By My Side: A Yukia & James Story
Summary: You've met Yukia and James in my HoMH series and now I'd like to share with you their story. This is the story of how they met and fell in love. To be read after Picking Up the Pieces.
Act I
Yukia glared out the window of the car as he pulled at his tie. It wasn't fair that he was being dragged across the city for an interview with a new manager that he didn't even want. He would never admit to his mum but he was scared. He was so used to having her as his manager he couldn't even guess what it would be like to suddenly have someone else dictating most of his life.
"Fix your tie. I don't want your new manager to think that I'm raising a slob," his mum admonished.
"He's not my new manager yet," Yukia argued.
His mum clicked her tongue at him in the way that always got on his nerves. "This is merely a formality so that you two can get to know each other. I've done an invasive background check, talked to all of his references in person, verified everything that he put in his resume, and I checked his credit score. He is the best option."
"But what if I don't like him? Or what if he doesn't like me? Mum, what if he murders me? My blood would technically be on your hands."
"Don't be so dramatic! He has no criminal record. And I would never let you be murdered… you make me too much money for me to let that happen," she teased.
Yukia cracked a small smile. "That's nice! There's also the fact that I'm your son! You gave birth to me."
"Yeah, but I'm having another one of those," she said gesturing to her very pregnant belly.
"Show business has made you heartless," he sighed in an overdramatic manner.
After a moment they both burst into giggles. It was nice to joke with his mother but his fears returned as they pulled up to the restaurant they would be having their interview at. He took a moment to fix his tie like his mum had asked but it ended up feeling like a noose around his neck.
Up until this point his mum had been his safety net. If he screwed up he knew that she would have his back. It sounded childish but it was nice to know that if anything bad happened he could run to her. In the past he'd had to work with people who had anger issues or were perverts and his mother never stood for any of that. She got him out of those situations before he even realized what was wrong. He had no idea if this new manager would have those same instincts or would even care.
Yukia's car door suddenly opened and his mum stood there impatiently tapping her foot. "I would like to get inside before my due date, Yukia." He sighed knowing that now his mum was now all business. If he had wanted to talk to her about his concerns he should've done it in the car. This was professional time.
They walked into the fancy restaurant and were immediately escorted to the private room that his mum had reserved. Once they sat down she dismissed the waiter saying that they were still waiting for someone else. When they were alone she sighed and pushed his hair behind his ear in a truly motherly fashion. "Just give him a chance. And if you don't trust him then trust me. I chose him because I believe that he will do everything the way I would do it and that he will take care of you." It always amazed Yukia that his mum seemed to be able to read his mind or at least his emotions.
It wasn't long before the hostess escorted a young man in a dark suit to the room. Yukia didn't bother to look up as his mother as she stood and greeted the man who would be his new manager.
"It's good to see you again, James." she greeted cheerfully.
"It's good to see you too, Mrs. Moore," James replied in a professional tone.
"I've told you, please call me Sakura," she said sternly. "'Mrs. Moore' makes me feel old."
Yukia took this moment to look up and he saw what was possibly the most beautiful man in existence. He had dark brown hair artfully styled in a professional yet flattering manner, features that were regal (and made Yukia wonder if he was related to the royal family), the bluest eyes he had ever seen, and he was blushing at being admonished by Sakura, which Yukia found absolutely endearing.
James smiled as he nervously rubbed the back of his neck. "Sorry, Sakura," he corrected.
"That's better," she commented before going into introductions. "James, this is my son Yukia. Yukia, this is James Howell."
Yukia quickly stood up nearly knocking over his chair in the process. "Hi," he managed even though his mouth had gone dry. He shook James' hand and felt his knees go weak at how their hands seemed to fit together. Up close he realized that the older man was wearing cologne. It didn't smell expensive but to Yukia it was now his new favorite scent.
"Hello, Yukia," James said as he released his hand. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you."
As they all took their seats once more Sakura announced. "We can start the official interview after we have lunch."
Yukia chuckled nervously. "We don't have to have an interview. I mean, mum, you said it yourself that it's only a formality. Let's just enjoy lunch without the stress of an interview."
James smiled cautiously, looking relieved. "Does that mean…?"
Sakura looked at Yukia questioningly but when he smiled she turned to James. "I guess that means you're now officially hired."
Yukia grinned at James who smiled back shyly. Maybe having a new manager wouldn't be so bad if it was someone so charming.
Act II
Several months later…
Yukia was impressed by James' capabilities as a manager. He got him a steady flow of good jobs but still left time for school. With each new discovery of how wonderful a manager James was, Yukia's crush on him grew.
James really came through for him by getting him a guest role on a popular television drama. He would be playing one of the stars' nephew who would be staying with them for an unspecified amount of time. At that point he had a contract to guest star on five episodes and depending on the fan response they may renegotiate for a more permanent role.
