Toan approached his house, he found his mother, sitting at the base of the stairs, chugging liquid from a dark brown glass bottle.
"Der yo are ye stupid son o mine." Renee said, slurring a bit, the smell of alcohol radiating off her so strong, a bird that flew overhead died midflight and crashed to the ground, which Xiao pounced upon and bit, ripping off its feathers with each bite. Toan paid no mind to his mom, walking past her, and into the house. Inside, countless bottles of beer scattered around the place, all of them empty. Toan scowled, picking up a bottle.
"Damn it, she drank everything in here!"
"No booze?" Ungaga said, looking disappointed. "This party sucks already."
"Can it." Toan said, chucking the bottle of booze out the window, where it flew out and sprouted wings before flying to the heavens."We need some booze..Bad." Toan said, muttering to himself.
"PEOPLE FALLING FROM THE SKY!" Renee screamed out. Toan grabbed a bottle of beer, heading outside.
"Ma, quit being drunk ya-" He started, aiming the bottle at Renee's head, stopping when he followed her gaze. "What the hell?" Indeed, in the sky, was a person falling. Said person had snow white hair, bright green eyes, and a bright green shirt that could be seen from the ground, with black pants. Said person was also flailing his arms and legs around.
"PARACHUTE NOT WORKING!" He screamed as loud as he could, as he hit the sand of Norune village with a thump and went still. Seconds later, the parachute deployed, covering his body.
"He dead?" Xiao asked, looking at the covered body. Goro, walked up to the body, lifting the parachute off.
"Naw, his body still here." Goro said, almost sadly.
"A human body don't disappear when it dies, idiot." Ruby said, brushing her hair.
"Says you, filthy hoe." Goro mumbled. As if on cue, a rather dirty looking farming hoe came over, whacked Goro across the face, and left, with presumably tears trailing behind it. The strange person's body twitched, before he jumped up, smiling a madman's smile.
"I'M ALIVE!" He screamed, before getting hit with a bottle to the head, courtesy of Toan. "OW!
"Wanderer, what the hell are you doing here?"
"I'm here to..uh.." Wanderer started, looking confused. "What was I here for..." He pulled out a pile of flash cards from his pocket. "Oh right. Greetings all," He said, reading directly from the flashcards. "Welcome to the partial revival of Dark Comedy. This version of mine will contain cohosts, random stuff, and more." He flipped to another flashcard. "To get started for this exciting, if not crude series, we invited SPG inc. to visit. He said no, so we dragged him here instead. Point to tree behind you." He read aloud, staring at the card. "Oh." He said, pointing to a tree behind him.
Tied to said, extremely tiny thin tree was SPG inc., who was struggling against his bonds. He looked to be in his early twenties, had the left part of his body mechanized and exposed to the world, and a rather stupid looking three corner hat on his head, which was somehow placed upside down.
"LET ME GO YE STUPID-" He screamed, Wanderer ignoring him.
"Anyhow, Xiao.." He said, pulling out a diamond edged axe from god knows where. "You're going to kill SPG for us."
"Why?"
"Uh.." Wanderer said, looking back at the flashcard. "Because SPG started a smear campaign against catgirls and tried to get people to eat them. He also said you're incapable of love.." He said, raising a eyebrow at Xiao, who looked at him boredly. "And he says you're uglier than Goro."
"THAT BASTARD!" She screamed, yanking the axe out of Wanderer's hands. She ran at SPG, her eyes full of hate, and proceeded to embed the axe into his groin, which thankfully was not mechanized. He let out a ear splitting scream, before Xiao proceeded to chop off his head and do the same with each limb of his body. When she was done, she began to gnaw on the non mechanized parts of SPG inc.
"Now that that's over with..." Wanderer said, not casting so much as a glance to Xiao, "I need to find the other cohost who came with me.." Wanderer said, looking around the area. Toan and allies looked on, bored as hell. "Aha." Wanderer said, a short while later, finding a extremely large orange fox tail sticking out of the ground. "Get up Fox." He said, tugging on the tail, only to fall backwards, the tail falling limp against the ground. "OH MY FAIRIES, FOX IS DEAD!"
"I'm right here." A gray haired person said, small fangs sticking out from the corners of his mouth, a blue shirt across his chest, and gray pants on his legs. He stuck out a gray leather gloved hand. "Oh you found my tail."
"Oh.." Wanderer said, giving the tail to Fox, who seemingly reattached it with no issues. "That parachute company's gonna pay." He said, pulling a phone from his pocket. He dialed a number rather quickly, holding the phone to his ear.
(Meanwhile, at a cabin somewhere)
"This is Yellow." A yellow haired person said, his red eyes flashing, and the scars across his face almost glowing. "Ah, Wanderer. What's wrong?" He said, into a potato shaped phone.
