•And So It's Not Tomorrow But Today•
Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara! (I wish I did but I don't) or any of the characters used here. They are property of Ryohgo Narita and Suzuhito Yasuda.
Warnings: BL= Boys Love = Men kissing. = Yes, there are kisses between men (omfg!). A few bad words, the usual (lol). And it's not beta-ed =(.
Author's Notes: In the beginning… Luv4sale created the plot of this fic… And so it was… The end…. lol. Sorry. Enjoy and read the final notes.
•This is simply about day in Shizuo and Izaya's life that was not meant to mean anything• The voiceless words within himself finally cried aloud•
'The winter is kind this year...' Shizuo thought idly, glancing at the gray clouds outside the window. It was free period and he was enjoying the peacefulness of the classroom. Most of his classmates had opted to go to the cafeteria to get something warm but Shizuo decided to stay and chill out. Quite literally. There was a reason as to why he was serene. Izaya was not in the classroom. In fact, the black haired teen had been rather quiet the whole day. Something Shizuo thanked the gods with all his heart.
Izaya was Shizuo's rival, parasite, enemy, pest, flea —and so on—, of sorts. They had been classmates since first grade and they had always fought for something, or nothing. To have a reason to fight was one the easiest things they could find. It was a hate relationship, everyone guessed. Shizuo did not care particularly to label the thing they had. For instance, Izaya claimed to hate the blond. Shizuo felt likewise.
Frowning, Shizuo got up, dragging his feet on the floor, when he remembered Izaya's face or behavior he always got a headache, sometimes a mystifying fluttering stomachache. Violence was something he hated, and Izaya's actions caused most of Shizuo's fights. He walked through the hallway, turning right to climb up the stairs. He was in the third floor for the advanced class; the fourth floor's classrooms were entirely for club activities. Shizuo wanted to be alone for a while and the rooftop was perfect for it.
As the climbed up the stairs with the velocity of a snail, Shizuo heard footsteps coming from the top floor. He opened his eyes just to see a hurried blurry figure collide with him. Shizuo gripped the guardrail with his left hand, barely avoiding the fall. While Shizuo steadied himself upright, the person who crashed with him wrapped his arms around his neck. When both were sure they were not going to fall and break their necks, they opened their eyes.
A vein popped, and almost ruptured, on Shizuo's face. "Izaya!"
"Ah. Hello there, Shizu-chan." Izaya said with a mild confused expression. "This is my lesson for today. Don't run on the stairs or you might crash with an unpleasant pest." He still had his arms wrapped around Shizuo, "Or maybe I should say monster?"
Shizuo released his murderous aura, and it was Izaya's cue to flee. "Just kidding~!" He gripped Shizuo's shoulders for balance and pushed himself away from him before he could start something violent. Shizuo was rigid from the anger and the shock, it was the first time their bodies have been so close. Izaya skipped to the left and ran downstairs.
Shizuo glared one last time at Izaya's form and then he frowned. He saw Izaya wearing a black jacket. A big loose jacket that was not Izaya's property. He knew this because Izaya that day wore a red sweater. Not that he paid attention to Izaya's appearance or anything. Shizuo clicked his tongue at the unnecessary thoughts and resumed his journey; he walked up to the rooftop, into the cold chilly air of the morning.
The rest of the day passed rather smoothly. No incidents. No fights. No blood. No threats. No knives. No punches. No major plots to murder him. Just a normal high school day.
"BORING!" Shinra yelled in dread. "I am bored! Why haven't you and Izaya started a brawl today!? We need our dose of excitement! Is this the signal of the end of our precarious youth?! Are we going to die senile and bored before we turn twenty?!" Shinra hung his head while they were walking, the classed had ended and they were walking home.
Shizuo wore a blank face, and said apathetically, "I'm not your entertainment. Either is Izaya."
Shinra perked up, "Oh? What's this? Are you, perhaps, defending Izaya!? Is this a new development in your relationship? That's why you were staring at him the whole time after break?"
Shizuo stopped, turned around and said menacingly, "Say, do you wanna die young?"
Smiling nervously, Shinra said, "Come on Shizuo, don't be so stiff!" He laughed, paling gradually as he did so.
Shizuo snorted, gazing ahead. He was, from all people, defending Izaya? He wanted to laugh. It was something unheard off. It was silly. It was ridiculous. It was absurd. It was unfortunately true. He was not going to tell Shinra that though. Only God knows what Shinra will do with that kind of information. Shizuo ended up thinking that his friends were all freaks. He shook his head, Kadota. Kadota was not a freak. He was one of the coolest guys he had ever met so far.
