The muse gave in to this plot bunny that just wouldn't leave us alone! This story was inspired by my own experience of dorm life and a particular incident of dealing with an insomniac roommate.
The italicized lines are when the characters are singing.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Sherlock, I just like to include them in my own misery! Mohahaha!
Sherlock rolled on his back and let out a deep sigh. "John, this mattress is uncomfortable."
"I know Sherlock." John's weary voice came from the other bed.
"How can I sleep on this poor excuse of a bed?" Sherlock complained.
"Just close your eyes and go to sleep Sherlock." Lestrade's voice drifted down to them.
They were in a dorm room in a remote city. The case they had been working on had been concluded in a rather late hour. Going back to London was not a convenient option, therefore the dean of the college had provided them rooms in the student dormitory for that night. It was easily arranged, since the students had vacated the dorms for summer holidays.
The room they were in had three metal bunk beds that were place in an L shaped arraignment. Sherlock had taken the lower bed facing the door. John was on the bed that made a right angle with Sherlock's bed. Lestrade had taken the bed above John. The fourth occupant of the room was sound asleep on the last lower bunk, that was aligned with John and Lestrade's bunk
Sherlock threw his covers off of himself and sat up in his bunk. John exhaled heavily and sat up in his bunk and looked over to Sherlock. "Sherlock, it's been a long-"
"I can't sleep John, the adrenalin in my system won't let me."
Lestrade's head appeared above them, "How did you sleep when you were at home?"
John and Sherlock paused and thought for a moment, trying to recall their routine after they finished a case.
"Well," John began, "We usually go over the details of the case while we're in the cab on our way back home."
"Then John makes tea and we watch a bit of telle until the case's exhaustion settles in." Sherlock finished.
"Well, there's no TV here in this dorm room." Lestrade pointed out.
"It is a rather dismal dorm room." John commented.
"What kind of a sadist would make six people live together in the same room?" Sherlock asked agitated. It was the closest form of sympathy he'd show in 'public'.
"This particular establishment, it seems." John answered him in a dry tone, "Which brings me to this question Greg: why did you choose one of the top bunks? There was another lower bunk available."
"I don't know. People seem to always want the top bunk in TV shows."
Sherlock furrowed his brows in confusion, "They do?"
"They were shows about prisons, weren't they?" John asked knowingly.
Greg sat back and thought for a moment, then he looked sheepish, "Oh, yeah…"
"It's not too late Lestrade," Sherlock said with a mischievous grin, "You can wake up Anderson here and send him up!"
"Actually Sherlock, it is too late." John replied. He smirked at seeing Sherlock's questioning glance, "I sedated him so he won't annoy us!" he said proudly.
"And here I was wondering at how he didn't wake up at our talking." Lestrade mused. "Hey, can you sedate Sherlock too?" He asked teasingly.
Sherlock looked at John with a pout. John chuckled at Sherlock's expression, "No, I'm not. He's my friend." Sherlock relaxed at that. "I'll use more conventional methods before going to that extreme!" John finished gleefully. He then dodged the pillow aimed at his head.
"Now I'm not feeling sleepy either." Greg complained.
"I have a question Lestrade," Sherlock leaned over his bed to look at Lestrade, "How heavy of a sleeper are you?"
"Why do you ask?" Lestrade was puzzled for a moment, then realization dawned on him, "Do you snore?"
"No, I don't. But John does."
"I do?" John asked perplexed.
"No one has told you that you snore?" Lestrade asked astonished, then he thought of something and looked at Sherlock's direction, "By the way, how do you know he snores?"
Sherlock scoffed, "He tends to doze off while he's sitting at the lab or in his armchair when a case drags on more than two days. Plus, I sometime wake him up in his room when a lead presents itself early in the morning." Sherlock explained.
Lestrade leaned over his bunk and began to snigger. John twisted out of his bed and turned his head to look up at him. "What's so funny Greg?"
