Damn them all.
Her heart thundered in her chest, louder than a canon, but nothing to convince her she was alive. That this was living. That the knot twisting in her chest, her shaking, sweaty palms that held blades, and the blood that seeped through her shirt was living. No, this was the fight to be allowed to exist. She wasn't even close to living yet.
Her arms swung back to gather momentum, and despite thee sharp pain that burst through her when she moved her wounded left shoulder, she sliced the neck of the humanoid beast with a deep ferocity. It was the primal instinct for her body to do, to fight, when all she wanted to do was die.
The cords in her 3-D Maneuver Gear shot forward, fastening into a tree trunk. She swung in a low arch, and sliced open the ankles of a titan.
Damn all the Titans.
The thought exploded in her, fueling her adrenaline. Every movement she made was merciless, animalistic, seeing as she could only release her grief through killing at the moment.
There is no room for funerals on a battlefield.
A feral cry ripped from her scratchy throat as she slashed open the neck of the fallen titan. That's why all of this happened. Those disgusting creatures that what was left of humanity had the military fight against. They took everything from her, and she swore that she would kill each one she saw until her blades ran out, or until she ran out of gas to fuel her gear. Whichever came first.
A titan's hand swung at her, and though she had manged to avoid being grasped in it, her cords did not achieve the same luck. Just as they shot out, her intentions being for them to hold fast in a tree trunk, the titan's other hand intercepted their path and they fastened into it's enormous palm. There was only time for her to release a short gasp, and her eyes to widen in horror before the titan closed it's hand in a fist and swung her down into the ground.
She hadn't been far from the ground to begin with, but the titan's strength certainly did a number on her. The sheer force caused her body to ricochet from the forest floor. Her gear had broken, and a rupture in her gas tank fueled the momentum of her crash until she collided with a tree. By this time, the gas had completely emptied from it's container.
A pitiful groan wheezed its way from her lungs. Laying in a crumpled heap now, and almost certainly concussed, she could see the approaching feet of a titan, and the shimmering of her lost blades scattered in the grass. The sunlight reflected from the finely-cut metal, and she couldn't help but think of how pretty they looked. But no amount of glistening blades could prevent what was coming next. This was the end.
This was as far as she could push her body. She was injured to begin with, which definitely put her at a disadvantage, and her rage only blinded her rational thinking. Was this really the right idea? Would Mary would have wanted this? Would her mother have wanted this? She had been fighting for them. All this time she had promised her father and her sister that she would make it home, and that she wouldn't end up with the same fate as her mother. How could she have recklessly made such a promise like that? Going into the military was enough strain on her family. Could they really handle another letter telling them that halfof their family was missing in action? Or even worse, if they were able to send her body home, what could be left of it? A hand? A foot?
And what about Mary's family? What about her little brother? How would they continue knowing their eldest daughter had been eaten by a titan because her best friend was too afraid to kill it? They would get no body. They would get no explanation. Only a dead child at the fault of someone who deserved to die far more than she. After all Mary had done for her, after supporting her through grief, after helping her open up again; all she could give in return to the person who helped shape her so drastically was a death sentence. Her best friend was dead because she was nothing but an awful, awful coward.
This is all my fault.
Her guilt was eating her up from the inside, how cruelly ironic it seemed that she would meet her end in the mouth of a titan. The titan's footfalls grew louder as her vision blurred further, slowly darkening. She felt a wetness drip down her cheeks, but by this point she wasn't sure if she was crying, or the blood from the injury above her eyebrow had just bled down her face. Not like it really mattered. Not now.
Darkness finally flooded her vision.
"It's been four days." A voice echoed.
"Yes, but the Doctors said it wasn't a coma. Levi was there, he saw how banged up she was. I would expect she be unconscious for this long." A different voice now. More feminine.
"I also saw the bodies of the six titans she shredded that made a giant-ass path leading to her. I'll easier believe Shitty-Glasses will bathe in the next day before we lose that one this easy. What are you even worried about anyway, Erwin?" A third voice added in. This voice was much deeper. It was coarser and rougher than the other two.
"A debt needs to be repaid, that's all."
"What kind of debt?" The second voice asked.
The first thing she registered once she started to wake up was that her head was throbbing in pain. The second was the bed underneath her, and the thin, crisp sheets that effectively covered up to her neck. The third thing she registered was how quickly three people could jump out of their seats after she grumbled a soft curse at the pain she had awoken to. She winced at the sound of their chairs scraping against the floor, blinking a few times before visually taking in all of her surroundings.
