A/N: Hi guys! This is my first story on fan fiction, so please give as much criticism as necessary so I can improve (AKA REVIEW PLEASE)! To me, this story is basically a long drabble of Dawn reflecting on her high school love. It's a coming of age story- learning to see past the lies that media and the oblivion that many young girls have towards love. This story is slightly based off of my own experiences with love, so if Dawn seems a little OOC I apologize! Again, I'm new at this.
Summary: Looking back, she hated who she was. The old her was pure hearted but oblivious, she embraced everything but was naive. The old her was convinced that love was going to be the best thing that happens to her, she was so sure. Dawn sees love without flaw, but can a certain purples haired teenager show her a harsher, more realistic love? In the end, the question arises… what is love exactly?
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lament
[luh-ment]
verb (used with object)
1.
to feel or express sorrow or regret for:
to lament his absence.
2.
to mourn for or over.
verb (used without object)
3.
to feel, show, or express grief, sorrow, or regret.
4.
to mourn deeply.
noun
5.
an expression of grief or sorrow.
6.
a formal expression of sorrow or mourning, especially in verse or song; an elegy or dirge.
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Chapter 1: Lament
I believe that love is a double edged sword, and no matter how you hold it you'll get hurt. Whether it be a cautious and careful cradling or a tight enclosure of your fingers strangling the weapon, you'll get cut. Love helps, love hurts. Love open new and old wounds. It's kind of like you're a bomb. You can destroy everything in your path, but you also end up destroying yourself in the process.
I think what I'm trying to get across is that love is a weapon. And maybe for a girly girl like myself, I really shouldn't be saying that. I should tell you all about love in the sense that it is like a never ending sunset; something so beautiful and unrealistic you can't believe what's even happening. The pink clouds and warm orange light mirror the butterflies that float around in your stomach. The blending and mix of all those colors in the sky are like your thoughts and memories leading up to that bright and empowering golden sun. This sun, specifically, your sun is the center of your world. That person is everything. That person is the reason for this amazing event, this thing called love. Majestic, awe inspiring invigorating love.
But the thing is, a sunset is not never ending. Like all things in life, everything comes to an end. So what's left when your sun fades away? What happens when those warm clouds turn gray, when the light turns black and when the alluring mix of colors in the sky are all dead. Where was that blissful love now?
And that's the reality of love. We can't watch that sunset forever. Sure, you can chase after it so you can attempt to mimic a "never ending sunset" but eventually you'll grow tired and stop. No matter what happens, you're stuck watching the sun slowly grow farther away, and learn to accept nature, love and the cruel relationship they have.
But I definitely believed in that never ending sunset! I believed in my fantasy so much I projected it to my reality and slowly things began to break. So here's my story. My pink clouds, my warm rays of sun, my feelings, thoughts and memories. Here's the whole package.
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Everything started to slowly collide around September of my sophomore year in high school. September 12th to be exact. The leaves were turning brown, a sign that winter was approaching. In the wilderness and in literature winter could be observed to be death. Everything is dead during that time; it's your lowest peak. I guess autumn should've been a warning to me, that death was inevitable, my sorrow was just fate, and that you can't escape this low point. But at the same time, after that "death", a new life is reborn is spring.
Walking into class that day, I wasn't expecting much. In English honors we were just reading and analyzing a play about the legend of Palkia and Dialga. The writing style was similar to Shakespeare, with old English and countless metaphors splashed on every page. It was about the tragedy of two lovers, Palkia and Dialga and how they became to be the deities they are today. It was pretty interesting.
"Hey Drew." I say with a smile, sliding into my seat. Drew gives his classic hair flip and I roll my eyes.
"How now, thy fair maiden? And what dost thou hath in thy simple hands?" He said, pointing the flowers I was holding.
"Methinks a gentleman must be attempting to woo me. Alas, master, my heart beats for thee alone!" I say dramatically, grabbing his hands. We both laugh and take our seats.
"But yeah… I found these on top of my locker this morning." I stuck my face into the flowers, taking in a big breath. I couldn't smell anything related to the flowers, just the plastic wrapping that was encased the flowers. "These are probably genetically modified to the max right?" Drew smirks. His mother runs a bunch of chain flower shops throughout the Sinnoh and Hoenn region, so he's an expert.
"They're not even considered flowers anymore, they're too fake." I laugh, and when I open my eyes, I awkwardly make eye contact with someone across the room. I quickly turn back to Drew.
"You should take them and burn them. Or what about the girl you're trying to pursue? What was her name, April?"
"May Maple." Drew replies quickly. Blush spreads across his face light wildfire, and he begins to look at the ground. "Her name is May." I give him a soft smile and pat his head affectionally.
"I wonder what it feels like." I mumble to him
"What feels like?"
"Falling in love?" Drew smacks me across the head and I giggle. "You didn't deny it!"
Drew mumbles something about "idiot" and "kill her" but I just smile and look out the window. The sun was bright, brighter than it had been in the summer. It gave off the appearance that it was hot outside, which was a lie. The strong and harsh wind violently nipped at my exposed legs and arms before I entered the class.