During his third appearance on the show he had a scene with another actress, Dana Burns, who was playing his character's best friends' mother. He dreaded having scenes with her. She was difficult to work with and always had problem's delivering her lines.
Yukia stood on the set of the kitchen and took a deep breath in preparation to start shooting. Seconds later he was in character as Aidan. His posture shifted to being slightly hunched over. He was a guarded teenager with a troubled past. In this scene his friends were upstairs playing a video game and he had offered to get them all some drinks.
"Action!"
Aidan walked to the refrigerator and grabbed out a six pack of soda. When he closed the door his best friends' mother was standing there. He ignored her presence and moved to leave the kitchen. Her hand shot out and grabbed his arm. "Wait a second!" she ordered.
"Did you need something, Mrs. Milton?" he asked in an annoyed tone.
"Iknowaboutyou." Her words were rushed and ran together. Yukia only knew what she was saying because he had memorized the scene.
"I don't know what you're talking about." He yanked his arm away from her, but his denial was tainted by the fear in his voice.
"I hired… a private investigator. I know what happened… two years ago… with that girl." This time her delivery was too slow, filled with awkward pauses.
Yukia straightened his posture, standing at his full height. "Your investigator is mistaken," he gritted out. "Nothing happened two years ago with any girl. And I think it's in your best interest to stop looking into my past."
"Is that a threat?"
"Not at all. Just some friendly advice, Mrs. Milton."
She took a step closer in an attempt to intimidate him. "Well, here's some 'friendly advice' for you: stay away from your- err… stay away from my kids." Dana stumbled over the end of her line and tried it again, but it fell flat from the lost momentum.
"Cut!" the director called.
Yukia set down the soda and they stepped off set so the scene could be reset. As Dana walked past him she bumped him hard with her shoulder. "Watch it, amateur hour," she snapped.
He rolled his eyes at the insult, knowing that she was only projecting her insecurities. He knew he wasn't the best actor but he also had confidence that he was no amateur. Out of the corner of his eye he spotted James texting someone on his cell phone. Having a chat with his handsome manager would surely cheer him up. He did his best to keep from skipping as he approached James.
"Who're you texting?" he asked as he tried to catch a glance at the screen.
"Your mother," James replied without looking up. His eyebrows furrowed in the cutest frown that Yukia had ever seen. "She's asking me to pick up nappies for Haruto. I thought she had a nanny to do that or maybe your father."
Yukia smiled as James finally looked up. "Dad's in the states on business and this is the nanny's day off. Just be thankful she isn't asking you to actually change the baby." He wrinkled his nose at the memory of changing his little brother just the previous day.
"IT'S HIS FAULT THAT I KEEP SCREWING UP!" Everyone turned to look where the shouting was coming from. Dana was screaming at the director who looked weary and frustrated. "HE'S THE ONE BEING UNPROFESSSIONAL!"
"Go cool off!" the director finally ordered as he pointed in the direction of the dressing rooms.
Dana stormed away but instead of heading toward the dressing rooms she was stomping toward Yukia. Yukia reached over and gripped James' hand without thinking. She stepped too close to the teenager, getting in his face.
"The only reason you got this job, or any job is because of your mum, you entitled little prick. That's the only way a no talent brat like you could get this far in show business." Dana's words came out as a snarl, her lip curling in disgust.
Yukia could feel the stares of the crew and the cast that was on set. Embarrassment colored his face involuntarily as his mouth opened and closed without making any sound. Suddenly, James was gently pushing him behind him in a protective maneuver. The young manager stepped closer to Dana causing her to have to step back. "You know very well that Yukia's mother had nothing to do with him getting this job. And either way, it is normal practice to use connections to get jobs. I mean, I heard that you were very 'connected' to the director of your last film."
There were audible gasps at James' implication and a split second later Dana pulled her hand back and struck him hard across the face. The director quickly made his way over before things could spiral anymore out of control. "ALL OF YOU, GET OFF OF MY SET!" he bellowed.
James kept hold of Yukia's hand as they left the set and headed out to the car. Yukia could see the quickly darkening red, hand-print shaped mark on the side of his managers face and felt his heart swell at the sight. To him it was a mark of bravery. James had stood up for him, had even protectively shielded him from harm. If they had been in an old movie he would have swooned.
When they got back to the Moore household Sakura had already heard about what had happened at the set. Her eyes were dark with anger and her features were set in a disapproving frown. "James Eliot Howell," she growled as soon as they stepped foot in the door. "Come with me."
Yukia was left standing in the entryway as his mum took James to her office. He waited until he heard the door slam shut to follow. He crept silently to the door and listened in, hoping that his mother wouldn't be too hard on him.
