Title: Beware: Flying Objects
Author: rons_pigwidgeon
Beta: aigooism and lithrael
Pairing: Severus/Harry
Rating: M
Warnings: cursing, some sexual content
Word Count: 7,095
Summary: It was a pleasant existence overall, being dead. And so of course, Severus could not be left to it. Lily and James have A Plan.
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
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On what would have been his fiftieth birthday, Severus Snape was born again. Sort of. In the coming back from the dead in a brand-spanking-new body sort of way, and not in the found-Jesus and was ready to repent for his sins sort of way. Well—the Jesus part was true, just not the repenting. And Jesus had really found him, rather embarrassingly entangled with Regulus Black on the floor of a broom cupboard. Not that the entanglement had been worth the embarrassment of having been found out by Jesus, as neither had actually had bodies and so had felt nothing, but we'll get back to that part later. Right at the moment, Severus was hurtling through the atmosphere towards Earth at about 200 kilometers per hour.
All he could think about, as he hurtled through the sky, was how lovely it was to be able to feel again. He could feel the wind pressure against his skin, the heat of the sun. He hadn't realized he had missed either until the sensations had returned. All-in-all, it was a marvelous feeling, being alive again.
He was really starting to enjoy himself when suddenly he crash-landed into a warm, cushiony substance. In shock at the unexpected development, it took a few moments before he could collect himself enough to open his eyes and determine where and onto what he had landed. Looking about himself, he found that he was in the Quidditch stands at Hogwarts, and that he had fallen right into the very comfortable lap of Harry Potter.
When Severus died in the Shrieking Shack that fateful night twelve years ago, he never expected to see Harry Potter again, at least not alive. The thought had been a comfort during the long arguments he was forced to endure with Sirius and James. Sirius especially seemed to garner a certain pleasure from fighting with Severus. He would seek Severus out in the most out-of-the-way corners and try to accuse him of everything from sucking Voldemort's toes, to molesting students, to not showering. The last was the most confusing as spirits were physically incapable of either accumulating dirt or cleaning themselves. But Sirius persisted and Severus' hatred for the man made him incapable of ignoring the taunts. And so, they were often found barking expletives at one another, or out-right brawling in various and random points throughout Heaven.
Severus liked to think that he had the upper hand in these arguments, but there was still a niggling doubt in the back of his mind, that perhaps he should not allow himself to be so easily provoked. He got the best of these frustrating thoughts by engaging in frottage with Regulus in spare broom cupboards, but they really weren't worth the effort put forth, as Regulus has been a terrible kisser when he was alive, and was even worse without a body to restrain his rather frantic phantom tongue wiggling.
The entire situation frustrated Lily, who was always trying to dissuade him from both the arguments, and the frottage. They would often take long walks through the Garden of Eden and talk. Severus told her a toned-down version of her son's life as he saw it, minus all the insults he would normally have inserted, and she told him what had happened to make her fall in love with James. They often discussed what they thought would have happened had Severus not called her a 'Mudblood' that fateful summer day during Fifth year: would they have remained friends, would Severus have joined Voldemort? Would Lily have married James? They debated whether or not Voldemort would have been defeated if Severus hadn't said what he did. Severus thought they would still be under his control; Lily liked to remind him that there was still Neville Longbottom. Severus of course dismissed any idea that Neville would have found the strength to fight had Harry not been alive to inspire him. Lily only ever gave him an enigmatic smile in return. She knew something that he did not, and he could not weasel it out of her.
His walks with Lily were the highlight of his afterlife; he loved being able to spend time with his most cherished friend without the prejudices and distractions of life to get between them. There were other enjoyments as well, though. He had developed quite a fancy for the Arch Angel Gabriel and enjoyed playing chess with him of an evening, even though he never won. The losing was worth it just to stare upon his beautiful face. Severus also had access to every book he had ever wanted to read, and the most relaxing library he had ever experienced in which to read them. Albus liked to visit him there and give him updates on the rebuilding progress. Severus didn't much care and never went to the Dome Observatory to watch the proceedings himself, but he enjoyed his time with Albus and so indulged him. It was a pleasant existence overall, and so he was dubious when Lily and James came to him with A Plan.
"Severus, I owe you a debt," James told him. He looked more serious than usual, and it unnerved Severus to see the expression.
"How did you decide that? I believe it was you who saved my life, not the other way around."
"Harry. You saved Harry. For that, we both owe you our souls," Lily piped in.
"He is not worth your souls. Believe me, I know him." The wounded look this statement won from James was not quite worth the same look on Lily's. "I apologize; that was uncalled for. What exactly is this plan of yours, that I might know what foolishness I am about to be subjected to?"
"We had a consultation with Jesus and have asked him to bring you back to life so that you might start anew, live the life you would have led without Voldemort's influence," James told him, Lily nodding at what he said.
Severus was immediately suspicious. "In what manner would this happen? Would I be put into the body of an infant? Be returned to my own scarred, bitten, rotting body and look like an Inferius? Put into a stranger who has died?"
"Your body will be healed and you will be sent back in it."
"As an adult or a child?"
"An adult," said Lily. "I know you wouldn't want to go through childhood again."
"Will I have to dig myself out of my own grave?"
"No." Lily looked horrified at the very idea. Severus knew several vampires who had had to dig themselves out and knew the process was not pleasant. He was pleased that he would not have to go through such an ordeal himself.
"Will I retain my memory?"
"Yes."
"Even my time here?"
Lily and James looked at each other. "We don't know. He didn't say," Lily answered.
Severus' eyes moved back to his book, but he wasn't reading. He thought carefully. Did he want to return to life? Even without Voldemort, there would be struggle. Did he want to go back to that? On the other hand, he would be able to touch again, taste, smell. Have sex. Well, that depended on what state his body was in when they returned it to him, really. He had the advantage of appearing the way he chose now, clean, unscarred, and much younger than his nearly fifty years. He would not have such an advantage on Earth.
"I shall have to consider this. Would it be all right for me to have a few days before making my decision?" he asked.
"That would be fine. We were thinking of this as a birthday present, anyway, so it isn't scheduled to happen until the ninth."
"In two days? You've already scheduled my return to life without asking me first?"
"Relax, Snivvy. We had to make sure they would do it before we told you, and Jesus made us pick a date to put in his Blackberry. He's very busy, you know," James snapped. It was clear now that James hadn't enjoyed the planning of this and just wanted it over with. As a general rule, he and Severus did not speak except to argue, and having to converse civilly now was probably killing him. One sharp glare from Lily brought him back in line. Severus didn't quite manage to wipe the smug satisfaction off his face at seeing James scolded and received a glare of his own as consequence. He frowned.
"Fine, I'll do this. It will be interesting, at least. Now, if you will excuse me, I would like to finish my book. It is no longer printed on Earth, and I don't fancy waiting a century to find out how it ends."
Lily's glare turned into a wide smile, and she kissed Severus on the cheek. "I'm glad you've agreed. I just want to see you happy, Severus." She had the look that told him she knew something that he did not again. He tried to ignore the look and return to his book.
"Yes, yes, thank you. I very much appreciate your meddling. Now, please let me enjoy my book."
He allowed her to kiss him once more on the cheek and nodded when she insisted on telling him that she loved him. Having done so, she took a still-surly looking James by the arm and led him away. Severus tried to return to his book, but his mind continued to return to what was going to happen in two days time. He finally threw the book across the room in frustration.
And that was how Severus found himself completely naked atop Harry Potter's lap, in the middle of the Quidditch stands at Hogwarts during what appeared to be the most-attended match of the decade. And everything and everyone had stopped and was now staring at Severus in stunned silence. Brilliant.