Sorry if this story is out of character, choppy, and has grammar isusses. Please don't point them out.

-Nikki

Chapter 1

Educational Purposes

"Uh Freddie."

"Yeah?"

"You're a little to close."

"Sorry."

I was holding the camera while Freddie was doing his nerd segment on UBS drives. The whole time he kept scooting closer to Carly tiring to smell her hair.

"Freddie take your nub camera," I said almost dropping it. Luckily he caught it.

"Sam!" Yelled Freddie.

"That's my name."

"Anyway," Said Carly. "I'm not Sam."

"And I'm not Carly."

"And this not pudding . com."

"Even though I wish it were," I said sadly into the camera.

"We all want things Sam, sometimes we don't get them," Freddie said.

"Shut it Fredweird."

"Guys! We're kind of in the middle of a LIVE web show."

"Oh right," Freddie and I said at the same time.

We glared at each other until Carly pinched me.

"Ow!"

"You two can argue later. Right now let's wrap up the show."

"Uh. Remember to eat fruit."

"Watch iCarly."

"Don't flick a bear on the nose. It will attack you."

"We know from experience."

Then me and Carls looked into the camera with serious faces and nodded.

"Bye people of this world and others. If you are an aliens from a different planet then you guy must really have good reception there."

"Okay," Carly said waving. "Bye!"

"And we're clear."

"Cool. Great show guys."

"CARLY!" Spencer yelled.

"WHAT!?"

"I HAVE A PROBLEM!"

"WHAT KIND OF PROBLEM?!"

"A PROBLEM THAT INCLUDES MY FACE STUCK TO THE TOLIET SEAT WITH SUPER GULE!"

"I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO ASK HOW THAT HAPPENED!"

"JUST GET DOWN HERE AND HELP ME!"

"OKAY!" Carly yelled. "Sam help Freddie carry his tech stuff to his duplex and try not to kill each other."

"We make no promises," I replied.

Carly knew I was serious sp she left with a very concerned looking face. After she was out of ear shot I elbowed Freddie in the ribs.

"Freddie."

"What?"

"Do you still like Carly?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Well you never flirt, Let me rephrase that, try to flit with her anymore. The only thing you do is get in her personal bubble and make perverted comments like you notice her getting curvier everyday. You kind of give off a stalker vibe. It's no wonder she doesn't like you. But anyway, are you slowly giving up your obsession of Carly?"

"No. It's just what's the point. She'll never like a guy like me."

"She will with my help."

"You want to help me? Why?"

"It annoys me when I see you moping around and freaking Carly out. When I hurt you, you never feel the pain because your problem with Carly is causing more pain then I am. And I don't like it. Your not making tormenting you any fun at all."

"That would only makes sense in your world, but I kind of get it. But how would you help me?"

"I'm Carly's best friend. I know everything about her! I'll tell you what to say and how to act and you'll be with her within a month."

"Your that confident?"

"Yes. And remember I'm doing this out of the kindness of my heart," I said opening my hand out to him.

He dug into his pockets, brought out his wallet and put thirty bucks on my palm.

"Tax."

"Tax?"

"Ten more bucks."

"Ten!? More like two!"

"Fine. Eight!"

"Four!"

"Six!"

"Five!"

"Deal."

He took out five more dollars and I snatched it out of his hand.

"So when do we meet?"

"How about Saturday?" He asked.

"Can't. I have…..stuff to do." I replied. "What about Sunday?"

"Church."

"Uh?"

"I have to go to Church in the morning. You don't know what Church is do you?"

"Uh. My Dad happens to be a preacher, you idiot!"

"But I thought you lived with your mom? And the way you act…"

"Look. My dad wasn't a priest when my parents married. After my mom had Melanie and I my parents starting fighting over stuff like religion, education, and stuff. They got a divorce and my Dad moved to New York to become a priest. Since Melanie got accepted to a boarding school in New York she gets to hang out with my Dad. I haven't seen him since I was eight. That's why Melanie is all sweet and nice. My mom doesn't take me to Mass. She has….different beliefs on God and stuff. She doesn't even feed me. So that's why I take after her. My therapist says "I only act this way to go against everything my father believes, due to the fact that he left me," whatever that means."

It was quiet in the room except for the fact that we could hear Spencer and Carly yelling.

"GET IT OFF!" Yelled Spencer.

"I'M TIRING!" Carly yelled back.

"TRY HARDER!"

"IT'S YOUR OWN FAULT! I MEAN WHO GULES THEIR HEAD TO A TOLEIT SEAT!?"

"So I'll meet you at Saint. John's tomorrow at eleven. That okay?"

"I guess. But you do know that you have to dress nice for church right."

I glared at him.

"I know. Just don't expect me to ware a dress."

