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On the day of Thorin's proposal, Bilbo was hesitant. On the day of their marriage she was regretful. And now she was relentless with both.
She had lounged in bed for an extra hour, despite her maids hovering at her door. Loose muscles, a pauper night gown and the freedom from discussions of war and politics came scarce, but honored when acquired. Thorin had awoken in mystery and ill - temper a while ago. She assumed he was preparing himself for his cousin's arrival, something she too should have been readying herself for. Her thoughts were on the navy gown, in care of her servants at the moment, that would cling to her body, slow her breathing and weigh down her every movement.
She hated it.
And the gems and jewels Thorin insisted her to wear, making her presence always known from constant shimmer, frustrated her. Maybe the weariness and obscurity was making her so cynical. Or maybe it was this boring routine she rehearsed daily. Awake without her once loving husband, dress in clothings that made her stand out from everyone else, have a swift breakfast, only herself as company, ponder what adventures she could substitute these dull days with, and then remember, she had vowed herself to a world without any fun or adventure.
Today though, the casualties had shifted.
Bilbo usually met with Ori in the library by noon, to exchange small talk and reviews on the books they were currently reading. She had noted his distancing attitude towards the habit, but now he did not show up at all. Though feeling betrayed, she asked Bombur, who was given the role of patrol by default, if he had seen him. While she expected the answer, she did not wish to hear it.
"Most are preparing for Dain's arrival," he said. "Have you forgotten?"
It was desired, but hard not to.
She shook her head, with a low 'no'.
"Are you alright?" he asked.
She wore her distress plainly, but still lied. ""Yes...Thank you. I suppose I should not disturb Thorin than. Well...I'll be in my quarters." Their farewells were short and tense, as he went back to his route with a mind on tonight's feast and she took her previous path. She moved in agony with thoughts trailing back to her last encounter with Dain. He was vocal towards Thorin and the rest of what remained of the company, but bitter when it came to her. His disapproval upon his cousin taking her as the queen put a riffle between the kingdoms, one rumoured to still be pending.
She was civil and occasionally hesitant to the dwarf, but now strained by boredom and feeling the a bit of lunacy from loneliness, she found herself dreading their meet all together. Even with time, occupied by others or anything productive, pondering how tonight would unfold, she couldn't overcome the apprehension binding her. Her attention on the world surrounding was lacking, that she even missed the swift passing of time and Thorin's silent entrance.
"You look beautiful," he breathed and she sprung from her chair.
"Oh...Thorin...I, I didn't hear you come in," she said before controlling her nerves and letting her blood flow back through her body.
"Apologies, my lady," he said and drew closer to observe her. He never admitted it and couldn't now, but he had always found her more attractive in her adventuring attire. They did justice for who she was. "The sun is setting and Dain and his company are soon to arrive."
She nodded.
"Is there something wrong, my love?" he inquired.
She hide her distress by a force smile and tried to ease her trembles. Words traveled up through her throat, that burned before she released them. "I..."
"Thorin," and both shifted to the doorway, with only one miffed by the interruption. She should have known have better. There was never time for personal conversations anymore. Dwalin, to less of an extent than Dain, expressed little respect and therefore little sympathy for Bilbo, even as she looked at him with a wounded stare.
The words in her throat dropped.
"Dain has arrived."
()
A cold obscurity stood outside the mountain. Inside it was just beginning.
Thorin courted Bilbo through the dining room's entrance, leaning over and reassuring her in a whisper she could do this. Her stomach dropped and her heart roused despite it. She moved with a mysterious and reserved grace, trying to model those around her. Still, she fauntered,and quivered as Dain fell into view.
"Cousin, what took you so long," Ironfoot greeted, exchanging a brief embrace that made both minds trail back to the battle long ago.
Feeling her husband's arm slink out of hers, Bilbo couldn't help but step back and lock her eyes with the doorway. No attention on her and no one occupied the exit. It was easy, simple, yes, she could just shuffle over there and sneak out. Dwarves and hard drinks surrounded her. It would take only a minute to weave around them and no effort to stay out of their view.
"I'm pleased to see Dis coming back to her old ways," she heard Dain despite her hearing dimmed by her occupied mind.
"Aye. My sister has not been the same since…." Thorin's voice dropped. The memory of Fili and Kili's death still loomed in the back of his mind, but he had no reason to confront it unless he spoke of it. The topic was quick to change. "I have heard great word from the Iron Mountains, of riches and strong alliances. What reason would you have to come here with a proposition?"
"Only one that will benefit us both," he said.
Thorin was still hesitant.
He shifted back behind him, expecting to find his wife, only to see her retreating from the party. He excused himself, despite the mutable inquires brewing in his mind and followed her path, before Dain called, "Let her go, cousin."
"She is the queen," he retorted, lowly.
"To you. But to your kin…" He stayed consistent.
"She has proven herself to my kin and I -."