"I hired you believing that you had self-control and good judgement." Yukia had never heard his mum sound so tired and disappointed. "Obviously, I was wrong. Hell, maybe I was wrong in hiring a rookie to be my son's manager. Was I wrong, Mr. Howell? Should I fire you, get a full time nanny for Haruto, and go back to being my Yukia's manager?"
"No, you were not wrong in hiring me. Apparently, I need to work on practicing good judgment but I can do better in the future if you give me another chance. I am very sorry, Mrs. Moore, for putting you in this position. I did not intend to cause problems but…" James hesitated his breathing suddenly coming in short gasps as if he had run a long distance, or was trying to not become upset. "Ms. Burns was insulting Yukia, saying horrible things to him. I couldn't just stand by and let her do that." His voice was trembling as he spoke. Yukia wasn't sure if it was nerves or indignation.
"Yukia is not well established enough for you to be pulling something like that without consequences." Sakura said with a sigh. "You are both lucky that I was able to smooth things over with the producers. Yukia will only be allowed to stay on for his full five episodes if you apologize to Dana Burns. Can you do that? Can you do that for Yukia?"
James did not hesitate before replying. "Of course."
The sound of Haruto's cries suddenly came through the baby monitor Sakura carried around with her. "I need to go check on Haruto. Dana will be expecting you to apologize on set tomorrow."
At the sound of their approaching footsteps Yukia ran out into the living room. He had just sat down on the couch when his mother passed by on her way to Haruto's nursery. "I know you were listening," she called to him as she ascended the stairs. "You will be expected to finish your scenes with Dana tomorrow."
"Working with her is worse than water boarding," Yukia muttered as he sank lower in the couch. He breathed out slowly trying to remind himself that he was just lucky that his mum wasn't going to fire James. He knew that meant his mum really liked him.
James walked over on shaky legs and collapsed into the seat next to Yukia. Their arms were touching and Yukia took the opportunity to rest his head on his manager's shoulder. "Thank you for standing up for me," Yukia said slowly.
"You're welcome," James replied quietly. "I couldn't stand the way she was talking to you. It's bad enough that you have to put up with her horrid acting much less her warrantless insults."
Yukia smiled for a moment but it quickly faded. "I'm sorry you got slapped because of me."
James shrugged, gently jostling the teenager's head. "It wasn't because of you. It was because my filter seems to disappear when I'm angry. I need to work on that."
On impulse Yukia sat up and lightly touched the spot on James' cheek where Dana had slapped him. "It was very brave of you to stand up to her."
James' eyes widened as he shifted uncomfortably. He quickly pushed Yukia's hand away with a nervous laugh. "I was just doing my job as your manager."
Yukia knelt on the couch as he turned to fully face James. It was endearing how modest his manager was being about the whole thing. "Really? 'Cause you seemed pretty passionate for someone acting as just a manager. I got the impression that we weren't just a manager and a client. I thought we were friends… or possibly more." A sudden thought hit him and his heart sped up. Before he had any second thoughts he leaned in and pressed a kiss to James' cheek.
James flinched at the feather light touch of the teen's lips and stood up, nearly knocking Yukia to floor in his rush. He had opened his mouth to speak when Sakura came down the stairs carrying Haruto. A pained look came over his face as he glanced back and forth between Sakura and Yukia. "I'm going to leave now," he finally sighed.
The next day neither of them spoke on the way to the studio. James had turned on the radio as soon as Yukia got into the car. Yukia observed that his manager was incredibly tense during the drive. He silently cursed Dana Burns for getting James into such a state.
James parked the car and Yukia made to get out but the older man grabbed his arm to stop him. "Yukia, we need to talk," James said in barely above a whisper.
"What is it?"
"It's about yesterday." James placed his hands back on the steering wheel and stared out the windshield as if he were still driving. "You said that you wanted to be more than friends. Did you mean that you wanted to… to date?"
Yukia lit up at James' words. "Yes, that's exactly what I want. I knew when we first met that you were special and you just proved me right with every passing day. James, I'm in love with you." He knew it was a bit early for such a confession but he couldn't hold in his feelings any longer.
"Stop. Yukia, please just stop." James turned to look at him with a deep frown creasing his forehead. "You can't feel that way for me."
"Why not?" Yukia was looking down at his hands folded in his lap. Tears had already started form in his eyes but he held them back unwilling to humiliate himself any further.
"For one, it would be unprofessional but more importantly because you're still a kid and I'm an adult."
The tears spilled over and started to run down his cheeks. "I'm sixteen," he said in a small voice. "I- I'm not a kid. And- and you're only three years older than me."
James' grip visibly tightened on the steering wheel. "It would be inappropriate."
