A/N: Don't own it. Everything was invented by Cassandra Clare.
This was based off the little story Magnus told about his past in CoB. I thought he sounded pretty depressed and abused, so this came along. It's a bit long for a drabble - sorry xP
Cold.
It's everywhere, all around me. Enveloping me, sinking into my clothing, my skin, and my heart. And it's all I can do. I just breathe. It feels like my lungs are going to break, crack and shatter like the rest of me already has, but I pull the air in and release it. As if the small clouds - the only thing I can see - aren't enough to let me know I'm doing it, each time I breathe, it hurts so badly I want to scream.
That just makes it hurt more.
So I keep on doing it – I breathe. In and out. In and out. That's all there is to it, really. It's the same with everything. You keep doing the same thing over and over, making the same mistakes and the same triumphs, and along the way you get frozen. Burned. First they freeze you, then, just when you're comfortably numb and you think it's okay and you can deal with it, they drag you up and they burn you. They burn you like Hell, and you think it is Hell, because it's all the same. Damn. Thing. Over and over again. And it hurts.
I still haven't figured out what that crunch I heard when Father hit me was yet. But it doesn't hurt nearly as much as the fact that I'm worthless. Hated. Cold and alone – literally and metaphorically. I'm starting to go numb all over down here, locked in the cellar, but I don't know if it's any better being up there. They hate me. They wish they'd never created me, and they want me to die. If it wasn't supposed to be a sin, they'd kill me themselves. They stare at me. They burn me, with the hate and fire and frost in their eyes…
So I'll stay down here for now, let my own parents pen me up like a wild, vulgar creature. Maybe I'll freeze and die. Then they'll all rejoice, but it doesn't matter because every moment of happiness in their life will always be paid for by a crippling pain. It may come as hot or cold. They may be burned or frozen.
Because when it comes down to it, that's all that ever really happens. Freeze and burn.