Disclaimer: I do not own anything Bioware has done. And make no profit in my work.
The Pancake war dialog series I did on the BSN forums In the Ashley thread. I thought I add it here for more to see.
Part 1
Shepard: Hay ash
Ashley: what's up skipper
Shepard: what's for dinner
Ashley: do i look like a house wife to you John
Shepard; Well you are my wife, and this is our house
Ashley: Your point
Shepard: my point is I'm starving *stomach makes hungry sounds*
Ashley: Make your own food lazy
Shepard: Fine...I will
Goes into the kitchen to cook
Ashley: What in god's name are you doing, trying to burn the house down.
Shepard: you told me to make my own food
Ashley: and you're doing a horrible job at that, here let me take over *pushes shepard away to make food*
Shepards thoughts: My plan worked perfectly
Few minutes later
Shepard: what a minute ash...what are you making.
Ashley: Pancakes of course
Shepard: Jesus woman not again.
Ashley: if you know what's best john, you won't say another word.
Shepard Leaves Kitchen and comes back in another 10 minutes
Shepard: Ash, where is the pancakes
Ashely: I ate them of course
Part 2
The next morning, Ashley walks into the dining room
Ashley: what's this john
Ashley says seeing two plates on each side of the table, both with a lid on top covering something. Shepard: its Breakfast of course, one set for you right here *Pulls out chair for ashley* and one for me *points to his*
Ashley: you don't cook john
Shepaard: Who said anything about cooking
Ashley: what are you talking about, you have it right here *opens lid to reveal nothing*
Shepard: you see that ash?
Ashely: i don't see anything
Sehpard: Exactly
Ashley: I don't see what you're getting at John
Shepard: There's no breakfast, FOR YOU *opens his own lid to reveal a stack of pancakes*
Ashley: you did not cook that
Shepard: I never said i did
Ashley: Than who skipper?
Hannah: I did of course *shepard's mom said, While entering the room*
Ashley: Hannah, what are you doing here.
Hannah: someone didn't cook for my boy, so i had to come over
Ashley: John you're lucky your mom's standing in this room
Shepard: And why is that love?
Ashley: let's just say, someone is going to need another lazarus project, when I'm done with you.
Part 3
Shepard and Ashley in bed at night
Shepard: hay ash
Ashley: yeah
Shepard: I think we need to stop this pancake war
Ashley: why john, you worry I'm going to punish you again *Giggles*
Shepard: No, but i have to emit. That was probably the best punishment ever.
Ashley: your damn right it was skipper.
Shepard; So for the sake of our marriage, no more pancake pranks.
Ashley: agreed *Is lying*
Shepard: I mean it ash
Ashley: Don't worry john, no more i get it.
Shepard; Good, now let's go another round
Ashley: Not now skipp, I have to get up early
Shepard: okay then...wait why you have to get up early.
Ashley: Don't worry about it, now go to sleep
Shepard: fine then
The next morning, Shepard wakes alone. He then heads down stairs, as he hears talking.
Shepard: hay ash what are yo...Lynn what are you doing here.
Lynn: what i can't visit my sister john.
Ashley: You're up early
Shepard: yeah well...I was kind of hungry, so i thought I make me something.
Ashley: No need skipper, already taken care of
Lynn: yup, we made breakfast. There's still some left on the table.
Shepard gives them a nod, as he heads into the dining room to reveal what he said he never wanted to see again.
Shepard: ASH!
Ashley: what's with all the yelling John *she says, as her and Lynn both come inside the room*
Shepard: I thought we agreed on this.
Ashley: We did.
Shepard: then what do you call that, those are pancakes.
Lynn: I made them john, I'm sorry if I offended.
Sheaprd: oh, well then. I guess I'm sorry.
Ashley: its okay skipper, now please eat.
Shepaard seats on the table, about to take a mouth full, when he then noticed both ashley and Lynn had the weirdest look on their faces.
Shepard: what is it?
Ashley and Lynn: Nothing *they both said together like the sisters they were*
Shepard gives an investigating look on the pancakes.
Ashley: John, your being rude. Now eat them.
Shepard: I'm...I'm not sure if i should.
Lynn: well now, if you don't like my cooking than...
Shepard: No no no nothing like that *he said cutting her off*.
Ashley: than eat it.
Shepard finally gives in taking a few bits, it tasted different, but still like pancakes.
Ashley and lynn both laugh
Shepard: WHAT!
Ashley: Nothing john.
Lynn: yeah please, don't let us interrupt your meal.
Shepard tries to take another few bites, but stops at the sound of there laughter again.
Shepard: Ashley madeline Shepard! What did you do to these pancakes?
Ashley: don't worry skipper, you will find out in about oh *looks at her watch* six hours.
Lynn: sorry john, you can't beat a Williams.
Shepard: but, she's a shepard now.
Ashley: I'll always be a Williams, especially when I'm teamed with any of my sisters that is.
Shepard: you do realize this means war Ash.
Ashley: wouldn't have it any other way skipper.
Part 4
Shepard and joker hanging out
Joker: that's horrible, you can't do that.