All of his actions toward James rushed through his mind and he felt physically ill. He had acted like a ridiculous, love-sick child. It was disgusting and James was probably disgusted with him too. What if James isn't gay? What if he isn't disgusted with me making a fool out of myself but with me hitting on him? Yukia shoved open his door and scrambled out of the car. As he ran he could hear James calling after him. All Yukia could think was that it was the worst day of his life.
Act III
Yukia wanted to forget that his love confession ever happened, so he acted like it never had. Fortunately, James was perceptive enough to go along with it. Two months passed of them being coldly professional with each other. It was painful to wake up every day and have to work with his manager. He felt very lonely working with someone who didn't even like him.
Eventually, their agency's Christmas party arrived. Yukia stared at himself in the mirror wondering why he was getting so dressed up, wondering why it even mattered. His black slacks were ironed and creased with precision. His bright red shirt was just as pristine, complimented by his green suspenders. The whole look was completed with a Christmas tree decorated bow tie and freshly shined black dress shoes. He had to admit that he looked nice but it all felt like an empty effort.
There was a half-hearted knock on his open door and he saw his father behind him in the mirror. "James is downstairs waiting for you."
Yukia turned around with a desperate expression. "Please, don't make me go," he pleaded.
"Sorry, your mum says you have to," his dad said apologetically. "Don't look so down. You're going to a party. I'm sure once you're there that you will enjoy yourself."
"I doubt it," Yukia mumbled as he passed by his dad to go downstairs.
As he descended the stairs he saw James and he felt his breath catch. His manager looked stunning. He was wearing a crisp, dark suit with a dark green shirt, but what made Yukia pause for a moment and stare was the new hairstyle. James had gotten a haircut. Nothing too short but it caused him to style his hair differently and the way it framed the older man's face caught Yukia's eye. It ached Yukia's heart to know that he never had a chance. I still love you…
In Yukia's opinion it was depressing to watch everyone drinking and having a good time while he sat in a corner watching. His mother had forbidden him to have even a drop of alcohol at the party and he didn't dare violate that rule knowing that she would find out even if James kept his mouth shut. Normally he would at least enjoy the food but lately nothing seemed very appetizing to him.
He stood and started scanning the room for James. They had only been there an hour but he doubted his mood would get much better as the night got later. He wanted to go home and sulk in his bedroom while playing the most emo music he could find.
It felt like a knife through his heart when he finally spotted James talking to the beautiful, new actress the agency had signed on. She reached up and ran her fingers through James' new haircut as she giggled flirtatiously. Yukia silently begged James to push her hand away but his manager only blushed and sipped at his drink.
Having seen enough Yukia started pushing his way through the crowd of tipsy adults trying to get outside to the fresh air. When he finally burst out the door to the room where the party was being held he walked a bit slower towards the main entry. After the commotion of the party the silence of the rest of the building felt eerie to him. As he walked he pulled his bow tie loose and shoved his hands in his pockets. He shouldn't have been so shocked to see James flirting with a beautiful woman and yet it had felt like he had been punched in the stomach.
When he made it to the main entrance he saw a man stumbling toward him. It was Mr. Trapp the husband of the agency's most popular singer. If Yukia hadn't been in such a bad mood, he may have checked on the man but he seemed to be staying mostly upright so Yukia attempted to ignore him as they passed. Mr. Trapp stumbled into him causing Yukia to grunt in surprise. "Watch it there," the teen said trying not to sound too irritated.
Mr. Trapp held onto his arm keeping him from continuing on his way outside. "You're very pretty," he slurred into Yukia's ear.
Yukia felt panic rise in his chest as he felt Mr. Trapp's grip tighten on his arm as he tried to push him away. "Mr. Trapp, please let go of me."
Mr. Trapp let go of his arm only to grab onto his suspenders. "Shh. Don't tell my wife." At that he pressed a sloppy opened-mouth kiss to Yukia's lips.
Yukia pushed and shoved at him but Mr. Trapp only slid down his suspenders and grabbed him around the waist. "Stop it!" Yukia yelled when he finally pulled his mouth away enough to speak. "Please, just stop!" It felt like he was suffocating in the larger man's arms. His chest was going to slowly be crushed until he stopped breathing altogether. Mr. Trapp's hands moved to his backside and he openly sobbed wishing that someone from the party would find them.
"Let go!"
Suddenly, a fist collided with the side of Mr. Trapp's head sending them both toppling to the ground. James reached out and grabbed Yukia's hand, easily pulling him to his feet in one swift motion. His manager led him outside and didn't stop until they were standing at the car.
"Are you okay?" James asked softly as he placed his hands on the teen's shoulders. He had a concerned frown on his face but Yukia could see that underneath that was sheer panic.
Maybe he's afraid that my mum will fire him… The thought made Yukia angry. Why would James care if he was okay? They weren't friends. They barely had a professional relationship. Yukia violently shoved James' hands away. "Don't act like you care!" he screamed. "Don't talk to me like you actually give a damn if I'm okay!"
