A/N Hey people I hope you like this I got bored one day and wanted to write something funny and not so serious. So PLEZ review!!!!!!!
Twilight my version of it.
I was running down the school hallway trying to find Edward. "EDWARD EDWARD EDWARD~!!!!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. Then one of the stupid gay gym teachers stopped me and told me to 'shut up and get to class' I told her I would but I didn't. I roamed the halls calling Edwards name over and over. I walked out of the school and into the parking lot. I put my heavy back pack on the front of my old piece of crap that was supposed to be a truck.
Then all of a sudden out of no where a blue van started to come straight at me. I moved out of the way at let it hit my truck. "YESS" I screamed in victory I was happy because now I get a new car from Edward! Speaking of Edward, he was right beside me talking to me. "Bella are you ok you could have been killed, and I wanted to save you and show off my sexy muscles to you." He said
"Oh Edward im fine calm down you over protective freak," I said annoyed on how over protective he was. "Bella I just care about and I feel very protective of you." He spoke the words trying to act quiet and mysterious. But personally I think he was trying to sound seductive. "Um that's kind of creepy are you my mom or something gezz!" I said to him.
1 week later…
I walked over to the plastic bitch that hated me because the love of her life liked me more then her aka Mike. "Hey Jess what's up?" I asked trying to sound nice. This was extremely hard. "Hey Bella," she retorted back. Then Angela the goody two shoes walked over all happy. She looked anorexic to me I swear I heard her throwing up in the girls bathroom the other day.
"Hey Bella hey Jess," she said all joyful. "What is it" I said then biting into an apple. "Well I wondering if you guys wanted to go to Port Angles with me to get prom dresses" she asked "Sure why not I need one, im going to the prom with Mike." Jessica said. "Ha-ha loser" I muttered. "Im going with Eric" "Nerd." I almost choked on my apple when I said that.
"Sure I will go but I don't want to watch you guys put on those stupid dresses I want to go to this Book store so I can buy this book that Im only gonna use to find one word in it," I said sipping some water. "Ok then how about Friday." "Ok"
That Friday…. ******
"Ok bye I will meet you guys back here in like an hr ok." "Ok" they replied back. I walked in to the spooky book store. I found the book and went and paid for it. "Have a good night." Said the cashier. "Um ok I will try bye, freak." I said then I was out the door. I decided to take a short cut threw a dark alley at 9 at night. I began walking threw it when these two drunks came walking down it. "Shit!" I muttered under my breath. I knew it was wrong to take the alley but im so stupid and I try to get my self killed. I thought to my self.
"Hey baby where you going?" asked one of the guys. "Um the hell away from you!" I screamed and began to run. Then out of the blue like 3 or 4 other guys just appeared there and began to circle me. "What the fuck are you guys doing? Are you dogs or something, stop circling me unless you're getting ready to pee on me! Im not a fire hydrant." I said.
Then all of a sudden Edward's silver Volvo came screeching down the road. The guys stopped circling me. "Get in the car Bella now, I don't want you to have to my scary face." Edward said to me. "No" I said "Bella GET IN THE CAR!" he said again. "No when did you start telling me what to do, and how did you know where I am, are you a fricken stalker or something seriously." I said. "Bella you're so stubborn just get in the car and I will buy you dinner." "Fine" I said
As we were driving away I noticed that it was to warm in his car. "Ok I think im warm enough, I don't need to have a heat stroke." I said I reached for the heater and so did Edward. I touched his skin it was so cold. "Edward, why is you're hand so cold? It's like a sauna in here." I felt his forehead to he was ice cold there to. "What the hell are you like sick or something you feel like an ice cube." I said.
He didn't say anything till we got to the restaurant. As we walked there Jess and Angela came walking out. "Bella, where were you? we texted you so much telling you were going to the restaurant. "That's fine Edward is going to buy me dinner because he forced me into his car." I said
***Inside the restaurant***
I looked at the menu and picked something very expensive. "I will have the number 10." I said to the waitress who was paying attention to Edward more then she was to me. "That's all?" she asked us. "Yep" Edward replied in his weird hypnotic voice.
"So um why were you following me? I feel like you're stalking me or something it's really creepy." I said breaking the silence. "Well here is the thing Bella I can reminds and I cant read yours so I am following you around trying to figure you out," "um are you like high right now or something cuz you sound crazy." I said
"No im not but you are like a drug to me Bella, your smell it drives me crazy and you're blood oh my gosh smells absolutely delicious." He said this and I stood up and walked out of the restaurant. "Bella don't leave it will make me mad!" he spoke but I didn't listen to him.
**At my house in my bedroom later that night. **
I looked in the book and found the one word I was looking for. So I typed in 'the cold one'. A lot of creepy things came up. Then finally something interesting came up. Vampire came up and so did King Kong and so did Brittney Spears. Odd any way I knew what Edward was.
At school out side*****
"Edward I know what you are." "Say it, Say it! Say it out loud!" "Fine I will gezz give me a second… you're a vampire." I said "Oh shit you found out my secret, im screwed and so are you!" he said worried then he picked me up and threw on his back. "You better hold on tight spider monkey." He said. "Um what the hell is a spider monkey?" I asked and before I knew it were flying threw the trees and I felt sick.
"Edward put me down now~!" I screamed. "Fine you little brat!" he said I ignored that comment. I walked over to a tree and used it as my support. I felt super dizzy right now. "What the hell that was for are you trying to kill me." "No just the opposite, Bella I love you." "How in the world could you love me? You barley know me and also how old are?" I asked "17 duuhhh" he said sarcastically "Hello Mr. Smarty pants how long have you been 17?" I asked. "Um let me think, lets say about 110 yrs or so."