Shizuo felt content in that moment but his face fell as he saw Izaya standing near the school gates. Of course he could not get a peaceful day without some kind of major scuffle with the flea. He wanted to avoid him, but there was only one gate to leave the school grounds and Izayam saw them already making their way towards him. Damn his luck.
"Hey, Izaya!" Shinra greeted, "Why are you doing here?"
After a quick glare directed at Shizuo, Izaya half smiled at Shinra, "I'm waiting for Dotachin."
Shizuo's thoughts were filled with murderous intents and rude words, that's it until he heard Kadota's nickname. His train of thoughts of kill that flea, kill that flea suddenly transformed into …what the hell did he say? Izaya chatted with Shinra enthusiastically, as usual, but after a moment it finally downed on Shizuo. Izaya was holding something in his arms. A black jacket, probably the one he was wearing in the morning. And for someone unknown reason, Shizuo felt that the jacket was a threat. It was the sensation he felt whether someone challenged him to fight. It was uncomfortable.
Again, Shizuo reached the same conclusion; the jacket was too big for Izaya's slender frame, so it was obviously not his. That fact only fueled Shizuo's apprehension towards the garment. He did not understand why deep inside him he wanted to yank the jacket from Izaya's arms, tear it apart and set it on fire in one go. Izaya was wearing the red sweater Shizuo saw him wearing before their encounter in the rooftop. The color suited him, Shizuo admitted sullenly. It was one of the things he was not going to say aloud. He would rather die than compliment Izaya.
All of a sudden a cold gust whirled around them. It made them grip their clothes and shut their eyes for a moment.
"This weather is such a pain." Izaya complained, rubbing his nose with the back of his hand.
"Yeah. Hey, it's really okay for you to stay outside like this? Weren't you sick?" Shinra's voice used a patronizing tone, one he would use permanently in a near future.
"What are you? My mom? I'm fine." Izaya said displeased, he did not like to have people meddling in his personal affairs. The hypocrite.
"I am certainly not your mom, Izaya. But I like to consider myself a doctor. So, in a sense I have more control over you than your mom." Shinra said with an ecstatic expression.
"This conversation has turned into a wrong way." Izaya said, casually sneaking away.
"No. It's our norm. But that's not the point. The point is that you're outside!"
"I'm fine." Izaya looked away, annoyed. Shizuo stared at him with a frown; he did kind of look as if he was paler than normal. Maybe, that was the reason why Izaya had not bothered him in the entire day. Izaya looked at Shizuo's direction intently for some reason. Shizuo flinched from the scrutinizing gaze and was about to explode in anger when Izaya skipped pass him with a cheerful expression.
Shizuo and Shinra turned around and saw how Izaya stood in front of a tall boy. Kadota looked stern. Izaya, much for Shizuo's chagrin, looked elated.
"…I told you before. You can keep it until Monday." Kadota sighed, rubbing his temples.
"Uh-huh, but! I told you I'm not a girl. And I'm not the kind of person who would be flattered with this nonsense of chivalry act."
Kadota stared at Izaya for a moment and sighed again, "I only lent you my jacket because you're going to worsen your cold." That was Kadota's way to say that he had no ulterior motive.
"I have my sweater." Izaya pointed.
"And yet you're shaking." Kadota countered.
"I'm like this because you took forever to come down!" Izaya accused.
"Oh dear Lord…" Kadota lamented internally, rubbing his face with his hand. He glanced to his side and saw Shinra and Shizuo. He smiled weakly and turned to Izaya in order to coerce him to put his jacket on.
Shizuo gripped the strap of his school bag, and turned around briskly.
He did not have any reason to stay longer in there.
He did not have any reason to be angry.
He did not have any reason to be jealous.
"If you've got somethin' to say spit it out, Shinra." Shizuo growled lowly.
Shinra was chewing his sandwich when he choked. Instead of helping him, Shizuo watched as his best friend slowly died of suffocation. Gladly, Shinra managed his food down his throat, he gasped from air, eyes watering lightly. After, a few moments, Shinra coughed lightly, facing Shizuo bravely.
"Excuse me?"