James took a stumbled step back, his eyes wide in shock. "Yukia…" his voice was soft as if speaking with a skittish animal. "Of course I care. Why do you think I don't?"
"I thought-" Yukia stopped suddenly feeling very confused. Was there a chance that James didn't hate him for confessing his love for him? Tears were flowing freely down his face and his nose was starting to run. "I thought you would be disgusted with me after I told you I loved you. I thought you hated me."
James pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to him. "I could never hate you, Yukia. And I don't know where you got the idea that I was disgusted with you for having feelings for me."
Yukia wiped his face and stared down at the ground intently. "I thought maybe you hated me because I'm gay." A hand touched his chin and tipped his head up.
"I would never, ever hate someone because of their sexuality. And I could never, ever hate you, period. I consider you my friend. I care about you very much."
Yukia tried to hold it in but failed and ended up breaking down into sobs. "I'm sorry!" he burst out as he threw himself forward into James' arms. His manager held him close, resting his chin on top of his head. It felt safe there with James' arms wrapped around him. He never wanted to leave.
Once his sobs subsided James slowly released Yukia and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. As soon as he did so James' face went red with embarrassment. "I'm so sorry," he apologized quickly. "I don't know why I did that."
"It's okay," Yukia said with a crooked smile. "It was nice. And don't worry I won't read too much into it."
James was relieved that as time passed his and Yukia's relationship had gone back to normal. Well, almost normal. Yukia no longer leaned his head on James' shoulder, no longer casually touched his arm, or slipped his hand into James' when he was nervous. James told himself that it was better that way with clear boundaries.
One night James was out with Yukia and his family. They were having a celebratory dinner in honor of Yukia getting a coveted roll in a film. Sakura kept leaning over to press kisses to the side of Yukia's head while Yukia's father, Oliver, continuously took pictures of everyone.
"Let me get a picture of the two of you," Oliver said as he motioned for Yukia to move to sit next to James. For the first time in over a month Yukia was sitting close enough to James that their sides were pressed against each other. James was surprised to find that he didn't mind it. He had never been okay with physical touch. He always had to tolerate it when a friend or family member hugged him, holding his breath and tensing up until it was over. Before when Yukia would touch him he would tense up knowing that it was not appropriate for them to be so familiar with each other. Something had changed.
All too soon the picture taking was over. Yukia moved back to his seat across from James and the manager found that he suddenly felt cold. Yukia grinned across the table at him and James forced a smile onto his face for the sake of the teenager.
"Isn't that Nicholas?" Sakura asked as she subtly gestured to a family being seated nearby.
Yukia looked up and nodded excitedly. "Yeah! I haven't talked to him in forever. Can I go say hi?"
"I don't see why not."
The teen jumped up and went to talk with his friend. Soon enough he slid into the seat next to Nicholas as he chatted with the whole family.
"Nicholas was one of Yukia's closest friends after they met on the set of a children's show," Sakura explained. "They lost touch after a while unfortunately. Nicholas had gotten a part in an American television series and they had trouble staying in contact."
James watched how easily the two teenagers fell back in sync with each other. He was glad that Yukia was able to reconnect with an old friend. Sometimes it seemed like his client didn't talk much with people his own age.
He expected that Yukia would say a quick hello to Nicholas maybe exchange phone numbers or emails and then come back to the table. Instead Yukia was invited to have dinner with Nicholas' family. James kept glancing over to see Yukia and Nicholas sitting so close that their shoulders were touching. For some reason James could not explain, it made him uncomfortable. If Yukia hadn't seen this boy in years then why was he suddenly sitting so close to him, touching his arm, leaning his head on the other boy's shoulder? James recalled the way it felt when Yukia leaned close to him for the picture. It was the first time he could remember feeling comfortable with someone touching him.
Yukia was more special than he had realized. Being around him was like nothing he had ever experienced before. It was difficult to describe. Yukia was like the sun. He was fascinated and afraid to get too close. Yet once Yukia breached his defenses he didn't want to be away from him.
James stopped, mentally shaking himself. He looked down at his empty plate, staring at the garnish still left. How had his thinking of Yukia changed so drastically so quickly?
"James, are you okay?" Oliver asked as he tried to calm a fussy Haruto.
"Yeah. Yes, I'm fine," James said quickly. He took his napkin off of his lap and placed it on the table next to his plate. "I just need the washroom. Excuse me."
James splashed a handful of water on his face not bothering to care that the edges of his hair and the collar of his shirt got damp in the process. It wasn't right for him to be thinking of Yukia in a such a way. Yukia was sixteen; his client. It was inappropriate.