"Oh well that's not that bad." I said. "Yep so um don't you want to see what I look like in the sun?" he asked me "Sure why not." He went into a spot of light and took of his shirt. He started to sparkle. "Ahhh, your blinding me stop your to shiny!!!" I screamed as I looked away shielding my eyes. "Bella im sorry please forgive me." he asked all I said was. "Fine"
*Later that night in Bella's room*
I was sitting in my room reading a book called Twilight it was the weirdest book I had ever read in my entire life. Then all of a sudden I heard a tap tap on my window. I went over to it and opened my window. "Hello who's there?" "It's me Edward let me in." "EDWARD," I whispered "Yes it's me now let me in." "Edward you really seem like a stalker now, did u follow me home?" I asked a little scared. "Well Bella I had to make sure you got home safe." "Oh wow, Edward please go home, I don't need you to take care of me like im a little 7 yr old. Im 17 ok." I began to shut the window but Edward stopped me and pushed it open and crawled threw the window.
"What the hell I said go home!" I started to get angry "Bella I wanted to try something before I went home." He said this and walked over to me in one easy step. He took my face and held it with his freezing hands. "Wow, Edward stop right there, I went on ONE date with you and your already trying to put the move on me!!?" I took his hands off my face and tried to push him to the window. I had no luck. "Bella I just wanted to give you a good night kiss and-"
"Ugh Edward get out, I don't want a kiss, and if you respect my wellbeing then u will get the hell out of my room." I said cutting him off. "Ok fine bye" then he jumped out the window. "Bye!" I said happily!
I woke up to my phone ringing. I looked at the number. It said unknown number. "Hello?" "Hey Bella this is Edward," "Oh hi Edward what do you want?" I asked. "Well I was wondering if you wanted to go play baseball with me and my family." "Really wow, you already want me to meet you're family on I our second date, will they try to eat me?" I asked
"No they won't try to eat you. We only eat animalsso don't worry." "What kind of vampire only eats animals? No wait I will tell you, weird ones." I said "So will you go with me and my family and go play baseball?" he asked. "Ya sure why not, I need to get my exercise."
Edward picked me up in a jeep, "Bye Charlie!" Then I got into the jeep. "Hello love," "What did you just call me?" I asked him "Um love" "Well is my name love? NO its BELLA, B-E-L-L-A" I spelled it out for him. "Sorry I will call you Bella from now on." "Thank you, that's all I ask." "Bella, um well since this is our second date I was wondering if you be my girlfriend?" he asked me nervously. "Ya sure why not." I told him yes because it would be good popularity points.
"Its time," Alice said. Jasper was up to bat. He did this really stupid thing with the bat. "Oh come one hurry up Jasper even though you are very hunky looking doesn't mean you have to show it off, so just hit the ball all ready.
Alice began to pitch, in slow motion. "What the hell Alice hurry up, what are you doing?" I asked her. "I was just trying to give it a dramatic feeling." Well hurry UP im bored!" "Fine!" she pitched the ball and jasper hit a grounder. *YAWN*
"Wait! Everybody freeze, im having a vision, Oh shit, run Bella some vampires are coming, there going to kill you!" "Oh no… I better run" I said not really scared. I began to jog very slowly back to the jeep. "Bella could you run any faster?" Edward asked me. "Fine" I went from a granny pace to a kid fast walk. "Better?" I asked mockingly.
*****Im gonna skip all the mumbo jumbo crap at the hotel and the air port and skip straight to the ballet studio scene.******
"Ok James im here, Where's my mom?" I asked bored as hell. I heard no reply. "Hello!" I screamed and my voice echoed off the walls. Then I saw James walking around dancing. Then he saw me. "Oh Bella when did you get here sorry I was just listening to my I-Pod, I was listening to 'Big Girls Don't Cry" By Fergie.
"Oh I love that song!" I said "Anyway um lets cut to the chase, im going to come over there and seduce you and then when you not expecting it im going to bit you and suck all your blood out." "Well that sounds pretty good but could you make this quick because I have a hair appointment at 6:30 pm" "Oh ok." Then he walked over to me.
Before I knew it he was on top of me, straddling me and bouncing up and down on me. I began to moan and I thought he was never going to stop. Finally he moved his mouth to mine and I was kissing him really hard. Then he moved his mouth to my arm for some odd reason and sniffed it. Then he bit me!
"No Bella! My sexy sweet heart!" I saw Edward launch him self at James and at that moment Alice appeared there and ripped his head off and threw him into a fire. "Bella im going to make the pain go away" Well gezz finally I was getting bored!" I said. He ended up sucking to much blood from me so he decided to just turn me into a vampire.
Which I didn't really want to become a bloodsucking non ageing pale white ice cold mythical freak; but before he turned me into a vampire I had to marry him and also I guess he had never heard of trotion so I ended up getting pregnant and finally when the baby broke 3 of my ribs and my spine and my pelvis he decided he wanted to change me.
I ruined my life all for a stupid vampire that really didn't love me. I would be crying right now but I can't cry so I just deiced to visit Jacob my werewolf friend down at La Push. Even though he wanted to kill me, he imprinted on my daughter. I named her Renesmee. I have no clue why I named her that it's a stupid name. But I call her Nessie call her Nessie because that was the nick name for the lock ness monster. And she was like a monster. She had a very weird power. If she touched you, then you start pooping for no apparent reason, so I would never hold her.
I ended up living a horrible miserable life with a cocky over practice husband. Well what ever I can always turn a hunky human into a vampire so I can cheat on Edward. Hehe well that's all I have to go.
*THE END*
Hey people I do like Twilight and the whole series I just felt like writing something funny and not so serious like my other stories PLEZ review! And I hoped you liked it!