Gone Viral
a/n I know it's been quite a while, but all the stuff with "Sexy" was just kind of driving me crazy. So I decided it was time for everyone at McKinley and Dalton to understand the sexiness that is one Kurt Hummel. Enjoy!
He walked into the auditorium, shoes moving soundlessly up the stairs and onto the stage. Smoothly placing the speakers he'd carried on the grand piano, he plugged in his ipod and scrolled down through the playlist.
Pressing play, he let the rolling Spanish beat fill the space and lead him forward to center stage, eyes shut while he gave himself up to the music.
As he moved across the stage, feet whispering in the steps of a lonely tango, he shrugged off the blue and red Dalton jacket. The thin, white button-down he wore beneath was tailored to his frame, making him look even more sensually slim.
" 'Te amo, te amo', she says to me. I hear the pain in her voice. Then we danced underneath the candelabra, she takes the lead. That's when I saw it in her eyes. It's over."
And that pure, sweet voice was a little lower, husky and filled with pain and regret and desire. For once, his singing didn't call to mind stories of melodious angels - no, this was something that would have made Rihanna proud. Every note so completely and unconsciously sexy. Anyone watching, gay or straight, would hardly have been able to take their eyes away from the swaying boy.
"Then she said 'Te amo', then she put her hand around my waist. I told her no. She cried 'Te amo'! I told her I'm not gonna run away, but let me go.
"My soul is awry without asking why. I said, Te amo - wish somebody'd tell me what she said. Don't it mean 'I love you'? Think it means 'I love you'. Don't it mean 'I love you'?"
The way those slight hips flowed was hypnotic, and every step and twist and touch was luscious with dreamy, arousing oblivion. Reaching up, he languidly undid the top few buttons on his dress shirt, and tugged at his tie. He didn't take it off, or even unknot it, but the way it hung loose around the collar, showing off the pale skin at the base of his throat was enough.
"Te amo, te amo, she's scared to breathe. I hold her hand. I got no choice. Pulled me out on the beach. Danced in the water, I start to leave. She's begging me and asking why it's over.
"Then she said 'Te amo', then she put her hand around my waist. I told her no. She cried 'Te amo'! I told her I'm not gonna run away, but let me go.
"My soul is awry without asking why. I said, Te amo - wish somebody'd tell me what she said. Don't it mean 'I love you'? Think it means 'I love you'. Don't it mean 'I love you'?"
A small body wave rolled down his chest and limbs, and any watcher would have felt their mouth go dry when one hand came up to trace its way over his torso, barely touching. The tilt of the head as it circled on his neck brought to mind images of a willing bed partner caught up in a slow seduction.
"Listen, we can dance. But you gotta watch your hands. Watch me all night, I'm movin' to the light, because I understand that we all need love. And I'm not afraid. I feel the love, but I don't feel that way.
"Then she said 'Te amo', then she put her hand around my waist. I told her no. She cried 'Te amo'! I told her I'm not gonna run away, but let me go."
And in the end it was the sound of his voice that pushed the entire thing over the edge. Rough and smooth all at once, listeners would have lusty shivers racing up their spines at the throaty, stimulating singing.
"My soul is awry without asking why. I said, Te amo - wish somebody'd tell me what she said. Don't it mean 'I love you'? Think it means 'I love you'. Don't it mean 'I love you'?
"Think it means 'I love you, I love you'. Te amo, te amo. Don't it mean 'I love you'?"
Eyes closed, body stilling into a soft, relaxed stance, he let the last notes ring out through the theater, innocently arousing.
The silence filled the space as powerfully as the song had, until it was broken by a soft sigh. Reaching up, he rubbed at his forehead, shook his head, gathered his things and left.
… …
The current Cheerio SiC knew it had been a good idea to seduce and Facebook-friend those uptight prep school boys. And now, the fruit of her labors was staring her in the face.
Or singing her in the face, would probably be the better way of putting it.
