Newsgroups: alt.tv.buffy-v-slayer.creative
Subject: FIC: You're not helping - PG - (1/2)
Date: Tue, 5 Feb 2002 10:23:02 +0000 (UTC)
Title: You're not helping - 1/2
Author: Nick Kean
E-mail: buffy@beast.gen.nz
Feedback: Always welcome - be gentle
Summary: Dawn asks for Xander's advice
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Set a bit before Gone, season 6
Primary Site: http://www.beast.gen.nz/Buffy/fic/
Archiving: Yeah, go for it. Let me know where, 'k?
Disclaimer: The characters and universe herein are the property
of Joss Whedon, Warner Brothers Network, 20th Century Fox,
Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, and Greenwolf Productions.
The piece of fan-written fiction below does not intend to
infringe upon copyright or trademark.
"M&Ms" are probally a registered trademark of Some-Big-Company.
Scene: Int. Magic Box.
Anya is serving a couple of young girls.
Anya
There you go little girl. Come back soon ... and often.
(she walks over to Xander who is at a table
reading "Budgeting for Dummies")
I like the small ones - they never count their change properly.
I skimmed an extra $7.52 off that pair alone.
Xander
An, you can't short change people just because they won't
notice.
Anya
Why not?
Xander
How can I put this in a way you'll appreciate ...? What do you
think will happen if they do realise what you're doing? They
won't bring their money back - ever. And besides ... it's just
plain wrong.
Anya
Why?
(Dawn enters)
Xander
Dawn. Help me explain to Anya why stealing from customers is
not only bad, but also very wrong.
Dawn
Umm, because they won't come back?
Xander
See? Dawn agrees with me.
Anya
Something said twice by two different people doesn't make it
right - not in this world anyway.
(she sits down, unhappy)
Xander
So, Dawn. Rescue me from the dimension that is budgeting hell.
Dawn
I don't think I'm qualified to give budgeting advice. No
incoming and no outgoing - apart from my lucrative sideline
alphabetising the CD collections of convicted mobsters, of
course.
Xander
There's a lot of money in that?
Dawn
Not as much as you would think. I'm considering taking a night
job as a supervisor in the factory that makes yellow M&Ms.
Xander
I hear the green M&M factory promotes faster.
Dawn
I'm not looking to start a career or anything. I just want the
satisfaction of providing a valuable contribution to society.
Anya
(annoyed and angry)
What are you two talking about? I know you only do this to
confuse me. Start talking sense or leave my shop.
Xander and Dawn (together)
Sorry.
(Anya storms off)
Dawn
Xander, can I talk to you for a minute?
Xander
You don't even need my permission, you can just start talking.
I'll probably even do the whole listening thing. If you're
really lucky, I may occasionally nod knowingly.
(Dawn giggles)
Wait a minute. How did you get here?
Dawn
Forgetful much? Bunch of monks, mystical energy made human.
Ringing any bells?
Xander
No, not that. I mean how did you get here, to the shop? Am I
not picking-Dawn-up-from-school-guy today - which I would have
eventually remembered to do but you're already here. So getting
back to the how ...
Dawn
Yeah, that's kinda what I wanted to talk to you about. See
there's this guy at school, Mario, he gave me a lift. He's
really nice and he's got this really cool car and he's got these
cool scars all over his hands - 'cause he once saved some baby
puppies from a burning building - and he's really smart and he
does these amazingly cool paintings of clouds and he'd got the
coolest smile and I really want him to like me. What should I
do?
Xander
This Mario guy sounds so cool I'm surprised he's not frozen.
He's not frozen is he? That might make kissing a bit ouchful.
Dawn
No, he's not an icicle. He's a guy that I want to like me.
Helpful hints required.
Xander
Well the first thing to do would be to not ask my advice.
You'd be wanting girlie advice - talk to Buffy.
Dawn
Yeah right, I can just imagine how that that conversation would
go. She'd pack me off to the nearest convent. Can't actually
have Dawn growing up or anything.
Xander
Well ... what about Tara? Or maybe not. Willow then?
Dawn
Oh, sure. She loved you for years and did nothing about it
until you were both involved with other people. I want this guy
to like me now, not when I'm old and haggard and twenty.
What about Anya? How did she manage to snare you?
Xander
I don't think you want to be taking lessons in love from an
ex-vengeance demon.
Dawn
Why not? She doesn't do that any more and you two are really
good together. I want to have that sort of attachment with
Mario. So fess up; What really is it that a guy looks for in a
girl? What is it that makes you go "I want to know more about
her"? Tell me how you knew it was Anya you were destined to
spend the rest of your life with.
Xander
I've changed my mind.
Dawn
You'll give me advice?
Xander
No, I think you should talk to Anya. But wait until she's
closed up shop. I don't think she's in a good mood with either
of us at the moment.
