Chapter One: Losing Grip (Avril Lavigne)
Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby.
Right now I feel invisible to you, like i'm not real.
Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you?
Why'd you turn away
"Just go and do something Echo, I don't feel like dealing with you right now" John snapped at me in front of the entire quttiditch team. The two chasers on his team, who happened to be girls, giggled and turned away with identical smiles. I stood their staring at him in utter disbelief. He stared me in the eyes ... Well if that's what you want to call it, he basically stared right through me. Tim, the co-captain, stated "Yo, John are we going to practice or are you and her going to argue". I winced at the her, he didn't say it ... He spat it without any remorse. I knew Tim hated my guts but I hated when he said it in front of my face. I frowned as John's eyes focused on me and he said dismissively "We'll talk later". I nodded pathically hating myself as I leaned up and kissed him gently on the lips. He didn't even pretend to wrap his arms around my waist as I clung to him for a brief second. He looked down in my eyes and I saw nothing as he unwrapped my arms from around his neck and turned to grab his broom that was sitting on the floor.
Here's what I have to say.
I was left to cry there, waiting outside their grinning with a lost stare.
That's when I decided
I turned away from the whole team and started back towards inner campus. I hated myself when I felt the hot tears start seeping out of my eyes. I stopped for a moment when I was out of sight to catch my breath and regain my ... Well my sanity. While standing there I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror. My royal blue hair was pulled into a messy bun, my black cami was slung dismissively onto my body, my baggy black jeans clung to nothing and the black all-stars on my feet where horrible looking not to mention the fact that eye liner was now running down my face from my mix match eyes (One midnight blue the other Emerald green.). I couldn't blaming him for not wanting to be with me. As if on cue one of the many side doors opened and out walked a guy with short spiked hair, his clothing where much like mine in style and color, Todd. He noticed me and took a double take when he realized that I had been crying. He always knew because he's my best friend. As soon as he reached me he said "Where the fuck is he. I'll cut off his dick and shove it down his fucking throat" I grinned at him in admiration as he continued "Fuck this pity Echo. He's not worth it. You know what ... Let's get drunk".
Why should I care?
When you weren't there when I was scare and I was so alone.
You, you need to listen.
I'm starting to trip, I'm losing my grip and i'm in this thing alone.
We walked into Cambridge's School for Magic and art getting the normal stares of what-the-fuck from most students and the stars of admiration and approbation from others. As soon as we reached the Fire dorms, he said the password and we entered purposefully. It took us about 2 and a half seconds to get the vodka out from under his bed. I grabbed the bottle from him and took a sip and closed my eyes as it burned it's way down "Okay, no Pepsi then" he commented as he slipped the can onto his night stand. Before long random colors would pop up in random places when I knew they weren't supposed to be there. Everything was moving a bit to fast so every once and a while everything was blurry. Basically I was trashed. We laid next to each other on the bed and talked about nothing the conversation going from love, to how much of a fuck ass (yes fuck ass) the American Minister of Magic was to simply the spots on the ceiling.
Am I just some chick you place beside you to take somebody's place?
When you turn around can you recognize my face?
You used to hug me, you used to love.
Soon my cell phone rang (the Wizarding world in America is much more subjected to the muggle world) and I answered it to not a hey babe, hi sweetie or even a hello. I answered it to a "Where are you?". I looked around trying to figure out where I was but remembered that I was trashed in Todd's room "Out." I stated plainly as he mumbled something under his breath to someone else then said "Change and come to Earth's lounge so that you can hang out with me and my friends". I was going to say okay but he hung up. Todd stated with a sigh "I guess your leaving to be his trophy". I wanted to say No and tell him that John loved me but I couldn't, the Vodka made it impossible so I just nodded and walked to his dresser. I always had cloths here because Todd was my escape from life and reality. Without a care I pulled off my jeans and pulled on a pair of tight black ones, discarded my shirt and pulled on a red and black stripped shirt with falling skulls and left on my sneakers. I pulled on a pair of Todd's aviator glasses to hide my blood shot drunken eyes and headed out the door. I tripped over myself all the way to Earth's lounge, stated the password after about 17 try's then slipped into the lounge to see John and his clique of annoyingnesses. He looked over at me giving his 'look' and glaring slightly knowing I was wasted. As I walked past the guys I felt their eyes looking me over, I know i'm hott but I hate the attention. When I sat next to John all the guys stared at him with envy and the girls stared at me with the same look. John barely looked my way but I played the roll of a girlfriend.
But that wasn't the case, Everything wasn't okay
I was left to cry there waiting outside there grinning with a lost stare
That's when I decided
Why should I care?
Maybe it was the vodka that gave me courage but after the third time he left my side to flirt with a girl I got up and left. I didn't hear his footsteps because I was to busy trying to make sure I didn't fall down the steps but he spun me around when I was outside Fire's lounge. "What was that?" he snapped angrily only to have me retaliate with a "I don't know what your talking about?". He narrowed his eyes and came in closer and whispered in my ear "Don't start with me today Echo. I'm not in the mood for your shit". I took a step back and stayed without any emotion "Is that so?". He clenched his fist and closed his eyes and I used that moment to dart into Fire's lounge. He didn't know the password so I was safe. I knew I would have to pay for that later but right now I didn't care. Why should I? When I reached Todd's room he was still laying in the same spot I had left him earlier. I locked the door and climbed in the bed next to him.
Cry out loud, I'm crying out loud.
Cry out loud, I'm crying out loud.
Open your eyes.
Open them wide.
I sat there for a moment and Todd wrapped his arms around me. Without thinking I climbed on top of him and kissed him roughly. I needed to know that this was all real and that it wasn't a random nightmare. He kissed me just as roughly. With each kiss we felt the lust grow stronger and stronger. He flipped us over and moved from my mouth to my neck where he started sucking roughly on my collar bone. It hurted but I loved it. Tears started to spill out my eyes in pain, in anguish, in shame and worst of all in understanding. Even though liquor was swimming in my system life could not have been clearer. My eyes where open and I doubted they would ever close again.
Why should I care?
You weren't there when I was scared and I was so alone.
You, you need to listen.
I'm starting to trip, i'm losing my grip and i'm in this this thing alone.
He pulled my shirt over my head and snapped my bra off with a flick of two fingers. Between the liquor and his hands in between my legs I didn't care about anything else. Soon his shirt was off and his pants discarded. He stopped for a moment to say "Echo. This is one shitty thing to do. " I stared up at him for a moment then whispered sadly "Make me forget" "I can make you forget other ways" he stated with ease as he move from on top me to beside him. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly. My phone rang cutting the silence and tension that had descended. He answered it and stated "What do you want you ass fuck (yes ass fuck)?" ... "Yeah well dick fuck (yes dick fuck) it's over. I'll be damned if I let you stay with her. You fucked up and she's never coming back". I nodded in agreement as he hung up on John and re-wrapped his arms around me. I laid in his arms thinking of everything as Todd stated "I think you should go and live with your brothers. Get away from this hell hold for a while" "Your pretty smart for a drunk" I stated with a smile.
Why should I care?
You weren't there when I was scare and I was so alone.
You, you need to listen.
I'm starting to trip, i'm losing my grip and i'm in this thing alone.
John stared at his phone not sure if he knew what he had done. If Todd said that he and Echo where over then he and Echo where over. Even though Todd was a weirdo he was not one to be messed with. John had wanted this or a least he thought he had. He wasn't so sure anymore.