"That would be a sight to see." I rolled my eyes and started walking towards the door.

"Hey Carly said you had to help me take this to my duplex."

"Carly says a lot of things, most of which I don't do."

While I was walking down the hall I could heard Freddie say "What have I gotten myself into?"

I was waiting outside of Saint John's when Sam arrived. She was warring a jean skirt, a purple blouse, converse high tops, and amethyst jeweled earrings with her hair in a pony tail. Sam sat next to me when we got inside. She looked really nervous. It was like she expected someone to jump out and take a picture of her in a girly skirt.

"Sam?" I whispered.

"Yeah?"

"You okay?"

"I'm fine. It's just I haven't been in a Church since I was eight. There's a different feeling here."

Before I could answer the pianist starting playing.

Now I know your suppose to pay attention in Church, but the whole time I was staring at Sam. I never thought I would live to see her ware a skirt-of her own free will and from her own closet no less. She kind of looked like her twin sister, Melanie, except for the converse.

After Mass was over Sam flicked the back of my head.

"What was that for?"

"Why are you staring at me? Do I have something in my teeth?"

"No. I was staring because I'd never thought I'd see you ware a skirt again."

"Whatever. Let's just head to Groovy Smoothies."

When we arrived Sam left to use the restroom. She took forever! When she finally came out she was wearing jeans, a "I'm with stupid" t-shirt, an Abbey awn jacket, and her hair was down with a headband pushing back her bangs.

"Girls change slow."

"Boys think slow. I take that back. Most boys don't think at all."

I glared at her as we sat down at a table.

"Okay. I'm going to tell you some facts about Carly that you'll need to know if you want to date here. You might want to write this down."

"Way ahead of you," I said taking out a notepad and a pen.

She shook her head and continued.

"Her favorite color is pink……favorite flower is a tulip…..has an obsession with ice tea…..loves the band cuddle fish…….she likes to go to movies with dates…….her favorite store is Build A Bra."

She went on to name other facts about Carly. Lets just say Sam knows EVERYTHING about Carly. Personally I find that kind of creepy.

"So lets look at the types of guys Carly liked. She liked Jake, who played guitar and was a pretty boy. She like Griffin who was a bad boy. She like, oh what's his name? The one guy she spit in his face. Well he was a jock. And finally she like Shane. Who was a nerd, like you. So you might have a chance, if you can not be so boring, ugly, or nubish."

"Your so rude."

"Yeah you have to know your cons before we can change them into pros. Dang! Those are a lot of cons!"

I glared daggers at her.

"Don't worry. I'm sure you have some pros, like……uh. Go get me a smoothie."

"Why should I?"

"One, I need to think of your pros, which will take a while. Two, you owe me. An three, I thirsty! Now I'm hungry. Get me a burger while your at it."

I rolled my eyes and got her food.

"Wait," called Tibo.

'What?"

"Tell your girlfriend she owes me twenty bucks! Do you want to buy a pickle?" He asked pointing a stick with pickles on it, in my face.

"No Tibo. And what girlfriend?"

"The one over there, who's stealing that ids muffin."

I turned and saw Sam arguing with an 8 year old over a muffin a that was on an empty table.

"She's not my girlfriend"

"Well she should be. You two look good together."

"Whatever," I replied walking back to Sam, who was happily chopping down on her muffin.

"So where were we? Oh yeah. Carls. Besides liking any type of guy,, she likes guys who can kiss well."

"I wouldn't know the first thing to do, if I had to kiss her."

"I know this is an awkward question, but have you kiss anyone besides……..me?"

I blushed and looked down at my shoes.

"No," I mumbled.

"Well you need to be a good kisser. So since your first and last kiss was with me, you need practice. Okay. Follow me."

She dragged me out of Groovy Smoothies and into an alley. Then she pushed me against an wall and took a deep breath.

"Remember I'm only doing this for educational purposes."

Then she French kissed me. I won't go into to detail because I'd gross you out.

"I can't believe I just did that. You owe me big! Anyway, if you do exactly what I just did then she'll love you," Sam said after we pulled apart. "Oh and tell no one, and I mean no one, about this Benson or you are so dead."

"Kay," I squeaked.

"Well I think that's enough for today."

"Wait when will I get to use all the stuff you told me?"

"Soon, just don't get your panties in a twist." She said leaving.

So that's how all week went for me. Sam telling me facts about Carly, me buying her food, and her kiss-I mean educating me on sharing spit. But today, Saturday was when we were going to put Sam's little plan into action. Hopefully I don't get killed in the process. Wish me luck.

-Freddie

Thanks for reading. Please comment/review! I don't care if you're a unicorn, a hobo, or the Canadian presidents daughter, just click the darn green and white button! :D

-Love Nikki