Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls! Put your hands together for Uncle D!
*Applause and whistles everywhere*
Uncle (voiced by Akira Kogami): Good lucky! It's time for Happy Channe- I mean Dragon!
Uncle: Howdy folks! I'm the sublimely magnificent Dragon king, ruler of your miserably tiny planet! You guys can call me Uncle!
Gian: You kanina chao cheebyes can call me the G-man, fucker nigger!
Shinpachi: And I am Shinpachi Shimura, nice to meet you!
*Applause and whistles starts again, with completely pissed off Black Americans throwing things at Gian*
Shinpachi: You know guys, I am starting to feel that, I may know the reason why our ratings are dropping at a rapid rate...
Gian: Because they don't like your fucked up lanjiao si bakgao face mah!
Shinpachi: *Gives Gian a Falcon punch on his nose* THE REASON IS BECAUSE OF YOU!
Shinpachi: WHY THE HELL IS A RACIST RETARDED PIG LIKE YOU DOING ON THIS SHOW ANYWAY! WHY ARE YOU EVEN THE CO-HOST! DO YOU KNOW THAT WE HAVE BEEN RECEIVING COMPLAINTS FROM ANGRY VIEWERS EVERYDAY BECAUSE OF YOUR BLOODY VULGARITIES! THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SAYING!
Uncle: Oi, oi, Shinpachi, calm down would 'cha? This show still got me remember? Besides, do you know that over billions of people are watching us right now? As professional hosts of this low budget variety show, we must keep our calm, at least until the show is over.
Uncle: For this segment, we are going to have a interview at the Afterlife school! To prove the truth of this following rumour – Is YURI, leader of the SSS, going out with her arch-nemesis, ANGEL/KANADE TACHIBANA?
*Mindless audiences and the Black Americans earlier gasped in awe*
Shinpachi: *Gives a Rider kick (Masked Rider Kabuto ver.) to Uncle's head* YOU ARE NO DIFFERENT FROM THIS JERK YOU LESBIAN MANIAC!
Shinpachi: WHY THE HELL DOES EVERY SEGMENT OF YOURS HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH LESBIANS? JUST LAST WEEK, THE NETWORK GOT COMPLETELY MURDERED BY THE PISSED OFF EXECUTIVE OF THE FUJINO ORGANIZATION *Pulls down a censored picture of an armed Shizuru Fujino, shown on a screen* THAT COMPLETELY EXPLAINS WHY OUR BUDGET WAS CUT OFF, BECAUSE THEY ARE ALL DEAD!
Uncle: *Gasping for air, coughing out blood* Which is why... I am trying to bring back the ratings, you dumb piece of shit... At least enjoy this episode first... before you...argh...*collapses to the ground*
Scene changes to the Afterlife School
Hasegawa: Hello everyone! This is Taizo Hasegawa, live on set at the Afterlife School, even though that this is supposed to be somewhere for the dead, but the reception here is good man! Damn, I am really starting to love the future! You see this list here? *Holds up a photo register of the SSS members, courtesy from this kind soul, Ms. Iwasawa, who paid this to get to heaven*that's right! I am going to interview every single one of these guys!
Hasegawa: So brace yourselves! It is going to be a bumpy ride!
-Noda's case, somewhere near a river-
Hasegawa: Excuse me sir? Can I ask you a simple question?
Noda: *Puts down his halberd, looks annoyed* Hmm?
Hasegawa: How do you feel, when your leader, Yuri, is romantically involved with the Angel?
Noda: *Looks very frustrated* What does it look like? There ain't no freakin' way that Yurippe is going out with Angel! She is our sworn enemy right? *Points his halberd dangerously close to Hasegawa's throat, looks at him with a threatening glare*
Hasegawa: *Panics*Whoa! Hold it! Hold it! Do I look like I am lying to you? I really am telling the truth!
*Noda keeps quiet, and suddenly snaps*
Noda: NOOOOOOO! YURIPPE IS MINE! MMMMIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNEEEEEEEE! I AM COMING YURIPPE!
*Noda runs off into a distance, desperately swinging his halberd*
Hasegawa: Huh? Wha-, where did he go?
-Hinata and Otonashi's case, in a random classroom-
Hinata: What did you just say?
Otonashi: Yuri and Angel, seriously?
Hasegawa: I really am telling you the truth here! I even have a picture of them walking in and out of a love hotel! *Takes out a random picture from his pocket at his pants, and shows it to the boys*
*Hinata and Otonashi keeps quiet, then seconds later Hinata cried*
Otonashi: Whoa! What's with the tears?
Hinata: I am so touched! Yurippe, she is now a woman!
Otonashi: *Puzzled*What?
Hinata: I already knew this from the start! It was love! Yurippe blossomed into a woman with help from love!
Otonashi: Even if you say that...wasn't Kanade...I mean Angel, a girl? This is lesbian love, Yuri! I mean that Yuri term, not the Yurippe we are referring to!
Hinata: *Looks at Otonashi peevishly* You are jealous, Otonashi, because in the end, she didn't choose you!
Hasegawa: Erm, am I being ignored here?
-T.K., Matsushita, Takeyama and Takamatsu's case, canteen area-
T.K.: No way dood!
Matsushita: Huh? Yuri and Angel?
Takamatsu: This is absurd!
Takeyama: But based on my calculations, it is highly possible...
T.K.: What the bleah?
Matsushita: I never knew about that....
Takamatsu: I even found a video footage, about the two having sexual intercourse, all I had to do is to just hack into the security cameras and download the footage with this program...
T.K.: Alright! We're watching porn!
Hasegawa: What are we waiting for? Hurry up and play it!
Takeyama: Alright, call me Christ by the way.
*The 5 perverts nosebleed as they immerse themselves in the video.*
-Shiina, Yusa, Fujimaki and Oyama's case, rooftop-
Shiina: What's the point of all this?
Fujimaki: The man is asking questions, we just answer randomly!
Oyama: I, I am TV!
Hasegawa: Say, could you guys just answer my question already? Since when have you noticed that Yuri and Angel had been going out?
Oyama: *Pondering* I think it was about the time when Suneo sensei died...
Fujimaki: Ah, yeah... that Shortie that played too much Devil May Cry and Final Fantasy...
Shiina: Oh, that guy.
Yusa: Yuri has been acting strangely since Suneo sensei passed on... She loved him so much... she even gave him her first time... but when he disappeared like Iwasawa did, she got hysterical. Rumour has it that Angel slept with him as well, so the two of them...
Hasegawa: So they basically found something in common?
Fujimaki: Yeah, what she said.
Hasegawa: *Impressed*Well, thanks.
Oyama: You are welcome!
Shiina: Tch, whatever.
*Hasegawa walks away sastified*
Hasegawa: Well folks, this is it! The answer is yes! The two of them are dating! Because a two-timer brought the two girls together! Now it's back to the studio!
Scene goes back to the studio
Uncle: *Sits in his chair as if nothing happened* I still don't get it....
Gian: Wah biang eh, what kind of cheebye answer is that! Only a nigger would...
Shinpachi: *Falcon punch Gian in his guts* YOU AND YOUR N-WORD!
Uncle: *Pretending to be blind to an angry Shinpachi* I am afraid that we have reached the end of this segment, so see you again desu! Next, after the break, we have, Kanashimi wo yasashisa ni, performed by the newcomers – GIRLS DEAD MONSTER!
*Commercial break*