"Holy shit, Ladyface," Santana whistled, immediately moving the mouse to click the "replay" button.
Brittany, who sat in the chair her bff was leaning on from behind, nodded, eyes dazed, a sappy smile on her lips. "He's really hot, San."
The Latino cheerio snorted. "Yeah, Brits, I can see that now."
… …
"Dude, Santana just emailed me this youtube video that I think you should see."
Finn raised his eyebrows in confusion, cellphone tucked between ear and shoulder, and both hands clutching a video game controller. "Wait, you were checking your email while we were playing?"
He could practically hear Puck roll his eyes. "Yeah, man. You're good, but not good enough to go against the Puckasaurus straight up. It's only fair for me to be doing something else too. Even's out the playing field, y'know?"
The tall teen just glared at nothing. "You suck."
"Whatever, dude. I'm forwarding you the link, 'kay? So click it al-freaking-ready."
It took a minute, but Finn finally found the email Puck had forwarded, then clicked it. It sent him to youtube, and the boy curiously checked the comments as the video loaded.
holy shit, where can I get one of those?
He's gay, isn't he? That is so F***ING unfair. :(
wow. that Voice. just wow.
i want one!
soooo sxy!
drooling…
I NEED to tap that.
hott boi. i wantz.
i thnk i jst trned GAY.
And one of the earliest, and most puzzling:
Wevid - be aware, I'm pretty sure you've just signed your death warrants once he finds out about this. I hereby deny all knowledge of ever having known either of you. Also - damn, he is smoking.
Finally, the video started to play, and Finn's jaw dropped wide open.
… …
Mike and Tina had been cuddling, when both their phones went off at once. One had a text from Puck, the other from Brittany.
get on comp and check this out!
kurtsee iz so hott nd san seys so 2 luv brit
Both messages included a web link address.
"Can I borrow your computer?"
"Yeah, sure," Tina nodded as she hopped to her feet. "I just need to check something first."
Mike sat forward, eyes finally coming up to rest on his girlfriend. "Oh, yeah? What?"
The goth shrugged. "Dunno. Brittany sent me the link to a youtube video, I think."
That got her boyfriend blinking, before he shrugged. "Puck just did the same."
They compared the lines of letters and numbers, realizing it was the same one, and both ambled into her bedroom. Dropping on the bed, together they crowded around the laptop, before navigating to the page in question.
As the video began, Tina grinned, because this was the attitude she had missed in the past year. This was the diva who was amazing without even trying, and who let his guard down to give himself up to music. Then she couldn't stop herself from beginning to salivate, while the song continued.
Mike, on the other hand, was trying to convince himself that he wasn't gay. It wasn't his fault the boy looked seriously smooth, gliding around the stage, every move a simple siren call. Or that that shirt was almost see-through and kind of clingy. Or that it was the first time in a while he was hearing the slightly deeper pitch breaking out of that delicate throat. Or how pale his skin was, and how delicate his face was, or how pretty his eyes were…
But he wasn't gay. Definitely not.
… …
Putting down his guitar while Sam was going to grab more snacks for their jam session, Artie stared at the message on his phone, not understanding.
dude, check your email!
With a shrug, he rolled himself over to the desk, then opened his email.
He had the same forward from five different people.
Moving the arrow to click the link, he watched the video play, not realizing Sam had returned, popcorn, chips and soda in hand, until the popcorn was dropped, scattering over the carpet.
"Oh shit! Sorry, Artie!" the blonde exclaimed, but he couldn't seem to tear his gaze away from the video.
The boy in the wheelchair tried to speak, but had to stop and clear his throat. "N-no, man. It's okay. No problem."
Neither of them even looked at the mess until the video was over.
… …
Lauren Zizes wrinkled up her nose and wondered what the hell Puckerman was trying this time.
But whatever it was, it was bound to be entertaining.
So she checked out the youtube vid.