Shizuo glared, and Shinra recoiled inwardly. "Ok, before you get this the wrong way, I'm going to be sincere and honest. Because that's what friends do. They support each other no matter the time or situation. I consider myself to be your best friend, if not one of the few you have. Let's not count our upper classmate Tom, he's in another league and he's older than us. Now that I think about it, who's the older of the two of us? I'm probably the one, don't you think? Since I am more mature and I gave that older look vibe. Maybe that's the charm that makes Celty fall for me! Ah! Celty my love! I miss you so much! Why the classes force us apart?! Why?! She must be so sad! All alone in home!..." (We might want to clarify one and for all that Celty was happily watching Glee when Shinra mentioned her name.)
Shizuo listened to Shinra's rant until he unconsciously snapped the pencil he was holding in two.
Shinra felt silent for one minute and then started quietly, "I think that you've been a little bit moody these pass days… and I was wondering if you could tell me about it that way I could help you… that's all…" It was not all but Shinra decided to hide his hypothesis for himself a little longer.
"I'm not moody, ya heard?" Shizuo said darkly.
Shinra smiled uneasily, "If you say so. Um, I'll be right back, I'm gonna throw this away." Shinra stood and left. Shizuo stayed in his seat, rocking his chair back and forth. He was not moody. He told himself angrily. He was not moody at all dammit!
Shizuo crossed his arms over his chest, trying and failing to avoid Izaya's seat. Two seats in front of him was located Izaya's seat. The black haired teen was resting his head on his desk, he was still sick and he was still using Kadota's jacket. The remaining piece of Shizuo's pencil snapped again. Izaya got sick in a bad time, it was tests period and he could not miss classes for his rest cure.
Shizuo huffed annoyingly, why the hell he was still there? He was among the best eight of the entire school! He could miss some shitty test! Such were the thoughts that tormented Shizuo's mind. While his mind beat the little sanity left in his being, Izaya made a sound, an almost imperceptible sound to the human ear, and gripped the jacket that was covering him as a blanket, pulling it closer to his body.
Shizuo slammed his hands on his desk, hard enough to crack it and bend its legs lightly. The few students that were still in the classroom stiffened and stared with horror as Shizuo strode towards Izaya. Some of them ran away, the others unable or simply too shocked to move stayed dreadfully still witnessing what they guessed would be a bloody murder. Everyone knew the reputation that those two had and were not kind enough to expect something good of it.
However, this time their guessing were misguided, Shizuo just stood in front of Izaya with a terrifying expression, bordering between a sociopath and an angry bull. Also, despite all the ruckus, Izaya had not moved a muscle or uttered a sound since Shizuo's outburst. The motive as to why Izaya was unaware of Shizuo's looming presence was his earphones and his Ipod.
Shizuo meanwhile, stood in front of Izaya, unsure of how to wake him up. Indeed, Shizuo's only aim was to wake him up and stop him from making those disturbingly cute sounds. The first step was, perhaps, the most difficult to make for Shizuo. Should he shake his shoulder? Or should he call him out loud? Or maybe he should just simply throw his chair through the window with him on it. The options were endless.
All of a sudden, he shifted on his feet, absurdly embarrassed. Maybe, I just…
Shizuo could not end his thoughts as Izaya stared at him with half-lidded eyes. "Shizhu-shan?" He slurred his words sleepily.
The ache in Shizuo's stomach came back tenfold. "I need to talk with you!"
With the delicacy of a gorilla, Shizuo gripped Izaya's arm, dragging him out of the classroom away from everyone. Shizuo strode quickly in the hallway until they reached the fourth floor which was empty due the period of tests. The first thing Shizuo saw when they arrived the floor was the big windows showing the fluffy clouds outside. It was a rare sight to witness in that time of the year. Shizuo almost forgot why he was there if was not for Izaya complains.
"Shizu-chan, could you please release my arm? I need it, you know?" Shizuo almost instantaneously let go of Izaya's arm, a bit too fast for his liking.
Izaya inspected his arm suspiciously. When he found that nothing was broken, he hugged Kadota's jacket, saying, "Alright, why do you want?"
"Huh?" Shizuo said before he could stop himself.
Izaya's brow twitched in annoyance, "You dragged me here to say that?"
"No!" Shizuo said impulsively, again.
And Izaya frowned, "Then what is it? I'm too tired and too sick to even pretend I can guess what you think or care about it for that matter. Say it already!"
Under the pressure, Shizuo blurted out, "Get out of here!"
Five entire seconds passed before Izaya reacted, "What the heck did you say?"
"No, I mean leave the school!" Shizuo yelled, while his internal alarms were communicating through the speakers; error, error, error, error…
Izaya made a strange face, "With this, I can say you truly have a protozoic brain. Bye."