"Years ago. Time is making your people forget. And time is enemy of yours. Have you considered who will take the throne when you fall? Your nephews are dead, your sister is too old to give you another one and that lass is too wee to bear you a heir. Even if it does not kill the hobbit, your people will reject it just the same."
"You have told me this once before," reminded Thorin.
"I shall until the death of one of us or the common sense returns to your head."
The topic of their discussion was already at the end of the hallway, stopping for a second to consider how morbid her behavior it was. Thorin would sit alone, but then again, she would sit alone if she returned. The expressions around the dining hall would dim when they looked towards her. Their words would be short and quick. A discriminating hatred would be settling in every eye.
Bilbo retrieved her breath, just before Dis crept up from behind.
"Wrong way, little hobbit," she smirked and Bilbo's apprehension withered. "Brother told me you were nervous about tonight, but I didn't think you would cower off."
"Co-cowering?" she asked, raising a brow. "Why I -"
Her palm sprung up, shushing her as her other hand wrapped around her sister in - law's wrist. "I imagine it would be easier with someone at your side."
Bilbo nodded, finding herself unable to agree out loud. She found her as they walked back to the dining hall, purging out her feelings towards the event onto Dis. Though the dwarf's opinion on the matter differed from Bilbo, she remained loyal to listening. The talk was short for soon they were back in the room and Dis was easily absorbed by groups of dwarves near by.
"There you are," Thorin greeted and Bilbo trembled.
"She was coming to find me, brother," Dis lied, peering away from her conversation. It seemed to satisfy Thorin for the time, no doubt he was too vexed to actually think it through.
"I thought you had left for the night," he said to her, receiving only her wounded smile for assurance.
Bilbo had several responses, but only one was the truth. It didn't matter, though, Dain was ushering everyone into their seats and was not hesitant to interrupt their exchange. "With Dis here, it's about time we get started."
His announcement lured everyone close and had them taking their seats in a fleet. Only the hobbit moved gradually to her chair, even with Dis' faint smile across the room. She took her seat next to Thorin at the table's end while Dain was already halfway through his greets. He nodded towards every dwarf, addressed them by their ranks and names, thanked them for their hospitality and then he had nothing left to avoid his proposition.
Eyes drew towards him and bodies reeled in closer, save Bilbo.
"It has been in this age that the path to the Grey Mountains was lost to dragons," he begun and expressions surrounded his grimmed. "The Withering Heath has not been touched since, rumored to be breeding grounds of dragons and other beasts" He peered down to Thorin. "It also has been rumored the pathway to the mountain is opened since the death of Smaug."
"You're attempting something because of a vague rumor?" inquired Thorin, miffed by the mentioning.
"Because slaying one of the greatest dragons has provoked the confidence of many. Dragons have left after the red drake's death. They're a rare sight in these days. With the road open, we can reclaim what rests in the mountains. We can expand our kingdoms, cousin, and acquire a wealth that will strengthen what we have now. Men will no longer have the upper hand. " Dain leaned back proudly, satisfied with his point despite Thorin's glare. Looking around, his subjects did not share the vexation
"A gold that has dangerous powers upon it. Ones that has run in our blood since my grandfather," reminded Thorin
Dain, though insulted, stayed relentless. "We are not weak minded like we use to be, King Thorin. You conquered the illness, just like dwarfs now ares capable to do."
Bilbo's hand slithered into her husband, giving a gentle, apologetic squeeze, that he did not return or reject.
"And what would you need from us?" he finally asked, retrieving his hand and rising from his grand chair.
Hesitant to speak, but finally able to, Dain readjusted his stance and said, "Help us and we'll do the same. We will share the mountain and the riches inside divided."
"And in return?"
"Your aid. A small army to head north with mind."
"I thought you said dragons no longer occupy the Grey Mountains?"
"Aye, cousin, but the road there...I can't say."
An eerie silence cast over the room. While some slouched in their chairs from boredom and others on the verge of their seat with eyes wide as the moon, Dis and Bilbo kept their eyes on Thorin. Tension's power lingered for several minutes, despite inquiries were succumbing everyone's mind.
"...What say you then?" asked Dain and Thorin sank farther into his chair.
"Is it not your quest, and yours alone…." his cousin replied.
Dain drew a prolonged breath.
"I will provide you with the weaponry and what else you may need," offered Thorin, "but I will not deploy my kin for something I cannot led myself and you cannot guarantee their safety. I will not leave my own kingdom, or my people on a quest they have not their own leader for."
Bilbo, who was attentive in the first part of this conversation, but lost interest from remembering how familiar it all sounded, had abandoned herself in her thoughts. Word of dragons and adventures fastened her heart beats and surged her with a newfound energy. She had not felt this way since...well she couldn't even recall it. Day's misery and blankness had obscured the feeling of anything else.
Now, she was impulsive. She was reckless. She was the same hobbit who had bolted out of the circular door, now who was rising from her seat and saying, "I will go. I..I can lead."