'This is about you', he says, trying not to make it about him. It's all boiling, barely contained. She had no right to do this. They were fine. He has to murder that hope, that stream of happiness just breaking through, because the pain in his shoulder is enough. He doesn't want to think about what it really means.
But he does believe in the sanctity of it all, and he thought she was like that, too. What with the religious thing. Usually he kind of knew what she was thinking, but all of a sudden she's way too erratic, too indecisive and he can't take it anymore. Whatever she's playing at, he doesn't know what's going through her head anymore. And he can't stay trying to figure it out, better let the grass grow over that patch and try to move on.
He clenches his good fist, thinking that he has done the right thing, that his anger is justified. He keeps walking, ignoring the pinching in his stomach.
She had always been alone. In fact, she'd grown accustomed to it. But then you aren't alone anymore and suddenly it's difficult to cope. Hard to imagine never having someone there again. She'd become addicted to the company.
April sweeps the hair out of her face, shedding off her white coat as she tries to push their conversation out of her mind, intending to focus on Matthew instead. A clean slate. Looking at him, April always sees just that - a clean slate. Well, it is clean compared to the absolute mess that is her and Jackson. So when she sees him, sees his reluctance to speak to her, she makes sure to remember that he doesn't know it all yet, that she needs to make him understand.
'This is what you get when you pick me', she tells him, trying to be fair. He may not be aware of this, having known her all but a few months. But she has to keep hoping that someone will understand her.
She always thought that Jackson, her best friend, did understand her. He certainly knows her, so only one thing is clear and that is that her personality, her experiences, - all of her - aren't good enough anymore. Or perhaps eight years of her crazy is enough. So she tells Matthew and she thinks maybe she can love him. At least she can give him a fighting chance.
What he says is true. They both know that. Technically and in principal, he is laying out the facts as they are. So they both just walk away, both ignoring his anger, both deluding themselves about her honesty.