Izaya turned to leave and Shizuo panicked, he did the first thing that came to his mind. He gabbed Izaya's arm again, "Wait! I didn't mean that!"
"Then what is it?!" Izaya glared at him, he was too exhausted to actually put a good fight with Shizuo so he only wanted to go to the classroom finish the last test and go home to rest.
"You're sick! You should be in home!" and throw away that jacket. Shizuo wanted to add.
Izaya was momentarily speechless, "…haha, Shizu-chan you actually seem as if you cared about my well-being. Please, don't make such unpleasant jokes." Izaya turned around, he was sure Shizuo would let him go after that but he was proved wrong, like how Shizuo would do many times in the future.
"…What if… What if I am?" Shizuo said, fighting with all his might the blush that undoubtedly crept over his face.
Izaya tried to mask his shock, but he knew he was not in his best shape to pull it off. Instead, he said, "Shizu-chan, stop joking around. Your brain doesn't amount to think that much."
"I told you. I'm not joking." Shizuo daringly, pulled Izaya closer to him.
Izaya froze. "Ok, this joke is getting out of hand. Shizu-chan, let go."
Shizuo wore a grave expression, and Izaya realized with growing dismay that Shizuo was being serious. Thinking one hundred miles per hour, Izaya said, "Haha, Shizu-chan this is not fair. You totally caught me off guard. Are you so low that you're not going to let me defend myself? What will your little brother think?"
Shizuo paused for a moment his approach, "This is not a fight. And I don't think I'm gonna do something bad."
Izaya laughed nervously, "Yes, yes it is. Let go. Let me go in this instant. I refuse to be part of this unconceivable act of self-damnation you seem to want to go through!"
"Wha? I just want to… kiss you?" Shizuo finally seemed to understand his feelings.
"Exactly!" Izaya said exasperated, struggling to get free, futilely wanting to have his precious switchblade in his hands and yelling inwardly for someone to appear.
Izaya's back was pushed against the wall of the laboratory classroom. The jacket he was holding fell from his hands, the next thing he knew was that Shizuo was smirking smugly and that his other arm had been caught by Shizuo.
Shizuo leaned forward a bit, and Izaya pulled back until his head hit the wall. Shizuo was in a daze, the realization of his feelings was intoxicating him with delight. Izaya, on the other hand, was extremely agitated, flustered, angry and confused. Shizuo lowered his face a bit more, brushing his nose with Izaya's. He shortened the distance between their lips, but he missed the kiss since Izaya turned his face to the side. Shizuo pulled back; slightly more aware of his actions.
"…not fair…" Shizuo heard Izaya mutter. "What?" Shizuo asked softly.
"This is not fair. This is not fair. This is not fair…" Izaya was shaking his head, repeating the words again and again. "You're stronger than me you fucking monster, this is not fair. You're a fucking cheater. It's not fair." Even though he was only blaming Shizuo, Izaya deeply hated himself in those moments, because he could not forgive himself from lowering his guard until that point. Until that situation was happening.
Shizuo could not help but to feel a bit bad, he certainly was using his strength to his advantage. But, he also felt immensely pleased; it was rare to see Izaya that flustered. He waited for a few moments, and then he called Izaya's name with a deep serious voice. Involuntarily, Izaya turned around; Shizuo took the opportunity and quickly planted a kiss on Izaya's lips. Shizuo loved every second of that moment as he watched Izaya's expression mix into confusion, embarrassment and anger.
Izaya opened his mouth, probably ready to curse Shizuo's name with the worst adjectives he could remember, just to be stopped by Shizuo's lips. He pulled away again, and Izaya opened his mouth, prepared with the same intentions as before. And like before, Shizuo stole a kiss. And again, and again, and again. 'Till, Shizuo's mouth did not want to leave Izaya's sweet lips. But air was necessary and they had to part.
Izaya stomped the floor hard, glaring daggers at Shizuo, an angry frown married his features. Shizuo grinned smugly; Izaya looked like an angry kid when he did not get what he wanted.
"Are you satisfied?" Izaya growled.
Shizuo pondered the matter in great extent, "No."
"If you don't release me in this instant I'm going to yell. I'm going to say awful things about you and what you did. I'm going to drag you down so low that not even the best lawyer in the world is going to accept your case no matter how much money you pay for it. I'm going to make your life so miserable that you're going to wish to never have been born in first place!" Izaya panted lightly.
Shizuo stayed where he was in silence, then he lowered his face, closing the distance once again between their faces, Izaya stiffened but Shizuo moved pass his lips. Instead, Shizuo kissed Izaya's cheek, asking softly "Can't you give me a chance?" He kissed slowly, once again Izauya's cheek tenderly.
