Okay, so... I just wrote this. I'm totally not kidding. I just finished. I honestly don't think it's any good but then again you all thought my What If There's No Heaven? was excellent so I'm giving this one a shot. Nothing too special. Basically Sam's thoughts as he's trying to sleep. Probably won't know what's going on... But I do. =) Yeah, I'll stop rambling. I think it's time for me to hit the comfortable pillows. Like cotton... Enjoy.
-- S.W.
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What time is it now? 1:15 A.M.? Damn, it feels later. How long have I been laying here? Did I sleep a little? No. Another night without sleep, I guess. I must be more like Dean than I thought. Hah, wow. I hope not. How many women would I sleep with? Okay, no, don't go there. I wonder if Dad ever had trouble sleeping… Hey, Dad, you listening? 'What do you think about your son now'? Haven't heard that song in awhile. Can't tell Dean. It isn't a classic. Or that I'm talking to Dad. He already thinks I'm turning more into a freak. Some classic is okay. Not when I'm trying to sleep. What was that song you played once, Dean? You played it really soft in your car, you knew it would put me to sleep. You knew I needed sleep.. Jess… Hum, I wonder where Dean is… What time is it now?
"Another sleepless night again.
Hotel rooms my only friend,
and friends like that just don't add up to anything."
Come on Sam, you can do this. Just close your eyes and you'll be snoring in no time. Do I snore? I wouldn't know, I'm sleeping. Dean told me I mumble things in my sleep. I wonder if I really do talk in my sleep. That's embarrassing. I wonder what I say. I don't want to know. Too bad Dean doesn't know I ever really sleep well when he's around. Big brothers are around to protect. Protect and serve, like a cop. Dean wanted to be a cop once… I bet he'd enjoy the uniform. In so many ways. That's wrong. Those were good days, before everything. Before monsters. Before fire. Maybe that's why I can't sleep. What time is it now?
"And I try so hard to be everything
That I should never take away from you again.
'Cause I heard yah say…"
No closer to sleep. This is getting ridiculous. Maybe if I lay in a different position… Ah, that's a little better. I hate this motel room. One empty bed. Supposed to be no empty beds. The hell are you Dean? It's dark in here. How long would it take me to reach the light switch? Too long. Near the door. Past the empty bed. Dean is supposed to be in that bed, snoring away. Like a buzz saw. I don't need earplugs anymore, hah. I make myself giggle. God, I must look crazy right now. I miss his snoring. Let me know he was there. I could relax then. Good thing Dean doesn't know that. I need your help dude. What time is it now?
"…I'm afraid to be alone.
Afraid you'll leave me when I'm gone.
I'm afraid to come back home."
Oh no. Not tonight. I should have never let you leave, man. You're turning into Dad. Hey again, Dad. How is it up there? Are you with Mom? Stop it, I don't need to do that tonight. How could you forget Dad's crusade, Dean? His mission? I should have never let you go on yours. I don't want you to become like Dad. I loved you the way you were. 'Could you be any more gay?' You always were the smartass, Dean. I went on my own mission when you died, man. You never knew that. Ouch, that bullet hurt.. Hurt. Pain. You hurt me before. It hurt worse than the bullet. Why, Dean? You never explained, or apologized. It's okay. I forgave you. You're my brother. What time is it now?
"I cannot forget.
I live with regret.
I cannot forget.
I live with…"
Time to roll over again. I always toss and turn in my sleep. I wonder why that is. Not my fault these beds are so uncomfortable. Hah, sharing a bed. That was fun, wasn't it Dean? Sorry I kicked you. I guess I do toss and turn. I don't mean it. I didn't mean to wake you up, honestly. I know you have trouble sleeping. Just like now. Why can't I sleep? I'm getting frustrated. There, on my back is a little better. Okay, just takes brainpower. I have brainpower. I'm the thinker. I can do this. I can hear you breathing now. Stubborn like Dean. Like Dad. Winchesters are stubborn. Stubborn. And flame resistant. Rubber. Bouncing. Funny. Never noticed how comfortable these pillows were. Comfy pillows. Like cotton. Soft. Warm and soft. Dean…? What..time is..it..now..?
"I'll live through this."