James gripped the edge of the sink and glared at his reflection harshly. "Even if he was old enough or you met under different circumstances…" He inhaled shakily through his nose. "Even Yukia wouldn't understand," he snarled through gritted teeth. "No one ever understands. Get used to being alone."
Act IV
It was the first week of filming and James was impressed by how much Yukia's acting had improved. He could see Yukia one day being a movie star known worldwide and beloved by the masses. He wanted the teenager to be successful. He wanted to see him become something great.
In between scenes Yukia sat in a corner hunched over his phone. James approached and smiled when he saw Yukia shaking with laughter. "What's so funny?" he asked as he came to stand beside Yukia.
Yukia pressed his phone screen against his stomach, shielding it from view. "Nothing," he said quickly unable to suppress the grin on his face. "Just a text from Nicholas."
James did his best to keep a pleasant expression on his face. Inside he felt angry that Yukia was communicating with the other boy. He didn't want Nicholas to be able to make Yukia laugh. He didn't want Nicholas to talk to his client at all. It felt like all Yukia did in his free time was text his old friend.
"I'm glad that you have such a good friend," James forced out at least one octave higher than his normal speaking voice. "You seem to talk to him a lot."
"Yeah," Yukia said with a giggle. "Right now he's in Paris with his mum. Nick's starting to break into modelling and this one designer-" He started laughing again unable to continue. "I don't think I can say it out loud. You probably wouldn't get it anyways. It's more of an inside joke."
James kept a fake smile plastered on his face as he nodded. "Probably not." He cleared his throat and looked around for something, anything that needed his attention away from Yukia. "I need… I need to go check on something," he said walking away to check on some nonexistent problem.
Yukia went back to his phone as James walked away trying to keep his cool. He hated that he was letting Yukia's relationship with Nicholas get to him. Jealousy was not something he felt very often. It was an unpleasant feeling that wrenched at his gut and sent a painful panging through his chest.
You have no right to feel jealous. Yukia can talk to whoever he wants. Why are you feeling like this about him? He only sees you as his manager now. You already rejected him. He would be furious if he knew that you felt this way after breaking his heart. Stop it! Stop having these feelings for Yukia! He scolded himself over and over. It didn't do much but make him feel sick with guilt.
James did his best to tamp down any feelings for Yukia that went past friendly. Unfortunately, burying his feelings only made the guilt worse. As the guilt built up he felt a gnawing in his stomach and he became convinced that this whole situation was giving him an ulcer.
"Maybe I should just quit," he said out loud into his empty apartment as he laid on his bed still fully clothed from the day. As soon as he said it he quickly dismissed the idea. Not only would Sakura possibly murder him for quitting out of the blue but it might hurt Yukia to have his first manager that wasn't his mother leave for no obvious reason. The last thing he wanted to do was leave Yukia believing it was his own fault.
The ringing of his cell phone suddenly sounding shrilly in his otherwise silent apartment startled him. He rolled over and grabbed his phone off of his night stand to find that it was Yukia calling him. He sighed, as he answered it unable to not take the teen's call.
"Hello, this is James Howell," he said in a calm business-like tone.
"Hey, James," Yukia greeted cheerily. "I needed a favor. If you can't, I totally understand."
James smiled to himself wondering if Yukia knew deep down that he would never say no to doing something for him. "What is it?"
"I am out with Nicholas and his driver had to leave suddenly. His wife is having a baby. Anyways, Nick and I are kind of stranded now," Yukia sounded apologetic but at the same time was chuckling at the mildly ridiculous situation.
His stomach churned at the thought of Yukia being out alone with Nicholas at nearly eleven o'clock at night. "Where are you?" As Yukia gave him the address James slid on his coat and grabbed his car keys. "I'll be right there."
"Thanks, James. You're the best."
James swallowed hard feeling more guilt piled on at Yukia's words. He wanted to protest, confess that he was actually the furthest thing from it. "I should be there in about twenty minutes," he said instead before hanging up.
When he got there Yukia and Nicholas piled into the backseat of James' car laughing with relief. "Thank you for getting here so quickly," Yukia said as he reached forward patting James on the shoulder.
Nicholas also leaned forward placing his hand on top of Yukia's. "Yeah. Thanks, Jimmy, you're a lifesaver."
James prickled at the nickname. He glanced at the review mirror as the two boys leaned back, putting on their seatbelts. "My name is James," he corrected. "Or Mr. Howell. Not Jimmy."
Nicholas looked up and seeing James' irritation in the reflection of the mirror muttered, "Sorry, Mr. Howell."
As he pulled back onto the street James could hear the teens in the backseat chattering excitedly about their night out. He continued to tense up like a spring being wound until it would finally break. He grew more and more jealous at the way Yukia acted with the other boy which only made him feel guiltier for his unwarranted attitude. His foot pressed down on the accelerator, wanting to get them home as soon as possible so this errand could be over with.