"Well, the brat's fine, Erwin. I've got work to do, and if I were you, I'd keep a leash on Four-Eyes before she talks the girl back into a coma." Just as she hauled herself into a seated position, the gruff-voiced person exited the infirmary. She stared at the door for a moment, trying to think of who else was in the room. The voices she'd somewhat heard earlier seemed familiar, but she couldn't think of who they all belonged to. The next moment, she remembered the other two people that were still currently in the room with her. One of them, more specifically being Commander Erwin Smith.
She glanced between Erwin, and the other person she recognized as Zoe Hanji, the token "Mad Scientist" of the Survey Corps.
"I'm sorry...a-am I in trouble?" she squeaked, not feeling entirely comfortable with two superiors waiting for her to wake up without her knowing why. Erwin shook his head, a gentle expression on his face.
"No, you're not in trouble. I'm here to make sure the daughter of an old friend is alive. Nothing to worry about," he assured her.
"Yeah, yeah, no trouble at all. You took quite a beating Miss...uh," Hanji craned her neck to see the files Erwin had in his hand, "Miss Avaleen?"
"Aveline. I'm sorry, Commander, you said something about me being the daughter of a friend. I assumed you knew my mother, but I-I didn't really think—" Her voice cut off suddenly. Her mother...Mary...It was all coming back now; the titan, her death, the blood, the rage...all of it swarmed upon her in seconds, coming in flashes of images, and voices and sensations.
She remembered the weakness in her knees, and the titan's stinking, hot breath as it exploded around her. She remembered the remnants of the bodies of her squad members. It was as though she could feel the titan's iron grip around her, and the slicing of Mary's blade when it cut the titan's fingers off, and scarred Aveline's back in the process. Mary would've lived if the second titan that a passing soldier killed hadn't fallen on her leg and crushed it. She could've ran. She could've grabbed Aveline and retreated. She could've lived instead of being snatched up and eaten. Aveline's hands gripped either side of her head, rumpling the bandages wound there as her eyes filled with tears.
I'm sorry.
"Aveline, snap out of it! Don't you remember what you wanted to fight for? What happened to honoring your mother's dream?"
I'm sorry.
"Help me! Please!"
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Erwin placed his hand on her shoulder, assuming remembering her mother was what had her so upset. She recoiled at once, pain darting through her shoulder and all the way up to her neck. "Don't!" she shrieked savagely, staring at him with eyes one would see on that of a cornered animal. Erwin retracted his hand, surprised by her sudden movements. His gaze bore into her, possibly even through her. She felt like he wasn't looking at her, like he was digging around in her image. Her face, her eyes, her hair, but not her. All of the pieces he was familiar with were there, yes, but not in the same puzzle he was accustomed to.
A moment passed, and her shaking and labored breathing gradually subsided. She shrunk underneath his gaze, finding herself leaning more towards Hanji. He was looking at her like he expected something from her, and she didn't want any part of it.
"Very well, then. You need to rest, and that's an order. We can talk about this later." Suddenly seized with panic about the outcome of Mary's family, Aveline lunged forward and grabbed Erwin's arm, eliciting a surprised look from both of her superiors.
"Commander, no, wait!" Erwin looked over his shoulder at her, his face managing to shift to a neutral expression. She had to unstable, and he wasn't sure what could provoke her at this point. It was foolish of him to assume she would be anything like her mother, and would react similarly to her. These expectations he held were only going to make things more complicated. "I'm sorry! I-I didn't mean to do that. I don't what came over me. Please, I need you to answer a question for me. Did you contact Mary Ellsing's family? Do they know she's...dead? I-I saw...when she..."
"We listed her as missing in action, and contacted her family according to protocol. If you speak to me in such a manner again, you'll be cleaning the stables for the next month, cadet. Take a rest, and do not disobey my order."
Biting back a protest, Aveline nodded. Despite her desperate need for answers, she released his arm, and settled back down.
"Yes, sir," she said. Though, it sounded more like a deflated surrender from a battleground more than anything. She looked over her shoulder, eyes following Erwin's back. How much did he know about her mother? Were they really close enough for him just to check on her? He was the Commander of the Survey Corps, he certainly had more important things to worry about than just seeing her. Hanji, always seeming to make or break tensions (and luckily in this case, it was the latter) waved at her, following Erwin's lead.