--
Willow! I need service!
Subject: FIC: You're not helping - PG - (1/2)
Date: Tue, 5 Feb 2002 10:23:02 +0000 (UTC)
Title: You're not helping - 1/2
Author: Nick Kean
E-mail: buffy@beast.gen.nz
Feedback: Always welcome - be gentle
Summary: Dawn asks for Xander's advice
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Set a bit before Gone, season 6
Primary Site: http://www.beast.gen.nz/Buffy/fic/
Archiving: Yeah, go for it. Let me know where, 'k?
Disclaimer: The characters and universe herein are the property
of Joss Whedon, Warner Brothers Network, 20th Century Fox,
Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, and Greenwolf Productions.
The piece of fan-written fiction below does not intend to
infringe upon copyright or trademark.
"M&Ms" are probally a registered trademark of Some-Big-Company.
Scene: Int. Magic Box.
Anya is serving a couple of young girls.
Anya
There you go little girl. Come back soon ... and often.
(she walks over to Xander who is at a table
reading "Budgeting for Dummies")
I like the small ones - they never count their change properly.
I skimmed an extra $7.52 off that pair alone.
Xander
An, you can't short change people just because they won't
notice.
Anya
Why not?
Xander
How can I put this in a way you'll appreciate ...? What do you
think will happen if they do realise what you're doing? They
won't bring their money back - ever. And besides ... it's just
plain wrong.
Anya
Why?
(Dawn enters)
Xander
Dawn. Help me explain to Anya why stealing from customers is
not only bad, but also very wrong.
Dawn
Umm, because they won't come back?
Xander
See? Dawn agrees with me.
Anya
Something said twice by two different people doesn't make it
right - not in this world anyway.
(she sits down, unhappy)
Xander
So, Dawn. Rescue me from the dimension that is budgeting hell.
Dawn
I don't think I'm qualified to give budgeting advice. No
incoming and no outgoing - apart from my lucrative sideline
alphabetising the CD collections of convicted mobsters, of
course.
Xander
There's a lot of money in that?
Dawn
Not as much as you would think. I'm considering taking a night
job as a supervisor in the factory that makes yellow M&Ms.
Xander
I hear the green M&M factory promotes faster.
Dawn
I'm not looking to start a career or anything. I just want the
satisfaction of providing a valuable contribution to society.
Anya
(annoyed and angry)
What are you two talking about? I know you only do this to
confuse me. Start talking sense or leave my shop.
Xander and Dawn (together)
Sorry.
(Anya storms off)
Dawn
Xander, can I talk to you for a minute?
Xander
You don't even need my permission, you can just start talking.
I'll probably even do the whole listening thing. If you're
really lucky, I may occasionally nod knowingly.
(Dawn giggles)
Wait a minute. How did you get here?
Dawn
Forgetful much? Bunch of monks, mystical energy made human.
Ringing any bells?
Xander
No, not that. I mean how did you get here, to the shop? Am I
not picking-Dawn-up-from-school-guy today - which I would have
eventually remembered to do but you're already here. So getting
back to the how ...
Dawn
Yeah, that's kinda what I wanted to talk to you about. See
there's this guy at school, Mario, he gave me a lift. He's
really nice and he's got this really cool car and he's got these
cool scars all over his hands - 'cause he once saved some baby
puppies from a burning building - and he's really smart and he
does these amazingly cool paintings of clouds and he'd got the
coolest smile and I really want him to like me. What should I
do?
Xander
This Mario guy sounds so cool I'm surprised he's not frozen.
He's not frozen is he? That might make kissing a bit ouchful.
Dawn
No, he's not an icicle. He's a guy that I want to like me.
Helpful hints required.
Xander
Well the first thing to do would be to not ask my advice.
You'd be wanting girlie advice - talk to Buffy.
Dawn
Yeah right, I can just imagine how that that conversation would
go. She'd pack me off to the nearest convent. Can't actually
have Dawn growing up or anything.
Xander
Well ... what about Tara? Or maybe not. Willow then?
Dawn
Oh, sure. She loved you for years and did nothing about it
until you were both involved with other people. I want this guy
to like me now, not when I'm old and haggard and twenty.
What about Anya? How did she manage to snare you?
Xander
I don't think you want to be taking lessons in love from an
ex-vengeance demon.
Dawn
Why not? She doesn't do that any more and you two are really
good together. I want to have that sort of attachment with
Mario. So fess up; What really is it that a guy looks for in a
girl? What is it that makes you go "I want to know more about
her"? Tell me how you knew it was Anya you were destined to
spend the rest of your life with.
Xander
I've changed my mind.
Dawn
You'll give me advice?
Xander
No, I think you should talk to Anya. But wait until she's
closed up shop. I don't think she's in a good mood with either
of us at the moment.
--
Willow! I need service!