"Yellow, you know that company who sold us the parachutes?"
"Yes."
"Napalm em, will ya?"
"Can do. Is that all?"
"Nah, I'll call you if something else comes up."
"Ta ta Wanderer." He pressed a button on the potato phone and let out a small smirk. "Now, where were we?" Yellow said, turning to find a small brown owl in a chair near a bed. The small owl flew into the air, a light surrounding it, a black haired girl standing in its place. Her small, brown eyes were sparkling, her black hair flowing downwards nearly past her shoulders.
"I believe we were here." The girl said, pulling Yellow close for a deep, passionate kiss.
(Back with Wanderer)
Wanderer let out a rather violent shudder, causing everyone to stare at him.
"I just had a feeling something horrible happened." He said, shuddering once again. "Anyhow...what's next." He said, pulling out a small, brown book, titled "How to make a Dark Cloud Comedy." He opened the book, turning to the first page.
"Not that this ain't interesting.." Toan started, looking around. "But we needs to find ourselves some booze."
"What kind of booze?" Wanderer asked. Fox looked around, finding a weird sign stuck to the fishing pond near Pike's house. Curious, he walked over, staring at the sign.
"Fairy Ale light." Toan responded, to which Wanderer laughed.
"Why not just drink freaking water? It's no different then your freaking Fairy Ale Light."
"Guys?" Fox started, trying to get people's attention.
"Oh like you're a freaking expert of booze." Toan scoffed, tossing another bottle at Wanderer.
"Guys...?" Fox said, slightly louder.
"At least I don't drink watered down piss and call that beer." Wanderer said, sneering at Toan. Toan glared, standing up, pointing his dagger at Wanderer menacingly.
"What, you gonna shoot me with that freaking dagger?" Wanderer laughed. Toan pointed his dagger up and down, a clicking noise emanating from it.
"GUYS, FREAKING LISTEN TO ME!" Fox yelled, startling everyone. "Sorry.." He said quietly, pointing to the sign. "You can get beer for trading Fishing points..."
"Say what now?" Toan said, running over to the sign. "Sweet! 500 fishing points for a crate of Fairy Ambrosia!"
"But Master, you only have 1 fishing point." Xiao said, a bit of SPG in her mouth.
"BAH! Details." Toan mumbled, throwing his dagger into the air, where it landed upon Osmond and killed him instantly, his body fading into purple smoke.
"Huh." Ruby said, looking at the place where Osmond's body was.
"TOLD YOU BITCH!" Goro said, earning a slap from Ruby.
"Shut up."
"Why not catch a Baron Garyon?" Goro inputted, rubbing his cheek. "They're worth a lot of FP."
"Where the fuck can we catch a Baron thing?" Toan asked, looking at Goro with the look a starved man would give a feast.
"In my village, near the waterfall." Goro said, looking afraid of Toan's hungry glance.
"TO MATATAKI!"
One teleportation later
"Guys! Wait, I need to wait for my other foot to come back!" Ungaga said, his right foot missing. Seconds later, a blue foot reappeared in the place of his right foot. Not only that, it was another left foot.
"Over there." Goro said, pointing to the waterfall. Toan raced to it, jumping into the lake the waterfall made. Seconds passed by, before a random mermaid flew out of the water, flopping on the ground like a dying fish. It was shortly followed by a anvil, Elvis Presley, and finally, a Baron Garyon, in its ugly as hell looking form.
"CAUGHT ONE!" Toan coughed, crawling out of the water and vomiting up a license plate. Suddenly, a golden light surrounded Toan from the sky, and the number 9001 flashed over his head.
"ITS OVER 9000!" Ungaga screamed, before getting hit by a random fish to the face.
"No." Wanderer said, shaking his head.
"Woot!" Toan cheered, walking to the sign near the fishing spot. "18 crates of Ambrosia!" He said to the sign.
"What? No one says please anymore?" The sign grumbled, before 18 crates of Fairy Ambrosia appeared behind Toan.
"BOOZE!" Ungaga said, pouncing on the crates of beer. "Precious..so precious."
"Now to have that party!" Toan cheered, picking up all the crates with a single hand and teleported back home.
The Next Day.
Toan woke up, letting out a groan of pain. He held a hand to his head, before he looked around, seeing a very naked sleepy Xiao by his side. He looked to his other side, seeing a sleeping naked Wanderer. He raised his eyebrow, looking back to where Xiao was, only to see Fox there as well, only he was clothed.
"Best. Party. Ever." Toan said, before dozing back to sleep, snoring loudly.
Well, not exactly the best on par with Dark Comedy or its many incarnates, but I liked it. Hope you all enjoyed, and also to note, any future Dark Comedys will have authors notes and titles like this one, a tribute to SPG inc., who is dead. (not really) Also, this story doesn't have as many words as I liked. :c