"You're just-" He gasped for breath "-so lucky Anderson is out of it, or you'd- never hear the end of it if he had heard this snoring discussion." And he continued to laugh.
"It's not that bad, his snoring is considered light, compared to some noises I've heard." Sherlock said defensively.
"No, that wouldn't have- oh never mind." Lestrade sighed, then turned to John, "If it's a soft snoring it's fine, my ex used to make sounds rivaling a Hoover!" he said with a grin.
"Glad that problem is out of the way." Sherlock drawled, "I still can't sleep."
John sat up in his bed and rubbed at his eyes in exasperation, "What do you want us to do, Sherlock? Do you want me to sing you a lullaby?"
"Would it work?" Sherlock asked.
"That's what they are designed to do after all." John replied.
"Alright then, sing away!" Sherlock said, and settled down under his covers.
John was taken aback, then he pulled himself together. He sat cross legged on his bunk and faced Sherlock's direction. He cleared his throat and began:
"Twinkle, twinkle, little star
How I wonder what you are
Up above the- What? Why are you glaring at me like that, Sherlock?"
"How I wonder what you are? Are you mocking me John? I thought you wanted to help me-"
"It's just a lullaby Sherlock, I didn't mean to offend you by-"
"For goodness sake! Just sing something else." Greg cut them both off.
Sherlock settled under his covers. John shot him a mild glare. He thought for a few moments. A mischievous smile came to his lips and he started again:
"Hush, little Sherlock, don't say a word,
John is gonna buy you a mocking bird,
And if that mockingbird won't sing,
John is-"
"Woaw mate, I don't think you want to continue that line of though!" Greg said alarmed.
"What's wrong with an iron ring?" John asked him confused.
"A…what?" Greg asked baffled.
"An iron ring, it's an item of lab equipment," Sherlock said testily, "My eyes were just getting warm." He grumbled.
Lestrade blushed, "I'm so sorry." He said guiltily.
"Do you know any other lullabies John? Since Lestrade here has a problem with that one." Sherlock said, his voice muffled by his pillow.
"Yeah, this is the last English one I know. Alright now, settle down,
A gentle breeze from Hushabye Mountain
Softly blows o'er Lullaby Bay
It Fills the sails of boats that are waiting
Waiting to sail your worries away"
Sherlock closed his eyes and snuggled lower in his covers.
John continued:
"It isn't far to Hushabye Mountain
And your boat waits down by the-"
John was rudely cut off by a terribly loud noise. Everyone started at hearing the awful noise that was a mix of a drill and a donkey's braying. Greg's head appeared above them. They looked at each other then all three turned to the source of the sound.
Anderson was lying on his back; his mouth hanging slightly and he was snoring like there was no tomorrow. The other occupants of the room looked at him with astonishment.
"I thought only the elderly and very overweight people snored like that." Greg said in a stunned tone.
"Didn't you say you sedated him John?" Sherlock asked, while glaring at Anderson.
"I slipped a sleeping pill in his drink, I didn't make him unconscious." John said evenly. "Maybe he has a respiratory problem, might be a polyp or something." he mused. "A full examination is needed to determine the exact cause."
"That explains his annoying nasal voice." Sherlock said with a smirk.
"For the love of all that is holly! Can you stop that god-awful noise?" Greg pleaded.
"What do you want me to do?" John asked agitated.
"Put a pillow on his face." Sherlock said sniggering.
"Sherlock! That is not-"
"Geez, no wonder his wife keeps going on these long business trips. Sally must be a really heavy sleeper to not be awoken by that racket!" Greg whined while clutching his ears with his hands.
"Wait," John said with his right hand raised in a gesture that reinforced his demand. Then his brows unfurrowed after a moment and his face brightened, "I think I found out how to shut him up!" He then rose from his bunk and moved towards Anderson's prone body.
"What are you going to do, John?" Greg asked with a little apprehension in his voice.
"I'm going to press his mute button of course." John said nonchalantly.
