"Just stop it… stop this-" John could feel the ache in his throat from holding back the tears. He finally let himself break, just for a moment, bringing a hand up to cover his eyes, letting the tears finally fall. It was just a brief moment; it's all he allowed himself since the fall.
He quickly wiped the tears away and straightened; remembering what he had been taught so long ago, head up, shoulders back, soldier on. And that's what he did. He pushed everything he felt back, deep down. He made a sharp about face and marched away from the grave.
The previous day he had visited Ella, his therapist. She had told him to video blog about what happened to him nowadays. She wanted him to upload one at least once a week. John didn't know how this was much different from trying to blog but he told her he would and left.
Now John sat in 221b, in his armchair facing Sherlock's empty one. He was still on leave from the clinic for the time being. It had been two days since he had been at the grave, three since Ella told him to video blog.
He sighed and went to go sit in front of where his laptop was waiting for him. He rubbed his eyes, keeping up the emotionless façade was tiring, but he had done it before, he could do it again.
Finally he started recording.