Izaya was once again caught off guard, "What do you…mm…" Shizuo covered his lips again, this time nibbling his lower lip lightly. He did not quite know what he was doing, but some part of him was firmly sure it was the right thing to do. Izaya parted his lips, and then Shizuo was certain that he was going in the right way.
"Kadota~." Shinra called, stepping in Kadota's classroom.
Kadota turned from his book, "Hey."
Shinra flopped on an empty seat beside Kadota's, "Have you seen Shizuo or Izaya?"
Leaving a mark on the page he was reading Kadota said, "No. I haven't seen either of them since first period. Something happened?"
"No~. I think anything bad had happened… yet." Shinra let out a laugh, smiling strangely. "I just think that we should be ready to pick up any remaining piece of either of those two."
Kadota followed his train of thoughts, "You're being really pessimistic, don't you think?"
"Knowing those two, I can only wait uncertainty." Shinra shook his head, "Well, we'll see in five minutes. If there's an explosion by the time the bell of break rings we can be sure I was right."
"And if there isn't any?" Kadota asked shunting his book in his bag pack.
Shinra pondered, crossing his arm around his chest, "Mmm, well then you can say goodbye to your jacket."
Kadota stared, and sighed defeated.
Izaya was dizzy, he could not breathe, he could not think straight and his chest ached with something he had never felt before. He could faintly feel Shizuo's arms circle around his back, pulling him closer to his body. Izaya sat awkwardly on Shizuo's lap, they were still in the fourth floor, Izaya was still trapped between a wall and Shizuo's body; albeit a bit more comfortable and a lot more mortified.
While Shizuo pulled him closer, Izaya pushed a distance with his hands that Shizuo did not wish to make. Izaya did not understand why Shizuo was doing what he was doing. Izaya did know though, that Shizuo had the advantage to do anything with him. Like break in half every bone he had in his body. But he was puzzled as to why he was not doing it.
Izaya turned his face to the side, avoiding another kiss, offering in its place his cheek and neck. Shizuo accepted it nonetheless. Izaya made an irritated sound, "Yesterday, you were cursing my very existence. What is wrong with you? Is this a new sadistic side of you I was unaware of? What is the meaning – could you stop that? It tickles."
Shizuo stopped biting Izaya's collarbone, "'kay."
Izaya saw Shizuo's intentions of another session of kisses, so to avoid it he hugged Shizuo's neck, successfully achieving his goal. Shizuo did not seem to understand the meaning of the hug, so he only wrapped his arm around Izaya's torso tightly. They stayed like that in the passive silence of the hallway. Izaya was having troubles breathing normally; it was not for the intense make out they had earlier. He was still sick, and his cold had not gone anywhere.
"Hey, you okay?" Shizuo asked, sensing Izaya's discomfort somehow.
Izaya replied, "I hope you die." And then he added, "Of course, I'm not okay. I'm fucking sick, remember? You are an enormous brute that only thinks in his own satisfaction. I hope you catch my cold, you heard? I hope you die a painful death."
Shizuo did not mind the comments, "You're shaking." Shizuo rubbed Izaya's back.
"Stupid…" Izaya mumbled, unexpectedly relaxing in the warmth Shizuo was providing him. He closed his eyes, slowly falling asleep when the loud bell rang signaling the end of the break. Izaya startled, coming back to his senses. He pushed Shizuo away gradually, "The game is over."
Neither of them could expect a forever or a happy end.
Izaya stood, legs buckling imperceptibly, he turned away and Shizuo took his hand.
"I might not know why. I might not know how to call it. We might not understand it. But this isn't a game. This time wasn't spent in vain. I just know I didn't waste or lost anything here with you. So please," Shizuo pulled Izaya softly, attempting to embrace him, he did it almost fearfully. As if he was expecting to be rejected, "So please, just let me…"
Izaya did not move away, but either said a word. Shizuo kissed the top of his head with his heartbeat racing.
Izaya pulled away, "Idiot." For a moment, Shizuo panicked, dreading to even look at Izaya's direction but his doubts were wiped away as Izaya gripped his sleeve and pulled him to follow.
"Let's go to class…" Izaya said, avoiding Shizuo's eyes. "…Shizuo…"
"Y-yeah!" Shizuo could not hide his blush or happiness, but at this point seeing Izaya's face, he did not give a damn.
The End
I did this out of pure stress. How does my stress look like? Please review!