The grass is long and prickly – undoubtedly uncomfortable, but you don't bother moving.
You reach your hand out toward the night sky.
There's a star out there; a star you can't reach.
A star you can never reach.
"Why am I the one helping you with your homework?"
You groan. "You're smart, of course I'd ask you."
"I'm two years younger than you," she reminds you, raising an eyebrow, "shouldn't you be asking Eli or Nozomi?"
"They're busy doing…I don't know what they're doing, probably fucking or something" – Maki fidgets uncomfortably – "but you're smarter than me anyway."
She doesn't protest, proceeding to explain the meaning of the next question on the paper that lay in front of you. Perhaps there was a reason why you asked her to help you, a reason deeper than merely homework.
A reason you'd never dare admit.
Sharp violet eyes stare straight at you.
These are the same pair of eyes you looks into every day, the same pair of eyes that normally hold so much emotion – boredom, happiness, annoyance, anger, embarrassment.
Yet now, all you see in the purple orbs is blankness.
"I'm sorry, Nico-chan."
Here it comes.
"I have no intention for us to be anything more than friends."
You should've seen this coming.
Holding back tears that threaten to escape, you turn and leave.
She stops talking to you.
It wasn't like she talked to you all the time in the first place, but with you aware of her ignorance toward you, you can't help but feel uncomfortable empty.
Maybe she likes Rin, you think, maybe she isn't into girls at all.
You feel stupid for trying to ask her out in the first place. You should have consulted Nozomi first; you should have considered Maki's feelings for you.
Her rejection pulls you into constant deep thought, and you're no longer able to focus on anything for more than two seconds. You go through various training sessions and live performances half-heartedly.
Your fans think you and Maki are best friends, but there isn't anything larger than the metaphorical distance between both of you.
Nozomi finally questions you about Maki.
It's not like you wanted her to care, but with her attention on you, you suddenly don't feel like spilling your problems.
"You've been avoiding her. Why?"
"She's been avoiding me!" you exclaim, unable to accept false accusation.
"And why is that?" The smirk on Nozomi's face tells you that she's won the battle that hasn't yet ended.
"You know why." And it's true. You had spotted the camcorder Nozomi had placed in the clubroom when µ's begun, and you feel like an idiot for forgetting.
"It's not your fault, Nicocchi."
You look at your friend with a pained expression, "Then whose is it?"
You don't want to blame Maki for how you feel.
Is it her fault?
No, most definitely not. You can't blame her for not liking you. Maybe it's you who's at blame.
You bang your head on the table repeatedly.
I hate Maki, I hate Maki, I hate Maki.
You pause.
But I love Maki.
You stand up wearily, rubbing your forehead. Perhaps you could try to skip practice today.
You wonder briefly why Maki's rejection affected you so much – she now invades your head at all times of the day, and you no longer have interest in being an idol.
And being an idol has always been your dream.
You freeze when you feel someone's arm on your own.
Your red orbs meet violet, and you're staring at the girl who has tried so hard to avoid you. "Maki?"
For a short moment, you're hopeful that maybe, just maybe, Maki wants to pull you aside, apologise, tell you that she loves you too–
"Nozomi told me to come find you. Why are you not at practice?"
You shake her arm off and stalk to the clubroom.
You stop going to school for a while.
You can no longer bear being around with the person you love – the person who doesn't love you, and you plan to stay at home until you can control your emotions.
It's just a rejection, you tell yourself, other people had it worse.
They come visit you on the third day of being 'sick', and you're again hoping that the redhead you've fallen in love with is there, ready to wish you better health, to stay and take care of you.
And yet, you open the door to seven concerned faces.
"Maki-chan had piano practice, so she couldn't come," Hanayo tells you, and you want to shut the door on them. Instead, you accept your friends' thoughtful 'get-well-soon's and gifts, shooing them out once they were done. After all you didn't want them to catch your 'sickness'.
Deep inside, you wish Maki were here.
You manage to find her in the first year corridor.
"Maki," you call out, and she flinches at the sound of your voice. The look on her face tells you that she wants to run away, that she wants to avoid you the way she has done for the past month, but she stays, teeth gritted, fists clenched.
"You didn't come to visit me," you say slowly. You had intended to say it playfully, jokingly, like you always did, but the only tone evident in your voice is anger, malice.
You don't realise she's crying until you hear the quiet sobs echoing through the empty hallway.
"And you," Maki starts, raising an accusing finger to point to you, "you never bothered to talk to me for the past month."
"You rejected me," you remind her, but you're backing away now, not wanting to upset her. Guilt surges through you as the first year drops her hand to stare at you.
"I rejected you because I thought you would try to win me back," Maki snarls, and her voice is cold, hard. "But you didn't. And I spent the last month wondering if you would ever talk to me again. You never did."
Your own tears begin to fall, and you don't try to stop them. Maki had loved you too – once upon a time. That time is over.
She smiles, tears still running down her face, and it's the same smile you had fallen for. Except now, the smile is forced; it's the smile of a broken girl with no one left to fix her.
"Once, I loved you too."
She turns and runs, much like the way you had after confessing to her. Only now, you know you'll never get her back.
Maki is the star you can't reach.
Maki is the star you will never reach.