Shepard: She gave me food poisoning joker, FOOD POISONING!
Joker: Still, she's still a woman shepard. You know she will kill you.
Shepard: If I don't make it back tell...
Joker: Your mom and friends you love them?
Shepard: No tell Garrus, how come he never finished those calibrations.
Joker: that's a question shepard, and how will he answer when you're dead.
Shepard: he can tell me at my grave.
Joker: sounds good, I should be heading out. Let me know how things go.
Shepard: oh I will, don't worry I will.
A few days later
Ashley: Oh, come on John. I said I was sorry.
Shepard: I was sick for two days ash.
Ashley:I wouldn't have really put you in harm, you know that.
Shepard: I HAD THE WORST STOMACHACHE EVER!
Ashley: No need to raise your voice at me.
Shepard: what did you put in those pancakes anyway?
Ashley: skipper some things are better left unknown.
Shepard: you just don't want me to pull the same trick on you.
Ashley: I know you would never do something like that.
Shepard: do you now.
Ashley: yes, because if you did, you would be sleeping alone for a very long time.
Shepard: well than should we eat, I finally learned some cooking *comes out of kitchen with food*
Ashley: John, are those pancakes.
Shepard: Huh, yes i guess they are.
Ashley: Do i look stupid to you.
Shepard: Oh, C'mon I wouldn't do something like that.
Ashley Grins towards shepard
Shepard: hear, I'll take a bite myself *takes a mouthful of pancake* You see.
Ashley: how do I know you aren't immune to whatever you're giving me.
Shepard: ASH!
Ashley: fine skipper, but if something happens, your dead John.
Shepard: you mean like that punishment you gave me last time. *Laughs*
Ashely: I mean it.
Shepard: I swear on my mother, there is nothing bad in these pancakes.
Ashley: fine, now where's the syrup.
Shepard: were out, sorry.
Ashley: your lying, i picked up some last week *looks in pantry* Huh i guess we are out.
Shepard: I know it's weird. *gives an evil smirk, while Ashely isn't looking*
Ashley: Oh well, Now let's eat.
Shepard: lets.
They continued their meal, later that day Ashley in the bathroom
Ashley after taking a shower, is about to wash her hair. She grabs her favorite shampoo and pours it all over her hair. Something felt different. The shampoo was all sticky.
Ashley: SHEPARD! * She yelled so loud, the whole neighborhood could hear*
Shepard: Crap, if she is calling me by shepard. That means i really am dead.
Shepard said, as he ran outside the house.
Part 5
Shepard was running through the neighborhood, with Ashley in tow.
Shepard: Damn ash, You need to run faster than that *yelling behind him*
Ashley: I'll kill you.
Shepard: sure you will, just don't touch me with your hair. *Giving an evil smirk, as he ran faster*
Shepard stopped, as he heard a gunshot. Looking behind him he couldn't believe his eyes. Ash was really trying to kill him.
Shepard: what the hell are you doing?
Ashley: I told you I kill you John!
Shepard:But...*everything than went black*
Ashley: Shepard! Shepard wake up.
Shepard: Huh? ahhh my head, what happened?
Ashley: I yelled at you for what you thing I remember I saw you on your back in the street.
Shepard: what, how did that happen?
Ashley: I don't know dumdum, maybe because of all the ice in the street.
Shepard: what Ice?
Ashley: Really, how bad did you hit your head skipper? Its winter.
Shepard: Well, it does hurt *Shepard motioned his hand on his head* why is my hair all...
Ashley: Payback sucks, doesn't it?
Shepard: damn ash, how much syrup did you put in my hair?
Ashley: Um all of it I think.
Shepard:But I don't have nearly as much hair as you ash.
Ashley: I know I really had to rub it around *Giggles*
Shepard: Laugh it up than.
Ashley: But seriously we need to stop this.
Shepard: But ash, things are just starting to get good.
Ashley: Don't Ash me. I saw you lying in the street; you nearly gave me a heart attack. You know that.
Shepard: Yeah, good thing I have a hard head *Laughs*
Ashley: i mean it Shepard, this thing is over, At least for now.
Shepard: What's that suppose to mean.
Ashley: What, you think I'm going to forget about this *Rubes her hand all over her hair* Do you know How long it's going to take, to get all this stickiness out of my hair.
Shepard: What about me, you pour the rest of the syrup in my hair.
Ashley: Like you have any hair skipper, you can just shave it all off.
Shepard: What, Like you can't shave your own hair off too.
Ashley: And go for one of Jack's old styles, yeah I think not.
Shepard: I don't know ash; her old hair style did kind of turn me...
Ashley: finish that sentence, and your dead to me John.
Shepard: Fine! a cease fire than.
Ashley: I can go for that.
Shepard: How will I know when this cease fire is over?
Ashley: Oh don't worry skipper, you will know.
Shepard: Alright than, now make me some pancakes.
Ashley: Shepard!
Shepard: what, getting that bump on the back of my head made me hungry.
Ashley just walked out of the bedroom
Shepard: Guess that means no pancakes. *Laughing to himself*
This is something I have been doing on the forums. If I do more Ill also update this.