Which left her super pissed that Puck couldn't move like that, and pretty damn turned on by the way the gay kid was dancing.
He seriously needed to get back to McKinley, even if that meant she had to take down Karofsky herself.
… …
Curling up in her chair, the reinstated blonde cheerio turned on her laptop to check Facebook.
Once it came into view, she raised an eyebrow at the youtube clip framed on the screen that almost every member of Glee had favorited and posted on their walls.
Her smile as she clicked the play arrow was amused, especially considering the title: Let's Talk Sexy.
The smile grew wider and wider as the video played on, after the first few moments of surprise had passed.
"He's amazing," she unconsciously whispered. "Just amazing."
… …
The Warblers (minus their two iconic gay members) were all huddled around Jeff, who sat in the center of the commons. Half a dozen had squeezed onto the sofa around him, while the others were hanging over the back of the piece of furniture, with the exception of David and Wes.
They, instead, lounged on a nearby window seat, and couldn't stop their proud grins. For once, everyone had to admit their choice in what to tape and post was a success. With over 30,000 hits, and climbing, it was truly their best work.
As the video reached its end, and all the uniformed boys started protesting and shouting for someone to start it over, Blaine walked in. His jacket was nicely pressed, the curly hair had been tamed back with the normal, excessive amounts of gel, and his hands were in his pockets as he moseyed closer, a dapper smile on his lips.
At his entrance, every boy in the room froze, before the same evil glint shone in each pair of eyes. When all those gazes turned on him, Blaine instinctually wanted to run. Instead, he kept right on smiling like an idiot, and asked, "What's going on?"
The herd of teen boys suddenly surged forward, dozens of hands grabbing him and hauling him onto the couch, before someone shoved the computer onto his lap. Looking around in attempted calm (while actually fighting down an odd sense of panic), the lead Warbler noticed that Wes and David has slipped out of the room at some point.
He would have pondered on this longer, but that was the moment Thad leaned over and clicked "replay".
And then any thought of his friends fled the confident boy's mind, as he gaped helplessly at the screen.
"Woooah…" was the only thing he managed to get out before his brain completely shut down and a flush of heat spread through his body.
The other Warblers watched this in satisfaction, exchanging glances with one another over his unmoving head.
From the doorway, peeking in, the two missing Council Members fist-bumped, and one whispered, "Hello, realization-"
"-and goodbye, unresolved sexual tension," the second finished.
… …
Rachel and Mercedes sat at the table across from Kurt, laughing.
"We miss you," Rachel finally sighed, staring down at her coffee, a wistful note in her words.
The countertenor's smile was sad. "I wish it didn't have to be this way. But I do like Dalton-"
"Nah," Mercedes winked. "You like Blaine."
As Kurt's cheeks flooded with pink, both girls' cell phones suddenly went off. In confusion, they pulled them out and found a link, which both followed to Youtube.
When the music started Kurt's eyebrows went up. Then the singing began.
"What in the name of Gaga…?"
He raced around to stand behind his girls. As Rachel's phone had the better picture and sound, Mercedes flipped her own shut, and they all leaned in around the small screen.
The video finally came to an end, and Kurt walked slowly back around to collapse in his seat. "I'm going to kill David and Wes," he groaned.
Rachel chuckled. "That's what one of the comment's says. Only whoever it is refer to the two as "Wevid"."
"What? Who?"
Mercedes started giggling. "Oh man, baby boy. You should hear some of these comments."
"For the love of Marc Jacob's next autumn collection, please, no." Kurt dropped his face into his hands.
"Too bad!" the girls crowed together.
Nearly half an hour later, Kurt was grinning and blushing and his diva was shining powerfully.
"So, let me get this straight… It's been how long since the abominable pairing of Wevid posted this?"
"About four hours, and it's currently at 32,462 likes."
He couldn't hold back a pleased smile. "Well, I can't help how naturally stunning I am, I suppose."