Getting to Nicholas' home took longer than expected because James became so distracted by his thoughts he missed the turn twice. As Nicholas walked inside Yukia got out of the backseat and moved to the front passenger seat. "James, are you okay?" he asked, voice filled with concern.
James pulled back out onto the street ignoring Yukia's question. He just wanted to get home. Hopefully Yukia would take the hint and not talk to him.
"James," Yukia said, his voice coming out softer. "Your knuckles are turning white."
He glanced down and saw that he was holding the steering wheel in a death grip. He consciously loosened his hold minutely and realized that his hands had started to go numb. The blood flow returned to his fingers making his hands feel oddly warm.
"James-" Yukia started again, but James cut him off.
"Yukia, please just stop," he pleaded, glancing away from the road. "I don't want to talk right now." His grip had tightened again on the steering wheel.
"You just ran a red light!" Yukia shouted. James looked back at the road just in time to swerve around a car that had the right of way. "Pull over!"
James made a dangerous maneuver jerking the wheel to the side to pull over. He stomped down on the brake causing them both to jerk forward, stopped by their seatbelts locking. They both sat there breathing hard. Yukia was turned away from James, glaring out the window.
"I'm sorry," James croaked. His stomach felt like a mess of blades trying to cut their way out. When Yukia turned to him it only got worse. The teenager had tears in his eyes and looked like there was a war of anger and worry in his expressions. "I'm sorry, Yukia."
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Yukia asked as he reached over and punched his arm. It wasn't hard enough to hurt but James could feel the way the teen's fist trembled and it hurt his heart.
"I don't know," James replied shakily. "I think I'm going crazy."
"What? You're not making sense. Why would you say that?"
James hesitated unsure what the best course of action was. He could take a deep breath, lie, and take Yukia home as if nothing had happened, but Yukia wasn't going to let this go. On the other hand, he could tell Yukia the truth, but he had no idea what the result would be.
"I don't know!" he shouted a bit hysterically. "I don't know what is wrong with me! I want to tell you but I don't know what to say or how to say it."
Yukia unbuckled his seatbelt and moved closer to James, placing a gentle hand on his arm. "Well, just say what's on your mind and we'll get it sorted."
James looked at Yukia and saw confusion and concern. It made him want to let everything pour out. Whatever wall was keeping everything pent up disappeared. "I guess I'm jealous and I feel guilty about it," he began listing everything that was on his mind. "My stomach feels like rats are eating at it from the inside out. I feel like a hypocrite. I miss the way you were with me before I told you we could only be friends." James stopped, knowing that he had crossed over into dangerous territory.
Yukia had taken a sharp intake of breath and seemed to be holding it. "Go on," he breathed softly.
Feeling reckless James barreled forward. What the hell! Might as well step fully off the cliff. "I miss when you would hold my hand when you were nervous and the way you would lean your head on my shoulder. I've never felt like this before and I'm terrified but I also don't want to ever stop feeling like this about you."
Yukia moved closer, almost on top of the middle console. "Are you…" he trailed off biting his bottom lip. "Do you like me as more than a friend?" he asked cautiously.
This was not a conversation they should be having. James saw the hopefulness in Yukia's eyes and found that even though the sensible part of his brain was telling him to backpedal he couldn't break Yukia's heart again. "Yes," he confessed as if he had just confirmed that he was terminally ill.
Yukia grinned automatically but after a moment it faltered. "Why do you seem so sad about it?"
"Because you're only sixteen and you're my client," he said as if he had rehearsed it.
"James, you make it sound like I'm going to be sixteen forever. It doesn't really matter since the age of consent is sixteen anyways. And we don't have to tell anybody that we have feelings for each other. I don't even think I'm ready for other people knowing that I'm gay anyways. And it shouldn't matter if you're my manager. Plenty of couples meet at work. It's not as big a deal as you're making it out to be."
James' breathing became more labored as Yukia rationalized every problem he had with the two of them becoming something more than friends. He was quickly realizing that he was running out of excuses. It suddenly felt like the car was much too small for the both of them.
"James, you're going to hyperventilate. Please, calm down." Yukia sounded worried and a bit scared. The rats were clawing at James' stomach again.
"There's something more isn't there? Something you're not telling me."
James took several deep breaths as he shook his head. "You wouldn't understand," he said with an empty laugh.
Yukia frowned looking offended. "I'm sure that I can understand whatever it is."
"No, no one ever understands. They say they will but all that happens is that I end up getting hurt. They think I'm lying or think that there's something wrong with me. But I've seen doctors and there's nothing for them to fix." James could feel himself shaking with emotion and he reached up to run a hand over his face. His hand came away wet and he realized that he was crying. "And I try to convince myself that I'm not broken but when I keep having people tell me that I am it's hard to not believe it."
