Growing up in a poor environment does not prepare you for the future. It does not help you to mature and properly know how to take care of yourself and others. The only thing it does is help you toughen up, which is helpful, but we're all human; we all have emotion and shouldn't have to hide it. But growing up the way I did, it was mandatory to keep every single feeling bottled up and stored away deep inside. Every thought that came into my mind had to be thrown aside and kept in my head, or else I would face consequences. These "what not to do's" especially were enforced when mum got home; that is if she got home. Sometimes we wouldn't see her for days at a time. I knew she was overworking herself for our sakes. Or maybe it was so she wouldn't have to admit to herself that she knew exactly what dad was doing… I won't know. I never asked. One of the worst parts - I think - is that I can't even remember a time when mum wasn't trying with everything she had not to cry in front of us. I don't remember when this started either. Sometimes I like to convince myself that this wasn't because of me being born, but I know that it was what destroyed my parents' relationship. So I guess when I found out, my mother began trying her damnedest to make sure our home life was a better one. And dad? Well, he certainly talked less, that's for sure.