"Feel better!" she chirped. She gave a weak smile to the older woman, and the door shut promptly just after that. Aveline brushed her long tangle of hair over her shoulder, knowing it was going to be a disaster to try and manage. It hadn't been washed in four days. Maybe she should've listened when Mary told her to cut it. Though, her mother was an excellent soldier, and fought titans with her hair just as long as her daughter's. If she could do it, then so could Aveline. Releasing a sigh, she laid down and stared at the ceiling.
Now what was she supposed to do until she got better?
Levi entered Erwin's office just as he finished the summary of the expedition to save with the rest of the files. The blond lifted his head upon the Lance Corporal's entry, and shortly after returned his gaze to the paper in front of him. He tapped the point of his pen against the paper for a moment before asking,
"Today is August seventh, right, Levi?"
"Yeah," he answered, a slight furrow in his brow, "Do you need to know the year, too?"
"No. It's 848. I haven't lost my mind quite yet."
Levi sat down in one of the chairs in front of Erwin's desk, holding his teacup in a firm grasp around the rim and completely ignoring the intended use of the handle.
"So, is your brat alright?" he asked. Erwin lifted a thick brow, and shot Levi a matter-of-fact look that matched his tone when he informed him,
"Aveline Royce isn't my brat. She's the daughter of one of my close friends who I owe a great deal. I know Caroline would want me to make sure she's handling herself alright every now and again. If she's anything like her mother, she can handle herself pretty well."
"If she can handle herself well, then what are you worried about? I was the one that found the brat, remember? She killed six titans on her first expedition, I think she'll be fine. "
Erwin sighed, placing his pen down and folding his hands over his stomach. He wasn't worried, per say, just more... concerned. She did kill those titans, but that was four days ago when she only had one injury. Now she has a wounded shoulder and a concussion. She mentioned something about a girl she saw who was now dead. It was entirely possible Aveline witnessed the girl's demise. Could that have spurred her to recklessly throw herself into the fray knowing full well she could die as well? He saw the way Aveline broke down in the infirmary. She was a mess, and maybe that had something to do with it. Either way, he knew that all cadets had to adjust to the life they lived. He did it, Hanji did it, Caroline did it, and Aveline would do so eventually.
However, Caroline reacted differently. Caroline, who was never someone who was very openly affectionate or unnecessarily kind, merely closed herself off further, and bottled everything up until she eventually snapped. Then, once she was in-check again, the cycle would continue. Erwin had tried to convince her numerous times that bottling everything up was not a healthy solution, but trying to convince Caroline Royce that she couldn't do something was about as pointless as trying to have a conversation with a wall. Caroline was, quite possibly, the most stubborn person he had ever met, and with his luck there was a good chance the apple didn't fall far from the tree on that one.
However, the way Aveline handled her influx of emotions definitely told a different story. She released everything she felt right away, and she didn't hesitate to grab Erwin and demand the information she needed, all with a desperate 'please'. She remembered her manners, of all things, in the middle of an emotional break down. It was entirely possible that Aveline inherited some form of alien kindness that had to have been from her father. One that he was sure Caroline would not want ruined by all this bloodshed.
"Just keeping some face, I suppose," he admitted. This was, after all, about a debt. "Levi, I want you to keep an eye on the Royce girl. If anyone can keep her alive, it's you. Don't make it obvious, just stay inconspicuous and keep her at arm's length. Almost like a discreet mentor." The Corporal's steel-like eyes narrowed at this, and he lowered his tea cup into his lap.
"You've got to be kidding me. You're putting me on babysitting duty?"
"Yes, that's an order and a personal favor for me." Erwin swiveled around in his chair, gaze shifting to the window and signaling the end of the discussion. Muttering a low curse, Levi downed the last of his tea and stood, eyes burning irritated holes in Erwin's back.
"Just how big is this debt of yours, Erwin?" he asked, annoyance seeping into his voice. If he told Levi, he was certain it would change his indifferent attitude towards the situation. So, for now, it was better to keep it on the down-low.
"That's nothing to worry about. You have your orders. You're excused," Erwin told him curtly.
"Tch." Was Levi's only response to that as he exited the office, shutting the door with a little more force than necessary. Erwin looked at his watch. It was late, and somehow he had the feeling tomorrow was going to be exhausting. The Commander stood and blew out the candle on his desk, the room going dark instantly. The only light left was shining in through the window from the pale, almost-full moon.
I will pay you back, Caroline. I only hope this is good enough, Erwin silently prayed. This had to be good enough for her. Right?