"I don't- what are you talking about?" Yukia's voice was quiet and careful as if he was afraid that if he talked to loud James would shatter.
"I looked it up once." James retreated away from Yukia, pressing himself against the car door. "I'm asexual. It means that I'm not sexually attracted to anyone."
"Okay," Yukia said slowly. There was a moment of silence as he processed James' words. "So you don't want to have sex with anyone. But you like me right?"
"Yeah. I do like you but I'll never want a physical relationship with you, or anybody. I- I've tried to be okay with having sex," James said earnestly. Whenever he had tried to explain it in the past he had to prove himself. This time he tried to get ahead of the question about if he had ever tried sex. "I even had a friend who offered to sleep with me but I couldn't get past taking my shirt off. It's not something I'll ever be able to do. I- I'm sorry."
"You don't have to apologize," Yukia said firmly. "It's fine if we don't have that. I'm in love with you and that won't ever change. No one should have ever made you feel so self-conscious about this that you're reacting this way to telling me."
James felt himself wilt with weariness at Yukia's words. The tension that he had been feeling had faded making him exhausted. "You're actually okay with this?" He couldn't believe that Yukia was accepting this. For so long he had had people doubt him or look at him like he was some strange creature when he told them. He had stopped telling people after a certain point because the reactions he got would just send him into a depression.
"Of course I'm okay with it. I just have one question."
James tensed again preparing himself for whatever probing question Yukia would ask him. "What's that?"
"Can I kiss you?"
He was so surprised by the question that he nodded without really thinking it through. Yukia slowly leaned forward and James froze up. Soft lips pressed lightly against his. He wasn't sure how long the kiss lasted. It was strangely nice. It made him feel closer to Yukia than before, just a hair short of being too overwhelming for him.
When Yukia pulled away from the kiss he gazed at James trying to gauge if that was okay. James let out a slow breath and blinked several times in a daze. "Was that okay?" Yukia asked hesitantly.
James nodded. "Yes. It was nice."
They sat in silence for a moment. Yukia still didn't fully understand what James had told him. He had never heard the word asexual used to describe a human being's sexuality. But seeing how distressed James was over the whole thing he didn't want to ask him anymore questions. He would do what research he could online when he got home.
What he wanted to focus on at the moment was the fact that James had just confessed that he had feelings for him. He had thought after James rejected him that it was an impossibility. James had never clarified whether he was gay or straight so Yukia had just assumed that his manager wasn't interested in men at all. James saying that he did have feelings for him was a dream come true. Sure, he had thought that the physical side of a relationship would be included in that dream but it wasn't everything to him. It was only one element of what he wanted to have with James. It was an element that he was willing to live without.
"I should get you home. It's getting late," James said, breaking the silence. Without waiting for a reply he put the car in gear and carefully started pulling back onto the street.
"I just wanted to clarify something," Yukia started as he buckled his seatbelt. "Does this mean that we're… together now or…"
James frowned looking pained and Yukia regretted putting that pressure on him. He was about to tell him that it was okay if he didn't want to answer that right then. "Yes," James replied suddenly. "I do want to be in a romantic relationship with you."
Yukia smiled at James' awkward wording and reached over to put a hand on the older man's knee. He watched his manager's reaction to make sure he was going too far. James tensed for a moment but then relaxed. He smiled at Yukia and took one hand off the wheel for a second to pat Yukia's hand.
Yukia closed his eyes trying to picture them five years from that moment. He could see them being happy together. Maybe it was wishful thinking but he hoped that by that point he would have the courage to come out and their relationship could be out in the open. But even if it had to be a secret he would be happy as long as he had James.
Kyoko Mogami sat quietly in her dressing room. Her eyes had filled with tears as Yukia had finished telling her the story of him and James. She wiped at her eyes with her hands.
"Are you okay, Kyoko-chan? I didn't mean to make you cry." Yukia asked, worriedly.
James stepped forward from where he had been leaning against the dressing table and held out a handkerchief to the young actress. "Here you go, Kyoko-chan. Please don't cry."
She took the handkerchief and wiped her face. "I'm sorry. I just hadn't expected anything so emotional when I asked about how you two met and fell in love."
Yukia smiled at her. "Well, since we know everything about you and Ren-san now, I thought it only fair for you to learn all about us."
Kyoko nodded, feeling happy to have met Yukia and James. She knew that they were and probably always would be very important and valuable friends.
A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this little prequel story about my OC's Yukia and James. My sister and I worked together on this though most of the writing is her work. This is the cannon back story for them and I thought you guys might like to know it. We do have a plan for another story about Yukia and James. The length of it will be determined by how interested people are. But it will include more Ren and Kyoko as well.
Please let us know what you thought and thank you for your dedication to my series.
-marauderluverz & NeverTooLate123