"Of course not," Rachel nodded wisely, before losing it.
Kurt took the moment to check his Facebook, and couldn't help the disbelief when he saw who had commented on his wall.
… …
Sue Sylvester wrote on Kurt Hummel's wall:
Well, I see you've still got the moves, Porcelain.
Kurt Hummel commented: Yes, Coach.
Sue Sylvester commented: Which is why you had better get your pale little ass out of that gay Hogwarts and back here to the Cheerios soon.
Kurt Hummel commented: I'm sorry, Coach, but I don't think that's happening.
Sue Sylvester commented: Is this still about that pathetic mass of wannabe muscles that goes by the name of Karofsky?
Kurt Hummel commented: Among other things, yes.
… …
Sue Sylvester wrote on Santana Lopez's wall:
Lopez! You have a new assignment. Apparently Porcelain refuses to return to the fold so long as that waste of oxygen and steroids, one David Karofsky, is around.
Santana Lopez commented: And what do you want me to do about that?
Sue Sylvester commented: Use your wiles, make sure to get horrifyingly embarrassing pictures, leave them somewhere that little Jewish turd Ben-Israel will find them, then slit the routine-destroying jock's throat.
Santana Lopez, Kurt Hummel, Noah "Puck" Puckerman and 34 others like this.
Santana Lopez commented: My pleasure, Coach.
Sue Sylvester commented: And take your airheaded girlfriend with you. If nothing else, it will confuse the hell out of the sack of vomit, which could result in some interesting quotes.
Brittany S. Pierce commented: Coach, san says were guna sex up karofski. but he wus meen 2 kurt.
Sue Sylvester commented: Yes, Lesbo, you are. Just enough to make him a laughingstock. Then Santana is going to kill him.
Brittany S. Pierce commented: o that s ok then. then will my dolfin b a cheerio agen?
Sue Sylvester commented: Hopefully, Brainless Barbie.
Brittany S. Pierce commented: u told me u don t do hope, Coach.
Kurt Hummel, Santana Lopez, Quinn Fabray, Mercedes Jones and 14 others like this.
… …
Santana Lopez wrote on Kurt Hummel's wall:
Holy shit, Hummel. You need to teach me how to do that.
Kurt Hummel commented: I'm sure that can be arranged.
Brittany S. Pierce commented: we shuld go visit kurtie! i mis my dolfin.
Kurt Hummel commented: I miss you too, Britt. But it's a two hour drive out to Dalton.
Brittany S. Pierce commented: the gay hogwarts place?
Kurt Hummel commented: *sigh* Yes, Boo, the gay Hogwarts school.
Blaine Anderson commented: Seriously?
Kurt Hummel commented: Yes, Blaine, seriously.
Brittany S. Pierce commented: wen we visit can u teech me sum magic? or do u haf 2 b a dolfin 2 lern?
Santana Lopez commented: Sorry, Brits. It's dolphins only.
Kurt Hummel commented: She's right, Boo.
Brittany S. Pierce commented: :(
Blaine Anderson commented: I… don't get it.
Kurt Hummel commented: It's simpler not to ask. Trust me.
Blaine Anderson commented: Kurt, when you get back to Dalton from the Lima Bean, can we talk?
Kurt Hummel commented: I'd be glad to, Blaine. I should be back in about half an hour. I'll meet you in the courtyard?
Blaine Anderson commented: Perfect!
Santana Lopez commented: Get some, Rainbow!
Kurt Hummel commented: Shut up, Bitch Queen.
… …
No one was surprised when, by the end of the night, Blaine Anderson and Kurt Hummel had changed their Facebook relationship statuses.
David and Wes, of course, took all the credit.
And the Te Amo video went on to be named one of the Viral Videos of the Year by Twitter. The final post added before it was closed to comments was from someone with the screen name TeenageDream. "back off ladies and gentlemen, the boy is mine."
end.