John put a pillow on Anderson's right. He then put his hands under Anderson's left side and gently rolled him on his right, so that he was supported by the pillow. Anderson shifted a bit, then he settled on his side and went silent.
"How the devil did you know to do that?" Greg asked astonished.
"By the information you gave me when you were whining." John answered him calmly. He continued when he saw Greg's confusion, "He has drifted apart from his wife, meaning at night they sleep with a distance from each other. Just now we witnessed that Anderson's preferred sleeping position is lying on his back, which results in that nasty snore."
"I wish I had recorded that, I didn't think making that sound was humanly possible." Sherlock said with a hint of glee in his voice.
"Oh, that can be managed." John said casually while turning to go back towards Anderson.
"No!" came the simultaneous reply of Sherlock and Lestrade.
John turned back to face them, trying to suppress a smile. Greg cleared his throat, "Okay, we now know he snores his wife away, how did you know how to stop the snoring?"
"We know he has an affair with Sally, right?" John prompted. Both Lestrade and Sherlock nodded. "Well, I know for a fact that Sally is not a very heavy sleeper. She was complaining to one of her colleagues at a crime scene once that she couldn't sleep well the previous night because of the noise the construction made in her street all night long. But she never suffers from lack of sleep after spending the night with Anderson, meaning Anderson doesn't snore when he sleeps besides her. They're having an affair, so he must be sleeping on his side when he's with her. Sleeping on his side, no snoring, child's play." John finished with a shrug.
"Brilliant deduction John!" Sherlock said with a half-smile.
John beamed at him. Greg managed to collect his jaw from the ground and said, "You're scary!" in a mix between awe and alarm. John made a small bow in his direction and said with a grin, "Why thank you Greg!"
Sherlock snorted at his friend's theatrics, then he lay down on his bed again. The room fell silent. Sherlock sighed, "I still can't go to sleep."
John had just finished fluffing his pillow and was still sitting on his bed. He rolled his eyes and got up. He then went and sat at the edge of Sherlock's bed. Sherlock furrowed his brows and looked at him sideways. John leaned a little towards him and said, "I'm going to try my last resort in helping you go to sleep." He placed his hand on Sherlock's shoulder and started to gently and rapidly pat him while making a gentle shushing sound.
Greg looked on from his perch with interest, "Don't you think he's too old for that technique?"
"A few decades too old, yes." John answered briskly and continued making his shushing sound.
Sherlock lay in his bed stunned for a minute, then he started shaking with laughter, "This-isn't working-John!" and he continued giggling.
John started laughing too, "Well, I'm-out of ideas!"
Greg suppressed his giggles and cleared his throat, "Okay John, go lie down, I think I have an idea." After he made sure both Baker Street Boys were settled, he said, "I have a few pdf books on my phone, I'll choose one and read it to you. Alright, let me see, The Hobbit, Lord of the Rings, Emma, Paradise Lost-"
"You have an odd reading list, Lestrade." Sherlock mumbled.
Lestrade continued in his leisurely pace, ignoring the interruption, "Pride and Prejudice, The Three Musketeers, Harry Potter series, Gulliver's Travels, Peter Pan, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, War and Peace, David Copperfield-"
A gentle snoring caught his ear. He looked down to see both John and Sherlock had drifted to sleep. He smirked and closed the single file containing the list of books on his phone.
After lying in his bed for about twenty minutes playing on his phone, a sound caught Lestrade's attention. He leaned over to look at his consultants again and concentrated on the snoring. He lied down on his bed again and smirked. He couldn't wait to be the first to inform the great Sherlock Holmes that he mumbled in his sleep!
Yes, I tried John's last technique and failed miserably. No, I didn't have a roommate who made Anderson's snores, but she did snore rather loudly. And now I can sleep through a soft snoring sound, yeay!
And yes, I used to live in a dorm room with five other room-mates. What can I say, that's dorm life!
How did you like this fic? Does anyone want to know how John's improvised lullaby goes?