Before we begin, I have no idea where this story came from. I love all the characters of Fruits Basket, have nothing against any of them, this was just for fun to see if I could... just, don't THROW things, aiight?

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The day was sunny atop the hill, where Kyo stood under the clothesline, busy hanging up the last of the wet laundry. Yes, it had happened again—he had taken one look at Tohru's adorably oblivious face and had absentmindedly offered to help her with the chores. It was becoming more and more habitual as the days went by, and he thought it over as he hung up the stupid rat's shirt, lopsidedly, on purpose. He didn't even look up when Momiji came bounding up to him, proud beyond reason, wearing an impossibly huge smile over his adorable, girlish face.

"I've got something to show ya," Momiji beamed, glowing in his attempt to garner Kyo's attention. Kyo noticed then that the little bunny was hiding something shyly behind his back, out of Kyo's range of vision. Kyo just sneered at the runt; his first impression was that Momiji had caught a duck, or something. This had been the case earlier, when he had wanted to show something to Kyo. He had caught something in a jar-- a cricket. That Kyo had smashed. Sure, it made the little dork cry; but hey, he had to toughen up and become a man someday. A REAL man-- not like what he was pretending to be in his all-too-girly clothing. Kyo remembered the exact words he had called back over his shoulder as he had left a vulnerable Momiji sobbing in the grass: "Stop your crying and get a gun, would ya? The world is harsh like that—grow up, Momiji." Yes, tough—unlike Momiji, who often forced the word "drag queen" to mind when you looked at him; not that he entirely disagreed, now that he thought about it...

Sighing, Kyo turned away from the shirt he was hanging long enough to put his face up close to Momiji's. Why not humor him? He had nothing better to do. "What, squirt?"

Momiji's smile seemed to grow twice as big as he stared eagerly into Kyo's uncaring face. Gesturing with one hand, he beckoned him closer. Irritated, but knowing this would most likely get him to leave, Kyo complied. Momiji gestured again-- closer. Kyo was inches to slapping the kid, but he came nearer, anyway. Momiji's smile was tremendous now-- almost... what was that? Mischief? Evil...?

Grabbing Kyo's face in his hand, Momiji produced the thing he had been hiding ever-so-sheepishly behind his back-- a 44-inch revolver, which he held to Kyo's head intensely. Kyo's eyes widened as Momiji put his head in a death-grip, holding the cold steel to the side of Kyo's temple and restricting the air and blood passages to his head.

"Listen here, cat-boy," Momiji instructed, in a voice very unlike his own--almost, 'Black Haru'-like. What was Haru TEACHING this kid?! "I'm sick and tired of you always hitting me, punching me, giving me noogies and making me cry." He cocked the gun loudly and dug the nose further into Kyo's bright orange hair. "I'm going to make this perfectly clear-- stop treating me like I'm nothing, you heathenish mothercensoreder, or I'll blow your goddamn brains out. You hear me, cat?" He lowered his voice to a whisper. "I'll... KILL... you." He released Kyo's head, allowing him to breathe. "And I still remember what you did to my cricket, I'll have you know!"

Predictably, our favorite cat was unable to move.

Or talk. Or breathe, now that we're on the subject.

Just then, Tohru decided to grace them with her bubbly presence.

"Oh, hi, Momiji! I didn't know you were here!" Tohru said, trotting up and throwing her arms around the sweet little rabbit. Kyo just stood there, stunned-- didn't she see that he had a gun!? MOMIJI, prince of frolic and sunshine, had a GUN?! Taking a quick look at the little brat, he noticed him quickly tucking something away in his shirt. Kyo blinked. Sneaky little...

Smiling his largest, most adorable smile, Momiji accepted his hug from Tohru. "Aah-- hi, Tohru! I was just gonna go home with Ha'ri, now!" Turning back to Kyo, he kept on his falsely innocent smile. "It was nice talking to ya, Kyon! I'll see ya later—'kay?" It was less of a question than an actual command. Quick as a flash, Momiji's expression went from cheery to murderous, and then back to cheery, before Tohru could see.

Still unable to respond, Kyo... nodded numbly.

"Aww, you let him call you 'Kyon' now? That's so sweet of you, Kyo!"

"Okay! Bye!" Momiji ran back down the hill and to the front door, where he knew Hatori would be waiting for him, perhaps trying to rid himself of a disgustingly happy Shigure.

"Hmm... so, what did you two talk about?" Tohru looked over at Kyo.

Kyo just stared. He decided, then and there, that Momiji was no longer allowed to visit with Haru.

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I'm sorry-- I onno where this came from. Me and my sister always joke around, and I started to play around with the idea that Momiji could be a gangster. Knowing that was entirely ludicrous, and thinking up a sit that could actually happen one day due to Kyo's constant bullying, I went for... well, this! Hope the Momiji and Kyo fans didn't take it too damn seriously... I mean, I love them as much as you guys. Trust me. continues to mop up the drool spilled over the various Kyo pics splayed out over bed, mingled of course with Kurama pics (Ahh, redheads...) looks away for a couple of minutes to admire the light-haired bishonen from the manga There! Now all worship is complete! insert creepy, half-evil smile here NAHAHAHAHAHAHA...!!!

...I'm done. Don't review if you hate me now.