A/N: be nice and review:)

Excuse any spelling mistakes and the plot…as really it's just a drabble. Anyways enjoy!

There were indisputable feelings there, she knew that for sure. But it was hard for Maura to name them. Were they simply feelings of affection, of friendship towards the woman who had completely changed her life for the better? Or were they deeper feelings of irrevocable love? Maura didn't want to think about it, she didn't want to change her life; she would live with the regret her decision may bring her if it meant she didn't lose Jane.

Jane had changed her whole world, brought her back from the world of the dead, and shown her the living. Jane had been there every step of the way, comforting her, guiding her, protecting her, loving her. Maura had changed, grown as a person, her reputation as the queen of the dead was long gone and all because of Jane, all because of Jane's out going, unselfish, undeniably loyal personality. Jane hadn't given up on Maura, so she had the strength to work through her problems and grow as a person.

Jane had made Maura into the person she was today…and Maura couldn't be happier.

…

Maura never woke to the sound of her alarm. No, she was up long before that. The dreams wouldn't stop, she had tried everything she could but to no avail. She listened to music whilst falling asleep, thought happy thoughts, imagined her perfect dream, yet every night she had the same dream, yes there were slight differences but there was always the same outcome. Jane died and Maura was always just too late to save her.

The dreams had started after Jane shot herself. Maura was in awe at the bravery Jane had shown, shooting herself to bring down a criminal, yet Maura was also mad. Mad at how selfish Jane was whilst she was trying not to be selfish. Jane was going to leave her without a second thought. Maura didn't care if she was being irrational, when she saw Jane's wound, she felt as though her world was going to end. Her vision had blurred and her knees buckled, her heart thudded in her chest as though it was trying to break out. It was only the doctor in her that had made Maura go to Jane, the doctor in her had rationalised her brain enough to make Maura act, without Maura, Jane would be dead…And without Jane Maura wouldn't have been living in the first place. Not really.

Jane didn't know about the dreams, if she did she would've made Maura talk to someone, a therapist. The therapist would only tell her what she already knew but refused to accept, Maura was emotionally broken, she had made an attachment to Jane and the dreams where personifying her deepest fear, that Jane would be taken from her, and she would be left alone again. Stranded in the sea of people Jane had convinced her to swim in. Stranded and drowning. Jane had convinced Maura to leave the safety of her isolation and go out and learn who she is. Maura would be completely and utterly broken without Jane and if she somehow made Jane leave her…Maura was convinced she wouldn't be able to breath.

…

Maura's worst dream had come true, Jane had left her. Was Jane taken by the bullet of a madman's gun, or been stabbed whilst heroically saving someone? No Jane had left because of Maura's mistake. When it happened, Maura had, had a panic attack, her world had spun, she was crying and she couldn't breathe. Had Jane cared no, should she of…again no. Jane had probably thought it was some act on Maura's part…some trick to make Jane feel sorry for her. Maura had wished it was some sort of trick, but it wasn't this was actually her body's reaction to the thought of Jane leaving her forever. Maura had brought this on herself, she'd broken Jane's trust and that wasn't something that could be easily fixed. Jane had told Maura a secret, and Maura had told someone else this secret.

There was a reason Maura told this secret but it wasn't something she was going to share with Jane, it would just make Jane hate her more. Maura said it was a mistake and it truly was, in the mess that was Maura mind, her feelings for Jane had needed an outlet so Maura had talked to Korsak. It was during this talk with Korsak that Maura had let slip of Jane's secret. It wasn't deliberate it was just implied within the conversation. Maura loved Jane, but could never have her because of two reasons: one Jane was heterosexual, and if that wasn't enough second Jane liked someone else… Frost.

Within Maura's talk to Korsak, she had betrayed Jane's trust. She hadn't realised at the time and hadn't imagined Korsak doing anything with the information. How wrong was she? Korsak had spoken to Jane about it and consequently Jane had come to Maura. Maura felt like shit. She couldn't believe that she'd broken Jane's trust again.

Flashback

Maura was sitting on the floor in her bathroom; bruises covering her legs, Jane walked in and saw her. 'Maura' she breathed, 'what happened to you'?

'It's nothing Jane honestly, I'm just clumsy.' Maura moved to cover up the bruises but Jane stopped her, 'this isn't nothing Maura, is someone hurting you?' Jane asked worry etched into her face. Maura shook her head. 'Are you...are you hurting yourself again..?' Jane asked her voice pleading with Maura that it wasn't true. Maura looked away guilty and ashamed. 'You promised you wouldn't! Maura why would you?'

'I couldn't… I couldn't deal with my feelings; they were too much, too many late night thoughts, too many sleepless nights Jane…. This is a release.'

'you promised you wouldn't Maura…I can't believe I didn't see that you were struggling. Why didn't you tell me?'

'I know I promised Jane, I know…I feel like my very soul is disgusted with the fact that I've broken your trust and that you're obviously so very hurt.' Jane was crying silent tears and Maura made a move to comfort her, but Jane moved out of her reach. 'Why didn't you tell me?' Jane asks her voice breaking. 'I didn't tell you because you've got so many other things to deal with. So many more important things to deal with, I didn't want to waste your time.'

'You are not a waste of time Maura, but it's going to take me a while to trust you again. You know that right?'

'I know.' Maura knew that this was going to happen, but she also knew that because of her love for Jane she would wait millennia and do impossible things like bottle sunshine, catch stars and walk on water to earn her trust again.

End flashback

Jane was hurt this time, and Maura wasn't coping with the fact Jane wouldn't talk to her again and that Jane couldn't trust her again. When Jane had asked if Maura had told Korsak about her feelings for Frost, Maura had admitted yes. That's when Jane had told Maura she couldn't trust her again.

'Maura I can't believe you broke my trust again. My feelings for Frost were a secret.' Jane shouted, 'Jane, honey it was a mistake it was implied in the conversation.' Maura had pleaded

'A mistake?! How can you accidently tell someone another friend's secret?'

'I had to talk to someone Jane, my head was so confused.'

'Why didn't you talk to me?' Jane asked confused for a moment and forgetting her anger.

'Because Jane you have enough stress already. You don't need my problems on top of that.'

Jane was speechless and left the morgue in a rush, tear were streaming down her face just as they were Maura's.

Maura was sick to her stomach, and as if the body was proving a point, the contents of her stomach soon decorated her office's toilet. Maura cried for a solid hour, she suffered a panic attack and called Jane in an attempt to calm down. 'Whaddya want?' Jane asked.

'Jane. ' .' Maura panted, her breathing fast and her head spinning, 'Go tell Korsak, Maura, I'm done with being betrayed.'

'Jane!' Maura cried, 'I'm. . .' Maura's crying was uncontrollable and she curled up into a ball so that if she did pass out she wouldn't hit her head.

'bye.' Jane said as she hung up the phone. 'Jane!' Maura howled through her tears. Maura had royally screwed up and as she lay on the morgue floor, tears pouring down her cheeks, her body wracked with sobs she realised she needed Jane more than she needed oxygen. She realised that without Jane she was nothing. She also realised that loving someone secretly was hard.

This whole mess was caused by the fact that Maura couldn't tell Jane her feelings, because if Jane knew their friendship would never be the same again. 'But if I had told her at least we'd still have a friendship' Maura thought with a bitterness never present in the medical examiner before.

As she calmed down Maura realised she'd brought this on herself and she'd do anything to fix it.

She was going to earn Jane's forgiveness and hopefully her trust.

'Forgive me Jane…please.'