Maybe that's what love was like? Something that looks nice but actually isn't? I shake the thought out of my head and think of all the blissful moments I've watched around me in this school, and all the moments that I've seen on TV or from books. The anticipation, the rush, the nervousness and the feeling of being accepted wholly for all your flaws. That was love. That had to be! There was nothing else besides that. Love is beautiful, love is kind, love will be there best thing to happen to me.
I repressed it, but in the moment I felt something indescribable fluttering in my stomach. I was denying the flaws in love, and I would get hell to pay for it later.
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"Sayonora sempai~" I yell jokingly to Ursula after cheer practice. Ursula is half Japanese, but you'd never expect it! She doesn't look Japanese, and she doesn't know a single Japanese word. She hasn't even eaten sushi!
"Bye you bitch!" She yells at me jokingly, sticking her tongue out and flipping me off. I laugh and walk to the west side of the Academy, towards the girls dorms. Worthington Preparatory Academy definitely lives up to the majestic attributions and high regard that any private boarding school would. Pure white, tall, grand buildings are occupied for classes, with granite pillars and marble statues everywhere. The grass is always neatly trimmed, the water fountains spray out the clearest water known to mankind, the sun sets right in the appropriate spot to make red brick pathways glow, lighting the paths set for the students. I hum a song and walk absentmindedly around the school, and accidentally bump into someone and fall to the ground.
"Sorry!"
"Hn." I look up to see a familiar face glaring at me. I widen my eyes slightly at the intensity of his dark eyes. How could someone have eyes that dark?! They looked like an endless pool, a dark abyss, a black hole that I couldn't escape. I felt myself being pulled closer to him. The guy put out his hand.
Closer.
I grabbed his hand.
Closer.
He pulled me up.
Closer.
I didn't let go.
"My hand." He says roughly, and I immediately pull away.
"Oh Arecus, I didn't even notice. Sorry!"
"Whatever." He said turning around, walking away. I was pulled out of the black hole, forced out and shoved back into reality.
"Wait!" I call out, and put my hands to my mouth. I didn't even realize I said that until he slowly turned around. The golden rays of the sun were now in full effect, illuminating everything and turning everything in it's reach gold. The sky was a brilliant shade of pastel blues, purples and harsh pinks and oranges.
"Th-thanks." I say, looking him in the eyes. "Thank you….." I stop myself, not knowing his name. "What's your name?"
"Paul Shinji." He says shortly, and I frown a little sensing he wants the conversation to be short.
"I'm Dawn."
"I know."
"You do?"
"Who doesn't?" Paul turns away, and I'm not sure if I should take this last two words as a compliment or as an insult.
"I hope to see you again!" I yell out. He doesn't turn around, but keeps walking away and I sigh.
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I jolt awake, my body shaking as if I just fell from a building. I hated when stuff like that happens, it's so annoying.
I slowly got up and rested my head on the windowsill. The stars in Pastoria City glistened beautifully, and their light reflected across any body of water that came into contact with it. I sighed. My fingers slowly intertwined together and I sat there trying to imitate how his hands felt in mine. How cold his hands were and how they encompassed my own. I looked out towards the sky and the disorganized, jumbled set of stars and tried to organize my thoughts. Who was Paul? Why did he have such a pulling effect on me? The stars twinkled brightly, almost laughing at my simple thoughts. In comparison to them, I was so simple. People in general were so simple; we are nothing in comparison to the grand complexity of a star.
A star can result in many big scale things- a new planet is an example of one. The very ground that we stand on, came from the pure light of a star. And what can a human do? Contemplate the significance of another? That is minuscule in comparison to a star.
But when that star exploded, it sent down it's grandness, it's majestic qualities down to Earth. Each one of us has potential to be great because we have a little star in us. We are disorganized, twinkling stars. Including Paul.
I slapped myself and felt my cheeks grow warmer. I crawled back into my bed and closed my eyes, stars forming in my imagination. My stars were slowly pulled towards a black hole, and before I knew it that black hole consumed my mind.
Paul.
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A/N: There's the first chapter! Hope you enjoy it. Dawn isn't really infatuated with Paul, since she isn't attracted to him. But he's definitely someone that she has taken interest in. Dawn isn't really all knowledgeable in the whole loving someone, or boys in general (in the anime, she's friendly, but not flirty on purpose. Many fanfics that I have read depict her as someone who has had a ton of boyfriends and then is changed when Paul comes around. I believe Dawn isn't like that. Just because she's friendly doesn't mean flirtatious, as you will see through out this story!), or kissing and romantic stuff like that. She's seen in and has her own fantasy of what love is like and the benefits (no cons, just benefits) that come with it. She's young, she's shy, she's learning what is and isn't real with it comes to love.
There's a lot of metaphors (I tried :( and still suck) and if you need clarification, please ask!
Please review! I have NO IDEA how I'm doing and I desperately need feedback!
P.S: For those of you who don't live in the US or don't use the same time of grade levels as us, Sophmore year= 10th grade= 2nd year out of a total of 4 years
Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter though! :)