Our story begins in medias res.

"Y'know, Darmani, when you said we were going to eat Goron, I thought you meant slabs of Goron meat, not the kind of food Gorons eat. Which are rocks," said Mikau.

"Whoa. Whoa now. Whoa. You can't just say that," said Darmani, deeply offended.

"I gotta be honest, I'm not about the rocks either," said The Deku Butler's Son. "Can't we please decide on something else to eat?"

Darmani began shaking like he was about to violently cry, or write a Tumblr post. "I can't believe you two. You're OPPRESSING my CULTURE."

"Chill out mang," said Mikau. "I vote we vote. I want Thai food."

"Thailand doesn't exist in Zelda canon..." said The DB's S.

"Holy fucking christnuggets you little white cunt that's the most racist thing I've ever heard in my life" seethed Darmani

"I'm a PLANT you idiot!" said Deekson.

Mikau buried his face in his hands. "Would you two just calm down, and"

"I WANT ITALIAN" roared Fierce Deity. "I REQUIRE PASTA."

"Yeah, great idea," said Mikau hurriedly. "Anybody want to disagree with the glowy-eyed eight-foot-tall god-man? No? Mm?"

"Well... Italian's kinda boring..." said The Short One. "It's all pretty much the same..."

Fierce Deity cleaved The Deku Butler's Son into firewood.

"NOODLES." he bellowed.

"I'm not going to put up with you cockmachines trying to FORCE other CULTURES onto me, YOU JUST CAN'T TOLERATE ME BEING MYSELF" said Darmani.

"Hey, why not just get your rocks and let us go get our noodles? Wouldn't that work fine?" Mikau said, wondering if he could hang himself with the Hookshot.

"If you're gonna do that, I want to get some curry," said Deku Boy.

"Wait, like, Thai or Indian or what?" said Mikau.

"THERE YOU GO AGAIN just THROWING AROUND LOADED WORDS" shrieked Darmani. No one paid any attention to him.

"I was thinking... er, which is the kind with the coconut and, like... potatoes?"

"That's Massaman, it's Thai, I'm going with you man, I SAID Thai first"

"Oh, okay, good."

"wwwwwwwrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" said Fierce Deity, thrusting his fists in through The Deku Butler Son and Mikau's backs and out through their chests, holding their hearts.

"IT HAS TO BE ITALIAN"

"Fine" said Mikau