Our story begins in medias res.

The blazing hellscape of Lost Izalith lay before The Chosen Undead, Solaire of Astora, Siegmeyer of Catarina, and Oswald of Carim. It was a long arduous journey down through the stinking depths of Lordran through the disgusting, toxic Blighttown. But the thing wrenching The Chosen Undead's heart the most was that he had to kill Chaos Witch Quelaag to get here. Sweet, beautiful Chaos Witch Quelaag. Merciful, kind Chaos Witch Quelaag. Fair, polite, busty, Chaos Witch Quela

Anyway

"Well? What is it?" snarked Oswald of Carim.

"Nothing..." said The Chosen Undead.

"You're sad 'cause you had to kill your spider waifu huh" said Solaire of Astora.

"Fuck you," said The Chosen Undead.

"Consider me fucked ;)" said Solaire of Astora.

...

"We shouldn't be down here yet," whined Siegmeyer of Catarina, "Anor Londo comes first."

"Well? What is it?" sarcasmed Oswald of Carim.

"No, nonlinearity aside, Lost Izalith doesn't open up until after Pikachu & Snorlax," said Solaire of Astora. "You're an idiot, Oswald of Carim."

"Wait!" said The Chosen Undead. "Where do you get the Orange Charred Ring? I don't have it yet!"

"Well? What is it?" sassed Oswald of Carim.

"ForGIVE ME for not having photographic memory, dickjob..." said The Chosen Undead.

Solaire of Astora pulled out his phone and checked the wiki. "It's a drop from the Centipede Demon. We can't miss it."

"Ah yeah, that's right. Well, let's go for it!"

The four brave undead warriors ventured into the lava-filled ancient city and destroyed the Centipede Demon. As it should, it dropped the Orange Charred Ring, which you need to walk on lava without burning to death really fast.

"Hang on a second, this game wasn't designed for a group of four. How are we going to use the ring to cover all of us?" said Solaire of Astora.

"Well? What is it?" bitched Oswald of Carim.

"FINE, we don't need you anyway, asshole." said Solaire of Astora. "Piss off back to your bell tower."

"I'll stay behind too," said Siegmeyer of Catarina. "I don't want to have to die in the poison pit with all those Octodads anyway. Just don't forget to come back for me after Bed of Chaos, okay?"

"Then it's just us..." said the Chosen Undead, remembering the first time he cooperated jollily with Solaire of Astora. "Solaire of Astora..."

Solaire of Astora turned to The Chosen Undead. "The Chosen Undead, you take the ring. I don't know what, but something tells me you... are the chosen one."

"You may be right," said The Chosen Undead, "But that's why I can't take the ring. This is my curse to bear."

"Okay, cool, if you say so," said Solaire of Astora.

The two pressed on into the magma pits.

"Aagh, shit, it's hot." said The Chosen Undead.

"Yes." said Solaire of Astora.

Suddenly The Chosen Undead noticed his equipment rapidly degrading.
"What the flippity-uck?" Oh no! The lava!

"Hmm? The Chosen Undead! ARE YOU GONNA DIE?" cried Solaire of Astora.

"No, but, my Elite Knight Leggings are broken!" said The Chosen Undead.

"What? Why don't they have more durability?" said Solaire of Astora.

"I didn't think I'd use them much, I was going to use the Jester's Pants to make surviving the jumps down in The Catacombs easier!" replied The Chosen Undead.

"That's DkS2 dumbass" said Solaire of Astora.

"Oh yeah."